by Steve Korte
“You were right, Robin,” said Beast Boy with a low growl. “I’ve never felt more emotionally complex, yo.”
“Totally,” Raven tersely agreed.
Starfire reached out and grasped Robin’s shoulder and said, “I am grateful for what you’ve done for us, Robin.”
Suddenly, Cyborg jumped back from the kitchen table. He proudly pumped his metallic biceps and flexed his pecs.
“Look at how defined my muscles are!” he yelled. “Booyah!”
Beast Boy stretched his mouth wide to form a grimace.
“Wow, I can’t even smile anymore!” he boasted.
Robin crossed his thickly muscled arms and struck a triumphant pose.
“Finally, we are no longer disgraces,” he said. “We are the team I always dreamed we could be. This, my friends… this is what SERIOUS looks like.”
“Things just got the real…” Starfire began, and then she gasped. “I am now saying the one-liners just like a real hero!” she said with pride.
All five Titans lifted their heads, crossed their arms over their chests, and planted their feet firmly on the floor. For the next ten minutes, they stood in the middle of the kitchen showing off their most heroic poses.
BREEEEP! BREEEEP! BREEEEP!
The piercing wail of the Titan’s crime alert system broke the silence. All five Titans ran into the living room. Robin peered at a video screen.
“The president is calling us to say that H.I.V.E.’s about to launch a murder satellite,” Robin said. “If we can’t stop them, the world will be destroyed… forever!”
The serious looks on the faces of all five Titans grew even more serious.
“Titans, GO!” Robin yelled.
CHAPTER
5
Later that evening, over five hundred miles away from Jump City, the skies grew dark over one of the nation’s largest army bases. A ring of mountains surrounded the base. Five grim super heroes stood atop one of those mountains. The Teen Titans peered intently at the army base far below them.
“What are we looking at, Robin?” asked Starfire. “It is very dark.”
“Of course it’s dark,” snapped Robin. “Nighttime is the most serious time to fight crime!”
Raven squinted in the darkness, struggling to view the scene below her.
“Yeah, but I can’t see anything, either,” she said.
“It makes it even more dangerous,” Robin said with grim satisfaction.
“I could use my cybernetics to see,” Cyborg said, but then he paused to reflect. “Or… would that cause me to lose my humanity?” he wondered.
Beast Boy solemnly faced his teammates and said, “In case we don’t come back, I want to say that it’s been an honor serving with all of you.”
The other Titans nodded grimly.
“It’s showtime,” Robin said with great seriousness.
An immense domed building stood in the middle of the army base. Inside that building, the five members of H.I.V.E. were busy executing their evil plan to destroy the world. Gizmo was motioning to guide a large crane that Billy Numerous was driving. Mammoth and See-More were looping cables around a giant nuclear missile. Jinx was busy pushing buttons on the control panel of a computer. A large 10 appeared on the countdown clock behind her. Within minutes, H.I.V.E. guided the nuclear missile onto its launching pad.
“Everything is ready,” Gizmo announced. “The missile is good to go!”
CLOMP! CLOMP! CLOMP!
The heavy footsteps of the Teen Titans echoed through the building. The members of H.I.V.E. spun around, surprised.
“No missiles are being launched on our watch!” Robin yelled gruffly.
“Whoa, Titans,” said Gizmo. “You guys look serious!”
“We’re done playing games with you, H.I.V.E.,” Robin said as he heroically placed his hands on his hips.
“Really? That’s too bad,” said Gizmo. With an evil smile, he reached over and hit a button on the control panel. It was the countdown to launch the missile!
CRASH!
Robin swung his bo staff in the air and knocked Mammoth to the ground.
10… 9…
POW!
Starfire threw a devastating punch to See-More’s stomach.
8… 7…
ZAP!
Raven emitted a mystical aura that froze Jinx in place.
6… 5…
OOF!
Beast Boy transformed into a giant green gorilla and smacked Billy Numerous right in the face.
4… 3…
WHAM!
