Missing You, Missing Me

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Missing You, Missing Me Page 25

by Paige, Tylor


  Eric called only once, to tell me about Christopher. He was given one year in jail despite me not being present for the trial. There was no contact with me or the twins. He agreed to sign the divorce papers in jail once he received them. He had also lost his election. It was over.

  Very rarely did I feel sad now. Although, when I looked at pictures of Ethan I did feel a little lonely. I tried not to think about him, but some days he was the only thing on my mind. The only thing that helped was knowing that soon he would be out and ready to see us.

  I had been so worried about the twins being confused about the situation, but I think it worked out as best as it could. It was September now, and the last time they had seen Chris was in April at their party. They never asked for him. Where he was, or why he wasn’t around. To be fair, they never asked before either when we were living with him. I think him continuing his affair all these years worked out in our favor.

  They called Ethan daddy now. I think they may have forgotten his name to be honest. Ethan will be so happy when they see him and start running towards him. I could see it all in my head now. He would open his arms and engulf them in a giant hug, remembering that this is why he gave all that junk up. To have them.

  I spent the next few weeks giving as much of myself as I could into the band. Since I had always been the primary songwriter it was easy to step back into that role. I wrote songs about my abusive relationship with Christopher. I wrote songs about leaving, and I wrote songs about moving forward. My bandmates listened to every single one with such respect. I felt truly cared for. They loved them.

  We started recording. Soon a few songs turned into a full album. In the following month, we finished our fifth studio album ‘Conquering Fears’. We released the album the day my divorce was finalized. Right off the bat reviews began flooding in, most of them positive. Our fans had missed us. They loved my songs and welcomed a comeback. Eric was right, instant karma was the best. Chris always told me that music was a stupid career, and now, the album about him had more sales than any other album before it. We were breaking records. Topping the charts. Everywhere we went, my voice was blasting through a radio, TV, or cell phone, singing about how awful he was.

  We played a few local shows, testing the waters. I didn’t realize how much I had missed the stage until I stepped up there and saw the screaming crowd. I felt alive again.

  Time flew out here. We had barely released the album when Sam wanted to discuss touring. It was all a little overwhelming. Everyone else was good to go, but my situation was the only thing that held us back from signing a deal. I couldn’t just leave my kids.

  One day in October when we were all over at Mark’s place having pizza and hanging out, Renee came over to me. We were watching Derek and Adrian play pool.

  “Hey, can I talk to you for a minute?” She asked me. I smiled as we took a step away from the guys.

  “Sure, what’s up?” I asked. She smiled brightly. I hadn’t really gotten the chance to know her very well yet. I liked her well enough, and she made Mark very happy.

  Renee was short and dyed her short tight curls a deep purple framing her head. She wore thick black framed glasses and her lips were always a bright red. She was a huge bookworm and kind to everyone. I could easily see why Mark had fallen for her. She smiled, and I noticed she was wringing her hands nervously.

  “Well Mark brought up the other day that you guys were wanting to tour again now that your album is out.”

  “Yeah, it’s been talked about, but nothing is set in stone yet. Don’t worry. It’s not as bad as you think. He’ll call all the time and you can come hang out on the bus when you can,” I assured her but she shook her head.

  “No, it’s not that. Mark told me that the only thing holding you guys back was the twins. I want to help. I could tour with you guys and be their nanny. I’ve always wanted kids, but Mark and I aren’t ready yet. I would love to help. Mark said the busses have twelve beds so there is room. I haven’t talked to Mark about it yet, but I think he would love the idea,” she said quickly.

  I was silent for a long moment stunned. This was the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me. I hurled my body towards hers for a giant hug and thanked her.

  “The twins would love that! They love their Aunt Nay Nay! I don’t know about them staying on the bus, or even coming with, but having you as their nanny totally works. Even if you guys stayed here I would be able to go without worrying so much. This is perfect. Thank you.” She was beaming. The guys stopped what they were doing to look at us.

