Marnie didn’t hide in her office, neither did she disappear, but she was glad she was with a patient as she heard Charlotte’s excited chatter from behind a curtain a little later.
‘I want to show Marnie.’
‘She’s busy,’ Harry said. ‘Come on.’
‘But I want her to see—’
‘We’ll be late,’ Harry said.
She waited just a moment before walking out, relieved that they’d gone, but then Harry dashed back.
‘You’ve pocketed my pen,’ Harry said to Juan, who was always borrowing things and forgetting to give them back. ‘I was just—’
‘Marnie!’ Charlotte was running behind him. ‘Look!’
She had on pink ballet tights and a pink headband and she looked so gorgeous and excited that Marnie wanted to drop to her knees. She wanted to tuck in her curls under the headband and to tie her cardigan properly, because Harry’s attempt at a bow was already unravelling, but she just stood and smiled as Charlotte spoke. ‘I’ve got my first ballet lesson.’
‘Good toes, naughty toes,’ Marnie said. ‘Have a wonderful time.’
She said everything right, Harry thought, and she smiled as she did, but it was like watching the security screen shoot up at the bank, he thought as Marnie stepped forward then halted.
‘Come on, Charlotte,’ Harry said. ‘You don’t want to be late.’
Marnie stood watching as Harry took his children’s hands and walked off, and he didn’t look back—his priority was his children.
No matter the cost.
She felt Juan watching her and turned quickly, taking out an alcohol wipe to clean down the bench. ‘That’ll be you before you know it,’ Marnie said, trying to make conversation, embarrassed to have been caught watching Harry and the twins. ‘Dashing off to take your little ones to their activities.’
‘I hope so,’ Juan said, and got back to his work. Marnie just stood there cleaning, hating how easy and honest his answer had been—that Juan could admit his hopes for the future, that he wasn’t whipping out an alcohol wipe and cleaning something that didn’t even need to be cleaned.
‘Marnie—’ Juan started, perhaps sensing her sudden distress.
‘Don’t!’ Marnie snapped, and walked briskly to her office. She didn’t want Juan waving his fairy dust on her and giving her one of his, oh, so meaningful talks.
Oh, she couldn’t deal with this today.
Or tomorrow.
Especially tomorrow.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
‘HI, JUAN!’ CHARLOTTE was still practising her dance moves when Juan arrived unexpectedly. She was sitting on the floor and doing good toes, naughty toes.
‘Marnie said that’s what we’d do!’ she said to Harry, and Juan saw his colleague’s jaw tense and knew that he was right.
‘Sorry to drop in,’ Juan said. ‘I messed up the form.’
‘It looked fine to me.’
‘I had to do it again.’
Harry wasn’t in the mood for conversation, though Juan was chatting about work—Helen was covering tonight and considering a permanent position. He witnessed Juan’s signature again but tensed when he still hung around. ‘I’d invite you for dinner but it’s nuggets and tinned spaghetti...’ As he served up dinner, Harry turned briefly to Juan. ‘Don’t you have a new wife to get home to? You’re barely back from your honeymoon.’
‘At least we had one. I hear Marnie was going to ring and try to haul me back.’
Her name was everywhere.
‘Yes, well, it worked out without her having to.’
‘She wouldn’t have had much luck, anyway.’ Juan shrugged. ‘I turned off my phone.’
‘Wouldn’t that be nice?’ Harry said, taking the children’s dinner over and calling them to the table.
‘How did you manage?’ Juan, oh, so casually asked.
‘Marnie looked after us,’ Charlotte said, as Harry poured the twins drinks.
Harry’s smile was wry as he ruffled Charlotte’s hair.
‘I’ll see you out,’ Harry said. He needed to be on his own with his children right now.
