Chapter 15
Zarah peered at the alarm clock, which brightly displayed the time. One thirty. She flipped over, yearning for a good night’s sleep, desperate to clear her mind of unpleasant thoughts. She drifted off, then woke up again and rolled over to see the clock. Two fifteen. She sighed, sat up, and turned on the light situated next to her bed. The talks with Joel and Tamara remained on her mind regardless of what she did. Peace was not to be hers this night. Maybe she’d go downstairs for a cup of tea.
She maneuvered to the edge of her bed and put both feet on the floor. She sat there, leaning against the pillows. Downstairs was too far. Maybe she’d read a book to block out her worries. She glanced at the books on her nightstand but didn’t find one that interested her. Zarah moaned and leaned back on the bed again in total frustration as she succumbed to her worries.
Time crawled by. Around 4:00 a.m. Joel peeked in. “How long have you been awake?” he asked, sailing into the room.
“For a bit.”
“Are you all right?” he asked, rushing to her side. “Any problem?”
Yes, there are plenty, she thought, but her husband didn’t understand her troubles. She had no energy to explain her desires again. “Maybe I should go to the hospital.”
“Why?” he asked.
“It is peaceful there, and I can rest.”
“You can rest here,” he told her.
Usually she was happy to have him nearby. Tonight his presence didn’t bring her much joy.
“There is more time for troubles than for rest here.”
“You shouldn’t be worried about anything. I’m handling everything for you. All you have to do is relax and deliver a healthy baby.”
She shook her head frantically. “I feel ill.”
“Then I will definitely take you to see a doctor.”
“The doctor can’t help me with my troubles.”
Joel appeared confused.
Her pain came from constantly being pulled between her husband and his sister. “So much talk about business with you and Tamara has been unsettling.”
“Tamara? Is she still bugging you about the West Coast division?” Joel didn’t wait for her to answer. “She never stops,” he said, rubbing his head. “When will she let the division go and move on?”
Zarah knew he wasn’t expecting a reply, so she remained silent.
He went on. “I tried being nice to her for your sake, but I’m going to let her know that you can’t handle this pressure. This stops in the morning.”
“No, you mustn’t speak harshly to her. She’s been my only friend.”
Joel stared into her eyes. “Well, if she’s not the problem, who or what is? Is it me?”
Zarah grew emotional and couldn’t bring herself to tell the truth.
“Am I the one making you sick?” he questioned.
“I don’t want anyone making my decisions for me. No more. I want to make decisions for myself and my father’s company.”
“So you feel like I’m pressuring you?” Joel asked, spreading his palm across his chest. “I thought you wanted to let go of the business.”
“I didn’t say that. I’m not sure, but if I do, it must be my decision.”
“So what are you saying? You want to keep Harmonious Energy?”
“Maybe.”
“Even if it goes against my beliefs and those of DMI?” He wanted to shout out of frustration, but he resisted the urge.
“I must make the decision, no one else.”
“Okay,” Joel replied. He was caught off guard by Zarah’s response, but he was not surprised with Tamara filling her head. “I understand, and I definitely don’t want to upset you, but please tell me you aren’t still considering letting Tamara have the West Coast division.”
Zarah didn’t answer right away, which made Joel tenser. He couldn’t sit idly by and let her drag them down that road.
“Come on, Zarah. Please tell me you’re not.” The tension in the room was thick. “No, don’t bother. I already know the answer.” He stormed out.
Joel was steaming and had to relieve the pressure before he burst. Why couldn’t Zarah understand how important the role of CEO of DMI was to him, to them? She was going to benefit as much as he was. He was making sacrifices to keep the marriage going. It had to be a two-way deal if they were going to raise their child together. What didn’t she understand? By selling her company, they would be one step closer to bridging the religious chasm between them that prevented him from loving her completely. Several months ago she would have listened and they’d already be drawing up sales papers by now, but thanks to Tamara’s poisonous influence, his wife had changed. Admittedly, he had been drawn to Zarah’s strength a month and a half ago, upon returning from Chicago, and had found himself attracted to the woman she had become. But now he struggled with that part of her, as it was preventing him from going back to Madeline with a signed declaration of intent to sell.
Joel lamented over not being able to close the deal with Madeline. It was brutal to watch his second chance—or was it his third or fourth chance?—slip from his clutches when his hopes had been soaring so high. He had to wonder if this was a test from God before his breakthrough came or if it was one of the consequences resulting from marrying outside his faith purely for professional gain. He didn’t know and didn’t feel much like praying. He preferred to wait awhile before approaching God, afraid of what he might hear. Joel schlepped toward his home office, not quite sure where to go. He yearned for support.
There were two people on earth who could give him the encouragement he sought, and they were his mother and Sheba in Chicago. Sheba had been his faithful confidante for nearly three years. Her faith in him had been unwavering. Because of their closeness, some might erroneously label her a girlfriend. He preferred not to give their relationship a label. Sheba was simply a safe haven, warmth in the cold, and a cool breeze on a hot day. She had been a constant for him. What he valued most was her ability to be present without judging, confining, or smothering him. Through his ups and downs she had stood by him without judgment or expectations. Being with her allowed him to exist freely, and he craved those visits.