  “We’re going on tour!” I announced and everyone cheered. I walked back over to tell them what Renee had offered. Of course, we’d work out the details later, but this just made everything just a little easier.

  With my mind focused on the band, I had little time to dwell on Ethan. He called once a week to update us. Whenever I asked him when he would be out he avoided the question or would talk about something else. My mind started to run wild with paranoia. I thought maybe he was never coming back. That maybe he was just telling me what I wanted to hear. Every phone call that came I became more and more sure that he was hiding something.

  Then one morning I woke up before the twins and went into the kitchen for some coffee. I told Adrian good morning with a loud yawn. He was in the living room and shushed me loudly. He had the TV on and it was blaring what sounded like the news. I poured my cup and went into the living room to see what had him so transfixed.

  There was a blond woman on the screen sitting at a news desk with an older man. The banner under them that was always moving had the words in all caps “EMILE DAHL, LEAD SINGER OF ACCEPTED PERVERSION FOUND SAFE AND SOUND” I gasped and moved to sit next to him on the couch.

  Emile Dahl had gone missing about three years ago, just out of the blue. There was no note or any trace left behind. It was the biggest news in music for a long time. I had only met Emile once in passing. He reminded me quite a bit of Ethan. Handsome, funny, a great performer, and of course, he was also into drugs. Most people assumed he had gotten in with the wrong people, or possibly overdosed and someone covered it up. Apparently we were all wrong.

  We sat for the next hour listening to various people talk about him. Pictures and videos flooded in of him. Before and after pics. He didn’t look much different really. He had a different haircut. When he had disappeared it was kind of long, now it was similar to Ethan’s preferred cut, but a dark brown instead of Ethan’s raven black.

  No one had been able to speak to him yet. From what people were saying, he just appeared out of nowhere last night. Everyone was waiting to hear something from one of his bandmates or PR rep. Something legit and not just rumors. The twins woke up and reluctantly I got them breakfast. Quickly I returned to the living room. This was huge. Everyone thought he was dead. Adrian still hadn’t left the couch.

  Finally, around 11 a.m. they had a guy coming to talk to some news station. The guy was named Tom something. He told the cameras that Emile has returned home. He is safe and of sound mind. He was in Europe, getting his degree in English literature. At the time, he no longer wanted to be Emile Dahl. But now that he has his diploma in hand he is ready to resume his life and continue writing music. He is truly sorry to all the fans and friends who worried about him during the last three years and he hopes the music and other ventures he has planned can make it all up to everyone,” he recited.

  Sounded like a bunch of crap to me. “Maybe he was in rehab.” I told Adrian, who agreed with me. The whole thing was weird. But it took my mind off my own worries for a few days, which was nice.

  About a week later, Mark and Renee came over one afternoon practically jumping around with excitement. “What?” I asked, their smiles contagious.

  Mark was holding an envelope that was already opened. “Accepted Perversion is back. They are having a huge bash. A welcome home party for Emile. We got invitations,” he said excitedly, handing Adrian the invite. What? For real?

  “How did they come
up with this so fast? How did we manage to get on that guest list? You’re kidding me,” I said as I read the invite myself. I was stunned silent. It was true, the invitation had all of our names on it.

  “Does Derek know? Who else got invites?” I asked quickly. Mark began listing off some other people we knew. All musicians. I understood why they all got the invites, but we had been off the grid for a while. Our album was still new. We just recently started playing live again. This was too crazy.

  Mark and Adrian were busy on their phones talking to others who were going. I looked at Renee who seemed just as shocked as I was. “This is crazy, right?” I asked and she laughed.

  “Your guy’s entire lifestyle is crazy to me. I’ve talked to people who married musicians and it’s not really real until you go through it, you know?” I laughed and nodded. It could be overwhelming at times.

