by May Bridges
“You didn’t orgasm.” I concentrated on my hands, now removed from him. “When we were together, you stopped when I came. You didn’t want to keep going. Hell, I felt like you were having sex with me out of pity, and you didn’t really want to. Like you couldn’t get out of me fast enough.”
“I stopped because your body felt like it was going to break before I finished.” Cade put a finger under my chin and lifted it so he could see my face. “You have no idea how hard it was to pull out and walk away. When I got home that night, I don’t even think I got my front door shut before I had my cock in my hand trying to fix what you did to me. I had half a mind to throw you down in Rob’s office. Such a tease in that short little sundress,” Cade said, with a tight jaw. His hips flexed up. “And then you made me watch while he got to touch you, put his lips on you.” Cade rubbed his hands down his face and around the back of his neck. In one move he was up on his knees and pushing me down under him.
“I want to taste you,” Cade said, his mouth against my ear, “inside and out. And I will be taking what you owe me.” Cade drew a line with his finger down my center, from collarbone to navel. As my lust waned ever so slightly, I knew I couldn’t let him kiss me.
“No,” I said, shaking my head. “I won’t let you put your mouth on me, but you can touch me. Or try, at least.” His mouth quirked, making him look displeased. “I’m trying, Cade. Just, not too much at once, okay?”
Cade lowered himself down, half on top of me, half on the bed. “You’re not putting your mouth on me if I don’t get to do the same,” he said. “But I promise that I’ll reward you for letting me touch you.”
He slid a hand behind me, unhooked my bra, and moved each green strap down my arms, excruciatingly slow. I felt the butterflies coming alive in my belly again. He removed my bra, throwing it to the floor. My nipples tightened in the cool air.
The sound of Cade moaning made my back arch, pushing my chest higher toward him. “I want your tits in my mouth.” He leaned in and ran the tip of his nose up my neck. “You know it would feel good, don’t you? I can make it all feel good if you let me.”
His breath was warm against my skin. His nose was still at my neck and his hands had started to wander around my stomach. I was trying hard not to close my eyes. I knew if I did the panic would win. My breathing increased, and as much as I tried to hide my fear, I knew Cade could feel my chest heaving with heavy pulls of air.
“Touch me, Doll.”
With a shaking hand, I laced my finger into his thick, dark hair. I did it as much to touch him as to still the motion of his face against me. He pulled his head back and looked down at me.
His fingers were drawing rings around my breasts, circling smaller and smaller toward my hardened nipples. I couldn’t say it didn’t feel good. It did, and I wanted it, but that didn’t change what it was doing to my head.
I moved my hand from his hair to his face, over his brow, down his cheek and across his jaw. His eyes closed and he pushed into my hand. My thumb swept gently over his full bottom lip.
“You want it. I know you do,” Cade whispered. “Tell me I’m wrong, that you don’t want it, and make it stop.”
I couldn’t say that. I couldn’t tell him I didn’t want him all over me right then.
Cade brought up his belt. He ran the end of it slowly from the top of my breast, over my nipple, and down toward my hip. The promise of the pain made me moan. I knew that when he said he would reward me for my efforts, the belt was what he meant. I may be sick for thinking of taking a belt as a reward, but I didn’t care.
“Keep your eyes open,” he told me when they started to drift closed. “I want you here, in this moment with me.” The belt went to the bed and his hands moved down to my legs. His face was against my skin again and he was moving the tip of his nose over me. His lips were inches away. His hands, his face, the sensation of his breath dancing on me, it was a lot at once.
I massaged his shoulders, wanting my head to process every way in which he wasn’t Becker.
“Talk to me, brave girl.” His voice was thick with want. “Let me know what you’re feeling. Green, yellow, red.”
Yes, I knew that system. It’s how I got my safe word. “Yellow,” I told him, letting him know I was close to my safe word.
“Whose hands are on you right now?”
“Yours are.” My breathless state was in equal parts panic, and body aching need.
“My name, Doll. Say my name.”
