by Mikea Howard
Is that my wolf? Why is the inner beast so restless? Oh please let me not have crazy werewolfism like my sire.
Splitting into different directions as Kara and Domek entered, the alpha once again sat by her side to ease their fingers together. She stared at their entwined hands, embarrassed by her rough calloused palms. They had been well worn by hard work, wrist to fingertips.
“My hands are too rough.”
“What? No, your hands feel perfect. What has you thinking that way?”
Oh goddess, she said that out loud? I’m losing it! “Oh, um nothing. I just . . .” Her cheeks almost boiled with the blush creeping up her neck.
“Sadie, I know I’ve warned you, answers like that are unacceptable with your alpha.” Softening stern words with a gentle tone, he continued, “I need all details of your story now and cannot tolerate less than complete disclosure. Understand?”
“Yes, Alpha.” Bristling over being chastised, she tried to keep the raw emotion out of her voice. “I was just thinking that my hands were as rough as yours which made me feel . . . unattractive.” If heat indicated color, she must be glowing bright beet red.
I don’t care if he thinks I’m pretty, he’s alpha . . . plus I’m already mated. Oh goddess! Tears, once again, spilled over hot cheeks upon realizing what she had done.
Kara broke the tension by clearing her throat. “Ahem, I’m running some errands,” she called from the now open front door. “I’ll be back soon, with chocolate. I know you don’t know me yet, Sadie, but you will. I am here for you, okay.” With a small smile she clicked the door shut behind her.
Sadie heard Domek take a deep breath, and then felt his rough fingers under her chin tilting her head up. Focusing on his mouth, she tracked every minute movement. “The children of Gaia live within this enclave. Every man, woman, and child works with their hands here. You will notice that everyone’s hands appear rough. But let me make clear that, even if they were not, there is nothing about you I find unattractive. Okay?”
“Okay.” She sighed in relief. Not so bad.
His hand dropped. “Now, let’s discuss what happened with Eridon.”
Eridon. His voice in her head saying she lacked even a thread of femininity, or attractiveness. That she was, and always would be less.
Just like the flip of a switch, relief from moments ago went dark. “Am I going to be crazy when I shift?” She didn’t mean to start there, but recalling Eridon’s behaviors once they’d been linked, such horrendous treatment. Sadie couldn’t live with herself if she became a monster like him.
“No! Well, I don’t think so. Yes, that wolf always struck me as different, even before he left.” Domek moved his hand onto her knee. “Most likely Eridon had always been unstable. However, I believe the behavior has little to do with his wolf. Since you were willing when changed, but ended up with a partial bond, I don’t know what to expect. I need details. All of them.”
“Where do I start?”
“Start at the beginning, Sadie. How about when you first met Eridon.”
“Okay.” Preparing for a difficult conversation she took time to decide where to start. “About six months ago, he entered my shop needing mecha.”
Domek gave a questioning look, but it changed into quick realization. “Oh, by mecha, you mean the mechanism he chose to modify his left arm with?”
Nodding, Sadie added, “Yes, though he didn’t just choose modification. His arm was damaged from some kind of fight. The flesh had been torn apart enough that the limb required amputation just below his elbow. Post-surgery healing is a perfect time for mecha enhancement. He seemed so . . . dominant and powerful, like nothing I had ever seen. Coming by most days to talk, we didn’t just discuss project details.” She glanced at Domek, to clarify. “You must understand that people who have me do work for them engage in polite conversation, but we don’t just talk.”
“What did you talk about?”
“How he left your pack because Blue Wolf didn’t believe in progress, but how being a werewolf meant everything. He asked about me, what I liked . . . all while looking at me. His gaze would lock with mine when I spoke, like I was the only person who mattered. I’m not some sad pitiful girl who is lonely, picking up any scraps tossed my way, but I thought love had developed between us. Goddess, it’s pathetic how he played me without question.”
Domek pursed his lips in thought, waiting to reply, “No, not pathetic. Eridon developed hypnotizing charisma at a young age. People believed in him. I believed in him. Just because his heart was not in the right place doesn’t mean he couldn’t make you believe it was.”
Head shaking in disagreement, Sadie continued, “After I completed the mecha, about two months later, he continued visiting me almost daily. Sometimes getting so passionate in his discussions, he appeared almost maniacal. He talked about plans coming together, but never said anything specific about what those plans were. I just assumed he had become obsessed with his work. I would get snippets of temper, but never directed toward me. Once he ranted about how he resented his boss, and the things he’d like to do to the man’s breathing machine. I feel ridiculous now for any excuses I made for some of his behaviors. But he would give me these intense looks with occasional casual touches. He behaved as a proper male should while wooing me, so when he told me he loved me . . .” She growled in frustration.
“This is great information, Sadie. Would you like something to drink?” He attempted offering a break. “Some water maybe?”
