Why did I enjoy The Firm so much?
Maybe because it was a part of my father, a part of our heritage, and it was, after all, the reason I met Lawson.
However, thinking about The Firm, thinking about the people involved, about those lives I took, it all boils down to a single, heartbroken emotion. Nothing else matters but the night I left the city and my heart. That alone is a horrible reminder of everything that has transcended ever since.
Lawson and I fought together, we worked, and I loved him for every dark deed he did. His demons matched mine, reveled in the blood, and didn’t judge one another.
It’s why we fell so quickly.
It’s why I deemed we were perfect.
It’s why we fell apart.
Ultimately, I thought I could save him. I believed that by some divine intervention his heart would skip one beat too many and he’d realize I was his biggest high, his very reason for existence. It didn’t work out like that, and now I’m left with too many reasons to leave him behind and want him back all at once.
Now, thinking about him, the same feelings arouse in me. We may not have had the introduction we were seeking, but I know the same things will draw us back together eventually - Life. Death. Madness.
He was the devil I loved. The one I sinned with, but he would never recognize the demon he once craved. He would never love me if he knew.
He would never love this little monster anymore.
The splintering in my heart begins to exacerbate with the mere thoughts I’ve carried with me since our last meeting. So much has happened in such a short amount of time, but some of it is unforgivable. I was unforgivable.
As each day passes, the same thought cements itself deeper in me – he’ll never know how to love me as I am now.
“Well, this is a nice surprise.”
My head snaps upwards, and I stare at Liam. I grin, but I’m not all too welcoming of him being here. I quickly look over my shoulder, searching the diner for signs of Lawson.
“It’s just me,” he states. “I’m on a breakfast run.” He looks at my brother, extending a hand. “Alexander, nice to see you again. Completely hate that Mardi Gras went with a bang and I didn’t get to talk to you properly.”
“It’s okay,” Alex says shaking hands with Liam. “Sorry about last night. It seemed to get out of hand pretty quickly.”
“Don’t apologize,” I say, kicking him under the table. “There’s fuck all to apologize for.”
“You’re back in the city for less than twenty-four hours, and you already start rainin’ down anarchy,” Alex admonishes, squinting his eyes at me as the anger tips in his voice. His phone rings and I relax. Looking at it, his brow furrows. “Mom,” Alex says showing me his phone.
Great.
“Tell her I love her,” I say, sarcastically, forcing him to roll his eyes.
He gets up, excusing himself from the table and quickly makes an exit for the door.
“So…” Liam says, sidling onto Alex’s side of the booth. “He doesn’t know you’ve been back a few days, then?”
“And he won’t,” I say, issuing him with a deadly glance. “You’ll do good to keep your mouth shut.”
“Oh, Eden,” he starts, chuckling. “I don’t plan to fuck this up.”
I grin feeling the devil spike my soul and I relax.
“You made it quite easy,” I reply, gratitude smothers my words. “You said you had an issue.”
“That would be your issue,” he interjects, finishing the sentence for me. “I knew you’d want to get your teeth sunk in, but I never expected it to be that quick.”
“I did nothin’ out of the ordinary,” I say, shrugging, fully aware of my behavior the night before. But I play it coy, making out that it was nothin’ major that I did.
“Don’t play sweet with me,” he muses, chuckling. “It doesn’t suit you.”
“I don’t know what are you talkin’ about …” I trail off, raising an eyebrow. “You must have me confused. My actions were sound last night.”
“Don’t play me for a fucking idiot, Eden,” Liam comments, anger flaring in his words. “I worked beside you and Lawson for a very, very long time. Don’t fuck me over with some nice girl attitude. I know what you used to do and exactly whose blood is on your hands.”
“That was a lifetime ago,” I snipe, leaning in over the table.
“Try a year ago,” he corrects me, his eyes narrowing fiercely upon me. “I also saw the hell you brought onto O’Reilly’s. You may have just disappeared, but not everyone had that luxury.”