‘Harry,’ Juan said. Since his return he’d been worried about Harry. Juan had thought it was grief and from the look of his friend it was, yet it wasn’t just Dr Vermont he was grieving for. ‘If you want to talk—’
‘I don’t,’ Harry broke in, though he’d love to open up to someone who had been out there a bit more recently, to discuss how the hell this friends-with-benefits thing worked, or just the hell of loving someone who didn’t want love.
Yes, he loved her.
And because he loved her, he knew Marnie would loathe it to be discussed. She would hate Juan, and therefore Cate, knowing what had briefly gone on between them.
So he said nothing—he just wished Juan good luck with Immigration tomorrow.
‘I should be back by midday.’
‘No problem,’ Harry said.
He was glad that everyone wasn’t rushing to get to the department, that finally there was some calm to the place.
Just not to his heart.
* * *
‘What time’s hand clinic?’ Kelly asked.
‘Three,’ Harry answered.
‘I’m going to go and set up while it’s quiet.’
Harry said nothing. He was past multi-tasking—just filling out a doctor’s letter was taking all his concentration. Marnie was holed up in her office and Harry would love to do the same, except Juan wasn’t back yet from Immigration.
‘I’m here to see Marnie Johnson.’ Harry glanced up as Kelly asked a man in a suit if she could help him.
Perhaps it was one of her brothers, Harry attempted, but he didn’t have an Irish accent.
It had nothing to do with him, Harry told himself and carried on writing as Kelly buzzed Marnie and she came through to the department.
‘Craig.’ He heard Marnie’s voice and deliberately didn’t look up. ‘I said to text when you were here and I’d meet you outside. Kelly, I’m going to be away from the department for my lunch break.’
Now, as she walked away, Harry did look up.
There was a wedding ring on Craig’s finger. Harry could see it as he put his arm around Marnie’s shoulders, but unlike with Matthew she didn’t wriggle away.
Instead, Harry watched as her hand moved up to catch his.
Did she have to rub his face in it? Harry thought.
Was she so cold she could nip off to lunch with a married man and not care who knew?
Even him?
Yes.
It got worse as he took his lunch break.
‘Guess who got picked up by a man and has now rung in with a sudden migraine?’ Kelly smirked as she plonked herself down and opened her sandwich.
‘Oh, but she’d have something to say if we did it,’ Abby bristled.
But there was no Dr Vermont to say ‘Ladies,’ so Harry had to sit through it.
It was a relief to go back to work.
For ten minutes.
‘Ronan.’ Harry forced a smile as yet another reminder of Marnie came through. ‘How are you?’
‘Nervous,’ Ronan admitted, as Harry carefully took the splint off and examined his finger for sensation.
‘I couldn’t be happier with it,’ Harry said. ‘It’s going to take time to get back full range and function...’
‘I know.’
‘But for now everything looks better than I’d expected. Keep the splint on and I’ll see you again in two weeks, but you can start now with the hand therapist.’ He couldn’t not mention her. ‘Marnie is—’
‘Oh, no, don’t disturb her,’ Ronan interrupted and shook his head and Harry frowned because it sounded as if Ronan was avoiding her.<
br />
‘I was just about to say I’d let her know you were here, but she’s actually off sick.’
‘Okay.’ Ronan stood and, although he was usually articulate and friendly, he didn’t express concern or say that he knew; instead, he was suddenly awkward and Harry watched as Ronan shrugged and blushed and then shook Harry’s hand.
Harry knew.
He knew then what day it was today—the day the Johnsons always avoided each other, the day that no one could discuss.
‘Don’t bring the next one in.’ Harry halted Kelly and buzzed through to the main section. ‘Is Juan back yet?’
‘He’s just getting something to eat before he starts,’ Miriam answered, but Harry had other ideas.
He found him in the kitchen.
‘Juan, can you take over hand clinic? I need to go.’
‘Now?’
‘Now.’
He just walked away from hand clinic, from Emergency, from all of it, without a backward glance and went to his car.
He drove to her street. If there was a car outside then he’d just keep going and come back later, but he guessed that there wouldn’t be—Harry knew she would get through it and then want to be alone.
