Forever Love

  I heard the door handle rattle and then open.

  Landon turned his head as he looked over his shoulder stepping away but keeping his hands on my hips.

  Alexa.

  Oh God.

  Landon twisted toward me, pulling his pants up and trying to right his clothes. I did the same but it was too late. She saw.

  Alexa slammed the door shut and ran down the hall.

  “Fuck, Landon, what are we going to do?”

  I was dying and flying. I was unbelievably wrecked beyond forever, at one moment that destroyed what was left. There’s this huge unforgiving never in my future. Never moving from this moment when the rest is taken at my own will.

  Forever.

  Never.

  “Goddamn it!” Landon swore when he got his pants zipped and his shirt back on. He punched the wall and slammed the door behind us.

  We ran down the hall and out the front doors of the school, commotion around us, but Landon and I stared at each other realizing our mistake. We took it too far. We both scrambled outside, chasing after Alexa but it was too late. Outside she was standing with Cash and Macy, who had been looking for us.

  We stared. We broke. We gave up.

  “I NEVER want to see you again, Madison!” My sister’s voice brought me back. I was standing with my back against the brick wall outside the school. The spring air was cool to my whiskey-heated skin as the gentle breeze moved the fabric that was left of my dress.

  My eyes landed on Macy when the harshness set in, sadness I created filling her palms with tears that may never dry. You can only break the good so many times before they can’t be put back together. I looked to Landon, he’s against the wall, his ripped shirt and tie gone now leaving him in just black slacks. His head was in his hands, regret too much to take. Bad decisions made and consequences to be had.

  I looked to Cash. It wasn’t the pain in his eyes that took my breath. It was Macy. I knew then that I know I had broken the one relationship I could count on… and the one I might never be able to fix.

  But I tried. I couldn’t let it just be. Not right now.

  My palms turned up and raised. “We need to talk, Macy.”

  “No. Actually, we don’t need to talk because we’ve done nothing but talk these past four months yet nothing has changed. Nothing!”

  I looked to Landon, his hands in his hair, and then to Cash and I saw how much I had just hurt him.

  How much I had destroyed.

  My eyes went to Macy. “I know, and I’m sorry! I know that I hurt you and I hate myself. Just tell me what I need to do. How can I fix this?”

  “You can’t! You can’t fix anything you’ve done!”

  “Macy… I’m sorry.”

  She turned to face me. “Fuck you, Madison. You’re such a fucking liar. You have no idea what it’s like for any of us. All you think about is yourself. That you are the only one in so much fucking pain when we all are… we fucking all are.” She pointed to Cash. “You’re killing him. You. Are. Killing. Him.” She let those words sink in, eyes so full of hate pinned me. “You have no idea what it’s like for us. And the laughable part about all of this is that you don’t care.”

  My stare went to Cash and it was right then that I was sure she was right. I’ve killed him inside.

  Macy was right. There was a part of me that doesn’t care. I couldn’t anymore. The caring part of me was killed that night too. Never to be revived again. I watched as it left me that night, literally watched everyone I care about shatter to pieces and my one method of survival was to shut it all down. If I didn’t turn it all off that night, I wouldn’t have been able to put one foot in front of the other. As it was, I was barely able to do that now. The emotions, the torment, the never-ending pain of that night. What we’d done.

  Correction, what I’d done.

  I need to thank my family for putting up with my three AM giggle sessions (which sparked the text messages between Cash and Madison) with Megan over this book and the fact that I never cooked dinner after we decided to write this. My bad. You know you love take out, admit it!

  Thank you to Megan for putting up with me and my constant changes too, and when I changed all the dates in the book and didn't tell you. Whoops. I'm so happy that we got to work on this together. It's been amazing working with you.

  Thank you to Erin and Heather for putting on the blog tour and Elaine for editing in such a hurry. Love you girls.