“No, I need to finish this . . . it’s just, now, in hindsight. I can’t believe I could be such a dope.” Tearing up again, she breathed deep, taking in some courage. “I know some part of me knew something was wrong. Eridon was wrong, but he would give me this look of disappointment at times, and, and . . . I would feel awful for thinking he could be so bad, then I’d try pleasing him in some way. He’d make little comments about how I could be better, or point out things I could do better. I would try . . . He wouldn’t smile, but I wanted him happy. Ugh, what is wrong with me?”
“Your reactions are all part of being submissive by nature, Sadie. We will discuss what that means later, but for now know there is nothing wrong with you.”
She eyed him skeptically, but continued her story knowing she should rip it off like a Band-Aid, get all the details out at once. Sighing, she stated, “He said we should get married. I wanted to make him happy for some reason. I thought letting myself be bitten would make him happy. Considering comments about how much control he had to keep because of my human frailty . . . what he suggested made sense at the time. I asked him to change me.”
“What words did you use?”
“Umm, you should change me, then he said ‘say you’ll agree to be my mate’, so I did. I expected more . . . discussions, expectations, repercussions, but none of that happened.”
“Full Moon! That rotter! He should have told you more . . . he . . .” Domek momentarily trailed off into muttering and growling. “But did you say the exact words ‘I accept you as my mate?’”
“Yes, I did,” she whispered. Or something close to that.
He stroked her hand with his thumb, calming her briefly. “Okay, but your bond didn’t fully take, so what happened during the mating?”
Uncomfortable with what would be said, that familiar burn heated Sadie’s cheeks. “While we were, you know . . . barney-mugging, something dark in those eyes reflected back at me. . . . Everything we were doing . . . just felt wrong, like a lie. I knew he didn’t love me, that I . . . loved the idea of him, of having someone, but that there should be real, true love in any mating. So I pushed back in my mind. I couldn’t buck him off, but I, I don’t know, I remember thinking Eridon needed to stop . . . because I didn’t want him . . . then searing pain from being bitten filled me . . .”
What did I do?
Dome
k, using his thumbs, wiped something wet from her face. Tears. She couldn’t go back to that room Eridon locked her in, those last almost three weeks . . . not yet.
Domek could tell she had gone too far back into her nightmare. As a dominant he knew when to push someone past their perceived limits. They must stop for now. She told him enough to get started. His questions about after the mating could wait until later. He prayed her answers would have clues that might help him figure out what Eridon was planning.
“I think that’s enough for now, Sadie,” he said, wiping more tears from her cheeks. “You need to rest. You will need your strength for tomorrow night.”
He moved forward, turned enough to help her lay back down and pulled up the warm down cover. She rolled onto her side, curling into a fetal position around his hip. Sadie appeared stuck in her last memory. The fact that such horrors haunted her pained him. He hoped the light back rub soothed the demons away. Domek sat there in calming silence, until Sadie’s eyes eased closed. Once her breathing changed he eased up as not to disturb her.
He went straight to the enclave library. Not with much, but enough to get some preliminary research done. Figuring he should start where Sadie had, at the beginning. Rummaging through history books, it took a couple minutes to find what he wanted, a story of the first werewolf matings. Domek sat down at the long table across from him and began reading.
The first werewolves were created by Gaia many cycles ago when she walked upon earth in her mother aspect. She brought her creations to life as wolves who would serve as the realm’s guardians. While walking her lands she would talk to the wolves, lonely, hungry for companionship. However, as wolves, they could not share their words. She saw desire to speak in their eyes, so she changed their form. They mirrored her mother goddess aspect. Now they all talked and walked the lands together on two feet.
After many cycles, three of Gaia’s companions appeared sad. When she asked, they told their creator how they missed running on all fours. Their hearts longed to guard earth’s lands again with the power of their senses aided by the speed of their bodies, but they still wanted to share words with their mother goddess. Gaia contemplated the problem for some time, and found no other solution. She told her companions that she could grant them a capability to move between forms, however as the universe must have balance; their gift would come with a price. Shifting between forms would not be easy. Upon agreeing, she turned them into werewolves. After running, hunting, and playing across the earth the wolves shifted back. However, some of their human appearances had changed. One now held the aspect of a young maiden, one kept the aspect of a mother, and one became the aspect of a crone. Gaia’s other companions did not miss their wolf enough to suffer the change. So they stayed in the goddess’s form, content, walking on two feet with their creator for the rest of their days.
Then time came when Gaia had to leave her beloved earth in the care of her companions. She needed to return home and continue weaving the tapestry of life. They all cried out in fear of being alone, for they had only known an existence at their goddess's side. The creator meditated on this dilemma. Her werewolves had been excellent companions who deserved an equal reward. So Gaia gifted them with not just companionship, but also with passionate love, in the shape of companions for each of them. She modeled these new companions after both god aspects, ensuring universal balance. She gifted all she-wolves with he-wolves, and the other women with men.