“Cade.” He pressed his mouth against my inner thigh and bit down. “Aww, fuck yes, Cade.”
“Eager for the pain, aren’t you? Tell me where you’re at now.”
His hands were wandering and I couldn’t catch a rhythm. He had been speaking with his mouth close to my skin and I could feel his lips brushing lightly against me. I was fighting to keep my eyes open but in the seconds that I lost that battle, all I saw was Becker.
I wanted to say red. “Really, really yellow.”
“Okay,” he said, sitting back up. “You want this now?” Cade held up his leather belt. I nodded
Cade took me by the arm and laid me out, face down, across his lap. I could feel his hard cock pressing into my side. He pulled my lace panties down and rubbed my bare ass. His hands moved down between my legs and he pushed two fingers inside me. We moaned in unison.
“Fuck, Doll. You’re so wet for me already. You can’t tell me you don’t like my hands on you when your pussy is this wet, and I haven’t even played with it yet. You ready for me to spank you now?” he asked, still working his fingers in and out of me.
“Yes, please.”
“Good, because you deserve these.”
He pulled his fingers out, gripped my hip with his arm across my back to secure me, and brought the belt down across both cheeks. The sound echoed in the space, mingling with the hiss that came from my mouth.
“That’s for teasing me in Rob’s office,” Cade said.
Two came down harder, pushing wanton sounds from my lips. I ground my hips down into his lap.
“Tell me you won’t tease me again.”
Three was hard against the back of my thighs. The licks were coming rapidly and without warning.
“I won’t. I won’t tease you.”
Four hit a caning welt. The pain was like electricity spreading over my skin in all directions.
“That’s for not letting me put my mouth on you. Tell me how it would feel, Doll.”
“Your mouth would feel so good,” I moaned. I rubbed my thighs together, looking for friction to temper my need.
Five. “Because I had to jerk off.”
Six. “Because you made me put that fucking cane to you.”
Seven. “Because I wanted to cum inside you so bad.”
Eight. Nine.
I heard them coming harder, faster with each blow. He was angry and I could feel it from the strain of his abs against my side, to the painful grip he had on my hip, to the belt that was full of punishment, not reward.
“Tell me that won’t happen again. Tell me you won’t ever let another man do that to you.”
“I won’t, Cade. I won’t let anyone else do that.”
Ten. It made my back arch against his restraining arm and a cry echo through the loft.
When I felt the pressure from his arm release me, I bolted up and into his lap, straddling his hips. I wrap my arms around his neck and pressed my forehead to his. Our lips were but an inch apart and I wanted so badly to close that distance. But I couldn’t. I didn’t want to ruin whatever the connection was that I felt. I didn’t want to push further than I knew I could go and mess it all up by freaking out.
His chest was heaving and his breath, still sweet with the smell of Skittles, washed over my face. “I’m going to take what you owe me now,” he said.
Cade stood and laid me down on my back. His boxers hit the floor and he stood over me with nothing but a belt in his hand. I reached out for him, wanting to run my fingers over his thick cock. He
pulled a condom from his slacks on the ground and settled between my legs. Before he pushed into me, he made a loop with the belt and slid it over my head.
As twisted as I may have been, asphyxiation was not a place I’d gone before. I didn’t trust men enough, and I knew that’s why he was doing it. He wanted me to trust him. He wanted my trust in this as much as he did with me letting him touch me soft and slow.
He pulled the other end of the strap and the leather tightened around my neck. I pulled at the belt with my fingers, testing it.
“You’re okay. Trust me, brave girl.”
He paused, looking into my eyes, waiting until I’d made up my mind. I did trust him. He wasn’t going to hurt me. I nodded and he pushed into me, filling me, stretching me. I was still tender from the other night and it made it feel that much more exquisite. He started to work me slowly, catching a steady, even pace. I felt every inch of him as he slid in and out. He pulled the belt a little tighter around my throat. Not so much that I couldn’t breathe, but tight enough that I couldn’t get my fingers under it anymore and air was restricted.