  “What are you going to wear?” I changed topics and she brightened again, telling me about this green dress she had that she was considering. The guys came back to where we were and confirmed that this was the real thing. Mark kissed Renee and bumped Adrian on the shoulder.

  “We gotta go, we need to get suits.” He told us.

  “Renee, you coming?” He asked her. She looked at me nervously and I smiled.

  “We’re having a girl’s day. I need to get a dress too,” I told her and she beamed. I asked Adrian if he wanted me to call Dita too and he loved that idea.

  When Adrian moved back to Cali, Dita stayed in Michigan and they tried to make the long-distance thing work. One day I walked in to find him fighting on the phone with her. She hung up on him and he swore up a storm and didn’t want to talk about it. The next day there was a knock on the door. Apparently she was tired of fighting on the phone and decided to pack up her stuff and move out here to be with him. It was all so romantic.

  After calling Dita, I called my babysitter and soon enough we were on our way to pick her up and start shopping.

  We were in the second store when a lady who was assisting us asked us what our dates would be wearing. Dita and Renee quickly shot their men a text, while I stood there uncomfortable and mildly embarrassed. I would be flying solo.

  Renee bought a burgundy V-neck dress with a high waist. I made her buy shoes to match. Mark had plenty of money, I joked with her. Dita had decided on a short silver halter with a low back. She totally rocked it. Moving from store to store I soon became the only one without a dress. Finally, I found something. It was black, with no back but a high front and long sleeves. It was bedazzled with different gold things all along my chest. It was edgy and feminine. I loved it. I bought a pair of black booties to match and I was set.

  The next few days just flew by. All topics of conversation were about the party. It was starting to drive me nuts, but I couldn’t help but be excited too. Getting invited to something like this made me feel like we were really back. It was about the band again and not just me.

  Derek offered to be my date, as long as I put out afterwards. He teased me at one of our recording sessions for some b-sides. I tossed my water bottle at him and we all laughed. “I am not that desperate,” I told him.

  “Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let’s get on with this. My wife’s waiting at home with dinner on the table and only an apron on. Come on!” Mark yelled and with that we finished up for the day.

  That night, once the twins were asleep, me and Adrian sat up drinking rum and cokes and watching a movie together. He could sense that something was on my mind, so he set his drink down and grabbed a throw pillow, putting it on his lap.

  “Alright patient. The doctor is ready.” I eagerly moved from his side and put my head in his lap, looking up at him. He stroked my hair a bit and sighed. “Shoot.”

  “Party is tomorrow,” I started.

  “That it is. Are you rethinking Derek’s offer?” He asked me in his terrible British accent. I giggled. The rum was already settling in a bit.

  “Yeah, and I already have my appointment at the clinic for the next day,” I retorted. “It just sucks. I want to be excited, but I can’t stop thinking about him. He won’t tell me when he’s getting out.”

  “Do you think he’s avoiding you?” Adrian asked. I hadn’t thought of that one. Perhaps. Maybe two kids is too much for him to handle right now.

  “Am I putting too much pressure on him?” I asked and he snorted. I burst into laughter and when we both calmed back down he shook his head.

  “No, hell no. He loves those kids. I just think he knows he needs to do it right this time.”

  “Do what right?” I looked up at Adrian and his eyes grew wide.

  “Nothing. Just staying clean. You know, I’m a little hurt that Derek was your first pick for a date Saturday,” he changed the subject quickly. I laughed again.

  “Yeah, I know. I swear you and Mark were my first choices, but I don’t want Dita and Renee to think we’re too close or make them jealous.” Adrian’s eyes darkened. He shook his head.

  “Don’t ever think that. They both know how important you are to all of us. Cleo, why do you think it took me so long to introduce you to Dita? I told her right off the bat that you always came first and if she had a problem we wouldn’t work. She was terrified of you,” he laughed. I smacked him.

  “She was not!” He put his hands up.

  “I kid you not. So was Renee. Mark told me. I guess we talk so much about you it was hard to want to meet you. They were afraid if you didn’t like them that we would kick them to the curb.” I laughed at how ridiculous that was.