  And the pre-readers who helped us clean up the time line and make sure everything matched up. Jen, Janet, Heather, Candy and Debi. Thank you so much!

  For every blogger who has picked us up for the tour, I can't tell you how grateful we are that you're taking a chance on the Forever Love series.

  Love you all!

  Chelsea

  Copyright © 2014 by Megan Smith Production, LLC.

  All Rights Reserved.

  This book may not be reproduced, scanned or distributed in any printed or electronic form without permission from the author. Please do not participate in or encourage piracy of copyrighted materials in violation of the author's rights. All characters and storylines are the property of the author and your support and respect is appreciated. The characters and events portrayed in this book are fictitious. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead is coincidental and not intended by the author.

  The following story contains mature themes, strong language and sexual situations. It is intended for adult readers.

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  “Change is never easy. You fight to hold on. You fight to let go.”

  The Wonder Years

  December 3, 2010

  Tick, tock, tick, tock.

  I look over at the clock on the wall—three minutes have passed since the last time I looked at it. I glance around the classroom and notice no one else is really paying attention to Mrs. Bishop, our Calculus teacher, as she goes on and on about transcendental functions.

  Who the hell is ever going to use this in the real world?

  This is the last class before the big pep rally for the football championship game that is being held in Portland. We are set to play Lake Oswego High School and we are the favorite to win this game. There is so much excitement pumping in the air that no one is concentrating on much of anything. Everyone is dressed in our school colors to support our boys.

  I glance back over to the clock again, five minutes have passed, though it feels like an eternity. Groaning, I sit in my chair and blow a piece of hair out of my face.

  I sigh and Landon Hayes, my boyfriend, chuckles and raises an eyebrow at me, “One might think you were playing in the game tomorrow.”

  I turn my head and smile, “I feel like I am.” Landon’s eyes have become an obsession of mine. All he needs to do is give me a look and I melt into a puddle. I shouldn’t because God knows that Landon uses those piercing blue eyes on every girl on this Earth to get what he wants. If it’s not his eyes, it’s his delicious body. He never has a shirt on. An eighteen-year-old should not have a body like Landon does. All the hours that he spends in the gym shows, he’s not huge but he’s got defined muscle in all the right places. Which gives him good reason to walk around without a shirt on.

  Landon reaches into his pocket and pulls out a folded piece of paper. He looks up to make sure the teacher has her back towards us before slipping it into my hand. Yeah, he could have texted me but the chance of getting caught is greater and I secretly love the little notes. They’ve been our thing for years. I stare into his penetrating eyes wondering how I got so lucky with a boy like Landon. He’s everything I’ve ever dreamed of, and then some.

  Wi
th a sly smile, I unfold the small piece of green paper and glance up to make sure I’m not going to get caught. When I know I’m in the clear, I look at the note that simply says, “I love you.”

  Grateful now that I touched up my lipstick before class I bring the piece of paper to my lips and kiss it. Landon isn’t watching me, he’s looking straight ahead acting like every once in while he isn’t stealing glances my way. I fold the note back up and place it in his lap leaving my hand on top of his dick for a few extra seconds. He throws me a look, one I know well.

  This has become a tradition between us this year. He slips me the piece of paper, I kiss it and then he tucks it into his pants right before game time. Canby is undefeated so far this year, Landon says it’s because of our notes.

  Landon shifts his body towards mine but not enough to cause anyone to look his way but enough for me to know that I’m affecting him.

  “Don’t start what you can’t finish, Macy.” His breathing is coming in faster. “I’ve warned you before.”

  I squirm in my seat remembering just last week when I pushed him too far in gym class.

  We were playing baseball out on the back field behind the high school and I was up to bat. I knew Landon was watching me, he always does. He gave me a few pointers on how to hit the ball that Mr. McCoy was throwing. I listened but I also didn’t like being told what to do. I had a few pointers of my own I was about to show him. Right before I was up to bat I rolled my shorts up just a little higher than I normally would have worn them before grabbing a helmet and bat. When I walked up I got into position and heard Landon yell, “Come on, Macy, I know you can do it.”