“Cade?” It came out in a whisper because of the belt.
“I won’t hurt you. I won’t take it that far,” he said in a groan.
His hips picked up speed, and with each thrust I felt the belt pull against my neck. Cade’s other hand was pulling at my nipple. The sensation was sharp and I wanted more of it. I pushed my chest up, arching into his hand, begging him in whimpers and moans. He leaned down and took my breast into his mouth. His tongue flicked over my tender nipple and his teeth pressed into my skin.
“Harder.” I didn’t know if I was even able to say it loud enough for him to hear.
He must have, because everything got harder. He pulled the belt tighter, so that only a small stream of air was getting through. I felt pressure building in my head and started to feel fuzzy. He bit harder at my breast, and fucked me harder too.
I felt the muscles in my body tightening, pulling, and building higher and higher toward my orgasm. I was torn between the wire tight sensations threatening to snap in my body, and the heavy feelings in my head from the belt.
“Let go, Doll. Let go and let me make you feel good,” Cade said.
The tension wire in my body snapped and I was coming hard. While my body was still electric with the pulses of my orgasm, Cade pulled on the belt one last time, cutting off all air. My world focused in. I was consumed by the feeling of Cade still thrusting in and out of me and the feeling of my orgasm.
At the moment I was sure I was drifting into the black, he laced his fingers under the belt and pulled it free of my neck. The rush of oxygen, coupled with my prolonged orgasm, made my body rigid. I could feel my insides still pulling at his dick, trying to take what he wanted me to have, what I owed him.
Cade’s body came down over me, pressing us chest to chest, and his hips didn’t break rhythm. “Touch me. I want to feel you on me when I cum,” Cade said.
I was too eager to comply. My fingers dug into his back and I knew it hurt when he growled into my ear. “Fuck, I’m going to cum.” He pressed his head into the bend of my neck and I could feel his cock kicking inside me.
It felt good, so good. It had been a long time since I’d made a man orgasm like that, with penetration. I wrapped my legs around him, holding him to me. I didn’t want him to pull away. I didn’t want to feel the absence of him. I knew it would hurt, the kind of pain I didn’t like.
Cade seemed happy to stay right where he was. He relaxed into me, putting the weight of his upper body fully on me. His head was still in the crook of my neck and I ran my fingers through his thick waves of hair, now damp with sweat. I took a deep, satisfied breath, and let it out slow.
“Am I smushing you?” he asked.
“No, not at all. I was just thinking that this must be what normal girls do after sex. Hold their man. Enjoy the feeling of him pressed against them.”
He stirred a bit, moving his head so he could see my face. “Did you just admit to liking being smushed by me?” His lazy grin was smug. It made me want to kiss the pulled corners of his mouth.
“Maybe,” I said.
“Well, as much as I hate to mess this up, I’m shrinking and the condom has to come off. Driving me nuts.” He pushed up from me, reached between us, and pulled off the satisfyingly full condom. He tied the end and threw it in the trash by the bed without ever moving from between my legs.
He laid back down on me, putting his hand on my shoulders but keeping it still. My fingers weren’t as content to be motionless; they ran over his taut back and through his hair. I rubbed and massaged at his shoulders and the back of his neck.
He moaned, a low satisfied sound. “I could get used to this.” His voice sounded sleepy.
“Yeah, so could I.” I smiled a smile I knew he couldn’t see.
My body was still high from the orgasms, the flesh on my ass still warm and stinging from the belt. I could have floated away. Cade’s weight seemed to be all that was keeping me from drifting from the earth.
The most rational way my mind could categorize that moment was happy. My body was sated, and for the first time in forever, I wasn’t alone afterwards. I, or rather June, let men make her orgasm, let them whip her and wring her body out, but then she was alone. They would leave and that euphoric bliss, the one I was floating in, never lingered. But I wasn’t alone. For whatever reason, that stubborn and beautiful man was still there. If I didn’t know better, I would’ve said he was as content as I was to lay in the dim, motionless loft, pressed to one another.
