by Rebecca King
Connor, however, was already doomed.
Tahlia lay on the bed and stared at the ceiling while she contemplated the day’s events. She was exhausted, but suspected that the day wasn’t over yet. She couldn’t settle her mind to anything, largely because the men were getting ready to leave to search Mr Tate’s house. She had no idea how long they would be gone, but suspected she wouldn’t be able to sleep until Connor was back in the house where it was safe. How he could even contemplate going back there after what had happened today was beyond her. Wild horses couldn’t get her to do it, but he was determined and had agreed to allow Barnaby and Isaac to go with him.
Her solitude was interrupted by a knock on the door. Before she could call out, Connor opened the door and peered into the room. As soon as she saw him she knew her decision was made for her and sat up as he crossed the room.
“How are you?” he asked gently as he sat beside her.
“Connor, there is something I need to tell you,” she began, struggling to find the right words to say. Everything she ran through in her mind just didn’t seem right.
She wanted to get up and pace but she didn’t think she was able to stand up without being sick. Everything within her shook. While she didn’t want to tell him about Joseph, she knew that she had to, for Joseph’s sake if nothing else.
“What is it?” Connor sensed her nervousness, and waited patiently.
He knew that to push right now might stop her from confiding in him. If he was honest, he was pleased that she wanted to tell him things. It meant that he hadn’t completely ruined the trust between them after all. Getting her to talk to him was the first step in their new relationship.
“It is about what happened between us before,” she began cautiously. “More went on than you realise.”
“I spoke with your uncle last year, Tahlia,” Connor began.
“What did he tell you?” she whispered weakly suspecting it wasn’t what she was about to tell him.
“That you had moved to Rutland and wouldn’t be back,” he replied honestly. “He said you were happy, and that it would be best to leave you alone. He said that the circles you moved in before you left London had closed their doors on you. Not only that, but they scorned and ridiculed you to the point that remaining here became impossible. He also lost friends and connections as a result of what happened.”
Tahlia nodded. “I didn’t mind leaving London. I didn’t like the place much anyway.”
Connor offered her a smile. “You still didn’t deserve what happened, Tahlia. I am well aware that people who deride others often have a lot to hide themselves. They savaged you, and need to be treated with the contempt they deserve. Why, if you wish to keep this house then you should do so regardless of what anyone else thinks.”
“I can’t keep this house. It has never really felt like home, and never will do. Rutland is my home now, and needs to remain that way. There is not just myself to consider now, you see?”
“No, I don’t see,” Connor replied honestly, silently willing her to stop prevaricating and tell him. “Is it this Joseph fellow?”
“He isn’t a fellow,” Tahlia said softly. “He is our son.”
Connor’s gaze flew to hers. Their eyes met and held. He saw nothing but honesty reflected back at him. The world ground to a halt, and faded into insignificance as her words swept through him. His mind whirled as he tried to absorb what she said, but his mind went completely blank.
Tahlia, the room, indeed the entire world suddenly swirled on its axis.
“What did you say?” he commanded woodenly.
“Joseph is our son. Before I left London I began to feel unwell, but put it down to the stress of everyone closing their doors on us. It wasn’t until I reached Rutland, and was in the process of reopening the house that I realised what was wrong. By then it was too late to come back.” She reluctantly met his gaze and held her palms out beseechingly. “I had no idea where you had gone or when you would be back. I wrote to Henry and informed him. He suggested that I remain in Rutland but promised me that if you ever re-appeared, which he doubted, he would inform you. I take it that he didn’t?”
Connor wanted to be angry with Henry, but understood the man’s need to protect his niece and her child, especially from someone who had simply abandoned her.
“It was an impossible situation,” she added when Connor didn’t move or speak for several uncomfortable moments.
“Where is he now?” Connor’s gaze flew around the room as though expecting him to be hiding behind the chaise.
“He is too young to travel all the way here. He is a bundle of energy, and refuses to sit still at any given moment. To remain confined in a carriage would make him completely insufferable. He is being looked after by Oscar’s wife, Alice, my housekeeper. Given what has happened today, I need you to understand just how important it is that at least one of us has to be able to reach Rutland alive. Joseph needs looking after.”
“When you go back, I am coming with you,” Connor declared flatly as though he expected her to argue.
Tahlia couldn’t object and nodded, however was deeply troubled by just how quiet he had gone.
“I warn you now that Joseph will jump all over you the first chance he gets,” she admitted wryly. “He has the adoring attention of the four of us, because Cecily looks after him as well as Oscar and myself. He is ruined, really, and will think nothing of clambering over anyone who sits down long enough.”
Connor stared blankly at the carpet. One thing he knew for definite was that life as he knew it was over. He had already sacrificed enough while working for the Star Elite. Nothing was going to cost him either the woman beside him, or his son. He suddenly wanted to see his son so badly that he positively ached with the need to get onto his horse and get going.
“I shouldn’t have kept it from you,” she whispered apologetically. She couldn’t bring herself to look at him.