Cyborg pointed his sonic cannon wrist weapon at Gizmo and blasted the villain into the air.
2… 1…
WHOOOOOOOOOOSH!
The entire building started shaking as the nuclear missile launched into the air. The Titans watched grimly as the missile shot through an opening in the roof and sailed high above the army base.
“How do we stop it?!” Cyborg asked.
“With serious firepower!” Robin yelled. “Titans, GO!”
Within seconds, Cyborg had started reassembling his bionic body parts. He converted his metallic arms into two giant laser cannons. His legs were transformed into powerful jet engines, and his back changed into a passenger cockpit large enough for Robin, Starfire, and Raven to jump aboard.
Meanwhile, Beast Boy morphed into a giant green Tyrannosaurus Rex.
Cyborg and the other Titans quickly latched on to the back of the dinosaur.
ZOOOOOM!
Cyborg’s jet engines blasted into action, sending the dinosaur and the other Titans soaring into the air, chasing after the nuclear missile.
ZAP! ZAP! ZAP!
Searing hot blasts shot out of Cyborg’s laser cannons. The blasts quickly found their target.
KER-BLAM!
The missile exploded harmlessly in the atmosphere far above Earth. The Teen Titans had saved the planet from certain destruction!
CHAPTER
6
The Teen Titans returned to the army base to gather up the members of H.I.V.E. Suddenly, three figures stepped out of the shadows.
“That was some serious hero work, Titans,” said one of the figures.
“Aqualad!” said Robin with surprise.
“We came here to clean up your mess, but it looks like you have everything under control,” Aqualad said grudgingly.
Superboy and Miss Martian nodded in agreement.
“Perhaps you can admit you misjudged us,” Robin said.
“You do look pretty serious now,” Aqualad said. “But I just worry… is it too serious?”
“Too serious?!” screamed Cyborg. “You don’t understand what it’s like to be half-machine and half-man!”
“Let’s get out of here, Titans,” Robin said. “There’s a life-and-death emergency in the Muka Muka Sector we have to deal with.”
Robin paused dramatically and narrowed his eyes to a squint.
“And something tells me this is only the beginning!” he added, before striding off with extra grim purpose.
Twelve hours later, the Teen Titans were back in Titans Tower. Robin was standing next to the window again, lost in deep and very serious thoughts. Cyborg and Beast Boy were sitting at opposite ends of the couch, glaring at each other. Raven and Starfire were seated nearby.
“Can you believe that Aqualad thought we were too serious?” Robin grumbled.
“Not now, Robin,” said Beast Boy. “I need to have a little talk with my supposed friend, Cyborg.”
“What do you mean ‘supposed’ friend?” Cyborg asked angrily.
“You know what this is about,” declared Beast Boy. “You drank my juice, and I want to know why!”
“I was thirsty,” said Cyborg.
“You knew that was my juice! My name was on the carton!” yelled Beast Boy.
“So?” Cyborg said, stifling a yawn.
“If I can’t trust you with my juice, then maybe I can’t trust you at all,” Beast Boy said, turning away from Cyborg.
/> “Well, that makes two of us,” agreed Cyborg. “Trust is a two-way street, friend-o!”
Robin watched his two teammates with concern. Forcing himself to smile, Robin tried to defuse the situation.
“Hey, guys, let’s not get too serious,” Robin said. “It was just juice.”
“That’s easy for you to say,” Beast Boy said savagely. “It wasn’t your juice!”
Suddenly, Raven started yelling, “Guys! The monster in me is feeding on your anger. I don’t know who I am anymore!”
“C’mon now,” Robin said. “You’re Raven!”
“Am I?” Raven asked with a worried look. A dark aura had surrounded her, and she spun around to confront her teammates. Her face was a mask of pain. “Or am I a monster? Or a freak?” she wailed. “I don’t think I can be a part of this team anymore!”
“Waaaah!” Starfire burst into tears, and between sobs she asked, “What is happening to our team? Since I have come to this planet, you have been like the family to me. Without the Teen Titans, I have no one.”
