by Riley Knight
How scary could a nine-year-old be? In theory, not at all. In practice … well, he was standing at a front door, afraid to knock, because he was terrified that this kid wouldn’t like him.
So what if she didn’t?
It shouldn’t matter. Only it did. He wanted Mark to be in his life, even if he didn’t quite understand the feelings that he had for him. He had been able to tell that Mark was utterly devoted to his daughter, and for anything between them to work …
But what, exactly, was between them? Something new and exciting. Something terrifying, something more than friendship. That was about all that he knew.
Well, that and that he wanted more.
The meeting with the little girl had gone incredibly well, Scott was pretty sure of that. Mark had watched carefully as they’d geeked out about Pokémon, and Scott found himself quite enthralled with Mary Anne.
She was a cool person, which he probably should have expected, given who her father was.
All of which had led to him being alone with Mark in the other man’s bedroom, trying very hard not to look at the bed, or think about the things that they might do on it.
“Here, try these,” Mark said, pulling out a pair of trunks. Scott had to fight off a soft groan as he thought about the incredible intimacy of wearing Mark’s clothing. His cock stirred, and no matter how stern a talking-to he gave himself, he didn’t soften. Not even close.
Nor was Mark oblivious to it. Scott watched as those gray eyes darted down to the front of Scott’s pants and then a smirk formed on those impossibly gorgeous, lush, full lips.
“You’re hard,” Mark murmured, and he walked over and rubbed his hand over the obvious line that outlined Scott’s cock. “You’re so hard, baby.”
Baby. Why did Scott like that so much, anyway? It should have been enough to have him heading for the hills at top speed, but somehow, it didn’t. He just wanted more.
“Yeah,” Scott admitted, and it was true. His cock was so hard that it could cut diamonds. It thrust against his pants, demanding that he free it.
No one had ever made him as hard as Mark did, just by barely touching him. Those fingers teased him, tracing over the shaft of his cock, making him squirm as he arched toward the sensation.
They moved together, Mark still cupping Scott’s hardness, and their lips met. Scott let out a low groan into the kiss, and he reached for Mark. Maybe they had time to jerk each other off quickly …
“Dad! I’m ready!” Mary Anne’s voice was just slightly impatient, but it pulled Scott from the haze of eroticism before he could truly let himself even feel it fully. No, they didn’t have time, damn it. She was not going to let them have that time, and he couldn’t even get angry with her.
The poor kid just wanted to go to the beach.
“Later,” Scott said, looking right into Mark’s eyes. He might not know just why he was so drawn to Mark, but he did know that he needed him like no one else.
“That better be a promise,” Mark murmured, stepping closer to Scott. It was a blatant invitation and one that Scott found himself utterly unable to resist.
“It is,” he murmured and then kissed him with all of the heat, all of the passion, that Mark had roused within him.
They had to stop far, far before either of them wanted to.
* * *
The sun was bright overhead, the water perfectly cool in contrast to the heat of the day. The sand, of course, got everywhere, but as far as Scott was concerned, that was just all a part of the magic of going to the beach.
“I’ll race you to the water,” Scott said, grinning at Mary Anne and Mark. Mary Anne giggled and took off running at top speed, while Mark begged off and started to set up a place for them to sit and rest if they wanted to.
Scott smirked at the man. He was so fussy, in some ways, but that was fine. Scott was supposed to be getting to know Mary Anne, anyway.
Besides, it meant a lot to him that Mark would actually trust him with his daughter. He’d seen already how protective the man was of her.
“This is fun,” Mary Anne said, with that particular artless honesty that only children seemed to be able to get away with. “I don’t get to go to the beach much.”
Scott smiled a little, but his heart was touched. Poor girl. Mark did his best, but it was hard to raise a child on your own, wasn’t it? And Mark was clearly the protective type.
After a bit more playing and splashing with the child, Scott dragged himself out of the water to sit with Mark, who had one of the few patches of shade on the beach all ready for them. From where they were sitting, they could easily see Mary Anne playing, and keep a close eye on her.