He reached the library and kept walking toward his office. If history was a road map, this was the moment when he packed an overnight bag, grabbed his keys, and put the Lamborghini on the highway, seemingly headed in no particular direction. However, most often his road to nowhere ended at Sheba’s penthouse in downtown Chicago, his place of refuge when the challenges in Detroit were too much. Sheba was the boost he needed at this moment. He picked up the phone, dialed most of her numbers, and then froze. He desperately wanted to push the last few buttons, but his fingers were stuck. They wouldn’t move in the direction of Sheba. Her comfort called to him, but Zarah’s pregnancy and his newfound commitment to do right by his child screamed louder. He put the phone down.
Joel was reminded of the pledge he’d made to himself as he stood outside Zarah’s hospital room last month. Maybe it had been out of emotion, but the fact was that he’d committed to giving the marriage a chance to get better for the sake of his unborn child. Regardless of his reasons for taking her as a wife, or how he’d gone about it, she didn’t deserve to be left on her own to carry his child. He had turned away from God for several years and had made many misguided decisions. Yet he was wise enough to know that things had to change if he wanted stability. He had to try something different. Sheba couldn’t be his safe haven anymore, not if he was serious about moving forward and trusting God.
His soul was rattled, and his spirit could have brought him calm, but Joel still wasn’t ready to pray specifically about the religious issue. He already knew that God didn’t want him fraternizing with other gods or energy sources. But he didn’t know what God wanted him to do about Zarah’s religious differences, and Joel was afraid to ask. What if the marriage was unfixable? Would he be reduced to a weekend dad who had to fly to India on occasion to see his child for a few days? As bad as
becoming an absentee father seemed, honestly, Joel could survive without living under the same roof as his kid. Madeline’s kids had lived without their father when they were growing up.
Being an absentee parent was manageable, but if Zarah left the marriage without selling Harmonious Energy, his career aspirations were dead. There were as many reasons for him to leave the marriage as there for them to stay together. Frankly, Joel was confused and unsure which way to go. As long as he was ignorant of God’s direction for him, he could make mistakes without feeling any guilt. Once he had knowledge of God’s plan for him, then he was accountable for his actions. In his confused state, it was hard for him to tell which was better: following God’s lead down a difficult path or taking the easier route by forging ahead on his own, unprotected by God. His torment increased in proportion to his confusion. He had to get some air.
Joel darted upstairs and quickly changed into a pair of jeans and a loose-fitting shirt. He ran back to his office, snatched the keys that were sitting on his desk, and hurried to the garage. He climbed in his Lamborghini, opened the garage door with the control, pressed the button to start the car, and jetted from the garage down the long driveway. He hit the road at full speed. Thankfully, it was early, and few cars were on the road in his exclusive neighborhood.
Running away from his problems afforded him instant relief. But four blocks later his torment caught up with him and hopped into the passenger seat. Joel didn’t bother trying to kick out his companion. Positive thinking and hope weren’t sufficient to free him. His reality was paralyzing. He had to do more to free his mind from the barrage of dueling emotions.
He maneuvered his car to the shoulder of the road, then leaned on the steering wheel and shut his eyes. He realized that running away wasn’t going to fix his problems. Regardless of how many miles he drove, his problems with Zarah and Harmonious Energy would be waiting for him when he got back home. Exhausted, bordering on desperation, and certain that he had come to the end of his rope, Joel was left with no choice but to return to his source of strength, something that had worked flawlessly for him in the past.
“Lord, I need you. I don’t know how to piece my life together. I want to fix things,” he said, gripping the steering wheel so tightly that the bones of his knuckles practically protruded. He harbored worry and anxiety deep inside him, and they felt like liquid careening through his veins. “I want to make things right, but I’m struggling. Nothing is going my way.” His marriage was set up to fail. Zarah believed one thing, and he another. It was an impossible scenario.
“You know I can’t change Zarah, and she can’t change me. I don’t know what to do about the marriage or about DMI. I don’t even know if there is a way to fix this, but you’re God.” He shook his fists in the air. “I want to be back in your grace.” Joel was naked spiritually, with no tricks, pride, or ego pushing to the forefront. Humbled, he was willing to trust God, even if it meant severing a marriage that compromised his faith. God didn’t like divorce, but Joel was sure He didn’t want His children living under the same roof as other gods, either. Joel’s head hurt as he thought about the mess he’d created. “Please, Lord, help me. Help me and Zarah figure this out, if there is a way out.”
Joel didn’t know how long he’d sat in that spot along the roadside before he pulled away. He couldn’t say that peace consumed him once he finished his prayer, but there wasn’t any additional feeling of unrest, either. He took that as a win and drove down the hill to the local coffee shop. He wasn’t hungry or thirsty, but there weren’t many places open at 6:00 a.m. He crept into the parking lot, and a lady pulled in next to him a second later. She and Joel got out of their cars simultaneously, and their gazes met.
