by Whitley Cox
“What I did while I was finding out who I really am is none of your concern, Russ. And neither are my children. This is between Sam and me.”
“Like hell it is,” my father responded. “Your parents, Mary and I and Sam have been raising those kids since you left. We love them, care about them, and we don’t want to see all the hard work we’ve put in trying to get them back on track after you left go sideways because you have had a sudden whim to come back into their lives. For how long, Meegan? How long do you plan to stick around before you realize you’re still lost and need to go off to ‘find yourself’ again?”
I attempted to swallow, but it was a serious struggle. Pivoting, I faced my dad. “It’s okay, Dad.”
He was ready to blow.
I fixed my ex with a steely glare. “Meegan, what do you want?”
“I want to spend some time with my children.”
I lifted one shoulder. “Why? Why now?”
“Because they’re my children.”
I let out an exasperated huff. It was always this way with her. Cyclical arguing until I eventually got exhausted, and either gave in or just dropped it. The woman was relentless and tiring. And despite the fact that she claimed to have “found herself,” it didn’t appear as though she’d grown up much or changed her selfish ways.
“They were your children the day they were born, but that didn’t stop you from leaving them. I don’t think it’s such a good idea. Gemma was upset when she saw you. Landon doesn’t know who you are.” I swept my arm toward her parents and my dad. “We’ve all spent the last nine months rebuilding what was broken. Please don’t come in here and tear it down. It’s strong, but it’s not unbreakable.”
She stomped her foot like Gemma was known to do when she didn’t get her way. “They’re my kids.”
“Then like a good mother, you should have fucking called first and checked with me.” Then it hit me. How the hell did she know we were here in the first place? I rounded on Vicki and Neil. “Did you two tell her where the kids would be?”
Mirror image shocked faces stared back at me. Neil was the first to speak. “Neither of us have spoken to Meegan since she left, Sam. We support you, we support the kids. As hard as it has been to be estranged from our daughter, we don’t support her decision to leave her children.”
Meegan scoffed. “Thanks, Dad.”
He glared at her but didn’t say anything.
Immediately I felt like complete shit for accusing them of telling Meegan where the kids were. They had been nothing but one hundred percent supportive over these last nine months. There was no need for me to think their loyalty would shift now.
“I figured it out on my own,” Meegan said, sounding bored. “I know when my son’s birthday is. I went by the house, no one was home, so I came here. I want to see them.”
“Not now,” I gritted.
She shrugged. This was all just a bloody game to her. “Fine. But I will see them, Sam. They’re my children.”
“I have to go find Gemma, make sure she’s okay,” I said, wishing the woman’s head would spontaneously pop off as I continued to stare at her. “Show yourself out.” I brushed past her and left the study.
“Where’s Gem?” I asked Daisy. She and my mother were hosting what appeared to be a rousing, if slightly unorthodox game of pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey. Only it wasn’t a donkey, and it wasn’t a tail. My mother was kneeling on the ground, and blindfolded toddlers had to try to tape a paper cut-out of a nose onto her face. Pin-the-nose-on-the-nana?
Daisy handed a “nose” with tape on it to Connie’s son. He immediately tried to eat it. “She went upstairs with your friend.”
“What friend?”
“Harper. She took Landon, Gemma and her daughter up. She seemed to be the only person that could calm Gemma down.”
Really? Did Gemma even know who Harper was? Besides that she was one of the regular mothers at playgroup? I took off down the hall, taking the stairs two at a time. I didn’t hear any voices, no giggles, no murmurs. I’m not sure why, but my heart started to palpitate wildly in my chest. After the bomb drop of Meegan and the way she’d upset Gemma, all I wanted to do was take my child in my arms and reassure her that nothing was going to change and everything was going to be okay. I rounded the corner only to come across the most beautiful scene imaginable. Three tots and one incredible woman, all snuggled up tight on the futon, under a blanket, covered in books while light snores filled the air. Lashes feathered out on rosy cheeks and little chests rose and fell with even breaths. Harper was propped up in the middle, with Landon on her chest belly down, snoozing like a good old thing, and the girls cuddled up tight to each of her sides, their hands on her stomach as their heads rested against her ribs.
