Teen Titans Go!: Growing Painz

by Steve Korte

  BLAM! BLAM! BLAM!

  The invisible plane rolled forward and smacked three times against the Flash’s red rocket. Soon, the rocket was a pile of red rubble on the floor of the garage.

  “Oooo, yikes!” Raven said with dismay. “Okay, okay. I’ve got it now.”

  POW!

  Within seconds, the invisible jet pulverized the Batwing.

  Robin sighed.

  “I guess we’ll ride with you, then,” he said. “Everyone squeeze in.”

  The other Titans grunted and groaned as they crammed themselves into the tight confines of the invisible jet. Beast Boy’s head was pressed up against Cyborg’s back. Starfire’s legs were jammed against Raven’s neck. Robin had to hang upside-down from the jet’s ceiling.

  “Ouch,” Robin said as his face smacked into Cyborg’s elbow. “Okay, let’s go.”

  Raven closed her eyes and reached out to push one more invisible button.

  WHOOOOSH!

  The invisible jet zoomed through the air. Within seconds, it had emerged from the Hall of Justice and was soaring through outer space.

  “Does anyone know the way to Apokolips?” asked Robin.

  CHAPTER

  3

  After several hours and a few wrong turns, the Teen Titans finally landed on the glowing red planet of Apokolips. The Titans looked around apprehensively as they stood on the barren red soil and glanced at the deep red sky above them.

  “So this is Apokolips,” said Cyborg. “It sure is red.” He looked behind him and noticed Beast Boy was missing. “Where’s the Martian Manhunter?” Cyborg asked.

  Beast Boy’s voice called out from the invisible jet. “Still on the invisible toilet, bro!” he yelled.

  “Can you at least shut the door?!” Raven asked angrily.

  “You’re out of invisible toilet paper, Mama,” he said.

  “Ew…” muttered Raven.

  Cyborg gathered the other Titans around him.

  “This is the most dangerous planet in the universe,” Cyborg said. “To save the Justice League, we’ll have to use all our powers together. Robin, you will have to…” Cyborg looked around. There was no sign of his teammate.

  Suddenly, Robin appeared from behind a red rock. “I’m Batman!” he said.

  Cyborg turned to look at him and said, “Listen, I need you to…”

  But Robin had vanished again.

  “Where’d he go?” Cyborg asked.

  Robin dangled upside-down from the invisible jet. “I’m Batman!”

  “Listen, I just need…” Cyborg began, but Robin was already gone. “Stop disappearing dramatically!” Cyborg shouted.

  Robin popped up behind Starfire. “What was that you said?” he asked. “I’m Batman!”

  “Stay still and listen!” Cyborg shouted angrily.

  But Robin had already disappeared. Seconds later, he appeared on top of Cyborg’s shoulder.

  “I can’t stay still,” Robin said. “I’m Batman!”

  “Say ‘I’m Batman’ one more time,” Cyborg said ominously. “I dare you. I double-dare you!”

  Robin paused. Then he whispered, “I’m. Batman.”

  Cyborg pointed his power ring at Robin. Suddenly, a glowing green grandma emerged from the ring.

  BLAM!

  The scowling senior citizen drew back her foot and kicked Robin in the stomach, sending him tumbling through the air.

  “Oooooooo!” said Beast Boy. “You just got beat down, son!”

  “Thanks, Bea,” said Cyborg. “Is there nothing your deadpan sass can’t fix?”

  Moments later, the Titans nervously approached Darkseid’s giant palace. The glowing red building was shaped in the form of Darkseid’s scowling face, and the Titans climbed through one of the eyes on the face to enter the palace.

  THUMP!

  Each Titan dropped as quietly as possible onto the rough stone floor of Darkseid’s throne room. They followed a jagged path along the rocky floor that eventually led them to the edge of a steep chasm in the middle of the room. The Titans peered cautiously over the edge of the chasm. Below them was a swirling pool of glowing green acid, violently popping and boiling as evil-smelling fumes wafted in the air.

  Cyborg suddenly looked up and gasped. “There! It’s the Justice League!” he said.

  The other Titans looked up and saw five green metallic pods dangling from chains attached to the ceiling. Each pod was about seven feet long with windows on the sides. With horror, the Titans realized that five members of the Justice League were imprisoned within the pods. It appeared that all five of them were sound asleep. The pods swayed dangerously a few feet above the acid.

  “Robin, quick!” yelled Cyborg, “Use your Batarangs to free them!”