“I think I understand why you don’t like touching and kissing now,” Cade said, with his head still on my chest. “So the rougher stuff, do you like it because it’s so different from the soft stuff?”
I felt some of that euphoric relaxation slipping away.
“Yes, no, I don’t know,” I answered. “I used to think I only liked it because it didn’t remind me of Becker. It was a way to be with men and not be reminded.”
“But now?” Cade prompted when I didn’t continue.
“I feel like I’m not supposed to like it, you know? Like that’s not what normal girls want, to be whipped and spanked, so it must make me broken somehow. I’ve hated Becker for so long now because of it.”
“You have plenty of reasons to hate Becker, liking the rougher side of kink isn’t one of them.”
“I don’t know. I still don’t think it’s normal. It feels like a defect, a result of something bad.”
Cade let out a hard sigh and propped himself up on his elbows, looking down at me. “Normal? I can tell you, for a fact, that there a plenty of completely normal girls out there that get their gears turned by some kinky shit.”
I hated the cocky look on his face, knowing he’d probably been the guy to deliver all that kink so a good number of them.
“It would surprise the shit out of you to know what some people are into, people that probably sit in the same church as you.”
I rolled my eyes, very certain that the ladies I went to church with didn’t get off by having a belt around their necks.
“Do you like it?” Cade asked, an even serious tone taking over. “Does it make you feel good, turn you on, make you want more?”
I didn’t want to say yes, but there was no way to say no. I liked it. I craved it. And I wasn’t sure that those things had anything to do with Becker. Just me and my twisted desires.
“If you’re consenting, I’m consenting, and we both want it, there is nothing broken or bad about what we do.”
“Maybe,” I said, unwilling to accept or deny. Accepting made me feel too close to being June. That was her, the dark and broken part of me I was still trying to rid myself of.
“What about you?” I asked. “When did you get into this kind of sex?”
Cade’s cool easy smile returned. “Come on now. I was made for this. I am dominance.”
And there is was, Mr. Cocky. “Oh, please,” I teased.
“What? I am and you know it. I’d always been interested. I started going to parties, learning things here and there. At first I really did like it for the dominance, but the more I played, the less important that part became.”
“So why then, if not for dominance?”
“It is the submission I like so much now.”
“I don’t understand. Isn’t that just another way to say you like dominating?”
“No. For a woman to submit, to put her trust in me, it’s a gift. It has to be given. No amount of dominance can take that. And it is given over and over, with each act of submission.”
I lay there thinking over what he’d said. Had I given him a gift? Perhaps, but right then, after the small victory I’d had with him touching me, and the reward of the amazing sex after, I felt more like I’d been the one to receive a gift.
“Cade, why do you want to help me? Why not let Rob do whatever he’s going to do and look the other way?” I asked after a while.
“Redemption.”
I shook my head, not understanding what he meant.
“I’ve looked the other way when I could have helped before. I can’t change what came of that. But I can help you. I know it won’t really redeem everything I’ve done, but one good deed every now and then can’t hurt, right?”
I didn’t believe anyone was all bad, but I knew there was darkness inside me. Surely there was someone more worthy of his efforts. If he wanted to help someone, there must be a soul cleaner than mine that would gain him redemption.
“Why me?” I asked.
“Because I see you. And it’s a shame that you only show pieces to people. I think all put together, who you are, it probably makes a beautiful picture.”
“Will you help me find Becker?”
I could feel his body tense when I asked. “Will you tell me why you want to find him? I don’t know everything that happened, but it seems pretty bad. I can’t imagine why you would ever want to see him again.”
“Retribution.”
Chapter Eleven
I had agreed to let Cade help me get out from under Robert’s thumb, though I still wasn’t convinced I needed any help with that. What I needed was help finding Becker. Cade skated around that conversation. He seemed against helping me there, but with time, maybe I could convince him. That shot was the only reason I’d agreed to his help at all. So I was being agreeable for now, I just didn’t know what that meant for everyday life.