by Stacy Reid
With the threat to Sheridan taken care of, the urge to leave had been eating at Elijah’s gut. He despised the false sense of being at home which he felt with her. Her lure was so damned potent, and he knew he needed to move on when he started wondering what the future with her might be like. He only had to wait a few minutes before visions of her raped and broken swam into his head. No, he could not deter her from staying, but he would be damned if he waited around and witnessed her death, baby or no baby.
Emotions roiled in him and he looked at his trembling hands. A baby. His baby. He had been so careful since the night of the cabin. So damned careful always withdrawing from her when everything inside him clamored to be with her completely. But he could not cope with the ramifications of family again. The agony of his loss still felt so fresh to him. Too real even though all those months had passed.
You are a coward.
Her words had stung but he could not hide from them. He was a damn coward. When he’d heard her telling Beth she was pregnant the elation that had filled him had been profound. Then the nightmares had risen and the claws had been brutal. God he didn’t want to hurt her. The last thing he wanted was the pain that savaged her face.
But he did not know how to be the man she clearly wanted and it gutted him.
Elijah’s carpet bag rested on the oak desk in the library. He’d spent the night on the open range despite the bone biting cold. He had needed the physical and emotional solitude to be able to stick to his decision. The sense of loss that he felt was like a rip tearing through his soul. His night had been restless as he fought against his fear. He only needed to reach for all she offered so sweetly and without reserve, and then fight for it. Grabbing the carpet bag, he slung it over his shoulders.
Joshua had been staying away from the ranch because of Beth, so Elijah had sent word to the hotel in town informing his brother of his retreat to the mountain cabin. Elijah grimaced, painfully aware that he lingered. He had packed his belongings and a few books into his carpet bag, but he had still made no effort to depart.
He damned well knew the reason. The coldness Sheridan treated him to in the breakfast room had shaken him. She had neither looked at nor spoken to him. His heart had lurched when she ran away from the table her face green. He’d followed and looked on tensely as she emptied the little she ate into a basin. She’d glanced up and saw him in the doorway, and had only slammed the door in his face.
Hell.
The door opened and Elijah glanced over to see Beth closing it with a militant look on her face. “What is it?”
She inhaled deeply and clasped her hands to her middle. “Sheridan loves you. And if you do not marry her she will endure scorn from everyone in town. They are not stupid. They will realize the child is not Thomas’s own.”
His gut tightened and his heart rebelled against the idea of her being hurt further. “You seemed to adjust fine,” he said calmly.
“I beg your pardon?”
He observed her bloodless lips. “You do fine with a whelp that is not your husband’s.”
Raw fear chased across her features before she masked her expression. “I have no idea what you are referring to.”
She remained frozen and he watched the struggle. He smiled slightly when he realized she had decided to stay and fight for Sheridan despite her unease.
“My child will not grow without my protection. I will always be there for him or her. My family will always be there.” That was the only certainty he knew, in the mess of confusion that lingered inside.
“But that protection does not extend to Sheridan?” Beth asked softly. “You are breaking her heart.”
“There is one thing I have discovered about Sheridan that I did not before. She has the heart of a lion and she needs no man to stand in front of her.”
Beth frowned. “I’ve always known of her strength, but do you really know of it?
Sheridan turned to you out of more than loneliness. She had been married to my brother for a year and he never touched her. It was not in honor or respect for her innocence. It was simply because women were not capable of attracting him.” She lifted her head proudly and continued, “From the moment he brought her West I knew it was for her wealth and I pitied her. Then I began to pity Thomas for he did not comprehend what a truly wonderful person Sheridan is. I don’t know if this is important to you, but she tried to leave him for you.”
Elijah froze.
Beth rushed on as if sensing her opportunity. “She was so young and had to make a decision that would forever change her way of life. But she was willing because she loved you. When he taunted her that a divorce was impossible, she still thought to leave and come to you. She knew she would have to endure scorn from everyone, shacking up with you as a married woman, but she did not care. He taunted her that she would be thought of as a loose woman by all in Blue Lagoon and Cheyenne when he was through.”
Pain slashed Beth’s face as she squared her shoulder. It warned him he would not like what she had to say. “She did not care so she packed and gave him her decision. That was the day he broke her wrist.”
Elijah surged forward. “You lie,” he growled.
“I do not.” Beth raised trembling hands to her hair and patted it in an apparent nervous gesture.
Elijah thrust his hand through his hair and grimaced when he noted his hands were shaking. His mind had been stuck on the idea of Sheridan’s wrist being broken. Why had she not said anything? He was aware that he never tried to speak of Thomas, but God damn it! “No one defended her?”
“She did a good job herself. She took the poker iron and bashed his head in. He never touched her again. Instead, he tried to break her down with fear and vicious words. He taunted her daily that if you’d wanted her, you would have fought for her. He knew you. You grew together. He convinced her that you only fucked her.” Beth flinched at her crudity. “And the doubt ate at her every day. You had never told her words of love. You only took what she gave you so trustingly.”
“Hell,” Elijah snarled.
