He chuckled again. “Not telling. But I got nicer ones. They’re soft and comfy on the inside and hard as steel on the outside.”
She was so blissfully muzzy that she only snuggled her head into her pillow and said, “Mmmmm.”
“Anyway.” Brendan’s voice was soothing. “I’m glad you and Ian are having fun.”
“Me too.” She was starting to giggle again. She felt so heavy and relaxed. “And I see what you did there, Brendan. I see right through you. You didn't answer my question. You didn’t tell me if you liked the girl.”
“I like everybody, sweetness.”
“Yeah. That. Sonia doesn't like you because of that. Or no, wait, she doesn't like you because everybody else likes you. I think it’s both. And she’s kind of like your handcuffs, ‘cause she’s soft on the inside and hard on the outside. She’s bossy like you, too.”
“Your roommate?” Brendan sounded a little less dreamy. “Why are we talking about her? You want to kill my buzz, Di?”
“Nooo. Never. I just want you to be happy all the time, the way you want everyone to be happy.”
“That's sweet.” His voice relaxed. “You're a really sweet girl. The sweetest.”
“I mean it.” She stretched in bed. Her head rolled against the pillow, everything moving slow in such a pleasant way. “I like you like that. You make me happy. Sooooo happy.” It seemed very important that Brendan know that. “The way you let your voice pour over me like warm honey...mmmmm…and you can pet me everywhere and make me feel good…and be here in my nice warm bed with me, because Brendan makes everything better… Miss you, Brendan…”
Oh. Oh God? A tiny, wakeful part of her told her to stop talking.
There was a long silence. Very long. A few seconds, or maybe a few years.
“Di, take it easy tonight, okay?” Brendan said finally, sounding a lot more sober. “Drink some water. Get some rest. Let your roommate take care of you. I’ll tell Ian you called. Sleep tight.”
Another pause. Then he hung up.
Shit, shit, shit. Diana stared at the phone in her hand. Then she turned it off and shoved it under her pillow, rubbing her throbbing forehead into the plump down.
She wanted Sonia to come back. She wanted to tell someone about those head-spinning two weeks with the twins, even if that someone would declare her certifiably insane. She wanted Ian’s firm body crowding her in bed, taking up the mattress, his leg wedged between her thighs while he quenched her desire with hot kisses and a slow grind against her clit.
And oh God, she wanted Brendan there, naked against her back, his hands roaming all over her, and she’d be the one whispering reassurances now. Whispering that everything would be fine between the twins, nothing could separate them, definitely not her and she didn’t want to.
Maybe that was how it had to be and there was no other way, but did it have to hurt?
Her hand drifted down her collarbone to cup one full breast. Sprawling on the sheets, she let her eyes close. She felt Ian’s hands and mouth, squeezing her lush curves hungrily, taking her everywhere, as she cuddled against Brendan and he kissed her cheek.
All too soon, those kisses trailed down her neck. She arched her back, exposing her throat, and God, she had one hand in Ian’s hair, pulling him closer, and the other hand exploring Brendan’s muscled arm as he began to caress her breast, and the three of them were whispering. Laughing together. Ian was teasing her about how much she was moaning, and Brendan was rolling her nipple between assured fingers to make her moan louder.
As two hands eased her thighs apart, spreading her open to two very different kinds of touch, the twins shared a look above her head. It lasted only a second, but it said more than a night of talking.
“Please…” she whispered. She sat up, reached for the top drawer in her dresser, and felt around the piles of panties and bras for the vibrator Ian had sent. Curling up in bed again, she eased it in, just barely.
Oooh…it really was enormous. Did Ian think she’d actually try to use it? Or was it just a joke? Right now, it didn’t matter. She needed to be filled so badly.
“Everything’s okay, right?” she whispered into the still air.
Oh Jesus, Brendan was taking the vibrator from her and penetrating her slowly with the huge toy, one warm hand holding her thigh against the bed. Whispering calming words, telling her he knew she could take this dildo in her sweet cunt, because she’d come so far already.