Beast Boy shouted angrily, “It’s too late, Star. He knew what he was doing when he drank the juice. My juice!”
“And I enjoyed every single sip of it!” taunted Cyborg.
“Arrrrrgggggh!” screamed Beast Boy as he launched himself into the air and started attacking Cyborg.
“Urrrrrrrggh!” grunted Cyborg as he fought off Beast Boy.
“The darkness is everywhere!” Raven wailed as an inky blackness surrounded her.
“Waaaaaah!” Starfire continued to sob.
Robin surveyed his anguished teammates and pondered quietly, “I thought being serious would bring us closer together, but it’s only driven us apart. Could this be the end of our team? What will the next chapter bring in the saga of the Teen Titans?”
CHAPTER
7
One chapter later, the Teen Titans were back to their normal sizes and lounging in the Titans Tower living room.
Beast Boy waggled his tongue and made fart noises.
Cyborg rotated his head in 360-degree circles to the sounds of circus calliope music.
Raven reread her favorite Pretty, Pretty Pegasus book for the fourteenth time.
Starfire tickled Silkie’s tiny pink stomach.
And Robin let out a deep sigh of relief. All of that drama and grimacing was exhausting. So what if they weren’t super SERIOUS? At least the team was together.
CHAPTER
1
It was a pretty typical Thursday for the Teen Titans. Four of them were lounging in their living room at the top of Titans Tower, their team headquarters. Raven was rereading her favorite Pretty, Pretty Pegasus storybook for the fifteenth time. Beast Boy was counting his toes. Cyborg was polishing his metallic chest plate to keep it nice and shiny. And Starfire was cuddling with Silkie, her beloved mutant moth larva.
Suddenly, Robin jumped into the room, startling his teammates. He looked around dramatically.
“Titans! Can you feel it?!” he called out.
Cyborg cautiously took two steps away from Robin.
“No,” Cyborg said nervously. “And I don’t think I want to.”
Robin ignored that comment and said, “Well, I can. Something in the air is telling me today is SPECIAL!”
Beast Boy looked up from his toe-counting and asked, “Special how, yo?”
“Special as in something is going to happen that will take twice as long and twice as many pages for us to resolve as it usually does!” Robin said.
Starfire looked impressed. “The increased amount of time and pages sounds the amazing!” she said.
“That’s right, Star,” agreed Robin. “Because ever so often an event occurs that’s special—a special event, if you will—that propels us into an epic adventure!”
Raven glanced up from her book and said in a bored voice, “I’m kinda busy. When does this go down?”
“Any second now,” Robin promised. “Just wait for it!”
Seconds passed. Then minutes. As Robin patiently waited, the other Titans shrugged and went back to their tasks.
An hour later, the air conditioner in the corner of the living room gave out a sputtering cough and shut down.
“That’s it!” Robin cried out. “Did you hear that? The air conditioning broke down! Talk about special!”
“But did we not already experience the breaking of the conditioner of the air long ago?” asked Starfire.
“And that was not special at all,” said Raven. “In fact, it was a little boring.”
“I’m telling you, this… is… special!” Robin insisted. “From this broken air conditioner, we will set forth on our most exciting adventure to date! An extra-long story perhaps divided into two distinct parts! We’re talking two separate but linked adventures here, Titans. Who knows… perhaps forty pages for each adventure!”
Beast Boy wiped some sweat off his forehead and sank deeper into the couch. “I’m feelin’ pretty hot, yo,” he complained.
Robin nodded eagerly and said, “Feeling hot, excellent. Okay! Let’s see where our journey continues on our special two-part adventure!”
The Titans journeyed to the outdoor swimming pool at the base of Titans Tower. Robin, Raven, Starfire, and Beast Boy had all changed into their swimsuits. They were now floating happily in the pool, splashing in the cool water. Cyborg was standing at the edge of the pool, smiling excitedly at his teammates.