“So … how did you feel?” Mark asked, looking at him thoughtfully.
“Good,” Scott said. “She’s cool.” He looked at Mark, anxiety threatening to overwhelm him. It would wreak havoc on him if he let it. “So, uh … I know that you were testing me. How did I do?”
“Oh, you passed with flying colors,” Mark said. “A-plus. And when it comes to Mary Anne, I don’t give those out too damn often.”
Scott couldn’t hold back the grin that burst onto his face, buoyed up by the happiness that bubbled through his whole body, making him feel effervescent and light. He hadn’t realized how much this man’s opinion had come to mean to him.
He didn’t even know why, either. Mark was someone that he had really only just met, and yet, something about him made Scott want Mark to think good things about him. To be impressed.
“Actually, there’s something that I wanted to talk to you about,” Scott said, and Mark smiled at him, a look of expectation suddenly in his eyes.
“Me too,” Mark admitted. “But you go first.”
“You’ve helped me out a lot,” Scott said, looking into Mark’s eyes. “I mean, you even let me hang out with your daughter, and you’ve been through the adoption process, right?”
Mark nodded, leaning a little bit toward Scott, which encouraged him. It really seemed like Mark was paying attention to what he was saying, which was good because he was so nervous.
“So I was wondering …” Scott took a deep breath, and then he just said it. Just let the words come out. “Would you be a reference for me when I adopt?”
Just like that, he’d made the commitment. Not just to himself, but to someone else, too. He was going to do this. Yes, it would doubtless be hard to do it on his own, but since when had Scott backed away from something just because it was hard?
The sense of joy that rippled through him in waves, the very rightness of the decision, made Scott grin even wider than before. Yes. He was going to adopt a kid. It was what he was missing in his life, something to give his life meaning. He’d been fighting off this urge for years, and now, finally, he was going to give into it.
It felt more than right. It felt perfect.
Mark’s face fell, and just like that, Scott could feel the other man withdraw from him. A wall seemed to slide quickly and firmly into place behind those gray eyes, leaving them somehow flat rather than stormy, as they usually were.
“You want me to be your reference,” Mark said, his voice somehow dull, almost cold.
“Yeah,” Scott said, desperately searching his mind to try to figure out why that seemed to insult the man so much. “What’s going on, Mark? Why does that piss you off so much?”
Mark shook his head, his face was still flat and expressionless. There was no anger in it, no emotion at all, nor in his voice when he spoke. And yet Scott knew that Mark was angry. Maybe it was Mark’s hand, which was shaking just the tiniest bit.
“I guess I thought you were going to ask another question,” Mark said. “You know, I wanted another kid, too. I thought …”
Whatever he thought, though, he didn’t say. He just fell silent, looking out at the ocean, his eyes fixed on Mary Anne. Scott knew, he could tell, that Mark was seeing her, watching every movement, but at the same time, Mark was also lost in his own head.
Before Scott could push, though
, to find out just what Mark had thought, Mary Anne turned and saw them both looking at her. She grinned and skipped over to them, though how anyone was capable of skipping in the sand, Scott had no idea at all. She managed, though, which was impressive.
“Hi!” Mary Anne chirped when she got close. “I’m thirsty, can I have …”
Her voice trailed off, and her small, bright little face darkened suddenly. Her green eyes fixed accusingly on Mark, and Scott got an idea of what she would look like as a teenager as she crossed her arms over her chest and glared at her father.
“What did you do, dad?” she asked, and Scott blinked as he watched her. “I like this one. You should keep him.”
Scott frowned slightly, working through all of that in his mind. His eyes widened suddenly as he put some pieces together, or thought that maybe he had. Mark had almost said something …
Mark wanted another kid, and Scott had decided to go ahead with the adoption. They were good together in bed, no doubt about that. They got along pretty well. And Mark had been so disappointed when Scott had asked him to be his reference …
Like he thought something more serious was going to happen. It was not a lot more than intuition, but all of a sudden, Scott felt like he had some idea of just why Mark had shut down like he had. Wasn’t it possible that Mark wanted something more from him?