“Don’t make it sound like I’ve been living some perfect little life,” I reply, rage surges through me as a lump forms in my throat. “I had my reasons to disappear and trust me not one for my own fucking pleasure.”
“What the fuck happened to you, Eden?” Liam asks, his tone weakening under the strain of his sudden compassion. “You never used to be this emotional over any shit. Now, you’re quick on the defensive with a guy who’s known you all your fuckin’ life.”
“Things change,” I utter under my breath.
“What about that flower?” he asks, persistent as always. “That hasn’t changed.”
“Well, I don’t take too kindly to a threat,” I say, sounding more possessive than I feel. “If you hadn’t have told me about the new girl on the block I’d have looked like a total fool.” I look up, eyes meeting Liam’s hazelnut ones. “Now, you’ve saved me that worry and I come back with a bang.”
“And I guess you have some dirty little plan up your sleeve?”
“Nope,” I lie, giving my head a little shake.
“Don’t go all coy … tell me you have some sort of plan …”
“Fine,” I say, deflating from my denial. “I do, but only because I know more about the girl kissin’ my man on that balcony than anyone cares to believe.”
Alex thinks I am done with that life – or at least he thought I was. He, also, thinks I should just tell Lawson everything that has happened, but I can’t. I don’t want it to restart that way. I want to be the strong woman he loved, the one that left him speechless. I want to be the same girl I used to be even if it is just a façade.
After all, we were only ever meant 'o be the sweetest of venoms – that’s what I want back.
But I won’t have anyone ruining any of my plans, not my brother and certainly not Liam.
“Do tell …” Liam asks, leaning in. “After all, I have been keepin’ tabs on my boss for you for nearly a year.”
“Na-uh,” I say, shaking my head as I check for Alex’s whereabouts. “Just be prepared to see what I have in store.” And while the darkest talons continue to drag me under, the thought of finding a purpose helps me keep out of their reach. “It’s been a while since I’ve been able to have a little fun,” I admit, tilting my head as my hands wrap around the mug of coffee before me. “Seems everythin’ is just so perfectly timed.”
“Apparently,” Liam agrees. “What do you think of her?” Liam asks enjoyment flashes across his face.
I smirk, looking at the steam emitting from the brown liquid.
“She’s not quite what I expected,” I admit, beating around the matter. “But … I think we could have some real fun with this one.”
“She already knows I’m not a fan,” Liam tells me, shrugging. “I don’t like the way the boss involves himself with her.
“What do you mean?” I ask, knowing by the pit forming in my stomach, I won’t like the response.
“Came home last night after searching for Lawson to find him and Ashley in bed together,” he tells me and my heart pangs. “I’m so sorry, Eden.”
“Why are you sorry?” I ask, my comment heated. “I royally screwed up.”
The images of Lawson fucking Ashley consume me, but I remain unmoved outwardly. I can’t fall for the grief that wants me to back away and forget my plans. I knew very well this day would come and Lawson would find a girl that would make him feel something.
“Eden,” Liam says, reaching across the table. “We all saw how you riled him up. There’s hope.”
“Yeah … there is always hope,” I state my brother’s previous mantra, meeting his gaze with my wicked one. “Just because they consummated their four-day-old relationship doesn’t mean I’m now going to forget what I came home for.” I feel the darkness pulsate through me, killing off what little compassion I had. “And vendettas don’t just die out.”
“Eden?”
“Yeah?”
“You said vendettas,” he states, observing my wording. “Who else are you dealing with?”
“Just a few people who have done me wrong.” I don’t say a lot, but I feel the eagerness to tell him become too much. “I have a lot of loose ends to tie up, and Ashley Johnson is top of that list.” I grin, licking my lips with anticipation. “But I’m going to make her sweat.”
There’s a moment of silence, Liam’s eyes heavy on me and I feel myself become uncomfortable under their scrutiny.