“Nice car,” the woman said, shooting him a wink.
Joel acknowledged the compliment with a nod. Several months ago he would have turned on his charm and engaged his admirer in a heavy round of flirtatious bantering. The chase had always given him a rush of excitement; it was almost like a drug. The more Joel had, the more he craved.
“You’re up and about quite early,” she said.
Joel couldn’t muster the energy to engage in a conversation. The woman’s tall stature was captivating, and she had quite a few curves thrown in to make her stand out in a crowd. He noticed how softly her hair fell along her face, and silently acknowledged her beauty. He chuckled. She had no idea how effortlessly he could snag her in his web.
“Cat got your tongue?” she asked.
He flashed his grin, the one that usually made women gravitate toward him. “Something like that.” Joel let the woman enter the shop and then turned around to leave.
“Aren’t you coming in?”
“No. I have somewhere to be.”
“Too bad,” she said, giving him another wink.
Joel didn’t reciprocate the flirting. Women were great—always had been to him and always would be. But he had to keep his mind uncluttered with frivolous notions. Zarah and DMI were plenty to handle. There wasn’t room for anyone or anything else.
Chapter 16
Zarah grew weary of her confinement, and Joel’s departure made it worse. She was determined to keep the marriage afloat, but there were instances when the effort was daunting. The walls were closing in, and what should have been her baby’s safe haven had become a prison. She couldn’t breathe freely in her bedroom. She had to get out of there. Zarah grabbed her robe and flung it over her shoulders as she maneuvered to the doorway and into the hallway. She hadn’t gone far, but Zarah was pleased with her initial steps toward freedom. She decided to go downstairs and fix a pot of tea. One gingerly step at a time was the plan.
Eventually, she reached the main floor and found herself winded. Her instinct was to panic, especially since there wasn’t anyone in the house to help. It was just her and the baby. Although Zarah was physically drained from walking down the stairs, she gathered her strength and held on to the banister. She was prepared to stand there for as long as necessary to ensure her baby’s safety. It was her job and no one else’s.
She peered around the foyer and soaked in the truth. Her future was no longer going to be left to others to decide. She had once worried about having to return home to India a divorced woman. The shame associated with such a failure had caused her to spiral into a deep depression right before she became pregnant. But now she was motivated and felt eager to make decisions. There was a fire burning inside her, and it caused her to release the banister and stride down the hallway, toward Joel’s office.
Tamara urging her to take control came to her remembrance. Support from her sister-in-law served as a welcomed blanket. She strode into Joel’s office and sat in the chair behind the desk. With little concern about the late hour in southern India, Zarah placed a call to Kumar. He had been the family’s attorney for many years, and he alone handled their business matters. She trusted him.
She rushed right into the discussion as soon as he got on the line. “We must talk about plans for Harmonious Energy,” she said.
“I asked Joel to run the company while you were in the hospital.”
“Why did you ask him without asking me? I am still the major shareholder, and I must be consulted about such decisions,” she firmly stated.
“Indeed, but—”
“But I am half owner,” she interrupted. “I am my father’s sole heir. You mustn’t discount my voice.”
She knew Kumar was probably confused about her reaction. Usually, she went along with his direction and avoided conflict. But now she wrestled with so many individuals. Between Joel, Kumar, and Tamara, she was being pulled in many directions, and sometimes she felt like she was being ripped apart. She yearned to find her own voice, the one her baby could follow. She hadn’t been keen on taking charge of her business affairs until Tamara pointed out how important it was for the Bengali legacy. And she was especially motivated by the fact that Joel had found her more attractive a month and a half ago, when she began doing interviews and showing an inter
est in the business. She hadn’t experienced such attention from him previously.
“I’m sorry, Zarah. I didn’t want to cause you to worry when you were in the hospital. Your husband was the right choice.”
Wasn’t Kumar getting her message? His lack of faith in her wasn’t hurtful, just irritating. He could join the list of people who didn’t think she was strong enough to handle a job and a baby at the same time. “Before my baby problems, you were helping me learn the details of Harmonious Energy. Let’s continue with the training. There is no time to lose.”
“I don’t believe this is wise. We must let you rest, and the board will appoint a temporary leader, since Joel declined the offer.”
“Did he tell you why?” she asked.
“Yes, because he wanted to give his full attention to you.”
“That is quite nice,” she said. Zarah was pleased to hear that Joel was concerned about her. Her tone softened, but her earnestness didn’t wane.
“He also doesn’t believe that DMI’s board will retain their half of the ownership of Harmonious Energy. So we must appoint leadership until a decision to buy or sell is made directly.”
“I have not changed my decision. I will have the lead position and will work with DMI until we figure this business out.”
“Zarah, in good faith and out of a commitment to your father, I can’t advise you to proceed in this way.”
“You don’t have a choice.”
“As the executor of your father’s estate, I could legally have the company remain in my control.”
“But you won’t.”
“Why not, if it’s in the best interest of the company?”
Unforgiving Page 8