My breath snagged in my throat. All I could do was stare. It didn’t matter that it’d only been a few weeks, or that our dates had been canceled or interrupted, or that we’d never slept together. This woman was amazing, and I was falling in love with her.
“Who the hell is that?”
I spun around to find Meegan standing behind me. Thank God she had the common decency to keep her voice down. I snatched her bony elbow and wheeled her down the hall, hopefully out of earshot.
“Why the fuck did you follow me? I told you to leave.”
“I want to see my children,” she said with an ugly feline snarl.
“They’re sleeping. I said, not now.”
“Who is that woman?”
My eyes darted quickly back in the direction of the room. I couldn’t hear voices yet. Hopefully they were all still asleep. “She’s nobody. Nobody important. Just a mother from playgroup whose daughter is friends with Gemma. Let it go.”
“Are you sleeping with her?” Jealously colored her tone and flashed in her eyes.
No. But not for lack of trying.
“Get out, before I throw you out.”
Meegan’s crimson-stained lips curled up into a sinister smile. “If I find out you’re sleeping with her … ”
“You’ll what, leave? Take the kids? We’re not together, Meegan, remember? You gave up your parental rights. Ended our relationship. The separation is final. We’re through. They’re not your children anymore.” Christ almighty, it felt like I was on a bloody Ferris wheel that never ended, or some sick and twisted game show where they brought out your worst nightmare.
“I want to try again,” she said, lifting her chin high in the air.
“Get out!” I pointed down the stairs. “Now!”
She turned to go, but then shot me a look over her shoulder as she hovered above the first step, her hand on the bannister. “This isn’t over, Sam.” She made her way down the steps.
“It is today.” Then I headed back to the bedroom to find Harper’s big brown eyes open and a confused and shattered expression on her groggy face.
Oh fuck, what did she just hear?
I paced my living room until I saw spots. Gemma and Landon were at my parents’ for the night and I was alone. Despite her earlier upset, Gemma had asked to spend the night at Nana and Grampy’s. I’d been all too willing to accept their offer to keep the kids. I needed to think.
What was she doing back here? Stirring up shit, that’s what.
And the look on Harper’s face when I walked back into the room ... Fuck, it made me want to rip my hair out and scream at the thought of it. She’d been stoic, though, prying herself and Carly out from under the covers, making sure Landon and Gemma didn’t wake up. She’d offered me a small smile, though nothing but hurt touched her eyes, then she carried a sleeping Carly down the stairs and out to her car. She hadn’t said a word to me. I hadn’t said a word to her. I didn’t know what to say. I wasn’t sure how much of Meegan’s and my conversation she’d heard, and I couldn’t entirely remember all the things I’d said or the things Meegan had said. All I saw when my ex was around was red. But I’d said something that hurt Harper. Or Meegan had. Or we both had.
“Fuck!” I picked up my water gl
ass and heaved it against the fireplace. It shattered. I didn’t care. I continued to pace, running my hands through my hair and pulling on the ends until pain shot down the back of my neck.
Suddenly the house was suffocating. I needed to get out. I couldn’t be here. Yes, it was my home, my children’s home, but Meegan had lived here, too, and the memories of her, of us flooded me like a dam breaking. I couldn’t stay here. What if she showed up? I wasn’t sure what I would do. We certainly weren’t safe in the same space without witnesses around.
Leaving the glass on the floor, I snatched up my keys, wallet and jacket in the foyer, then ran out to my Volvo. There was a break in the weather, but another storm was on its way. This time they were threatening freezing rain. Fucking wonderful.
Chapter 15
Harper
Carly was in bed and I was alone. I’d only had half the bottle of malbec last night, so I was finishing off the other half tonight. I was drowning my sorrows in a forty-seven-dollar bottle of wine as I ate leftover Mexican and made snide, sarcastic comments to the actors on the screen of the rom-com I was watching.