  Oh, I could do it alright. I bent my knees and stuck my ass out knowing I was giving Landon a show as I glanced over my shoulder. Landon was standing there with his mouth hung open; I winked and faced Mr. McCoy. I hit a double on the first try.

  Landon was quiet the rest of the game but he watched my every move with dark hooded eyes. When Mr. McCoy called the game and everyone headed for the locker room, Landon had other plans. He grabbed a hold of my arm and dashed behind the dugout.

  “Landon,” I said. “What are you doing?”

  “Showing you that two can play your game.” Then he slammed his mouth against mine and the rest of the world faded away. We were twenty minutes late for our next class.

  Since Landon has a big game tomorrow I didn’t want to distract him anymore than necessary so I move my hand away and place it on my own lap.

  Mrs. Bishop turns to look at the clock just as the bell rang. Everyone jumps up quickly as she yells about studying over the weekend for the test on Monday. It was useless really considering no one was paying attention in class. Besides, who the hell assigns homework over the championship football game weekend? She better plan on curving the grades for the majority of the class if she’s expecting any of us to actually crack a book this weekend.

  Landon grabs my book bag, his jersey riding up slightly exposing his back, and then reaches for my hand. We walk out of the classroom just as Steven, Alexa, Madison, and Cash walk out of theirs. Landon turns in my direction and leans down to place a kiss on my lips, I’m not one for PDA but when he touches me it’s like he casts a spell over me and nothing else matters.

  He leans his head against mine, “I’ll see you in a little bit.”

  “Okay,” I lean forward and kiss him again. His body inclines against mine with each passing second.

  I barely register someone clearing their throat until Landon smiles against my lips. He places one more kiss on my lips before pulling back.

  I lean against the wall, cheeks flushed and slowly die of humiliation at having been watched. I feel my twin sister, Madison, and my best friend, Alexa’s, eyes on me but I don’t look at them. Landon does his guy hand shake with Cash, my sister’s boyfriend, and Steven, Alexa’s boyfriend.

  “You ready?” Cash asks Landon, watching Madison walk towards him.

  “Oh yeah,” Landon reaches out to lightly punch his shoulder, “you?”

  “Yep.”

  “No one cares about me?” Steven fakes looking hurt that no one asked him if he’s ready.

  Landon and Cash starting laughing, “We don’t need to know if you’re ready, you always are.” Landon answers.

  The boys laugh and Cash pushes Steven down the hall, “Let’s go before coach bitches about us being late again.”

  Yeah, they’re always late but this school would wait forever for these boys.

  The three of them make their way to the locker room. I catch up with my sister and Alexa who are watching them walk away.

  Alexa sighs watching Steven’s ass. “How’d we get so lucky?”

  I huff, “I was just asking myself that same thing a few minutes ago.”

  “Don’t you girls mean how did they get so lucky?” Madison pipes up.

  Alexa shakes her head and reaches for the lock on her locker beside me. She opens it and tosses her books inside. Stacey, one of the cheerleaders, is coming down the hallway heading for the gym. She’s one of those girls who think just because she’s a cheerleader she owns the school. Little does she know she doesn’t and mostly everyone here at Canby High hates her. She’s always walking the halls with her nose stuck up in the air, something none of us can stand.

  Madison stands up straighter when she notices and squares her shoulders. Alexa looks over at us and then turns her head in the other direction just as Stacey stops in front of us. I place my hands on my hips preparing for another battle.

  “Nice shirts.” Stacey says with a nod towards Madison’s t-shirt.

  Madison rolls her eyes in Madison fashion, “Jealous?”

  Alexa and I snort while Stacey’s face reddens. “There isn’t anything to be jealous about.”