As she opened to him, trusting his steady voice, fingers flicked her clit, sending twinges of sharp sweetness through her full pussy — Ian, his eyes narrow with lust.
“Promise me everything’s okay,” she insisted.
I promise, Di. Brendan smiled down at her, dimples flashing. He looked delightedly at her soaked folds, clutching the smooth rod that he slowly pumped into her, and his brother’s fingers pinching her clit.
Promise, baby. Ian held open her other thigh, crouched over her bare curves, naked and gorgeous, his face dark with lust. The dorm room blurred as her pussy convulsed again and again on the cylinder half-buried inside her. She groaned into her pillow, pleasure and longing rippling through her body until they diffused into a hazy glow. Everything’s gonna be okay. Better than okay. Everything’s fucking perfect.
Chapter Seventeen
The next morning, Diana went to breakfast alone, grateful she didn’t have to chat with anyone. Sonia was fast asleep, a silent lump under the covers in their room.
Had she really danced between two guys? And then Brendan on the phone... She stuffed French toast into her mouth, cradling her aching head. She needed to tell Ian everything.
But when she dialed, the call went straight to voicemail, every time.
Heaving her bag over her shoulder, she went straight from breakfast to the library. On the way, she passed Kate and Eleanor.
“Hey lady!” Eleanor called. “You were the life of the party until you disappeared last night.”
“You looked ready for a happy ending,” Kate added. “Did you get lucky? Are you still dating the basketball player?”
“I hope so,” Diana muttered, hefting her bag.
“What?”
“Yes,” she said firmly. “Yes, we’re still dating. Nothing happened last night.”
“There’s two of her boyfriend.” Kate elbowed Eleanor. “Remember the beginning of the year?”
“I try to never forget it.”
“No,” Diana broke in. “There’s one of him. And there’s one of his brother.”
“Same difference. Woman, you were hilariously thrashed. I didn’t know you had it in you.”
Diana pushed her glasses up her nose. “I guess we all need to cut loose sometimes.”
Worry tugged at her, connected to the silent phone in her purse. Maybe she should have spent last night in the fucking library, catching up on all the work she needed to do this weekend. But that would be hiding, wouldn’t it? Wasn’t she done hiding? What was she hiding from right now?
“Anyway, it’s fine,” she went on. “Sonia helped me get home.”
“Oh, shit. Hope you didn’t freeze where she touched you.”
“No. No, she was really great. And I’m fine. Eleanor, on the other hand… I saw you and those jello shots.”
Eleanor grinned weakly. “My head. It’s still here. That’s all that matters.” She and Kate blew kisses as they left.
*
The library was familiar, safe, and quiet. Right now, she desperately needed all three of those things. Diana settled into a third-story carrel, opened her book, and dove into studying. Finals were starting on Monday this week, and she saw more than one all-nighter in her future. She needed to crack down. She’d been so busy experiencing college life during the week, so wrapped up in Ian on the weekends, she’d almost forgotten how it felt to lose herself in books.
As her pen scratched paper, she waited to be totally absorbed in the subject. In high school, studying had structured her life, but it had also been her happy place. She
could get lost in words, numbers, facts, and ideas. Safe in her own world.
But in the carrel, her body and heart kept distracting her mind. Generations of Yalies had decorated the carrel with scrawls and pictures. Words crowded the wooden walls, shouting at her. And sex was everywhere.
My nipples ache to be touched, said the scribble directly in front of her, with a helpful illustration. Standing her book on end, she shoved it against the carrel to cover it.
An hour later, her notes were done. Sketchy, but done. She flipped open her laptop to start her paper. Her fingers tapped her keyboard in rhythm, sentences were building on her screen, and she was finding the groove.
That was when a buzz came from her purse.
“Hello?” she whispered, cradling her phone between her shoulder and ear. She wasn’t in the silent part of the library. As long as she kept her voice down and the conversation short, she’d be okay.
“Hey, sweetheart.” Ian’s voice was hoarse, cracked almost to nothing. It was sexy. It made her feel warm. It also made her worried.