She didn’t have to be.
That much he knew.
‘Marnie...’ He knocked and she didn’t answer, so he knocked again. ‘I’m not going till you open the door.’
‘Make yourself comfortable on the doorstep,’ came the smart answer.
‘I know that it’s Declan’s birthday.’
There was no movement for a moment but then the door opened. Marnie looked as if she did have a migraine. Her already pale face was a chalky white and her eyes were glittering more with pain than tears.
‘I don’t talk about it.’
‘But you can.’
He took her in his arms.
‘I don’t know how to,’ she admitted, because it was easier to sob into a phone to Siobhan and then end the call when it got too hard.
‘We’ll work it out.’
‘I’ve just been to the cemetery,’ Marnie explained. ‘I couldn’t face coming back to work. Craig, that’s his father, well, we don’t go every year, sometimes he’s away with work, but this year we went together. His wife’s pregnant with their third...’ She looked up at Harry. ‘I am pleased for him and there’s nothing like that between us, it’s just...’
‘Hard?’
‘Not all the time,’ Marnie admitted, ‘but this birthday has been a bad one. He’d have been a teenager today.’
‘I’m so sorry.’ He still held her in his arms.
‘I’d have a thirteen-year-old and be dealing with acne and rebellion and dirty bedrooms.’ She leant on him. ‘I want him to be thirteen.’
‘I know.’
Harry did know. He knew about impossible wishes and guilt, because if his wish for Jill had come true, then he wouldn’t be here with Marnie.
But he wanted to be here.
Especially now that she let him be.
She cried and she cried and he held her and then she cried for other things.
‘I’m sorry I snapped at Charlotte.’
‘Forget it.’
‘I can’t.’
‘She loves you. Adam loves you.’ He looked at her. ‘I love you.’
‘I’m so scared,’ Marnie said. ‘I’m so scared to fall in love and to love and—’
‘You don’t have a choice,’ Harry said. ‘In case you hadn’t noticed, love doesn’t let you choose. If it did, you’d be an amazing cook, a stay-at-home kind of woman...’
‘You’d be bored.’
‘I know.’ Harry smiled. ‘And you wouldn’t have chosen a single father.’
‘How do you know that?’
‘You told me,’ Harry said. ‘Several times.’
‘I didn’t choose a single father,’ Marnie said. ‘I chose you and your children...’ She thought of Adam so guarded and Charlotte so dazzling. ‘They chose me.’
And on a day when she ached for her own son, there was room too for his, because a while later she found herself talking about another child who had wormed his way to her heart. ‘Adam doesn’t have a speech problem,’ Marnie said, as she drank yet another mug of tea that Harry had made her. ‘He’s got the same problem that Ronan had—an older sister who says everything for him.’
‘Perhaps.’
‘No perhaps about it,’ Marnie said, and just as she was almost smiling, Harry changed her world.
‘Come home.’
‘Not like this.’ Marnie crumpled, terrified at the final hurdle. ‘I can’t go there all sad.’ She used his trump card. ‘It will confuse them.’
‘Do you think they’ve never been sad?’ Harry asked.
‘Of course they have.’
‘So let us take care of you today.’
Marnie didn’t know how to have her heart taken care of, Harry realised. She was an expert in every department but that one.
He packed her overnight bag and led her to his car, and in no time they were back at Harry’s.
‘You can’t tell them about Declan...’
‘Come on.’ Harry took her hand and led her up the path and he saw their little worried faces as Marnie came in and it was clear that she had been crying.
‘Hi.’ Marnie stood there shy and awkward as Harry had a word to Evelyn, who made herself scarce.
‘I’ll be over in the morning,’ Evelyn called.
‘Thanks, Evelyn,’ Harry said, and then led Marnie to the lounge.
‘Okay.’ He looked at the twins. ‘You know how you feel sad about Mum sometimes?’
