by Anna Black
“Okay, I’m all set,” she said when she returned. She put on her coat.
They rode downtown to Socca for an early dinner and drinks. She was in no mood for anything heavy, so she decided to stick with iced tea. Tracy ordered a bottle of champagne, and she didn’t want any, but he insisted she have a glass. She sipped it slowly, making sure she didn’t make herself sick.
After a while, she went to the ladies’ room for a moment to get away from drinking. She had drunk so much the night before, the champagne was making her feel woozy. She got back and took her seat and took a small sip. When she looked over at Tracy, she found him staring at her.
“What is it?” she asked.
“Nothing,” he responded. “You are just amazing.”
“So are you,” she said and took another baby sip of her drink.
“Listen, Novey, I know that I have been tripping out, and sometimes I bug out, but I love you, and I am sorry for the way I’ve been acting and treating you. I don’t want to push you away. I don’t want to lose you.”
“Tracy, I love you too, babe, and I’m not going anywhere. We can work this out.”
“I am trying to deal with my issues of trust, okay? I know it is not you, and I do trust that you are here with me because you wanna be here with me. And I do believe that you wouldn’t play me. I have no reason to not trust you. It’s just sometimes . . .” He stopped talking and sighed.
“Listen, Tracy, I love you. I never thought that I would fall for you as hard as I have. You have to trust me and believe me when I say that I am here for you and only you.”
“I do. That is why I got this.” He opened a jewelry box with a diamond in it.
November put her glass on the table and tilted her head. She leaned forward to make sure her eyes were not deceiving her.
“November, I believe in my heart that you are sincere and that you are the only woman for me. I love you so much, and if you would accept this ring and be my wife, I will be the happiest man on this earth, and I promise that I will do my best to make you happy every day.”
November was floored. She didn’t know what to say or how to respond. She hadn’t seen this coming. She was speechless at first and then she found her voice.
“Oh, my goodness. That’s for me? Tracy, are you serious?” she asked with her eyes wide open.
“Yes. This is your birthday gift. I wanted to give this to you last night at the party and make it a big birthday/ engagement celebration, but that didn’t go smooth, so I’m asking you now. Will you marry me?” he asked.
November covered her mouth to keep from yelling out a yes. She couldn’t believe this was happening to her. She tried to hold back the tears, but she couldn’t.
“Tracy, you’d better mean this, because if I say yes, that’s it. I mean, no take-backs.”
“Yes, November, I mean every word.” He held the ring, waiting for her answer. She sat for a moment or two trying to take it all in. “So, what do you say, November? Can you give me the rest of your life?”
“Yes, yes, yes,” she said between sobs. She wanted to shout it at the top of her lungs. She knew that she loved him and wanted him in her life, but she hadn’t thought he loved her enough to want to marry her.
“Yes, yes!” he yelled and slid the ring on her finger. They kissed, and November trembled. She couldn’t stop shaking.
Tracy lifted his glass for a toast. “To us and a long and happy life together,” he said. They clinked glasses.
November wiped her tears. She couldn’t wait to tell her sister. What would her parents say?
The server refilled their glasses, and they sat hand in hand for a while before they decided to leave. They still had to get November’s truck from the parking garage. He took her over to the garage, and she followed him back to his loft. She called April from her cell phone to tell her the news. She was engaged to be married to the man of her dreams, and she couldn’t have been happier than she was at that moment.
Chapter Twelve
“Hey, Shareese,” Jerome said. They had run into each other at the mail center in the hall of their complex.
“Hey, Jerome, how are you?” she said. She concentrated on pulling out the mail that was packed tightly in her mailbox.
She had been at Tracy’s loft since they had gotten engaged and she had stopped by to get some more things so she could go back to his place. He kept tabs on her every move, and he wanted to know where she was every minute of the day, but she loved him, and she knew he had trust issues, so she tried not to say anything to him about his problem. She felt smothered at times, but she also felt good because he loved her so much.
“Good. I haven’t seen you around much. How are thi . . .” He stopped midsentence. “Oh, I see how things are.”
“What are you talking about?”
“I mean that,” he said, pointing to her rock. “You’re marrying that psycho cat?”
“Tracy is not psycho, Jerome.”
“Okay, whatever you say. That cat is crazy jealous, and if you marry him, trust, he ain’t gon’ change. He just may get worse, so I’ll be watching the news for you,” he said. He chuckled, but November found no humor in what he had said.
“My man is a little jealous, yes, but he loves me, and he is not crazy, Jerome.” Her cell phone rang. The caller ID showed it was Tracy, so she said her good-byes to Jerome. “Listen, I’ll talk to you later.” She headed for the stairs.
“Hey,” she said when she answered.
“Hey, where you at?” he asked first thing.
“I’m walking up the stairs to my condo.”
“Why are you taking the stairs?”
“Because if I had gotten on the elevator, the call would have dropped.”
“Oh. How much longer are you gonna be?”
“Not too much longer. I just need to go through my mail and grab some more clothes, and then I’ll be on my way back,” she said. She stopped, breathing hard from climbing the stairs. One more flight.
“Okay, then. Call me when you are on the road,” he said.
