by Lili Valente
Will steps closer, sending his spice, soap, and wood-smoke scent swirling through my head, making my mouth water. He must have come straight from practice. His hair is still damp, his square jaw is shaven, and the clean smell of his skin summons a sharp curl of arousal low in my body.
All I want to do is lean into him, wrap my arms around his waist, and drag the tip of my tongue up his neck until his pulse beats faster. I want to nip his jaw with my teeth as he palms my bottom in his hands, squeezing my ass as he draws me close to where he’s hard for me. I want him to pull me into the bathroom and take me against the wall—the way we did that summer in Vancouver when we were too early to check into our hotel room and couldn’t wait two more hours to be naked and as close as two people can get.
But all of those things—things I once thought were sexy and a little wild—are child’s play to Will.
The knowledge helps me stand my ground as he tips his face closer to mine and says in a husky voice, “Because if anyone is going to teach you about these things, it’s going to be me. Not a creep you hook up with via a personal ad, and not some stranger who won’t be satisfied with talk, no matter how many times he’ll assure you he doesn’t want you down on your knees ready to suck his cock.”
I pull in a sharp breath, but when Will leans even closer—so close his lips brush my ear when he speaks again—I stand my ground.
“So I will teach you what you want to know,” he continues softly, “help you decide if you want to submit to this new man in your life, on one condition. You don’t speak his name, you don’t mention what he does for a living, you don’t do anything that might make it possible for me to figure out this dickweed’s identity. Because if I find out who he is, I will be tempted to beat the shit out of him, Hailey, and I know you don’t support unprovoked physical violence.”
Pressing my lips together, I close my eyes for a moment, fighting to think clearly through the arousal buzzing through my veins. There is no other man—there’s only Will, there will only ever be Will—but I can’t tell him that. Not now, not until I know for sure that I can be that girl, the one ready to get down on her knees for him and enjoy submitting to her man.
This has to be as authentic for me as it is for him or it’s never going to work. And until I know for sure, I have to stand behind the shield of my lie, for both our sakes.
So I simply nod my agreement, though I can’t resist asking the question that’s been plaguing me since that overheard conversation last September, “Why didn’t you tell me? About this part of you?”
He sighs, and some of the tension eases from his broad shoulders. “Good question. But it’s not really relevant now, is it?”
Yes, it is, Will. It’s completely relevant because I’m doing this for you. I want to be what you need me to be, and I could have tried so much sooner if you’d only been honest with me.
But I can’t say those things, so I give a noncommittal roll of my shoulder. “I guess not.”
“First lesson tomorrow night,” he says, his voice harder than it was before. “I’ll come over to your place after the game. Somewhere between eight and ten o’clock, depending on overtime.”
“All right, sounds good,” I say, but it doesn’t sound good. It sounds terrifying and dangerous and like something that could get out of control very quickly.
“See you then, Curious.” He leans in, pressing a whisper-soft kiss to my forehead that sends a wave of longing rushing through me, so sharp and sudden it nearly brings me to my knees.
I remain upright, but it takes all my strength to keep my legs steady and my face from crumpling as Will steps back, salutes me with his two-watch arm, and turns to walk away.
The man I love is back in my life so much sooner than I expected.
I’m not ready, not even close, but I’ve learned that the universe doesn’t always wait until you’re ready to send the next obstacle crashing through your door. I’ve also learned that obstacles aren’t always bad things. Sometimes they’re necessary challenges, mountains you have to climb in order to prove to yourself that you’re ready to tackle anything that stands in your way.
As I sidle up to the bar and order a Grapefruit Hefeweizen to calm my nerves, I send out a silent prayer that I’m up to the challenge of Lesson One and everything that might come after.
Chapter 3
From the texts messages of Hailey Marks
and Sabrina Marks
*
Hailey: Hey, are you still at work or can you talk?
*
Sabrina: Still at work, so I can’t talk, but I can text.