Charlotte nodded.
‘How I feel sad sometimes?’ Harry checked. ‘Well, that’s how Marnie feels today. I’m going to go and run her a bath and then make something to eat, so for now can you guys look after her?’
He left them to it.
‘Sorry I was mean, Charlotte,’ Marnie said.
‘That’s okay,’ Charlotte said.
‘You can call me whatever you want,’ Marnie said. ‘Well, so long as you remember Miss Manners.’ She smiled and so too did Charlotte, but then Marnie stopped smiling and she wanted to turn and run because tears were threatening, but instead of running she sat down.
There was one good thing about grief, they knew what to do. Adam climbed on her knee and hugged her and she hugged him back and buried her face in his hair and just held him.
‘Sorry,’ Marnie said as she started to cry.
‘Don’t be sorry,’ Charlotte said, and cuddled her too, and the twins were like little grown-ups and babies at the same time; they had been through so much and therefore could give so much.
Harry came in a little while later to find his three favourite people all cuddled in on the couch.
‘Your bath’s ready.’ He took her hand and led her up the stairs and told the twins to wait there. Harry was so careful not to flaunt anything in front of the children but as natural as breathing he led Marnie up to the bathroom. There were bubbles and towels and not a hint of anything but love in the room as he helped her out of her clothes and into the warm bath and then left her.
‘Is she okay?’ Adam checked.
‘She will be,’ Harry said, and they headed to the kitchen to sort out something for Marnie to eat.
‘Did her husband die?’ Adam asked, as they loaded a tray.
‘No,’ Harry said.
‘Her baby died,’ Charlotte whispered. She was far too wise. ‘I saw the photo...’
‘Yes,’ Harry said. ‘Marnie’s baby died a long time ago but it still hurts. Today would have been Declan’s birthday.’
‘We could make him a cake.’
‘Charlotte!’ Harry warned
, and then almost dropped the kettle when he heard Marnie’s voice and realised that she must have heard that little gem. ‘She didn’t mean—’
‘It’s fine.’ Marnie smiled and gave a very worried-looking Charlotte a hug. ‘It’s a lovely thought but right now I’m so tired.’
‘Go to bed,’ Harry said. ‘We’ll bring this up.’
They headed upstairs together and Marnie went to turn left for her old bedroom, because surely it was too soon to do otherwise?
But it wasn’t too soon. It was now.
‘This way,’ Harry said, and she stepped into her new bedroom. And was there any nicer way to be installed in your new bed than to have a very excited Charlotte pulling back the cover and Adam waiting with a tray? It was normal, it was natural, and it was the nicest way it could have happened.
‘Okay,’ Harry said, sending the twins away and pulling the curtains and putting on the bedside lamp. ‘Have something to eat and a rest.’ He looked at her glittering eyes and it was a relief to sit down on the bed and to take one beautiful hand in his and hold it as he perhaps said the entirely wrong thing.
‘Why don’t you ring your mum?’ He held on tight to her hand as she pulled away. ‘You need your mum.’
And her mum needed her too.
‘My battery’s flat.’
‘There’s a phone by the bed.’
An hour or so later Harry had got the children to bed when he heard the click of the phone, and then he heard the tears and the murmurs of conversation as Maureen got her wish.
‘If I could take back one day in my life...’ Maureen said. ‘I know you can never forgive me.’
Marnie closed her eyes but not in anger.
‘I do, though,’ Marnie said. ‘I know you were just angry.’
‘I’d have loved him, though, Marnie. I was so cross but I’d bought a little coat for him and I was looking at cots. I was brought up in a world where the worst thing was your daughter getting pregnant, but it wasn’t the worse thing, it was losing Declan and losing you...’
‘I’m here, Mum.’
‘I’m proud of you, Marnie. I know I didn’t act as if I was then. Have you been to the cemetery?’
‘With Craig,’ Marnie said.
The Accidental Romeo Page 15