“He only wants you because you put out on the first date. And you know why you were able to put out on the first date? Because you don’t have kids!” I shoved a fork full of empanada in my mouth and moaned in satisfaction. “Fuck, this is good.”
“I love you, Elora,” said the cheesy, boy-band-looking actor on the television. “You’re somebody to me. Somebody special.”
I crumpled up my napkin and tossed it at the screen. “Fuck you, Westin. She’s only somebody because you guys never got cock-blocked and she doesn’t come with baggage. And you, you little bag—” I glared at Elora as she batted her lashes at Westin. They were standing under the lamp outside her brownstone apartment in the rain. “You’re lucky you’re a somebody special. Not too many of us are these days. Enjoy it, sister.”
A sniffle escaped me, so I smothered it with wine, finishing the glass. Luckily, I had cheaper stuff stashed away in the cupboard. It was already decanting on the counter. Tonight I was going to get drunk enough to forget Sam Wright. And then tomorrow I would start Googling new playgroups.
My phone dinged, and I grabbed it, hoping but also not hoping that it might be Sam. I wasn’t sure what I would say to him. But it wasn’t Sam. It was an email from Daisy McMillan, Sam’s sister. I opened it up and began to read. Thankfully it was mostly multiple choice questions or “Disagree. Somewhat disagree. Neutral. Somewhat agree. Agree.” So, I was able to fill it out with my thumb and still drink my wine and eat my dinner. I’m not sure I would have filled it out if she required me to type shit. I was on my third glass of wine, and my fingers tended to have a life of their own when my blood was mostly alcohol.
I was scraping the bottom of my bowl and contemplating making myself a quesadilla or maybe nachos when there was a light knock at the door. I pried my miserable ass off the couch, drained my wine, wiped my mouth with the back of my hand, and pulled my underwear out of my butt-crack. It was less than ten steps to the door.
I tugged it open, and my jaw nearly hit the floor. He looked mad. Broken. Lost. And sexy as ever-loving fuck. He didn’t wait for me to invite him in but just pushed his way inside, shutting the door and leaning back slightly against it. “Where’s Carly?”
I swallowed. “Sleeping.”
“Down here?”
“Y-yes.”
“Can you be quiet or will I have to gag you?”
I had nothing in my mouth but I choked, anyway. I tried to find a glimmer of humor in his eyes, but there wasn’t even a speck. The man was staring at me with full-on raw, animalistic lust. I was going to get fucked tonight, and I was going to get fucked hard. The only choice I had in the matter was whether he gagged me or not.
I shook my head. “I-I can b-be quiet.”
He toed off his shoes and hung up his leather jacket. “Good.” Then he scooped me up and took off in the direction of my bedroom.
Sam tossed me on the bed hard enough I bounced. The lamp on my nightstand was the only light in the room, and the way it cast shadows onto his face lent him an almost menacing look. New angles, sharp and edgy. His brows pinched into a deep V, and his eyes glowed fierce and blue.
My chest rose and fell in quick succession, and my tongue darted out between my lips. I wanted this man more than anything, and even if I was a nobody to him, nobody important, tonight we were going to get what we both wanted, and that was to feel good. To feel alive, to feel … something. For one night I wanted to be more than just “mummy.” I wanted to be me, a sexual being, a woman someone found attractive, even if it was just a physical thing.
Without taking his eyes from me, Sam removed his shirt. His big, capable fingers worked the buttons of his long-sleeved shirt with deft precision. He peeled it off, revealing those beautiful tattoos. His children’s names and flowers, flames and passions from his life. I wanted to run my hands over them, feel the muscles bunch beneath my fingers and the smooth, tanned skin ripple into goose flesh as I grazed my tongue along the lines of sexy ink.
He ditched his socks but not his jeans before climbing onto the bed. Ripped and predatory, his body showed strength. I watched as his abs, each delicious one of them, flexed with his smooth, calculated movements. The man was exquisite. Passion uncoiled inside me, taking over and making me pulse. I wasn’t paying attention to his hands, and he took me by complete surprise. Like a lithe panther, ensnaring its prey with one swipe of a strong paw, he grabbed my ankles, and in a blink I was beneath him.