“What happened? Your voice is gone.”
“Baby, it’s the sign of a really good, crazy night,” he whispered. “It’ll be back tomorrow. There’s nothing to worry about.”
“Yeah. About the whole crazy night thing.”
“By crazy, I mean enough alcohol to float a raft. But nothing else.”
“Okay.” She stood up and glanced across the row of carrels and the tables in the middle of the room. “I had a crazy night too.”
“Oh, really.” What was left of Ian’s voice changed its tone. “What juicy details do I get?”
“I went to a frat party with Kate and Eleanor. I was having fun, I got pretty drunk… And there I was.” She took a deep breath. “Dancing between two guys.”
Silence. “And?” Ian said finally.
“Nothing happened. I didn't want anything to happen. In my mind, it was you in front of me.” And Brendan behind her, which she wasn’t going to say. “I was remembering that night at the club, after graduation…” She trailed off. Ian didn’t fill in the pause. “When I figured out that it wasn’t you, I left. No big deal.”
“Christ. How much did you have to drink?”
“A few shots, more than usual. I just liked the thought of getting wild.”
“Why?”
“What do you mean, why?” she snapped. Her head throbbed. “I thought you liked that about me. You encouraged it from the start.”
“Yeah, when I’m with you.”
“Isn’t that what you did last night? Go wild, without me.”
“Diana…” Ian’s rasp made her want to wrap her arms around him and rewind the last twenty-four hours. “Going wild’s overrated. Way overrated.”
“Says the expert.”
“I am the expert.” Ian's voice sharpened, louder now. “And I'm telling you so you don't wake up somewhere you don't want to be, with no idea how you got there.”
She dropped onto her chair and closed her laptop.
“Look,” she said quietly. “I missed you. I left. Nothing happened. I didn’t want anything to happen. I went outside and lay down on the grass to take a nap, but then I called Sonia and she walked me back to the dorm and got me in bed.”
“Oh yeah? I’m buying Sonia flowers.”
“You never buy me flowers.”
“I bought you a vibe. Flowers die. Rechargeable vibes don’t.”
Diana laughed. The hint of a grin in Ian’s voice encouraged her to go on. “And, uh, I called you and got Brendan, who said you were passed out and snoring, and we got to talking.”
“Uh-huh.” Ian exhaled on the other end of the line. Now she heard the tease. “He told me all about that.” Ian's voice went high. “‘Brendan makes everything better. Help me, Daddy Brendan!’”
“I did not call Brendan daddy,” Diana hissed.
Heads turned in the library. She whipped around to face the wall, fanning her burning cheeks with her free hand.
“Oh really?” Ian's tone was all innocent surprise. “He told me you did.”
“Forget it,” Diana grumbled.
Ian obviously didn't think anything of her drunken Saturday night ramblings, and neither did Brendan. In the light of day, sober and facing a week of finals ahead, she was determined to forget it too.
Chapter Eighteen
Lines of water drizzled down the bus window. Diana leaned her forehead against the glass, letting her eyes slide closed as the rain-washed landscape streaked by.
On the seat next to her, in her tote bag, was a box of M & M cookies she’d baked in the dorm kitchen. The scents of butter, sugar, and melted chocolate filled the air, and it took all her self-control not to sneak one.
Nestled in the bag by the box of cookies was her entire collection of sex toys, wrapped up in a silky chemise she’d bought over Thanksgiving break while she was missing Ian. A book lay open on her lap.
It was Friday night, a week since she’d worn the red dress and called Sonia for a rescue. Since then, she’d survived her first finals at Yale. She’d pulled two all-nighters, gotten sick mid-week, staggered around campus in a pair of sweats she’d borrowed from Kate — for three days straight — that she never would have been caught dead in otherwise, and popped caffeine pills when she couldn’t face another cup of coffee.
Grades weren’t out yet for most classes. She had no idea if she’d scraped by or pulled As. And in this moment, she was too exhausted to give a shit. She was done with fall semester.