Happy hour is super slow so far. I told Brian not to cut the bar snack budget, but he never listens to me. Now we’re losing hundreds of dollars in drink sales so he can save ten dollars on hot dogs and buns. Ugh! What a moron! I can’t wait until he gets fired and Mona is promoted to manager. Speaking of hot dogs, how did your meeting with Discreet go?!
You chickened out right? Because there’s no way in hell you’re stupid enough to go meet some Dom weirdo you picked up with a personal ad. This was all a prank to see how far I’m willing to take my newly embraced wild-girl side, right, big sis?
*
Hailey: Um…no. It wasn’t.
And if you thought I was being stupid, you should have told me! I respect your opinion and want you to tell me if you think I’m doing something crazy!
*
Sabrina: No you don’t. You’re the most stubborn person I’ve ever met, Hailey Rae. Once you’ve made up your mind, you’re going to do what you damn well please, no matter what I, Mom or Dad, the Pope, the Dalai Lama, or anyone else has to say about it. I learned that a long time ago, girl, and vowed to quit flapping my lips in vain.
But now you have me worried…
So, you actually went to meet this guy?!
Are you okay?
Was he awful?
What am I saying? Of course he was awful. He’s a creepy personal-ad-answering Dom douchebag.
Ugh! If he hurt you, I will rip off his arms and beat him with the bloody stumps. Though, you probably already did that, didn’t you? Since you’re the queen of self-defense? I have to confess that your ass-kicking skills are part of the reason I wasn’t too worried about this bonkers plan of yours. I figured if any creep tried something with you, he’d be limping home with all his fingers broken and his balls wedged in his lower intestine.
*
Hailey: I have never broken anyone’s fingers, and Discreet wasn’t a creep.
He was something worse…
*
Sabrina: What’s worse than a creep? A zombie? A clown? A dude who enjoys dressing like a baby and having his adult diaper changed?
*
Hailey: Ew! How do you even know about this stuff?
*
Sabrina: I read widely in the kinky-books section, sister dear. You should try it some time. Maybe then you would be satisfied reading about kinkery like the rest of us and not feel compelled to try out naughty stuff in real life.
*
Hailey: You know why I feel compelled to try it out in real life. You’re the only person who knows. That’s why I’m texting you instead of one of my other friends, who would give me less shit for being experimental.
*
Sabrina: Yes. I know. And I know you miss Will and are still madly in love with him and want to make it work, but… I don’t know, Hails. Maybe you misunderstood what you overheard that night at the party or took it out of context or something. Will certainly didn’t seem like he was unhappy or stifled or whatever in your relationship. He wasn’t unhappy until you ended it and broke his heart.
*
Hailey: I didn’t misunderstand what I heard, Bree. Will was denying a vital part of himself in order to be with an uptight good girl who had only slept with one guy in her entire life.
I know that for a fact.
And you know how I know?
Guess who was waiting for me at the beer garden, wearing the sexy bla
ck slacks I bought him for Christmas three years ago and two watches on his left wrist?
*
Sabrina: OMG no! No way!
*
Hailey: Yes, way. Will is Discreet! Discreet is Will!
He’s so eager to get back to his old life that he’s trolling personal ads! And he was totally flirting with Curious Cat. I’ve been rereading our emails for over an hour, and it’s there, simmering between every line. I can’t believe I didn’t see it sooner. And now I want to punch him in the teeth for flirting with someone online, even though we broke up almost a year ago.
*
Sabrina: But he was flirting with YOU, Hailey.
*
Hailey: But he didn’t know it was me!
*
Sabrina: Okay, okay, but he knows it’s you now, right? So how did that go? Did you tell him he was the reason you were looking for a Discreet Gentleman in the first place? Because you want to please him in all ways and be his perfect little foot-licking fiancée, after all?
