“Why did you ask me to marry you?” I asked angrily.
“Because at the time I did want to marry you. I wasn’t planning on meeting Emma, but when I did and she got pregnant, I realized I had a second chance.”
“A second chance. You had a second chance. What about my second chance, Noah? You took that away from me,” I said, pointing at him.
“You made the final choice, Phoenix. I couldn’t make you do anything you didn’t want to do yourself,” he retorted.
I jumped up from my knees and lunged for him. I punched, scratched, and even bit into Noah’s flesh. I didn’t know what else to do. Any way I could get this anger out of me, I was willing to do it. I knew if I had a gun in my hands, I would have shot him dead without even blinking an eye.
That man hurt me more than anyone knew. As far as my sisters knew, Noah called off the wedding and moved away for his job. They knew nothing about this other woman who was pregnant with his child, and they didn’t know about me having an abortion and not being able to have children of my own. I played the role, acting like I never wanted kids, but if they only knew the truth. I did want children. I wanted at least three, and I thought those children would be by Noah. That’s what I got for having faith in a man. I should have known from my own father’s past that men couldn’t be trusted.
Every day of my life I felt like I was being punished for taking a life. This was God’s punishment for me not going with the order of things and interfering with what God set forth for me. But Noah got to go on with life, with a new woman and a baby who should have been ours. Was I bitter? Hell yes. Was I hurt? More than you could ever imagine.
So now I was the scornful Phoenix who used men like Noah used me. He left me with a vehicle and some money, but that was nothing compared to the scar he left on my heart and my womb. Ever since he did that to me, I promised myself I would never love another man again.
Chapter 30
Dawn
I wished I could say I regretted not going to the dinner tonight with my sisters, but I didn’t. Not after how they treated me the last time we were together. Vivian had been the only one who reached out to me. In the beginning she was annoying the hell out of me, but the more she called and talked with me, the more I came around. I knew she loved me, but it was difficult to see this when I was still trying to get over how I ever came to exist.
I know that sounds crazy when they had nothing to do with our dad and my mom coming together to create me; still, I felt like our dad chose them over me. It took my mother taking her life for any of them to have anything to do with me. I knew I should be grateful, but at the same time, I felt like the charity case they were forced to take on, and hearing Shauna say I wasn’t created in love hurt me to the core, because it was already a residual feeling I had about myself.
Shauna laying everything out on the table made me have to relive the moment I came home to find my mother dead. She decided to eat the end of a pistol. Just like any other day when I was eight years old, I got off the bus and let myself in the house with the key my mom put on a long necklace for me to keep around my neck. I always kept it hidden under my clothes so no one would see it. I let myself in the house like I always did. I knew when I got home, I was supposed to take my school clothes off first and change into my around-the-house clothes. Then I would go to the living room couch to do my homework. Mama told me to do it at the kitchen table, but I figured what she didn’t know wouldn’t hurt her, especially since I was getting my homework done anyway. Once my homework was done, I would get a snack, which usually consisted of some fruit and chips, and then I would relax back on the couch until Mama got home to fix dinner.
But this day was different. None of those things would happen, because on a Thursday afternoon twenty years ago, I found my mother’s car still in the driveway. This time when I walked into the house, I called out to her, but she didn’t answer. Entering the living room, I proceeded to go to the kitchen, thinking maybe she was there getting ready to prepare dinner. But she wasn’t. I called out to her again, and still there was nothing.
I walked down the hallway to see Mama’s bedroom door closed. Usually this meant she had somebody in there with her, but there was not another car outside indicating she had company. I knocked on the door gently. Nothing. I called out to her again and still nothing. I knocked harder the next time, hoping she would hear me this time, but still nothing. I was starting to get scared. This was not like my mother.
I remember putting my little hand on the knob and turning it. The door wasn’t locked. What I saw next would change the person I was originally supposed to be. There, lying on her back, propped up on pillows, was my mother. It looked as though she was sleeping peacefully, but the blood spewing from her mouth and brain matter splattered on the wall behind her let me know my mother was not sleeping. She was gone.
I remember standing there staring at her for the longest. I don’t know how long I stood there looking at my mother’s lifeless body, the color red being singed into my consciousness to the point that for years the color made me cringe.
To this day I don’t remember calling the paramedics. All I remember is the police arriving and trying to get me to leave the room where my mother’s body was. They pronounced her dead at the scene. It didn’t take a rocket scientist to see that. Even if my mother had been alive after such a wound, there was no way she would be normal, so death had to be the better of the two options. The option that should have been chosen was her wanting to live for me.
The social services worker showed up to take me into custody, and it was then when they asked me who my father was. I told them Edward Johnson. From the day he came to get me, things would always be weird and uncomfortable for me. In a matter of days, I went from having a mother who I thought loved me to living with my real father, a stepmother, and five half sisters. My dad and his wife welcomed me, along with Vivian and Renee, but it took Phoenix, Shauna, and Serena a bit longer to accept that I was going to be a part of their family. Eventually they did come around, or so I thought.
