by May Bridges
When we got to my room, Cade laid me out on the deep blue duvet. He stood and stripped for me, letting his black T-shirt and jeans hit the floor, and throwing his belt on the bed. The sight of him naked made my body ache with need.
“So,” I said, “this deal where you won’t let me put my mouth on you because I won’t let you kiss me—”
“Are you reconsidering?” Cade asked as he settled next to me.
I ran my fingers over his muscled arms, tracing the lines of his black tattoos. “No, but I was thinking. If we’re going tit for tat, then you owe me one.”
“Owe you for what?” Cade pulled my shirt over my head, leaving me in my white satin bra.
“You kissed me at the church in front of my parents.” I leaned in to him, wanting his bare torso against mine.
“It was on the cheek.”
“I don’t care.” I reached out, moving my thumb lightly over his full bottom lip. “You got to put your mouth on me, and now you owe me one.”
“Fine. One. You can kiss me somewhere one time.” His voice was low and soft.
I couldn’t help but smile. I didn’t like letting him know how bad I wanted this, but there was no hiding it.
“I have a suggestion if you aren’t sure where you want to put your mouth,” Cade said, grabbing his dick.
I shook my head at him. There was a spot I’d been eyeing. He laid back on the bed and I kneeled down beside him. I put my hands on him first, grabbing his trim waist and rubbing my hands over his stomach, feeling out the ripples. I dipped my head down slowly, looking up in time to see Cade’s eyes closing. His face looked beautiful that way, his eyes closed and his lips parted.
I trailed my mouth softly, slowly down the ridge that made the V shape over his hips. Cade moaned as my lips traveled south. I stopped at the top of his thigh and ran my mouth back up the side of the V. Back and forth, back and forth, feather soft. If I only got to do this once, I was milking it for all it was worth.
Keeping my mouth on him, I moved to his hip and sank into the tender skin just below it, at the bend of his leg. I kissed him there. My lips pressed in gradually and parted. I nipped at the shallow indention and let the tip of my tongue find his flesh as well. Cade’s hand came to rest on the back of my head. He stroked through my hair and down my neck.
“I think compared to my very public kiss on your cheek, you’re getting an advantage here.” Cade’s voice was thick, filled with gravel.
I ran my mouth over his hip again and down the side of the V one more time, reluctant to break the contact. “But don’t you like it?” I asked.
I deep moan sounded in his chest. “I more than like it. I want the chance to reciprocate.”
I considered him for a moment, looking up his body with my face still at his hip. “Not yet,” I said.
“Then because you teased me with your mouth tonight, it’s going on the list too,” Cade said.
“Maybe we should talk about this list you’re keeping.”
“I would love to.” Cade sat up and grabbed his belt.
I felt the butterflies take flight in my stomach at the sight of him with it in hand.
In one quick motion Cade pulled me across his lap. He pulled my sweats and panties down without preamble.
“I thought we were going to talk about it?” I questioned.
“The list, Doll, is all the things you’ve done to deserve these.”
Cade secured his arm over my lower back and brought the belt down, all before I had time to answer.
The bright pain pushed any argument I had about his list from my head. My brain flooded with want and lust and nothing else mattered.
“That’s for not telling me about Rob showing up at your office.”
I feel the belt leave my ass and the anticipation of its return made me writhe against him.
“Tell me you won’t do that again. Tell me you won’t hide things like that.”
The belt bit across both cheeks. “Fuck yes. I won’t, Cade. I won’t hide things from you.”
“This is for teasing me just now.”
“Yes, please.”
In his guestroom, splayed bare assed over his legs, I contemplated his offer to stay for a while. The possibility of earning the belt each night and then letting him ride my body into bliss was tempting.
I’d craved him since Sunday. Each time he brought the belt down he had me recite what I’d done to earn it, promising not to do it again. Our own form of a soul-cleansing confession. Confess and atone. Confess and atone, over and over. Pain was never so freeing.