  Robin reached into his Utility Belt and extracted two Batarangs. He launched them through the air toward the pods.

  ZZZZZAP!

  Both Batarangs were bombarded with fiery red Omega beams and dissolved into pieces.

  Suddenly, the ground shook as a deep, booming voice filled the air. “How dare you enter my home and try to take what is mine?” it shouted.

  The Titans spun around and gasped as they beheld the imposing figure of Darkseid. He towered over the heroes and started moving toward them. One hand was stretched out, and his eyes glowed, ready to blast the Titans with more deadly Omega beams!

  CHAPTER

  4

  BLAM! BLAM!

  The ground continued to shake as Darkseid’s deafening voice filled the room.

  “Children should not meddle in the affairs of adults!” Darkseid bellowed, his eyes glowing red as he stepped closer to the Titans.

  “That voice… so deep… so scary,” Robin said nervously.

  “So gravelly, yo!” agreed Beast Boy.

  Darkseid’s voice became even deeper and even more ominous as he thundered, “For your insolence, you will be cast into the fires of…”

  Before he could finish his sentence, Starfire flew forward with a small throat lozenge in her hand. “Excuse me, Mr. Seid,” she said politely, “but would you care for a lozenge for the scratchies of your throat?”

  Darkseid peered down at Starfire and boomed, “Uh, yes, actually, I would. I have been fighting this cold for the longest time.” He reached for the lozenge, popped it into his mouth, and spent a few minutes sucking on it. He then cleared his throat and spoke again.

  “Mmm, oh wow! My throat feels so much better,” he said, his voice no longer dark and booming. In fact, his voice was pleasantly sweet and lyrical. “Thank you!” he chirped.

  “My pleasure,” said Starfire with a smile.

  “Now, where was I?” Darkseid said sweetly. “Oh, yes. You will be cast into the fires of Apokolips, where you will burn for eternity!”

  The Titans smiled back at Darkseid. Beast Boy even started to giggle.

  “Um, you’re not cowering in fear,” Darkseid observed.

  “Your voice isn’t threatening anymore,” Robin said.

  “Oh, c’mon! I’m still terrifying,” Darkseid said in a whiny, high-pitched voice. “You should be all trembling and stuff!”

  “Maybe it’ll help if you tell us your evil plans?” offered Raven.

  With an evil grin, Darkseid pointed to the pods containing the Justice League members. “Can’t you see that I have the lives the Justice League literally hanging in the balance?” he said. “I press a button and boom! They’re gone!”

  “You do not sound like the kind of person who would do such a thing,” Starfire said.

  “Well, I’m also going to use the Anti-Life Equation to destroy Earth!” Darkseid added.

  Beast Boy laughed and said, “Equations? Are you a bad guy or a math nerd, bro?”

  “You know, this dude totally sounds like someone else…” Cyborg said. “Oh! I know! He sounds like Odd Bob!”

  The other Titans nodded in agreement.

  A look of deep respect came into Darkseid’s eyes, as he said, “Ah, yes, Odd Bob. He is the great singer of s
ong parodies. If only I was half as evil. To earn a living by making songwriters look like fools! Diabolical!”

  “I don’t know,” Cyborg said doubtfully. “I think it’s all in good fun.”

  Darkseid turned to glare at him and said, “What’s fun about undercutting musicians by subverting their words and compromising their artistic integrity? Odd Bob is a true monster!”

  “You take that back!” Cyborg said with a growl. “He is a national treasure!”

  “A monster, I say!” declared Darkseid.

  “That tears it!” Cyborg shouted. “You’re going down, Darkseid! Justice League, GO!”

  Cyborg turned around to see his teammates staring at him with blank looks on their faces.

  “That’s you, guys!” Cyborg said with exasperation.

  “Oh, right,” said Robin.

  “Sorry, bro,” said Beast Boy.

  The Titans quickly scattered to different corners of the room, hoping to divide Darkseid’s attention.

  With a burst of Flash-like speed, Starfire charged directly at Darkseid.

  BOOM!

  Two fiery red Omega beams shot out of Darkseid’s eyes, toppling Starfire to the ground.

  Robin fired a grapnel launcher and swung through the air on a borrowed Batcable. He quickly reached into his borrowed Utility Belt to grab three exploding Batarangs and tossed them at Darkseid. The villain merely smiled as each device exploded harmlessly at his feet.

  Omega beams quickly shot out of Darkseid’s eyes, severing Robin’s Batcable and sending the young hero plummeting to the floor.