I thought they got past what happened, but I guessed if I couldn’t, how could I expect them to? I knew they loved me, but I also knew I would never have a close sister-bond like the five of them had. And losing Renee like we did didn’t help matters when it came to our relationship.
When I got home after running a quick errand, it was close to eight-thirty. I knew Corey wanted the lights, camera, action to go down around nine, so that only left me thirty minutes to get myself together.
“Honey, I’m home,” I yelled.
“I’m in the kitchen getting a bottle of wine. Go get ready and I’ll be right up,” Corey yelled back.
When I walked in my bedroom, it was dimly lit with candles all around the room. Corey took it upon himself to change the black satin comforter to a champagne-colored one, which he must have purchased that day. I loved it.
I scurried into our master bathroom and took a quick shower. Once out, I dried off and wrapped the towel around me to get my hair looking good, which didn’t take much since I had just had it done two days ago. I went into my walk-in closet and opened a drawer, pulling out a pink lingerie set. It was lace, and I liked the way you could see my nipples through the mesh material. Slipping it on, I oiled my body down and sprayed on some Victoria’s Secret body spray to enhance the senses. Now I was ready.
Corey was lying down on top of the shimmery fabric with his hand behind his head, leaning against the headboard when I walked back into our bedroom. All he had on was a pair of red boxer briefs.
“Nice, baby. I like what you did,” I told him, slowly making my way to him, trying my best to look sexy.
“I hoped you would,” he said. “I figured our bodies would illuminate off this shiny material. You know, putting more of a spotlight on our love.”
“Well, you did a good job picking it out. Too bad we are about to get it dirty,” I said seductively.
“I’m ready to get it dirty,” he said with his eyes stretched. The cl
oser I got, the more I could see the hardness of his dick.
“Ready or not, here I come,” I told him, crawling over to him and kissing him on the lips.
“Ummm. You are going to make me get all up in you without our viewing audience.”
“It’s not like we can’t do a second take,” I teased.
Corey kissed me again before sitting up to get off the bed. He went over to the camera and turned it on. Once the light was on, he came back over and resumed his position next to me.
“We are back, people, to give you what you love to watch, which is us,” Corey said. “We appreciate your support and hope you enjoy the show.”
If you haven’t figured it out, Corey and I did amateur porn. Don’t judge. It’s a job, and one that paid well enough for me to quit my job. The more we performed, the more money we made. The kinkier we were, the more supporters paid to watch us. I had the looks, I had the body, and I was doing it with the man I loved in the confines of our bedroom. What could be better?
I have to admit at first I was against this. The day Corey came up with this idea made me furious. I wasn’t a whore or a porn star. The thought of it made me feel grimy, but Corey convinced me to try it one time. With hesitation, I did it, and when I saw the money we made from that one act of love, I was sold.
Corey leaned over and began to kiss me deeply as his hands explored my body. “Damn, baby, you got me so hard,” Corey said.
“You haven’t seen anything yet,” I told him, getting up from beside him and standing up on our bed. I began to dance seductively, swaying my hips and rubbing on my breasts as I looked at Corey lovingly.
“Do that shit,” he said.
I smiled and began to slowly remove my lacey garment. I popped out one breast at a time, licking each nipple once it became exposed.
“Do you like this?” I asked him.
“Oh, yeah, baby, I like that,” Corey moaned.
I caressed and squeezed my breast and slowly moved one of my hands downward until it was tucked between my thighs. I leaned my head back as I began to finger myself while Corey watched, slowly stroking himself.
“Yes, baby, plunge those fingers deep inside your sweetness,” he said.
I enjoyed the pleasure I was giving myself. I dipped in and out of my hub until my hands were sopping wet with my juices. It wasn’t long before I was exploding all over my fingers. My legs trembled as my body erupted into a bliss that made me drop to me knees on the bed before him. Corey was still stroking his erect dick but hadn’t climaxed himself. I knew he wouldn’t, because he always loved to climax on me.
“I want to blindfold you,” Corey told me. As good as I was feeling right now, I didn’t care. I nodded, easily submitting to whatever he wanted me to do. He laid me down on my back. He leaned over and placed the blindfold over my eyes.
“Can you see me?” he asked.
“No, I can’t,” I said, feeling the wind from Corey’s hand moving back and forth to check, but I really couldn’t see him.
“Get ready, baby,” he told me.
I felt his warm hands touch my body. It sent immediate quivers all over me. His hands moved beneath the lace material to enter my folds, and he proceeded to please my center once more. His hands sent me to new levels of ecstasy. I bucked and grinded with each stroke of his large fingers. The closer I got to releasing, the more I bucked and grinded on his hand, until I released my warm juices all over him.
Corey lifted my legs. I tried to regain my composure, but he was eager to make me feel even better. He positioned himself between my thighs. I was on my back in the L position, legs straight up in the air, with Corey’s manhood tapping at the outer core of my bull’s-eye. With the beating of his manhood hitting my pleasure spot, I jumped with each knock of his hard wood. I wanted to remove my blindfold, but there was something more sensual about not being able to see what was going to happen next. My sense of touch was elevated by the loss of sight.