* * *
The Ovechkin property was back on track, and not a single sighting of Mr. Arnold all day. I was starting to feel downright lucky. It was almost 5:30 p.m. and I was well on my way to wrapping up my good day and calling a cab to take me home. Cade had driven me to work, after making me French toast for breakfast. His bribe didn’t convince me to take time off work, though I was surprised at his unexpected domesticity.
“So . . .” Jasmine said, poking her head in my office. “There’s a very, very pretty man here to see you. Do you want me to show him in, or maybe you guys could talk at my desk?” Her face looked a bit flushed.
“If it’s who I think it is, he’s pretty, but also stubborn and insanely frustrating. I might let you keep him at your desk. But before you get your hands on him, show him in so I can see what he wants now.”
Jasmine’s smile was pulled wide across her face when she went out to show Cade in. Except when she came back, it wasn’t Cade with her. It was Robert. I tried to hide it, but I couldn’t help the expression on my face when my smile faded and shock took over.
“Robert. Hi, have a seat.” I tried my best at a casual tone for Jasmine’s sake.
She hovered by the door. “Jasmine, can you shut the door on your way out?”
Getting the hint, and looking less than pleased, she left.
“When I sent Mike to your house,” Robert said, without the usual pleasantries, “who did you leave with?” He sat calmly with his hands folded in his lap.
“I’m sorry, what do you mean?” I knew with the mood he was in, it was best to tread light.
“You were there when they got to your apartment. You left, and not in your car. Who came and got you?” Robert was good at maintaining an even tone. It’s stupid to mistake the unwavering surface for calm. It’s all too common that the current below that surface is swift and fierce.
“Rachel,” I told him. I didn’t make habit of lying. I hid things, avoided, maneuvered around conversations, sure, but I rarely told a bold lie. I didn’t want Robert to know that it was Cade.
“Why not come over and talk to me? Alex, I’ve known you longer than almost anyone still in my life. I didn’t think I would see the day when you would sneak out of your house to avoid talking to me. I know this shit with Becker hurt you, I’m sorry for that, but don’t let it ruin us.”
“What is ‘us’, Robert?”
I’d never really questioned it. We didn’t sleep together, or rather hadn’t for almost three years. It didn’t quite fit to say we were just friends. And with the lies and manipulation to get me to take his clients, I didn’t even know if we were even friends.
The corner of his mouth pulled up and his blue eyes softened. “You’re my girl,” Robert said with a shrug, like it was the most obvious answer. “You’ve always been my girl. I know we aren’t together. You live your life, I live mine, but that doesn’t change anything.”
My Robert, the one I fell in love with at the tender age of fifteen and adored through most of my youth, I saw him so clearly sometimes. I would’ve been his girl, maybe even his wife, but I didn’t see him enough anymore. Mostly I saw the other side, the monster in the man.
“Why are you here?” I asked, already exhausted with him. “You can’t send your boys to my house to break out my window and scare me and then come in here talking about me being ‘your girl’.”
“I’m going to set up a meeting with you and Beck
er. I owe you that.”
Everything outside my office disappeared and life in that moment was a bubble, a bubble with only me, Robert, and the promise of a meeting. Killing June and healing Alex were so intertwined in that one promise, the offer Robert was making.
“When?” I asked, eager. I could feel the quickened pulse in my body pushing blood faster in my veins. “Can I meet with him this weekend?”
“Slow down,” Robert said, holding up a hand. “I’ll set up a meeting, but it’ll be on my terms. One of which is that you meet one more client for me.”
There it was. Robert’s ‘something in it for me’ clause. I should have seen that coming.
“No, Robert. I told you I’m not doing it anymore. I can find another way to meet with Becker. I can hire a private investigator or . . . I don’t know, but I’ll figure it out.”
“I’m not asking you to take this guy back to the loft, just to meet with him. My office. Flirt, play the part. It’ll give me enough time to find another girl. I need you to keep him interested. Do this for me, Alex.”