“You’ve changed,” he finally speaks.
“So Lawson told me,” I grouse bitterly on the matter. “But I keep thinkin’ about how little he knows. Things happened. People have to change.”
“Do you think you’ll tell him?”
“He knows my dad died,” I remark, grief hitting me in a cruel, unavoidable tidal wave. “That’s the most he needs to know.”
“And what about Ashley?” Liam asks, letting the matter go.
That wicked grin takes over again. “She’ll just have to watch herself.”
“Lawson ain’t going to like this,” Liam says, resting back in his seat, relaxing before me.
“Well Lawson doesn’t have to, but he’s going to be reminded of the games we used to play,” I refute, flaring my anger at how defensive Lawson is because of a stranger. “And if Ashley doesn’t know those yet, she’ll learn from me.” I pick my coffee off, taking a leisurely sip. “After all, you did tell me Lawson doesn’t play for fun anymore.”
“Nope,” Liam says. “Seems you’re the real game changer.”
“Thought that was Ashley.” A crooked smile meets my lips.
“That’s what she thinks,” Liam jests, chuckling at the ludicrous idea. “She hasn’t met The Firm’s finest. Daddy taught you well.”
I give a sad smile, remembering all the times my father resisted allowing me to work for The Firm, regardless of Leo’s persistence. I didn’t know what I was getting into but all I knew was that I wanted to follow my father’s footsteps and then I wanted to win the boy – Lawson.
Love drove me to become a killer and then it drove me to insanity.
There’s no escaping who you’re meant to be.
“Sorry,” Liam drags me from my trance. “It’s hard to remember he’s gone.”
“No, it’s okay,” I say, giving him a reassuring look. “I have my own agenda where his death is concerned anyway.”
“What’s that?”
“It doesn’t matter,” I tell him, denying him. “Not yet. I need you to be as shocked as everyone else, and I’ve already dragged you into this too much.”
“You know I’m fiercely loyal to you and Lawson,” Liam states, his eyes narrowing on me. “You’re family.”
“I know,” I respond taking his hand. “But there are some things I have to deal with alone.”
“Think you’ve dealt with enough on your own,” he tells me.
“There’s still a few left,” I tell him, honestly.
Every reason I’ve come home hits me full throttle, the velocity of which leaves me winded. My way got muddled and I quickly got lost, but sitting here I finally feel like I am in control of my life again and the world will fear me when I’m done.
I’m taking no prisoners, and I’m saving no feelings – Lawson’s included.
As for Ashley, I’m not quite sure what the end game is for her.
She’s clearly stolen Lawson’s heart, felt him make love to her; there are only a few more steps until I’m wholeheartedly forgotten, and that’s just something I can’t allow to happen.
Love made me crazy once; it’ll make me crazier this time around.
“Mom’s had a crisis,” Alex states and I have to resist the groan that wants to escape me.
“Of course, she has,” I mutter, grabbing my purse and start moving toward the edge of the booth.
“Where are you going?” Alex asks, blocking my way out. “We haven’t eaten.”
“Go and keep mom happy,” I tell him, unable to hold the bitterness from striking. “I can’t be dealin’ with you watchin’ your phone the entire time we eat.”
“I wouldn’t be,” he says, and even he can’t make himself sound believable. “I’ll come with you,” Alex argues, unwilling to let me go. “We were meant to have the morning together.”
“It’s okay,” I say, grinning at my brother. I give one look at Liam and say, “I have a date with a florist.”
You’d think finally shooting my load with a girl that I wanted to be with would be enough to settle me, but that’s a fucking lie.
I’m not one to say everything was perfect before, but right now, this life is anything but normal. The playing ground just got a little more crowded, and with it, my judgment just became impaired. I could’ve coped with my life and Ashley, allowed myself to realize I could dabble in both, but with Eden entering the scene, I have no way to tread water and survive.