Something big?
Scott’s mind whirled. He thought back to when they’d first talked about this, when Mark had told him that it would be easier for him to adopt if he got married, first. Maybe what he was thinking wasn’t such a stretch, after all.
Or maybe he was insane.
“So … you want me to stay around?” Scott asked, looking right at Mary Anne, refusing to meet Mark’s eye. If Scott was wrong, he didn’t want to see the look on Mark’s face.
“Yeah,” Mary Anne said, and in that one word, Scott saw a lot. Mark was an amazing father, but Mary Anne was lonely. Mark was an introvert, and so busy with work all of the time. Mary Anne needed this, maybe as much as Scott did.
“What if I were around all of the time?” Scott asked and then took a deep, deep breath, trying to get himself to calm down enough to say the next few words. Which was, again, completely and totally insane, and he knew that.
Still, if he didn’t try this, would he ever forgive himself? Something about the idea deeply exhilarated him, made him feel like he was standing at the edge of a cliff looking down into deep, deep water. Deep enough to keep him safe if he jumped, he hoped.
“That would be good,” Mary Anne said cautiously, and Scott let out the breath he’d been holding and then spoke.
“What about if your dad and I got married?”
Chapter Eight
Mark
Mark felt ice creeping through his veins, threatening to turn him into a frozen statue. He could actually feel his face stiffening, his mouth setting itself in a firm, neutral line.
It was exactly like when he used to fight with Kim, his ex-wife. He would freeze up and refuse to react to anything she said or did until she acted out more and more to try to get a reaction. It had been deeply unhealthy for both of them, and by the time they’d finally divorced, it had gotten to the point that Mark had been more upset about the thought of losing Mary Anne than he had been about losing his wife.
Mary Anne wasn’t his biologically. She was Kim’s kid from before she and Mark had gotten married, but Mark had taken her on as his own. Kim had been scared to raise Mary Anne on her own, so Mark had adopted her.
The point was, Mary Anne couldn’t have been any more his daughter, no matter what the situation was that had brought her into his life. And, for her sake, he couldn’t let himself go ice cold like he had so many times before. She deserved better than that.
Of course, the flush of anger, almost white-hot in its intensity, was probably not a lot better. Yes, it melted away the ice, but if he let it out, it would probably terrify Scott and Mary Anne both.
So Mark just sat very still and concentrated on his breathing. Scott had just proposed but in pretty much the most insulting way possible. He’d done it in front of Mark’s daughter so that Mark really had no choice in the matter.
Worse even than that, Scott seemed to have no idea how easily Mark would have said yes if Scott had done it the old-fashioned way, with a ring, with romance. Just the two of them. This felt like a betrayal, in a way that was hard for him to fully define. He certainly had no idea how he could explain it to anyone else.
He just … for once in his life, he’d thought maybe he could have the romance that he’d always wanted deep down. But why should Mark expect that from Scott? Any arrangement between them was nothing more than a business deal, really.
“Do you mean it?” Mary Anne said, grinning and almost squealing with her excitement. “You’ll get married? Are you really going to?”
Scott finally turned to look at Mark. Oh, good. He’d remembered that there was another person involved in this hypothetical marriage. That was nice of him, even if it was a bit belated.
“Well?” Scott asked softly, and Mark, for the life of him, couldn’t read what was in those dark eyes. It was confusing. Why was Scott doing this, anyway? “Are we going to get married?”
What a situation to be in. If Mark said no, then his daughter would be upset with him. He could see it in her eyes. Honestly, did he want to say no? The truth was, he wanted to marry this man, whatever that meant.
“…Sure,” Mark said, forcing his voice to sound casual. Maybe it didn’t work, though, because Mary Anne looked at him sharply. God, she really needed this, didn’t she? “Yeah. Sure. Let’s get married.”