What was the harm in playing the part one more time? I’d played it for so long and he was asking me to help him. I’d asked Cade to help me find Becker and he flat out turned me down. At least Robert was willing to bargain. Part of life is sacrifice. You have to know what you’re willing to give in order to get what you want. For me this was about more than wanting something. I needed this.
“One meeting, Robert, and then I want to meet with Becker.”
“Thank you—”
“And then all of this stops. I don’t see any more people for you, and if you want to be anything in my life, you never ask again. Do you understand me, Robert?”
“One more meeting, I understand.” Robert held up his hands in surrender.
Robert came around my desk and crouched in front of me. “Really, thank you for this.” He pulled me to my feet and hugged me. “And even if you’re mad at me, you are still my girl.”
I wanted to believe the compassion I heard in his voice. It sparked hope in me. Hope I held for the man I’d always known and loved. Life had taken a crazy turn for us but maybe we could come out the other side okay.
Robert pinched my chin between his fingers, and lifted my face so that I had to look at him. I saw the softness fade from his eyes. It was replaced by a menacing, dark stare. “Always my girl, Alex. You might want to let the man you left with last night know that.”
The calm and possessive tone was more frightening than yelling ever could be. He left me standing there, staring wide-eyed after him. To the rest of my office I’m sure the handsome blond man in the suit walking away looked like any other client. They would never guess that we had discussed BDSM and the man who had molested me, and that the conversation had ended with a threat to the man that was trying to save me. Appearances, appearances.
I laid my head on my desk, rubbing my chin and hoping there wouldn’t be a bruise from Robert pinching me. I was too mentally exhausted to do much else. I listened to the clock on the wall tick by the seconds.
I hadn’t had time to process it all when Jasmine popped in my office again. “I don’t know where you find these boys, but there’s another one here to see you,” she said. “I’ll show him in, but I wanted to remind you that I am single and if you wanted to share the wealth, that would be nice. This one is my type. Chocolate.” She said in a hum.
A moment later Jasmine came back, this time with Sean in tow. “Is there anything I can get you, sir: water, tea, coffee?” she offered. Jasmine pulled her long deep brown hair over her shoulder, looking giddy.
“He’s fine, Jasmine. I’m heading out for the night. You should too,” I said.
Jasmine looked a little hurt and pouted her lip.
“I really am fine, but thank you,” Sean said to her, resting his hand gently on her arm.
Jasmine nodded and mouthed “Call me later” behind Sean’s back.
“Nice office, Alex. Look at you, all boss-lady,” Sean said when the door closed.
“Thank you. The office is a perk of the title. So where’s Cade?” I felt a lump in my throat thinking he was in the hallway or elevator with Robert somewhere in the building.
“He is running late at the warehouse. Asked me to come get you.”
Mention of the warehouse made my stomach hurt. I wondered if Christian was still alive.
“I could’ve gotten a cab.”
“No worries. I’d rather chauffeur you around than the alternative anyway,” he said.
I didn’t ask what the alternative was. Sean was growing on me and I didn’t want to ruin it.
Part of me, a big part, was glad it wasn’t Cade picking me up. I wasn’t ready to talk to him about Robert stopping by. Sean was quiet, didn’t pry. It gave me time to think as I watched the lines in the road zip by.
I didn’t know how much help Cade could be with Robert. Honestly, I wasn’t letting him help me on that front. I feared he’d take away my chance to meet with Becker. The nights we spent together, on the other hand, helped. He pushed me, and it was scary, but liberating too. It gave me hope that one day I’d be okay. That I wouldn’t freak out and have panic attacks anymore.
Could I have both my agreement with Robert and my time with Cade? I didn’t think so, but until I sorted it out, I was willing to try. It was one more meeting. One more time, and then I’d meet with Becker. Robert knew I wouldn’t do it again. Cade didn’t need to know. He was only the man I was sleeping with.