And the way Eden made me feel – it was impossible not to want the fire to take me over. Eden set my world alight, breathed a wildness I felt most alive in. It was something that made her that little bit more special than any other girl – she was the face of my demons, and I loved every inch of her.
Ashley pales in comparison as her exact opposite.
In a world where Eden exist, no other girl does.
Twisting in bed, I turn to face Ashley. While that comment may be true, Ashley doesn’t look like a girl who’s going to make herself become forgotten. I saw it in the way her eyes lit up last night, the way I touched her was so unlike any other man. She finally found a place she could find peace in. I never saw myself as that sort of guy, but I am, and that’s made Ashley become a force to be reckoned with.
With a sigh, I leave Ashley sleeping soundly in my bed, bypass my need for caffeine and go straight out onto the balcony. The early morning February chill whips around me, and I welcome the pleasant bite of it on my skin. As my hands hit the railing around the balcony, I’m consumed with so many thoughts and emotions I fear I may implode.
Eden-fucking-Roberts is going to be the death of me one of these days.
Once upon a time, I’d have dived head first into any chance I could to have with her, but now, I can’t help but hesitate. I’ve had so much time away from her that I feel I’ve finally healed enough to look at another girl as if she had potential.
Standing here it feels like that resolve is burning to ashes.
And I’m furious.
With myself, with Eden, with the universe.
The fucking universe.
Lifting them, I put my head into my hands and groan. I know the pounding behind my eyes from the hangover isn’t helping me much, but the mere thought of kissing Eden after flirting with Ashley all night makes me want to lie down and die.
And against my better judgment, I let it all go and threw every inch of caution to the fucking wind and slept with the new girl.
I muddied the waters to prove to myself I can feel something more than deep longing. Now I’m pissed at myself for becoming a weak shadow of my old self.
Weak – that was never a word that ever came close to describing my character. It’s time I found him again and this time I show Eden what her actions did. I changed my entire way of living when she disappeared, and I lived an almost relatively normal life, abiding by the rules instilled by my father and holding down a company.
I now see the fucking error of my ways.
I don't know why I thought living by the rules would make my
life any easier. Living by the rules made me find Ashley, doing so meant I ended up contractually bound to her. It also meant that just like a man I'd use my fucking dick to show me the way.
My father was going to kill me.
And I'd let him.
I remember once, back when Eden and I decided to act upon our feelings. My father said it would end in flames and I would regret it all. While he might be right on that one, I couldn't lie to a single soul at the power I felt with her by my side as my woman.
Ashley has a similar effect. Given time I’m sure I could feel like I rule the world with her.
And I know my father will disagree with it.
He seems to think I’ve been nothing but a miscreant regardless of how much I play by his rules, so why not add another sweet misdemeanor to my list of crimes?
Hearing the door go, I’m quick to make my advance across the balcony and back into the apartment. I enter just in time to see Liam setting a bunch of brown nondescript paper bags down.
“Where the fuck have you been?”
“I went for breakfast,” Liam replies, holding up bags before setting them back down once more. “Thought we all needed it when everyone looked like the fucking walking dead this mornin’.” He sets the bags down, reaching in one to pull out coffee. “Here,” he says, comin’ over to me. “Got you an extra shot of expresso … after your late, late night.”
“Shut up,” I say, hoarsely.
Liam releases a breathless laugh. “She’s got a tight little ass on her.”
“Fuck off,” I groan, running fingers along my forehead.
“What?” he asks, chuckling. “I popped my head in and saw that little ass uncovered, and I can’t lie, it was the first time I felt anythin’ for the girl.”
“So … you copped a look and then thought I'd buy breakfast!”
“I was tempted to cop a feel, too,” Liam grouses, rattling my last nerve. He clearly notices. “Jesus, Lawson. What the fuck has got you so twisted?”
I ignore him, storming to the coffee machine.
“Here,” he says, reminding me he brought coffee. “Seems you need it.”
Sweet Venom (Crazy in Love #1) Page 21