“You did what you had to do,” Connor replied. Aware of her tension, he placed his hand comfortingly over her tightly clenched fists. “I want to rant at you, but in all conscience I cannot. I was responsible for the way things turned out between us not you. I now bitterly regret not leaving you some way of contacting me.”
“Please, let’s not go over all of that again,” she interrupted. “We need to put it to one side. We cannot change what has happened. In the event, life for me turned out for the best. Moving to Rutland proved to be my saving grace. I cannot blame you for Joseph. I was as culpable as you.”
Connor found the strength to snap out of his daze and turned to face her.
“Let’s start afresh then,” he suggested.
Tahlia nodded. It was impossible to prevent the tears from leaking out of the corner of her eyes. She couldn’t resist him when he drew her into his arms. Instead, she leaned against him and returned his embrace. They remained locked in silence, wrapped protectively in each other’s arms for a long time while they each put the past to rest, and considered what to do next.
“I never once forgot you,” he murmured gently. “How could I? While my work requires strength, stamina, and sometimes the willingness to put my life in danger, I had none of those things when I was faced with having to deal with you. I couldn’t tell you that I had to go because I didn’t know while I was with you. As soon as I found out I contemplated coming to see you before I left, but if you had protested, or become upset, I doubted I would have the strength to leave. I wanted to be there for you, but I couldn’t risk the people I was watching seeing me. It wouldn’t have been just me they killed; my colleagues would have died too. I couldn’t risk it. I know that what I did back then was cowardly. In my defence, my life has always been immersed in the Star Elite. Outside of that I had nothing to offer anybody like you. Because you were so damned irresistible, it was impossible to keep my hands off you. I had no resistance to your charms.” He leaned back to look at her. “I was only supposed to have one or two dances with you while I watched my targets. As soo
n as we had our first waltz, I was completely lost. It shames me to confess it, but I was so bedazzled by you that the person I was supposed to be watching left and I didn’t even notice.”
Tahlia felt her cheeks flame with embarrassment, and felt her lips quirk in spite of the pain that came with the memories.
He refused to allow her to hide from him, or their memories of what they had shared and tipped her chin up until she looked at him.
“It’s still there,” he whispered huskily. “My desire for you is as strong as ever.”
Before she could speak, Connor kissed her in a way that left her with no doubt as to his need of her. The kiss swiftly became heated as passion roared to life. It quickly became a battle of wills where he commanded, she challenged, and they both succumbed to the flames that quickly overtook them.
“God, Tahlia,” he murmured. “You amaze me.”
“I do?” she asked tentatively.
“What does he look like?” he whispered.
Tahlia melted at the pride that shone in Connor’s eyes when he mentioned Joseph.
“Like you,” she replied honestly.
If she was honest with herself, Joseph was part of the reason why her love for Connor could never die. Every time she looked at their son she saw his father in him.
“I want to see him,” Connor murmured gently. It humbled him to say the words, but he meant every syllable. “I want to see my son.”
Tahlia nodded. “We need to stay safe; both of us, Connor. Joseph needs us to provide him with a happy home.”
He wholeheartedly agreed with her.
“In light of this, my colleagues must be told about Joseph, Tahlia. They won’t ask me to take on tasks that put my life in danger once they know.”
Tahlia nodded. If that was what Connor wanted then she couldn’t object.
“You are free to inform whomever you choose.” She hesitated and frowned at his shirt.
“What is it?” he prompted, willing her to confide in him.
“Joseph must stay with me. He is my son. Don’t-,” she struggled to find the words.
Connor knew then what worried her, and reassured her with a very thorough kiss.
“My son stays in the house he calls home. I am going to see him, not the other way around,” he assured her.
“If you are sure you will be allowed some time away from the investigation,” she replied hesitantly.
“I think my boss will understand,” Connor assured her.
Tahlia looked sceptical. “This is the War Office, though. Are you sure they will understand?”
“They are still people,” he said.
If Barnaby did object, Connor would quit right there and then. Nobody was going to stop him going to Rutland with Tahlia now. Not even the Star Elite.
“How did you come to know about the Star Elite anyway?” she asked curiously.
“I used to be in the army.” He coughed and shifted uncomfortably, as though this was the last confession he wanted to make. “However, while I was fighting I was injured and sent back to England to recuperate. While I was recovering at my barracks, I was seconded to a special task force at the War Office to work undercover. At first, we protected England’s borders from smugglers and the like. Now that the war is over we have turned our attention to more domestic matters like the spate of jewel thefts.”
“I read about the theft the other day from that house not far from here,” Tahlia whispered.
“It is what the Star Elite are working on at the moment. Unfortunately, our work often requires many weeks undercover, mostly in disguise. Given that we investigate some of the very worst criminal masterminds the country has ever seen, it is incredibly dangerous work. We are currently investigating Terrence Sayers. He is an East End gangster who started out in life as a pick-pocket, but worked his way up through the ranks. He has accumulated his own gang of pick-pockets, but has become incredibly ruthless. As he has grown older he has branched out into practically every kind of crime possible. If there is a crime to be committed, you can bet that Terrence Sayers has either done it himself, or has links to someone who did. He has built himself quite an empire from the dregs of society, and they dabble in everything from drugs, prostitution, and protection rackets, to pick-pocketing, thieving and blackmail. We think he is responsible for the recent burglaries.”