Chapter Fourteen
A week after Robert showed up in my office, I still hadn’t told Cade about the agreed meeting. Robert hadn’t contacted me again either. I knew he would. When he had everything lined up, he’d call and I’d be expected to perform as June one last time before I killed her.
Two weeks after Robert showed up in my office and he still hadn’t called and I was getting anxious, thinking he wasn’t going to follow through on setting up the meeting.
Life fell into a strange, stagnant state. No word from Robert. Mr. Arnold had postponed my meeting with him that had been set for the twenty-sixth, so I hadn’t been back to the loft in a while. I was still staying at Cade’s and the number of my things that had migrated to his house in two weeks was alarming. Most alarming was that I hadn’t been the one bringing them, Cade had.
I didn’t like the new routine. Waiting around his house every evening, I grew anxious wondering if Cade would come home so I could get another dose of him. The cravings were too strong there, and the fall from my high when I realized I wouldn’t get to have him that night was too hard. I didn’t see a reason to stay there longer. I felt like a toy, one Cade came to play with when he wanted to, and neglected when anything else was going on in his life.
Cade wanted to keep me safe, and with nothing happening for a few weeks, I was sure he’d see there really wasn’t anything to keep me safe from. Cade was still my personal drug, but I didn’t have to live with my dealer.
* * *
My shoulder blades burned. I strained to get my tiptoes on the ground beneath me. The ropes around my arms sawed together as I swayed. The muscles in my body trembled. I realized then why he’d put me in that particular room. How I failed to notice the metal hooks secured to the wall opposite the bed, I don’t know. I also hadn’t bothered to question the locked cabinet. Had I, I would have found the assortment of toys, rivaling my own collection. It wasn’t his guest room, it was his sex room—or torture chamber, if you were me.
“Cade! Cade, please.” My voice was going hoarse from yelling. I didn’t know how long he’d left me hanging there, but I feared I’d faint soon. It had been long enough that my skin was no longer red from the flogger.
The door opened and Cade propped himself against the wall across from me. He was still without a shirt, and his jeans hung low on his hips. Almost low enough to see the spot I’d kissed him. “You want me now?” he mused, smiling.
“Cade, please. I’ll stay. Just let me go.”
He wa
lked over and ran his hand down my stretched, nude body. “You’re beautiful like this, Doll.” He stepped in and trailed his mouth across my cheek, so light I almost didn’t feel it. His fingers slid between my legs.
“Cade, I don’t know how much longer I can stay like this.”
“Let’s find out,” Cade said, sounding sinister.
He spun me around and took the flogger to my ass again. My skin had never been so sore. I’d healed from the cane, but there hadn’t been too many nights over the last week that I hadn’t felt the heat of a paddle or belt. Now the flogger felt closer to a thorned whip than soft leather.
He spun me back around. The sight of him on his knees before me, his deep velvet brown eyes looking up my body, made me feel weak. “Cade, I’m sorry I wanted to go home. I don’t want to overstay my welcome.”
He grabbed my hips to stop me from swaying. I felt like my arms might pull from their sockets. Cade lifted my legs over his shoulders. It took most of the weight from my arms; the relief alone was enough to make me want to orgasm.
We had done our fair share of kinky things, but Cade had never gone down on me. He said he wouldn’t because I wouldn’t let him kiss my mouth, or anywhere else properly. I’d asked him only a few nights before. “If I don’t get to kiss these lips,” he told me, running his finger over my bottom lip, “then I’m not going to kiss those lips either.” I couldn’t hide my disappointment then, and I was having a hard time hiding my excitement at seeing him on his knees.
“I haven’t got enough of you yet, Doll. And you’re up on me now by two orgasms. So you still owe me,” Cade said, reminding me of our orgasm tally.
I was always going to owe him if orgasms were what we were counting. He ensured that I was always ahead by at least one. Since he controlled the game, there wasn’t much I could do to catch up.