“I will,” she said.
“I love you,” he said.
“I love you too,” she said and ended the call. She walked up the last flight and made her way to her door. Inside, she put the stack of mail and her keys on the kitchen island. A minute or two later, her house phone rang. It was Tracy.
“Hello,” she said, rolling her eyes. It was so obvious that he was making sure she was in her condo.
“Baby, I forgot to ask you what you wanted for dinner tonight.”
“I don’t care, baby. Whatever you cook is fine,” she said, pulling out a bag from her closet.
“Naw, baby, I’m not cooking. I’m getting takeout.”
“Oh, well, whatever is fine.” She took a few items from her dresser drawer. She wanted to get done with getting her stuff, but he was keeping her on the line, and she knew it was to only make sure he didn’t hear any background noises or any voices.
“How about pasta?” he asked.
“Pasta sounds great, baby. Now, let me go so I can finish.”
“All right. Just hurry.”
“I will.” She hung up before he could say another word. She grabbed a couple blouses and pairs of slacks and got a few sets of undies. She remembered to get another jacket and two pairs of boots. Her garment bag was full, so she grabbed a smaller tote and put her underwear in it, thinking she could manage carrying her jacket and boots to keep from making two trips.
Once she was done, she went into the kitchen and went through her stack of mail. She watered her plants and was ready to leave when he called her again.
“Hello, Tracy,” November said, trying not to sound impatient.
“Hey, babe, I ordered Chinese food instead. Is that okay?”
“Yes, Tracy, that’s fine.”
“It will be here in about forty-five. Do you think you’ll be back by then?”
“Yes, I was just about to leave.”
“Okay, then. I�
��ll see you in a bit.”
“Okay, baby. I love you,” she said, rolling her eyes. She adored Tracy, but sometimes she felt like he was insane.
“I love you too,” he said, and she hung up.
She looked around to make sure she had everything. She grabbed her coat and put it on then got her tote, garment bag, boots, jacket, and keys and she was on her way to the door when the phone rang again. This time, she was going to have to cuss, she thought as she went back to answer it. She had everything in her hands to make her exit in one trip, and he was calling again.
She cringed and stomped across the hardwood floors, but she relaxed when she saw her sister’s number on the ID.
“Hey, April,” she said, smiling when she picked up.
“Hey, little sis, how are you?”
“Good.”
“Where in the hell have you been? I’ve been calling you all week.”
“Girl, at Tracy’s. Why didn’t you call my cell phone?”
“Chile, I don’t know. I’ve just been trying to catch you at home. How is that fiancé of yours?”
“Fine, and crazy as ever.”
“That’s good. Well, I’ve got some news for you.” April sounded like she was smiling. “But please don’t say anything to Momma and Daddy.”
“What, girl? What?” November asked, pulling back the stool and sitting at the kitchen island. She pulled her arms out of her coat and got comfortable.
“I’m pregnant!” April squealed.
“No,” November said in disbelief.
“Yes, I am! I’m having a baby!”
“Get out, April. You done did it again?”
“Yep, we are pregnant with baby number four.”
“Damn, April, can you wait for me to have one?” November asked, joking.
“Chile, you better get on board.”
“So what did your husband say about this fourth baby?”
“Chile, he is happy. I swear that man trying to keep me on lock.”
“Naw, April, I think you trying to keep him on lock. You don’t have to be having all those babies,” November said jokingly.
“Girl, stop. I love my kids, and my husband loves us. We ain’t mad ’cause God keep on blessing us. We just hope we get a boy this time.”
“Me too. I love my nieces, but it would be cool to finally have a boy in this family.” November laughed.
They carried on and on, and before November realized it, an hour had gone by. Her other line rang, and when she saw Tracy’s number on the screen, she stopped laughing. She had forgotten all about him.
“Hold on, April, this is Tracy,” she said and hit the flash button. “Hello,” she said.
“What the fuck are you doing, November?” he yelled.
“What?” she asked, confused and not sure how to respond.
“You should have been here by now. What the fuck is keeping you? You playing games with me?” he yelled.
“No, baby, my sister called when I was on my way out. She had some good news, and we just got to talking.”
“That’s bullshit, November. I know you on some sneaky shit.”
“No, I’m not. She is still on the other line right now.”
“You know what, November? You’ve got fifteen minutes to get your ass over here!”
“Tracy, what is wrong with you? I just told you I was talking to my sister.”
“Fifteen minutes,” he snapped and hung up.
November went back to the other line trembling, but she put a smile in her voice for April. “April, baby, let me go. My man is hungry, and he’s waiting on me to get back so we can eat together.”
“G’on girl. I’ll talk to you later.”
“Okay, girl,” November said.
“And, Shareese, please don’t tell Momma yet. I want to tell her.”
“Your secret is safe with me.”
“Thanks, sis. I love you.”
“I love ya too, sis. Bye.”
November hung up and rushed out the door and down the steps, where she ran into Jerome again. Why did she have to see his ass all the time?
“Shareese,” he said, trying to stop her.