“I’m going to fuck you, Harper.”
I swallowed. “Okay.”
“Hard and fast the first time, because I think we both need that. Then slow and gentle. And then any way you choose.”
Holy shit! We were going to be up all damn night.
All I could do was nod and stare up into those beautiful blue eyes.
His gaze was searing hot as it bored into me, unwavering, unblinking. His hand came up, and his fingers traced the length of my jaw. His voice was quiet and almost distant. “What did I say?”
What?
I must have looked confused, because he repeated it. “What did I say to make you leave so abruptly today?”
I shook my head and pushed down the hard lump forming in my throat. “It’s nothing.”
I’m nobody. Nobody important.
“Tell me now, or I will haul you over my knee and spank it out of you, do you understand?”
His finger came up under my chin and held me there. I couldn’t look away even if I tried.
“Tell me.”
My lip trembled. “Y-you called me nobody special. You called me a nobody.” I squeezed my eyes shut for a moment and tried to shake my head. Meanwhile, a stupid lone tear slipped down the side of head into my ear. “It’s fine. I get it. This is just a hookup thing. Sex with no attachment or future. I was stupid to think it was more. My bad. At least I get a couple orgasms out of it, right?” I forced out a laugh, but it came out as more of a choked sob.
Realization dawned on him, turning his eyes from fierce to regretful in an instant. His plump lips drew down into a frown, and for a moment, his gaze drifted from mine and he looked down at the bedspread.
“It’s okay,” I said again, this time making myself laugh. “Don’t sweat it. I’m excited about what’s to come. I need this.” I ran my hand up his thigh and cupped him. He was hard and warm, and even in his jeans I knew he was a healthy specimen of a man. “We both do.”
His gaze flicked back to mine. His jaw was set tight. “You. Are. Not. Nobody.”
“You don’t have to—” I didn’t have a chance to finish before he hauled me up by my arms. I suddenly found myself over his lap, my stomach to his thighs as he sat on the edge of the bed.
I panted against his knees as I craned my neck around to look at him. His fingers wove their way into my hair, and he held me in place. I felt a poke on my butt cheek. He’d found the hole in my yoga pants.
Shit! Of
all the nights to dress like a frumpy mom. Where was my baby pink satin teddy when I needed it? Oh yeah, the same place as my other size four clothing, on the rack at the thrift store because I no longer fit any of it and it was taking up valuable space in my shoebox of a closet.
“I noticed you the moment you walked into playgroup six months ago. Your hair was longer back then. I like it better now.” He ran his hand over my butt cheeks, then slowly peeled down my yoga pants until my ass was bare and faced the sky. He resumed his caress. His hand felt wonderful. Strong and firm, and capable of delivering a wallop of a smack if needed, I bet. “You had oatmeal on your shirt, banana in your hair, and you were wearing these pants with the hole in the butt. I thought you were adorable. I was smitten from that moment. In my head, I call you ‘hot mom.’ ”
I gasped when he slipped two fingers between my folds and flicked my clit. I was wet, so unbelievably wet. His other hand was still holding my hair, keeping me in place.
I felt his cock twitch in his jeans beneath my belly, so I ground down onto it. He pinched my clit, making me yelp.
“Play with fire, and you will get burned,” he said softly. “I’ve watched you every Monday for the past six months, Harper. To me you couldn’t be further from a ‘nobody.’ And you are certainly someone special.” He plunged his fingers inside me, and I inhaled, groaning from how good it felt to have a man touching me again. He did that beautiful little come-hither crook of his fingers, grazing my walls just right while his thumb continued to rub my clit into gentle submission.
“I’m sorry you overheard me with Meegan. I didn’t mean what I said. I need you to know that. She isn’t entitled to knowledge of my personal life, and seeing as we haven’t even told the kids, my parents or anyone besides Amy, your sister and my sister, I figured the last person that needed to know was my ex.”
The vice grip Sam had in my hair eased up, and he gently tugged my head around so I was looking at him.
“You believe me, don’t you?”