Soon with so many children born of the companions, Gaia’s tapestry became too big to manage alone. She called her three she-wolves and their companions away from earth, joining her to help with earth’s tapestry. The maiden was tasked with gathering life’s threads. The mother was tasked with weaving those threads into the tapestry of earth’s fate. The crone was tasked with clipping each thread when its time came.
For many cycles all was well. Until one day the crone cut her gifted companion’s thread by accident, sending him into the otherworld. She cried, “Take me from this place! I am old and I wish to be with my he-wolf! My heart beats with him!” The creator was sad, for she could not grant the she-wolf her request. All three she-wolves were woven into earth’s tapestry as primary threads when they became aspects of Crone, Mother, and Maiden. They would never be able to follow their companions into the otherworld without destroying all life on earth first. The mother had born other she-wolves and he-wolves during time with her companion. Fearing similar sorrow of losing their companions for her children she shook with panic, causing the earth’s skein to tangle. Gaia consulted with each aspect to come up with a solution. All she-wolves and he-wolves born of these earth’s fates would be blessed with one lifelong mating. When one mate was fated for the otherworld, the other mate would follow. But to keep the Horned God aspect from having lust drive any mating, the God-King aspect added that matings could not be completed without both hearts open with love.
Domek sighed, grumbling under his breath, “Full Moon! Nothing but the same tale told to us as pups.”
He grabbed the next book, followed by the next. By the seventh book his eyes watered from non-stop reading, lids drooping from lack of sleep.
Frustration crawled through him and he slammed the book shut. Blowing out a breath, he reached for another volume to continue reading.
Chapter 6
Sadie still rested on the couch when Kara returned from her errands. She got about an hour of partial sleep after the mental unloading on Domek, amazed how draining one little story could be. Memories of Eridon prevented her from falling into a deep sleep, but the alpha’s fading scent blessedly offered relief and safety, allowing some relaxation.
She hadn’t allowed herself true comfort by anyone since her mother’s death and had no idea where this feeling came from, but chose for the second time in her life to take a chance. It wasn’t the same type of chance . . . unlike how she had to convince herself to believe Eridon was the one for her; she was drawn to Domek as if caught in his orbit.
Trusting in him is easy, like I’ve known him forever. Silly really. Sadie had proven she could be deceived with ease, but nothing ventured, nothing gained. At this point, what do I have to lose?
“Hi, Sadie, are you okay? Wait, never mind, forget I asked that.” Kara smiled. “I know you’re drained, so I just want us to hang out and talk. I want to know about you . . . not how you got here. Just you. No stress. I have ingredients for cookies, so we’ll bake, we’ll eat, we’ll try saving some for the kids,” she added, “and you’ll share what you want.”
Sadie nodded in agreement.
“That sounds lovely, but I’ll warn you, I can’t bake. We lived next to a bakery my whole life, so I never had to, or felt any need.”
“Oh. What did you do in Eureka . . . if you don’t mind sharing?”
“I’m a mechanic. I helped my dad run his shop. We do repairs and custom work.” Sadie sighed. “Nothing useful here. Goddess, the noise! I had no idea.” She joined Kara in the kitchen. “Maybe I should get on this baking skill.”
Kara laughed. “Learning from me won’t benefit you much. I just bake for fun, I’m not good. Don’t tell Marek I said that, I take pleasure in acting oblivious to my lack of skills. He’s so cute when he tries to save my feelings.”
“Marek? He’s your mate . . . the patchouli scent?”
“Yes. He’s Domek’s beta,” Kara said handing Sadie the recipe and dry ingredients. She continued to speak while creaming the sugar and butter together. “I believe in baptism by fire, so I’m not giving direct instructions. Diving in without a second look is kind of a pack thing. I think we learn better that way.” At the panic Sadie’s face must have reflected she added, “And it’s just cookies, right?”
“Okay, just cookies,” Sadie said, breathing deep.
“So, whenever you’re ready, I want to show you our enclave this afternoon or tomorrow morning. Remember, baptism by fire
.” She smirked. “No seriously, I want you oriented to your pack before your first shift. Unfortunately, that won’t give us much time.” Kara added the dry ingredients Sadie had measured into the wet ones blending them with her hands. “I’d like to see what jobs fit so we can start you in rotations. Everyone does this until we find our niche.”
Sadie glanced up from the recipe she analyzed, assuring she did everything correct. “And for those who don’t find their niche?”
“Trust me. We have a place for you here, Sadie.”
“Thank you, Kara. I needed to hear that,” she said, filled with relief.
“Okay, this dough isn’t going to spoon itself onto those sheets,” Kara said to lighten the mood, giving Sadie a spoon.
They went on dropping big globs onto the pans, then putting the cooking sheets in the oven. Sadie opened and closed the oven door, amazed how quiet it ran without the generator’s combustion engine. Made of stone and metal, Kara just built a fire in a bottom drawer of the oven. Clan wide parties boasted extravagant meals cooked over open fire in the enclave ‘town center’. Kara insisted everything tasted better over an open flame, and she would find out soon enough.