“Look, Jerome, I’m in a hurry. I will talk to you some other time.” She huffed and rushed by him. She loaded her stuff in the truck and pulled out of her parking space with her hands still shaking a little. She didn’t know what else to say to Tracy besides the truth. She couldn’t understand why his mind would always go to negative things like suspecting her of cheating all the time.
Once she got to his building, she blew out a deep breath and got her things from the back seat. She felt a little better. She knew she hadn’t done anything wrong, and it wasn’t like Tracy would physically abuse her.
She used the key he had given her. She usually got in before him in the evenings after work, and he wanted her there when he got in instead of her going to her place and then coming back.
When she walked through the door, the place was dim. Candles were burning, and she could hear soft music playing. She put her things in the foyer and looked around for Tracy, but he was nowhere to be found. She took off her coat and hung it up in the closet. When she closed the closet door, he was standing behind the door.
She jumped. “Oh, Tracy, you scared me, baby.” He just stood there looking at her. “What, baby? What is it? What’s wrong with you?”
Still silent, he grabbed her face and started kissing her hard. He was holding her so tight she would have had to struggle to break free from his embrace.
“Stop it, Tracy, you are hurting me,” she moaned, trying to back up from him. “Baby, stop it. Stop, you’re hurting me.”
He finally let her go. “Take your clothes off,” he demanded and started pulling on her sweater.
“Tracy, baby, what are you doing? Please, stop this,” she cried, pushing his hands away.
“Take your clothes off!” he instructed with his jaws clenched tight. “Let me smell yo’ pussy.”
She wondered what in the hell was wrong with him. He had never talked to her like that before or in that tone. “Tracy, stop it. Stop. Stop this, okay? Just stop it,” she cried, pushing his face. She moved toward the door. “What is wrong with you?” she asked, adjusting her sweater.
He moved toward her, and she backed away, getting closer to the front door. She was going to leave and get her shit later.
“Look, Novey, you have to understand that you are my woman. I am not a fool, and I will not let you fuck around on me in my face and get away with it. Now, take off your clothes and let me smell your pussy,” he demanded again.
“No!” she yelled and grabbed the doorknob.
He grabbed her from behind and held her tight.
“You have to understand that it doesn’t work like that. I am your woman, Tracy, and I love you, but you are not going to make me feel like trash because of your insecurities. I want you to let me go so I can leave.”
Tracy held her tight for a few minutes and refused to let her go. He started licking her neck and squeezing on her breast hard. It felt good and bad at the same time. She loved Tracy, and making love to him was one of her favorite things to do, but to take off her clothes for him to sniff her was some old, crazy bullshit.
“Baby, please stop,” she begged. “Why are you acting like this, Tracy? Why are you treating me like this?” She wanted him to relax and stop having these insecurities. He had no reason not to trust her. “Tracy, baby, please talk to me.”
He stopped groping her and stood still, holding her tight. “Tell me the truth, Novey. Please tell me the truth,” he begged her.
She turned around and looked at him. “Tracy, why are you so insecure? Why can’t you trust me? I am with you all the time. When I’m at work or away, you call me back to back. Tracy, please, I’m begging you to understand that I don’t want anyone else but you. I love you so much, and I would never hurt you. I can’t continue to live like this. ‘Where are you? Who are you with? Be here in exactly ten minutes.’ ‘Now I�
��m in the car. Now I’m on the elevator. I will call you as soon as I’m in the car. Or upstairs.’ If I run and piss first before I call you, I have to explain that two-minute gap.
“I thought I could live with it and I thought things would get better, but they are getting worse. Why won’t you trust me? What do I need to do to make you trust me, Tracy?” She was in tears, and she was exhausted by him, but she just couldn’t walk away.
Tracy stood there for a moment before he spoke. “Novey, I don’t know. I mean, I tell myself over and over, ‘November is a good woman, and she will never do anything to hurt me,’ but as soon as I try to relax my mind, I can’t. I don’t know why I get so crazy and feel like some dude is occupying your time. I have trusted women, and they have fucking lied to me and cheated and I . . . and I . . .” He stopped and walked away.
November walked over and hugged him from behind. “Tracy, I know that you’ve been hurt before, and I’m sorry. I never had someone to hurt me. I’ve been cheated on, but not by someone I truly loved, so I have never been in your shoes. But I can’t continue to pay for what somebody else did. I’m not her, and I want you to try to relax and give me a chance. I love you, Tracy. You are a beautiful person, and don’t you think that I wonder about the women you come in contact with each day? I wonder sometimes myself because I know how good you are and some other woman would love to have you.
“But when those types of thoughts come to my mind, I shut them down. I just think about all the things you do for me and the time you spend with me and how you make me feel when we are together. That is how I get past my insecurities. I am not the sexiest or the most attractive sister out there, and when I see these slim, tight-bodied, model-looking chicks flirting with you, don’t you think I wonder if you would or wouldn’t? But if I let that control our relationship, I’d go crazy.
“So, thinking of you and how well you treat me and how I am always smiling when we are together is my peace of mind and security. You are my man, and you have to love me to treat me so well. And you have to know the same. Trust me, Tracy. Baby, please try to trust me. I can’t live like this anymore. I can’t. You have got to fix it because this is wearing me down, baby.” She hoped she was getting through to him.