*
Hailey: I do not want to lick his, or anyone else’s, feet. Power exchange in the bedroom isn’t always—or even often—about performing humiliating tasks. It’s a lot more layered and interesting than that. And no, I didn’t tell him, because if I tell him and I turn out not to like the submission stuff after all, he’ll be hurt all over again. And I can’t stand to do that to him.
*
Sabrina: I imagine he’s pretty hurt that you’re out looking for a guy to Dominate you, too, right? I mean, especially since he was evidently concealing that part of himself from you for all the years you were together because he thought you wouldn’t like it.
*
Hailey: Actually… No, he didn’t seem hurt.
He was a little miffed at first, and said he almost walked out of the bar without letting me know he was Discreet, but then he shrugged it off and…
*
Sabrina: And what?! Don’t keep me in suspense!
*
Hailey: He said…
He said he was still up for giving me lessons.
*
Sabrina: Ha! Well, of course he is. He wants back in your pants like a hermit crab wants a new shell, baby.
*
Hailey: How is Sheldon? I’m so proud of you for keeping another living thing alive for over three months.
*
Sabrina: Sheldon is fantastic and enjoying the larger aquarium I scored at a yard sale last weekend, but we’re not changing subjects, psycho.
What did you say to Will?! Are you letting him back into your pants? I mean, I get that he is allegedly a complete sex god in the sack, but don’t you think that will be painful for both of you if this experiment doesn’t end well?
*
Hailey: I told you from the beginning, Bree, these lessons aren’t about sex. They are sex-free, toy-free, butt-stuff-free lessons. Platonic lessons.
*
Sabrina: And I’m the queen of France.
*
Hailey: France doesn’t have a queen. Not since they chopped the last one’s head off.
*
Sabrina: And you’ve had your head chopped off if you believe Will doesn’t want more than platonic teaching time with you. If you do this, things are going to get sexy, Hailey.
*
Hailey: For someone who’s never had any, you have a lot of strong opinions about sex, Sabrina.
*
Sabrina: Yeah, well…I do a lot of reading. And thanks for the reminder that I’m a freakishly old virgin who’s never going to get laid.
*
Hailey: I didn’t mean it that way. I’m sorry. You could get laid any day of the week, and you know it! You’re so beautiful and smart and funny. But I respect you for waiting for that perfect guy who is man enough to deserve you. You’ve got a good head on your shoulders, little sis.
*
Sabrina: Blah. Whatever. I’m just picky.
And seeing how well Will treated you has made me impatient with assholes who only want to stare at my tits and talk about themselves. A guy hit on me at the beer festival last weekend. He asked my name—that’s it. After that, it was a thirty-minute lecture on all the reasons he was awesome. He couldn’t have cared less what I thought, felt, did for a living, liked or disliked—zero, zilch, nada.
He saw blond hair and big boobs and that was all he needed to know.
I could have been a blow-up doll for all he noticed my personality.
*
Hailey: I’m sorry, babes. Men in their early twenties are awful. I always felt lucky that I got to bypass them and go straight to someone more experienced.
*
Sabrina: You were lucky. And you still are. Will clearly isn’t any more over you than you are over him. You guys can still totally make it work.
*
Hailey: Did you miss the part where he was offering to be a sex tutor to some strange girl he met via a personal ad?
*
Sabrina: A platonic sex tutor. You made that very clear. And he wouldn’t have let the offer stand once he knew you were Curious Cat if he didn’t want to get back together.
*
Hailey: I’m not sure about that. He was so cool…
Detached in a way I’ve never seen him before.
*
Sabrina: Maybe that’s his Dom side…
Was it hot?
*
Hailey: Um…yes. It was.
*
Sabrina: Lol!
Well, then it sounds like you guys are off to a good start. Talk to him, Hailey.
Clear the air and move forward as a team.
You two were always an incredible team.
*
Hailey: I’ll think about it. We’re meeting tomorrow night for Lesson One. So if you think I’m crazy, speak now or forever hold your peace.