Scott looked at him sharply, and Mark sighed softly. He sounded like a dick, and he knew it, but then Scott had pulled a bit of a dick move himself there.
At least Mary Anne, who was usually very perceptive, didn’t seem to notice the tension between her father and Scott. She just grinned, utterly delighted, practically radiating satisfaction.
“I knew he was the right one,” she said and then flung herself at Mark, hugging him tightly. “Thank you, Daddy,” she whispered fiercely in his ear, and he hugged her back. He didn’t say anything, though. He couldn’t trust his voice to be steady if he did.
Then the little girl hugged Scott, and Mark, despite his anger, couldn’t help but admit to himself that it was good to see Mary Anne so damn happy, to see her getting along with someone else so well. She had friends, but only a few, and though she was happy enough, he rarely got to see her beaming like this.
It was Scott. It was all Scott. He’d brought light into her life. Mark knew that he wasn’t the sort of person who brought light. He was quiet and intense, and Mary Anne needed someone else in her life, someone like Scott.
Mark had tried, he really had, but he couldn’t be everything to her.
“I’m going to go play again,” Mary Anne decided, and Mark nodded. Maybe he and Scott could get half a second to sort this thing between them out. Maybe they could talk, and Scott could explain why he’d chosen to propose the way that he had.
“I’ll come with you,” Scott said, and he rose to his feet, once more not looking at Mark. Not even the tiniest of glances, and he might as well have punched Mark right in the stomach for how it felt, for the sick, hollow feeling that Mark had.
So instead of trying to talk all of this out, Mark had to watch, instead, as Scott and Mary Anne went off to play together. To laugh, to splash each other, to run through the waves.
Damned if Scott wasn’t going to make a hell of a father. Despite Mark’s misgivings at the beginning, Scott’s past as the rich, handsome playboy didn’t seem to be stopping him from bonding thoroughly with Mary Anne.
Still, maybe that shouldn’t surprise him. Mark knew for himself how hollow life could get lived that way. The whole meaningless sex, partying lifestyle had gotten old for him pretty fast. Maybe it was doing the same for Scott.
What a mess. What a horrible, crappy, messy situation. Mark was en
gaged to a man that he was starting to fall for pretty intensely, someone that, if he were completely honest with himself, he actually wanted to marry.
If it had come about differently, he would have been jumping for joy. As it was, though, the mixture of anger and sadness that he felt took much of the joy out of it. Not all of it, but most of it.
Though it was hard to be super furious when he was watching how cute his new fiancé was with his daughter. Mark could certainly never marry anyone who didn’t get along with his kid.
Finally, Scott came back, racing Mary Anne back. They both dropped down onto the towels that Mark had set up for them, dripping wet from the ocean, with Mary Anne giggling in a way that he hadn’t heard her do in a long time.
Damn it. Mark was going to have to put his own hurt feelings aside, wasn’t he? As a father, he always wanted to do what was good for his daughter, and that, it was becoming more and more clear, was for her to have Scott in her life.
So he was going to have to ignore his own feelings about this. Whatever he felt, it was worth it to put that huge smile on Mary Anne’s face again.
Scott rolled dramatically onto his back, and maybe Mark was upset with the guy, but that didn’t stop him from checking him out. Scott was wearing Mark’s bathing suit still and filling it out quite nicely. Mark would have had to be a lot more than just angry at him not to notice that.
“I’m hungry,” Mary Anne said, and Mark couldn’t help but smile. She’d been hungry before, too, but playing with Scott had helped her forget that, for a while anyway. Her stomach had caught up to her.
Glancing around, Mark saw a little stand nearby that sold hot dogs and fries, exactly the sort of meal that a hungry nine-year-old fresh from an afternoon of playing on the beach would enjoy. He tugged out his wallet and handed money over to the little girl. It made him nervous, but he would be able to see the girl the whole time, and he needed to talk to Scott alone.