“This does not feel like the special event yet,” said Starfire.
“Are you sure?” Robin asked. “Pools can be pretty special!”
“You want something special?” called out Cyborg as he jumped through the air, about to execute a perfect cannonball dive into the pool. “Caaanooonbaaall!!!!” he cried out.
Unfortunately, Cyborg’s heavy metal body sent him plummeting through the water. He crashed into the concrete floor of the pool and knocked a giant hole in the bottom. The Titans watched with dismay as the water instantly drained from the pool.
“Great job,” Raven said sarcastically.
“You ruined the pool, Cyborg!” Robin said, before pausing to add, “Wait, this could be special… maybe.”
Beast Boy climbed out of the pool and started to walk away.
“Bros, I’m still crazy hot,” he said. “I’ve got to cool off, and I know a special place to do it.”
“Did he say special?” Robin asked with excitement.
CHAPTER
2
A few hours later, the Titans, still clad in their swimwear, were standing in front of one of the most famous buildings in the world. It was the Hall of Justice, the headquarters of the super-hero team known as the Justice League. The building’s shining white towers glinted in the sunlight. In front of the Hall of Justice was a giant fountain filled with sparkling blue water.
Robin turned to Beast Boy and said, “The Hall of Justice? I like where things are going! This is special!”
Raven sighed and said, “Please stop saying the word ‘special’.”
“Just trying to get everyone hyped,” Robin explained.
Beast Boy started running toward the giant fountain and called out, “All right, I’m swimming! Who’s with me?”
“We are!” yelled Robin, Starfire, and Raven as they jumped into the fountain.
Only Cyborg stood at the edge of the pool, looking worried.
“You know, you guys are disrespecting the fountain with all your horseplay!” he said to his teammates.
Beast Boy splashed some water at Cyborg and said, “Lighten up, bro. C’mon in!”
“No way,” Cyborg said. “What if the Justice League catches us?”
“Who cares?” asked Raven.
Cyborg frowned and said, “They would never let me join if they caught me swimming in their fountain!”
“I did not know you wished to join the League of Justice,” said Starfire.
“It’s always been a dream of mine to be part of a first-rate super-hero team,” Cyborg explained. “I�
��d give anything to be a member of the Justice League!”
Robin was floating on his back as he said, “That’s very touching, Cyborg. But you do know that if they took anyone, it would obviously be me, right? So stop worrying and get in here. It feels great! Ooooh… I just found a warm spot in the water!”
Beast Boy smiled at Robin and said, “You’re welcome, bro.”
“Ewwww!” Raven said as she moved away from Robin.
“What?” asked Robin, puzzled.
“Beast Boy made the water warm,” Raven explained to Robin. “Get it?”
“Well, whatever he did, this warm water is really relaxing my muscles,” Robin said as he dipped his head deeper into the water.
“That’s the warm embrace of justice, bro,” Beast Boy said happily.
Starfire started swimming toward Beast Boy and said, “I also want the embracing of the warm justice.”
Raven pulled Starfire out of the fountain and said, “You really don’t. In fact, we should all get out right now.”
“Good idea,” said Robin as he climbed out of the fountain. “Since today is so special, I think Cyborg should live his dream. Come on, buddy. I’m going to introduce you to the Justice League!”
The other Titans followed Robin to the front of the Hall of Justice.
“I’m nervous,” Cyborg said as he peered up at the hall’s immense steel door. “Let’s just go home.”
“Nonsense, you should meet them,” Robin said as he reached up to touch the doorbell. With a chuckle, Robin suspiciously added, “They’ll love you!”
Cyborg smiled and said, “Do you really think they’re going to love—”
Before he could finish his sentence, Robin rang the doorbell and called out, “Uh-oh! Ding dong ditch!”
Laughing hysterically, Robin ran back to the fountain. Starfire, Beast Boy, and Raven were right behind him. “Ding dong ditch! Ding dong ditch!” they all called out as they jumped back into the fountain.