“She still tried to leave, but he ordered no one to provide her with a horse or a wagon. She became a prisoner here even unable to go into town. But she still did not buckle. Thomas was my brother but I hated him for it. Because he did not want her. It only gutted him that you did. She took over the book-keeping for the ranch and plotted for when she could leave. Then he upped and died.”
Beth stepped in a little closer to him and met his gaze. “You were cold and cruel and she deserved better.”
Tears ran in rivulets and he knew the worst was coming. He wanted to stop her but he forced himself to listen. “Sheridan never had a home but the Whispering Creek. She became invisible to her father, the second he acquired another wife. Shipped off to a boarding school, she never went home for the holidays or Christmas time. She was one of the only children to never have a visitor in the years she boarded there. I cannot imagine such loneliness. At the funeral, you shunned her but stupidly she still wanted you. Many came calling, but she only had thoughts of you. When Sullivan threatened her, scared her, she only thought to turn to you. I do not know what happened with your wife and son. Sheridan only said you have no more love to give. But I do not believe that. I see how you watch her, I see how you smile when she laughs, I see how you touch her at every opportunity you can. Sheridan does not deserve the pain I see in her eyes and if you do not remove it, I will take the Winchester and shoot you down myself.”
Beth fumbled for the door, hands shaking violently. The door opened and she paused crossing the threshold. The brownest of eyes held his, raging with emotions. “Sheridan was willing to fight for you, and do things that I even cringe at now, for your love. For a place to call home and yet you hurt her.” Her voice broke as she continued, “Mr. Sullivan will never give her up. You may have beaten, and humiliated him, but Sheridan is too wealthy for him to leave her alone.”
“A woman that was not born for this world, and is in need of protection, stands alone against the predators of our land with your baby.” Then she slammed the door.
Elijah slowly walked from the library to outside. He looked around the beauty of the Whispering Creek farmstead and easily understood why Sheridan would feel at home there. He looked into the distance to see a rider trotting with her hair streaming behind her. The knowledge of what she endured ripped through his soul, burning him with flames. He wished he could bring back Thomas from the dead and beat the shit out of him. When Elijah found out she was married, all he had thought about was that she had lied to him. He had chosen to overlook the hunger, the innocence and the loneliness that normally fled her eyes when he took her in his arms.
Guilt rode him. He had wanted her, needed her more than anything, but he had left her with a man who whipped her. After threatening to rain devastation on Thomas if he ever lifted a finger to her again, Elijah had never imagined that Thomas would dare be cruel to her again.
Elijah walked toward the barn and saddled his horse. Hell, he was not sure what he would say to her. But he needed the quiet of her presence, the sweetness of her smile, the acceptance in her gaze. He needed Sheridan.
He swung into the saddle and cantered toward the range. A crack echoed across the canyon and rolled down the mountain. Elijah knew. He surged his horse into a flat run, his mind blanked shutting down all emotions as he raced across the prairie to Sheridan.
Chapter Seventeen
Sheridan opened her eyes and smiled at him. Emotions poured through Elijah in an unfamiliar wave. Relief, fear, joy, and love welled out of the dark place where he’d buried it so long ago. Then the fear rushed back crippling and visceral when she opened her mouth and blood bubbled out. It took him a moment to realize that the low raw sound of a trapped animal came from his throat.
Her eyes closed and she paled further.
“Sheridan hold on. Don’t die.”
Her eyes fluttered open weakly and met his. “I won’t die, Elijah, you need me.”
He did not correct her on the seriousness of her wounds. He tore his shirt off and stuffed her wound. Her cry of agony as he staunch the blood flow had him breaking out in sweat. God, please not Sheridan. He did not know where he found the strength to calm the rage and the nightmares. Someone had shot her and he knew who. He had failed another woman in his life once again.
The thunder of hooves sounded behind him and he glanced up to see Miguel and a few ranch hands.
“We need the Doc.” Elijah tried not thinking how far away the town was. He felt like his heart was being ripped away from his soul. He could not lose her. He frantically felt for her pulse and stilled. Its beats were faint and erratic. The faint thrum was all that kept Elijah from sinking into the despair and darkness, which had tried to engulf him the moment he had seen her body lying bloodied. With fingers that shook, he probed gently around the wound. He shifted her looking for an exit. The bullet had travelled straight through.
“What can I do?” Miguel asked quietly.
“Get Doc, and get him quick. Tell Joshua I have need of him. He is at the hotel.”
Miguel nodded grimly and rode off.
Elijah lifted her in his hands and passed her to one of the cowhands gently. He launched into his saddle and she was transferred up to him. Hell. He wished he had the wagon. He was grateful she was unconscious for it was a rough ride back to the main house. Within minutes he reached and clambered with her inside. Beth cried out when she saw him, but he moved into action right away.
He tried thinking over the fear that was beating at him. He waited for the terror to roar, to paralyze him, but instead he was only filled with a calm determination to not lose her. He had seen many men die on the battle field from far less serious injuries. Hers was a shoulder wound, but she could die from bleeding out. He needed to stop the bleeding, and wait until the doctor came. And God the baby. He hoped the stress of her body would not make her lose the baby.