“Why, though?” Tahlia murmured.
“I am not suggesting that Sayers is the burglar,” Connor hastened to add. “We think that it is someone he is connected to. They may be stealing for Sayers. You need to understand that Sayers’ group work on a class system. If you have a rather questionable skill that Sayers can make use of you are higher up his network of people than a mere pick-pocket. If you don’t have a skill then you are most probably one of his victims.”
“Good Lord,” Tahlia whispered. “What would this have with the Gem Society?”
“I have to tell you, Tahlia that I have never heard of such a group. I cannot see the man we met being chairman of any group of aristocrats, can you?”
Tahlia snorted. “Not with manners as poor as his. He was too wary and watchful.”
“So I need to go and find out what he is up to.”
“Just stay safe,” she pleaded.
Connor was deeply touched, and thrilled that she cared about him to worry so much and drew her closer for another kiss.
“I am sorry I have not been there for either of you thus far. It is a situation I plan to remedy from now on,” he murmured when he had pushed his control as far as it could go.
“You don’t have to,” she replied.
She wanted to ask him what his plans were, but it seemed presumptuous given he had been back in her life for less than a day.
“I do,” Connor retorted flatly. “You and Joseph are the most important people in my life.”
Tahlia studied him. “But we are not very well acquainted. Not really. I mean, there is so much to learn about each other.”
Connor looked at her sharply. “I am the man you were intimate with three years ago. That was – is – me. I have not changed much. I just didn’t tell you about my work. I accept that our acquaintance was short, and we didn’t meet in the best of circumstances. Three months is not much of a courtship after all, but I held nothing back from you about the man I am.”
“Apart from the fact that you work for the War Office.”
Connor winced self-deprecatingly. “Alright, and the fact that I was working undercover supposedly keeping watch over someone who was smuggling French spies.”
“And that,” Tahlia coughed around a smile.
“Other than that, we are well acquainted,” he whispered.
“I have changed, Connor. My life has forced me to grow up a lot, and not be so naive anymore.”
He understood that. In the past he had shied away from taking on the responsibilities most men his age were expected to accept. Taking care of someone else was something he hadn’t even considered with any seriousness. Now, having missed her terribly, and doubted the wisdom of his actions for so long, he knew he was missing out. Tahlia was so fundamentally vital to his existence that his life had no purpose without her in it. Not even his work for the Star Elite gave him any satisfaction of a job well done. His life was empty; it was as simple as that.
Now, in a matter of just a few short minutes, his life was full to bursting and he felt extremely happy about it.
“I need to change my work so I am not sent out on undercover assignments anymore which are likely to take me away from home for several months at a time. We have recently had a new batch of men join us because we are expanding our operation into the counties. I can join one of the smaller, more rural groups working within Leicestershire, Nottinghamshire or Derbyshire. Although I will still work on dangerous jobs; we are capturing criminals after all, my work won’t be as reckless as some of the larger, and more sinister assignments.”
“Like your investigation into this Terrence Sayers?”
“Ye
s, like our investigation into Terrence Sayers,” he whispered.
“You would change your work for us?”
“I would change my life for you, Tahlia,” Connor sighed. “I mean that. It is why I haven’t taken my leave of you when you tried to force me to leave earlier.”
Tahlia smiled and ducked her head.
“I was rather rude, wasn’t I?” she admitted ruefully.
“Not really. It has been a rather trying day, though, hasn’t it?” Connor wanted nothing more than to kiss her again, but knew that if he did he knew he wouldn’t leave.
The temptation hovered there anyway, and he was in the process of attempting to do that when a low whistle broke the silence.
“Who is that?” Tahlia asked him with wide, haunted eyes.
Connor hastened to reassure her. “It is Barnaby. He is telling me it is time to leave.”
The reluctance that hovered over him as he made his way to the door was palpable. He captured her hand and tugged her with him as he made his way to the door. Turning toward her, he upped her face in his palms and placed a tender kiss on her smiling lips.
“Stay safe,” she whispered.
“I will be back as soon as I can,” he promised.
The words ‘I love you’ hovered on his lips. He hesitated but, when he opened his mouth another low whistle interrupted them. He knew that now was not the time. If she had any doubts, or fears, he couldn’t stay long enough to comfort her or discuss them.
He knew from painful experience just how much leaving her cost him, and he couldn’t go through that again. Gently, he placed one final kiss on her lips and left the room.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
An hour later, Connor studied the back of Mr Tate’s house and wished he was back in the bedroom with Tahlia.
The house before him was dark and unwelcoming. He, Barnaby, and Isaac, crept quietly through the garden gate, studying their surroundings as they went. The un-shuttered windows of the house were empty and devoid of life, signalling that they were unlikely to find anybody at home. Nobody spoke as they approached the window to the left of the back door. Seconds later, they all climbed all climbed inside and closed the window behind them.