  “We all know that’s not true.” I said, and he shrugged. “To an extent. If you had a good reason why you didn’t like her or vice versa sure. But there’s been plenty of girls and guys that you didn’t like.”

  “Oh my God. Remember Mickey! That backup singer!” I burst into a fit of laughter just remembering him. Adrian rolled his eyes and pushed me off of him gently.

  “Ah yes, Mickey. I still have his solo album somewhere,” he told me as got off the couch to go find it.

  * * *

  The day of the party was finally here. The girls all had an appointment to get our hair done. I felt guilty when the babysitter arrived to watch the twins. They had spent a lot of time with her this week. I kissed them both and told them I loved them. Jimmy was playing with her necklace and Dallas was clutching the ring that I had strung onto a chain for him that hung around his own neck.

  My stomach was in knots all day. I tried to be happy and giddy with the other girls but I couldn’t get into it. I missed Ethan.

  Dita had the stylist give her a blowout and Renee had her color freshened. When it was my turn to get my hair styled I was stuck on what to have her do. I didn’t want to color it, not right now at least. She threw out some suggestions but Dita and Renee would shake their heads no. Finally she sighed heavily and begged me to let her cut my hair. My hair was long. It touched the top of my pants. I hesitated but the girls urging me to let her finally made me give in.

  “Fine. Do whatever you want. Dye it, perm it, cut it. I’m closing my eyes and not opening them until you’re done,” I said dramatically and the salon cheered. Not really, but everyone was relieved I picked something, sort of.

  Closing my eyes, I attempted to relax and let her go to work. After washing my hair I could smell the chemicals she was mixing up. I opened one eye and she chastised me. Laughing, I quickly shut it and let her apply the color to my hair. After I relaxed I was able to joke with the girls and ended up having a good time. I noticed that they were getting close to each other. A twinge of longing crept up in me. It made sense really; that they would become better friends than me and either of them. I had never had a girlfriend. Just the guys. With me and the band always busy, of course they would turn to each other to cure their boredom.

  Too soon she rinsed my hair and picked up her scissors. I cringed when she began chopping off my locks. She took the hairdryer to my head and then a curling iron and tons of hairspray. After she emptied the entire can on my
hair, she announced I could open my eyes.

  I gasped. I was blond. She had bleached my black hair, so it was yellow. She then had given me thick straight bangs across my forehead and cut my hair a few inches past my shoulders. She threw in soft curls and pinned some back for the party. I was in love. I was stunned. I looked amazing. I actually hugged her when I stood up.

  “Just wait until you put on your dress and get your makeup on,” Dita added when we left the salon. I was actually getting excited for the party.

  My bandmates seemed to like it, as much as guy friends could, I guess. When we got back to mine and Adrian’s apartment, we took over the place and finished our makeup and getting dressed.

  Sooner than what I was ready for, we were headed to the party. It was being held at Accepted Perversion’s bassist Davis Waters house. When we got there I saw that it wasn’t just a house, it was a mansion. I wasn’t surprised. Back in the day, before Emile left, they were the biggest band out there. They sold out arenas all over the world in minutes. It was pretty impressive. I’m sure they still made tons of money during his absence with merchandise and stuff.

  When we arrived, it was already pretty packed. The music was loud and the air was alive with excitement. Everyone looked so nice, in sleek suits and expensive cocktail dresses. I nodded and said hi to a few people I had met on my own career path. It was so funny seeing so many musicians, many of which usually were dressed pretty rough, dressed so nicely. I could tell many of the guys were uncomfortable.

  Plenty of people were already drunk. Dozens of servers were walking around with trays of alcohol. I noticed to one side of the backyard that there had been a bar set up. I was so nervous I decided I needed a drink. I had been latched onto the arm of Adrian, while Dita was on his other side. I pulled away and smiled.

 

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