*
Sabrina: I think you’re crazy, but I also think you should go for it.
But I would like to be spared the gory details if that’s all right. I enjoy reading kinky fiction, but hearing about the kinky shit you’re getting up to with my future brother-in-law might make things weird at family holiday celebrations.
*
Hailey: It might not work, Bree. There’s an excellent chance that we’re not going to get back together.
*
Sabrina: And there’s an excellent chance hot dogs are going to come flying out of my ears. I wish they would actually. If I had hot dogs, I could put them on the warming coils near the door so the sweet odor of meat would waft out into the street and lure in customers. If I don’t get someone in here drinking soon, I’m never going to make rent by the fifteenth.
*
Hailey: You could always go back to modeling part-time. It wouldn’t have to be forever. Just until you get enough money saved up to go back to school.
*
Sabrina: No. I’m done with that. I’m a serious woman, and I’m going to study serious things like abnormal psychology. I’m also going to make some seriously strong drinks so my patrons will keep coming back for more even without hot dogs to sweeten the happy hour pot. I’ve got this.
*
Hailey: Of course you do. No doubt in my mind. But if you need money to help cover rent, don’t hesitate to ask. Business is good at the gym, and I just got hired to teach my teen self-defense course at the middle and junior high schools in the district. I start next week, and I’ll be rotating through twenty-five schools before the end of the year. And if all goes well, the powers that be want to make it an ongoing thing.
*
Sabrina: That’s amazing, sissy! I’m so proud of you. I get so psyched when I think about these girls being able to defend themselves and their friends from assholes if they need to. It gives me hope.
*
Hailey: Me, too. But I never could have done it without Will…
*
Sabrina: Not true. You could have gotten the start-up money for the gym somewhere else. You had a killer
business plan.
*
Hailey: I’m not talking about the start-up money. I’m talking about support, encouragement, partnership, the man I love…
That’s what I’m most afraid of, Bree.
What if Will’s not the person I thought he was? What if I start down this road with him and at the end of it, the man I thought I knew isn’t there anymore? What if I end up with a stranger?
I swear…
I would almost rather lose him and keep the man I think I know alive in my memories than learn that the Will I loved was never real to begin with.
Is that crazy?
*
Sabrina: No, it’s not crazy. It’s a little bit of a mind-bender, but I think I get it.
But it’s like you always tell me—it’s okay to go out alone after dark as long as you’re prepared.
*
Hailey: I do say that, but you’ve lost me…
*
Sabrina: Yes, the world is scary. Yes, the streets are more dangerous for a woman alone than for a man. But if we take safety precautions, educate ourselves, and have a plan to deal with any threats, there’s no reason a woman can’t walk alone after dark. We deserve the same freedoms that men enjoy, and it’s worth a little risk not to live in a fear-shadow all the time. Right?
*
Hailey: Right. No fear-shadow. I just have to trust my gut, and my gut says that Will is still the man I fell in love with five years ago. But he’s also someone else, too. And I want to know that someone. If we’re going to promise our lives to each other, I want all of him, not just the parts he’s decided are acceptable for innocent Hailey’s fragile eyeballs. I’m not eighteen years old anymore, and I have a few fantasies I’ve never told him about, too. He has no idea what I can or can’t handle. I’m a lot tougher and braver and more experimental than he thinks I am.
*
Sabrina: That’s the spirit! Show him what you’re made of, baby. Though, judging by your badass levels, I think you might be better off Domming than subbing.
*
Hailey: It takes as much discipline and strength to submit as to Dominate, Bree. In a functional D/s relationship, the sub is every bit as strong as his or her Dom—at least mentally.
*
Sabrina: Well, well… Sounds like someone’s done her homework. Then go get your spanking or whatever, lady, but keep the details close to your chest. I’m all about supporting your girl power, but I’d also like to be able to look Will in the eye without blushing bright red.