Corey’s tip opened me slowly, and he pushed his way deep inside me. Like always, the first thrust was breathtaking. My feet curled around his neck as he penetrated me deeper than ever before. He held my legs and pounded his way to the finish line.
Moments later, a new position would happen as Corey turned me over and wanted to get deep inside me from the back. He gripped my hips and pulled me into his force as the finish line he was trying to get close to was fast approaching with each eager stroke of his manhood. This felt so good. My moans let him know I enjoyed what he was doing to my body. The closer he got, the harder he pounded and the more I screamed with delight. And the more I screamed, the more money was increasing in our account.
Corey whipped his manhood out of me and slid his thickness between the crevices of my butt cheeks, shooting his ooh-wee goodness all over my behind. I collapsed downward with my behind still in the air. Corey slowly removed himself off of me, and I fell down completely, waiting for him to bring me something to clean myself up with.
After he cleaned me up, I turned to my back. I had to take a minute before removing my blindfold, but once I did, I wished I had left it on.
Chapter 31
Dawn
I was in shock. Utter shock. With mouth open, I was looking at Corey sitting in the chair, which had been moved beside the bed. He was sitting in it, with some woman on her knees, butt-ass naked, giving him a blow job. Corey reached out, wanting me to hold his hand, but I couldn’t take my eyes off this woman who was slurping on my soon-to-be husband’s manhood like her life depended on it, while he was looking at me with a damn smile plastered on his face. What in the hell was there to smile about?
And then it hit me. If he was getting his manhood sucked by her, then who in the hell was fucking me? I looked around the room and didn’t see anybody. Was there some invisible man? Or had Corey done me and then sat down quickly to finish getting his babies drunk by this nasty-ass heifer savoring his flavor? And that’s when I heard the toilet flush. I looked toward the bathroom doorway and wondered who in the hell was in there. I knew we didn’t have one of those toilets that flushed on their own, which meant someone else was here. As much as I wanted it to be this imaginary apparition, I knew it wasn’t.
I watched the door intensely to see who would cross over into what used to be a love den meant for only me and Corey. I took a second to see the woman still lapping her way to pleasing Corey as his damn head leaned back like his ass was enjoying it.
This was in our home, where only the two of us were supposed to indulge in one another. This wasn’t okay with me at all. Corey had brought up the idea of bringing other people into our bedroom, but I was against it. He’d already taken me out of my comfort zone by doing this Internet porn. Bringing others into our bedroom was a definite no, and I had told him this, but here he was choosing for me. I felt dirty, like someone had taken advantage of me. I had to wonder how I had not known it was someone else doing me. Or did I know and was too caught up in the moment to care?
A voice snapped me out of my thoughts, causing me to look in the direction the sound came from. Standing in the doorway of my bathroom was this Adonis of a man with dark chocolate skin and neatly trimmed goatee, which connected to a close cut faded to perfection. His muscles rippled from every part of his body, which had this sheen that made him glow. He was fine as hell. The brother walked closer to my bed. I didn’t know whether to look at his gorgeous face or his massive manhood swinging and tapping his leg when he approached. Is that what was inside me? I thought. Corey’s manhood—or what I had thought was Corey’s manhood—felt bigger, but damn, this man right here was nothing but the truth. He had to be taking it easy on me from the looks of his extension.
I looked at Corey, who sat up to attention now. He was looking at me, still with that whack-ass grin on his face, all the while homegirl was still lapping him up. Damn, what type of jaw power did she have to be sucking on his manhood this damn long? I pulled the pillow around me as if to hide my nakedness from this stranger who had just rocked my worl
d. He’d already seen what I had to offer and sampled it very well, but now that I knew it was someone else having sex with me, it was so different.
I was angry, and yet I was oddly attracted to the man who stood before me. I could not deny that he turned me on. He looked better than Corey hands down. And from the looks of his body, he took very good care of himself. Then my eyes fell to his inches again. He was lengthier and had more girth than Corey. The more I examined this stranger, the more I loved the idea that it was him I’d had inside me. But I couldn’t let it go down like this, not after Corey tricked me into doing this.
I turned to say something, but homegirl finally came up for air. Corey gripped her by the arm to help her stand to her feet. She, too, was very attractive. I could see what Corey saw in her. Where my hair was long, hers was cut into a cool Mohawk, colored blond, and the style fit her face well. She smiled at me like we were friends, but I didn’t return the gesture. I was too busy taking in how beautiful she was. The woman didn’t have one blemish on her olive-tinted body. Looking at her did spark some jealously within me. She couldn’t have been more than 130 pounds with her stomach flat, nice-sized breasts, a tight ass, and flawless appeal.
Corey mouthed, “The cameras are still rolling. Big money, honey.”
I guessed he said this to keep me from going off in front of hundreds, or even thousands, who could be watching us right now. Honestly, I forgot we were taping when I realized two other individuals were in our bedroom.
This female leaned down, bending over to the camera and me, and began to tongue Corey down right there in front of me. It was then I noticed that she had her tongue pierced. I guessed that was something used to assist in pleasing men. He was stroking his dick while kissing her, like he needed any help at all getting up. She must have felt the movement of him doing this, because her hand joined his. I wanted to scream.
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