“Bring me a basin with hot water. Clean linens,” he said to Beth and Mrs. Murphy.
He took Sheridan to his room and laid her gently on the bed. With quick movements he gently relieved her of most of her garments, cutting away those that required for her to be shifted too hard. She lay in her pantaloons and chemise looking pale as death.
He kept pressure on the wound watching the shallow rise and fall of her chest. He prayed to God for the first time since he had lost his family.
***
A shift in the darkness alerted Elijah to his brother’s presence. He looked away from Sheridan for the first time in hours. The icy fear that had been wedged in his chest had been slowly thawing as he watched her.
“How is she doing?” Joshua’s voice was a mere whisper.
“Good.” Elijah was silent for the longest time before he spoke again. “The baby is alive, and Doc said they will both recover as long as the fever does not set in.”
“Baby?”
He swallowed. “Yes.”
Elijah rose and walked over to the table where his Winchester lay. He felt Joshua’s stare as he slowly thumbed cartridges into his gun.
“You headin’ somewhere?” his brother demanded.
“Sullivan will not live.”
Joshua quietly drew one of the great chairs to Sheridan’s bedside and sat. “I can take care of it for you,” he offered.
“No. My eyes will be the last Sullivan looks into. I warned him and he still had someone shoot her.” Elijah cleared his throat as his voice broke. “I never believed I could feel such terror again until I heard the shot and saw her bloodied form.”
“You love her?”
Elijah hesitated almost too afraid to say it. But he would be dammed if he allowed fear to rule him anymore. What he felt for Sheridan was deep. More complex than anything he’d ever felt before. And he felt like a heel for not admitting it sooner. He could have lost her and she never would have known how much he cherished her. How much he looked forward to her smiles and the simple pleasures she took in life, to relax him, to center him. He couldn’t bear the idea of her being unhappy, living without the family and home she’d always hungered for.
The west was not made for women from her background. It was rough, savage and left no room for the weak. But she was not weak. She had dared to reach for love and he had almost crushed her for it. She had dared to find him when she was threatened, risking her life, knowing the wall he had erected around his heart. Many would have succumbed to Sullivan’s advances. Many would have wilted under the force that had been Thomas’s personality. But not her. She was his woman and he would not shy from it anymore.
“More than life itself. I cannot bear the idea of her being unhappy. I was pushing her away because of fear, Joshua, and it was damn stupid of me because no matter when I lose her, now or fifty years from now, it will leave me a shell of a man. I am determined for us to have years together, years filled with laughter and love.”
Joshua nodded. “Was wondering when you would take your head out of your ass and see what was in front of you. I know the fear you feel in losing those you love. What happened to Emma and Nathan was a tragedy I would never want to see befall our family again. You deserve peace, brother, and you deserve happiness with a woman who loves you. Losing Emma and Nathan, even almost losing Sheridan today, these are not your failures, we have no control over our fate, but we can control our reactions to them. We can control the despair when it tries to steal our soul. And the baby…Are you sure?”
Elijah smiled. “The doctor confirmed.” He raked his hand through his hair. “Why won’t she wake?”
“It i
s a good sign that she is snoring.”
He looked at Joshua. Snoring? Elijah listened and realized that was what the soft puffs of sounds were.
“I know you have been avoiding the ranch because of Beth. So thank you for coming.”
Joshua’s swift intake was loud in the room, but he did not respond.
Elijah strode to the door. “I am heading to the Double Diamond. Sullivan will not see me coming, so cease your worrying.”
Joshua snorted and Elijah smiled. “Do not leave her alone even if you hear Beth’s approach. And if Sheridan wakes before I return. Let her know I am coming back.”
Without waiting for Joshua’s reply Elijah slipped from the room. Calm settled over him. Sullivan would indeed not see him coming and he would put a bullet in his head for the vicious way he acted against Sheridan. And Elijah would have no mercy.
***
Sheridan woke to the soft chirpings of birds, or were they cicadas? She groaned, her body feeling stiff. Her eyes fluttered open and she stared around the room bewildered. Where was she? She shifted and pain slashed through her right shoulder. She felt for the source and froze when she felt the bandages. Memories rushed in of cantering on the range, the crack echoing in the basin, and the burning pain. The horror she had seen on Elijah’s face and then the abyss. Then hands half waking her to force her to swallow broth, and cool waters bathing her. She had been shot.
Panic surged through her and she pressed her hands to her stomach. Her baby? She felt no pain or tenderness. Her stomach growled. She eased herself into a sitting positing wincing at the pain as she reached out to grip the table.
She blinked at the amount of flowers in the room and on the table. Where was everyone? She tried to reach for the bell and paused when she noticed the letters. Five of them in total. She reached for the one closest to her and unfolded it. It was to her…from Elijah? Oh God had he left? Seeing her hurt would have reinforced all of his nightmares and proved to him why she was unsuited for the west.