  Alexa slams her locker shut and spins around, her anger present in her features. “You sure about that?” Alexa tosses her hair over her shoulder as a smile plays at her lips. “Rumor has it that someone was throwing themselves at Landon last weekend.”

  I look to Madison waiting for her to come to my defense but she just glares at Stacey. I take a step forward and Alexa slides back behind me. “Oh, you mean when you got high with him and offered to give him a blow job out back of Brian’s house?” I huff, “That’s classy.” Stacey’s face is now bright red, her hands are fisted at her sides and she looks everywhere but at me. “Run along, Stacey.”

  She growls and stomps off.

  Alexa and Madison wait all of about two seconds before they start bursting out laughing and I can’t help but laugh right along with them. Landon would never go for a girl like her. She has nothing to offer the all-star of Canby or any of the other guys for that matter.

  Alexa nods her head in the direction of the gym, “We better get going. You know the boys won’t come out ‘til we’re seated.”

  “Let’s go.” Madison answers.

  As we walk down the halls a sense of anxiety rushes over me. So many things are changing and so fast. This is the last time I’ll ever walk down these hallways to a prep rally. This is the last time I’ll be wearing this very hoodie with Landon’s number and name on the back, same with Madison and Alexa too. I’ll never go to another prom or a homecoming. This is our year that we rule the school, after this I don’t fool myself into thinking that everything will remain the same. Friends will go off in various directions to college and those who we thought we’d stay in touch with forever will slowly fade away, just like the light of each day as it fades into the darkness of the night. It’s a very melancholy moment I’m having right now before this pep rally. I seriously need to put my own game face on so Landon doesn’t think anything’s wrong.

  Madison bumps me with her shoulder shaking me from my thoughts, “Everything okay?”

  I look at my twin sister, she’s my complete opposite in so many ways but also the very same in others. “Yup, let’s go cheer our boys on.”

  She winks at me, “I’ll see you in a few.” Then she runs off towards the boy’s
locker room.

  Alexa grabs my arm and we walk into the gym. I push the anxiety away and concentrate on the here and now and not the unknown. We take our seats on the bottom row of the bleachers center court. It’s loud; everyone is excited and dressed in navy and white, our school colors.

  The cheerleaders, dressed in their short navy and white skirts along with their matching long sleeve tops with Canby written across their torsos, come running, flipping and shaking their pom-poms into the middle of court. The girls are all jumping around as the Cougar, our mascot, comes flipping end over end until he’s center court right in the middle of the cheerleaders. The crowd goes crazy and starts chanting, Cougars, Cougars, Cougars.

  Madison runs into the gym cheering as she takes a seat next to me and Alexa. Alexa and Madison start screaming at the top of their lungs, stomping their feet and clapping their hands. The cheerleaders run over to the door leading to the boys’ locker rooms and form two lines, ten girls on each side.

  Alexa and Madison both grab one of my hands linking our fingers together as the lights dim low, “Welcome Back” by Mase starts bumping from the speakers. The freshmen are the first to walk out, followed by JV and then, last but not least, Varsity. All the Varsity players have come out except the trio, who always make a special appearance.

  I squeeze Madison and Alexa’s hands knowing that any second Steven will be walking out for the last and final time. The crowd quiets down just a bit before Steven comes jogging out and everyone starts screaming at the top of their lungs for him. Steven gets grouped up into the huddle of his teammates but not before he stops and points to Alexa.

  “I love you, baby!” Alexa yells, although I’m sure he can’t hear with the noise.

  The crowd settles down and we wait, and we wait some more, for Landon. Finally, he jogs out and everyone, including myself this time, screams for him. Just like Steven, he stops before he reaches his teammates and his eyes meet with mine. His piercing blue eyes steal my breath away. He mouths the words I love you and I swear all our classmates sigh. My cheeks flush and normally I would feel really uncomfortable and squirm in my seat from the attention, but not today. Today is a day that will be one of those memories we won’t soon forget.