All the ingredients were coming together for a celebratory weekend: toys, lingerie, cookies, and Ian. But she was too worn out to feel like celebrating, and she didn’t know where she and Ian stood.
They’d talked between finals. It was exam week for him too, and he actually seemed to be studying. Diana had no idea how he was doing in any of his classes, and he wouldn’t tell her. She tried not to push for information. He was on the basketball team; that meant he’d gotten his grades up. Still, she worried.
And she’d been terrible on the phone. Thinking back on their conversations, she’d acted every inch the humorless ice princess. The stuck-up goody-two-shoes who never broke a rule. And this time, unlike high school, she’d known she was doing it.
She’d brushed Ian off when he said sweet things, ignored his jokes and silly comments, and refused to take the bait when he made suggestive cracks. She’d been aloof, even cold, while wondering underneath if she and Ian were okay. The times she did sleep, guilt woke her up.
When she tried to bring up their drunken nights apart, he laughed it off. She didn’t ask about Brendan.
Now she was done with finals, but the last thing she felt like doing was letting loose.
The bus pulled into the station. Ian was waiting, the hood up on his sweatshirt, when she disembarked.
She went straight into his arms. The hug felt good, and she let the rain fall on them, hoping it would wash her clean.
Ian let go and tipped her chin up for a kiss. His lips were warm, but when his tongue slipped into her mouth, she pulled back, self-conscious in front of all the people at the bus stop.
“Are you getting shy on me?” he teased.
“Maybe.” She straightened her glasses. He pulled the tote bag off her other shoulder to carry it. “Or just wet.”
“That’s more like it.” He grinned, pulling her to the Jeep.
“Ian,” she groaned. “Do you have to think about sex all the time?”
He stopped in front of the passenger door. When she saw his face, she wished she hadn’t said it. He quickly covered with a laugh.
“I’ve been asked that before. But never by you, bad girl.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Are you thinking about it enough for both of us? If you want to give me a break, I’ll take it.” He opened the door for her.
“I guess I’m the one on a break right now.” She settled into the passenger seat and gave him a remorseful look. “This has been the least sexy week of my l
ife. You should look inside my bag when you get in the car.”
Ian paused, one hand on the Jeep. Then he shrugged and closed the door. Swinging himself into the driver’s seat, he unzipped her tote bag.
“What’s this?” He tore into the box of cookies. “Are these for me?”
“Of course. Will you share?”
“Always.”
He offered one to her for a bite, then popped the rest in his mouth. The M & Ms were little puddles of chocolate. The heat was running in the Jeep, and Ian’s fingers were warm against her lips.
Dammit, she would relax if it killed her. Everything would be fine.
Ian handed her another cookie, took a second one for himself, and pulled out of the parking lot.
*
“Can we go to your room?” she murmured, as Ian twisted the key in the front door of the twins’ apartment. “I just want to be close to you—” She broke off as they walked into the living room. “Hey, Brendan.”
“Hey, cutie.” He smiled at her from where he was stretched out on the couch. The TV was turned on low. “‘Sup,” he added to his brother. Ian nodded.
“You’re not going out tonight?” Diana asked.
“Nah. I’m taking it easy after finals. Jeff and Steve already left for winter break. You guys have fun.”
Even with the dimples, it was an obvious dismissal. Brendan turned back to the TV, sipping his beer. Diana sighed, letting Ian pull her into his bedroom.
She dropped onto his bed. The flannel sheets were soothing. She wanted to wrap herself up in them and nap for a hundred hours.
Ian sat down next to her, pulling his shirt off, then his jeans. She sagged against him as he undressed her.
“Foxes shouldn’t wear other foxes,” he whispered, as he peeled off her fox-printed sweater.
“Funny,” she murmured. She just wanted to sleep.
Ian unbuttoned her corduroy skirt and worked it over her hips, unzipped her riding boots and took them off, pulled her tights away from her body. She let him unhook her bra and slide her panties down her legs as she dropped her glasses on his desk.
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