  CLANG! CLANG! CLANG!

  Darkseid blasted three Omega shots toward Raven, who bravely held up her Amazon bracelets to deflect the dangerous rays. With a chuckle, Darkseid watched as one ray bounced off a bracelet and crashed into the floor next to Raven, knocking her to the ground.

  “I’m gonna hunt me some man!” yelled Beast Boy as he charged toward Darkseid. Beast Boy leapt and wrapped his arms around Darkseid’s leg and started vigorously chewing on his ankle. Beast Boy’s razor-sharp teeth seemed to have no effect on the villain.

  Darkseid looked down to glance at his opponent, smiled for a second, and then shot an Omega blast that sent Beast Boy flying across the room.

  Now only Cyborg was left standing. Holding his power ring aloft, Cyborg once again created the glowing green image of the mighty grandmother. The feisty lady put her arms on her hips and prepared to face Darkseid.

  ZZZZZAPPPPPP!

  Darkseid obliterated the golden oldie with a set of Omega beams.

  Cyborg fell to his knees in anguish.

  “Nooooo! You destroyed Bea! How will we ever learn to balance cutting humor and loving friendship without her?!”

  Darkseid chuckled as he moved closer to Cyborg, towering over the sobbing hero.

  “You failed,” said Darkseid. “The Justice League will soon be no more. Earth will be destroyed… along with your precious Odd Bob!”

  Cyborg frowned and said, “I may have failed as Green Lantern… but I won’t fail as Cyborg!”

  Cyborg jumped to his feet and removed the power ring from his finger. Instantly, his Green Lantern outfit disappeared. He was once again the hero Cyborg, and he stood defiantly in front of Darkseid.

  “Do you really think—” Darkseid began.

  But before the villain could finish his sentence, a giant cannon, easily twice the size of the villain, emerged from within Cyborg’s mechanical body. The cannon was pointed directly at Darkseid.

  “Uh-oh,” muttered Darkseid.

  KA-BOOOOOOM!

  The blast from the cannon thoroughly defeated Darkseid, leaving just his purple boots standing on the edge of the chasm.

  “Bull’s-eye!” Cyborg said triumphantly.

  CHAPTER

  5

  The other Titans slowly approached Cyborg, who was standing at the edge of the chasm, staring at the dangling metal pods that contained the Justice League.

  “You were the amazing, Cyborg!” said Starfire.

  “We’ve never been more proud of you!” declared Robin.

  Cyborg smiled and said, “Really?”

  Robin pointed to the pods and said, “You defeated Darkseid and saved the Justice League from certain…”

  SPLASH!

  Before Robin could finish his sentence, the pod containing Martian Manhunter came loose from its chain and dropped into the acid.

  “Well, most of them,” muttered Raven.

  Robin watched Martian Manhunter’s pod sink into the acid.

  “Forget what I just said,” Robin muttered. “You’re a failure.”

  “On the bright side, there’s a spot open on the Justice League now,” added Beast Boy. “You just defeated Darkseid, so they’re probably going to take you, bro!”

  Cyborg shook his head sadly.

  “No, not like this,” he said. “I failed them. If only I could reverse time and bring Martian Manhunter back.” Cyborg pondered for a moment, and then he said, “Reverse time… that’s it! I can send us back in time by flying very fast around the planet, causing it to spin in reverse, creating time travel science.”

  “You mean like they do in the movies?” Robin asked.

  “Exactly!” said Cyborg. “Time travel science!”

  “But according to the law of physics…” Starfire began.

  “No time to chat,” Cyborg said as he launched himself into the air. “Time travel science!” he yelled as he accelerated his speed and starting orbiting the planet.

  ZIP! ZIP! ZIP!

  Cyborg flew faster and faster around the world. Soon, he was traveling so fast that Apokolips began to rotate backward on its axis. As the planet spun in reverse, time also began to travel backward. Suddenly, it was ten minutes earlier and the pod containing Martian Manhunter was once again hanging from the ceiling of Darkseid’s throne room.

  As Cyborg returned, Starfire called out, “Quick, save the Martian Manhunter!”

  Cyborg reached out to grab Martian Manhunter’s pod. Just as he did that, the pod containing the Flash slipped into the acid.

  SPLASH!

  “Oops,” said Cyborg.

  Robin pointed to the sky and yelled at Cyborg, “Again!”

  ZIP! ZIP! ZIP!

  Once again, Cyborg flew into orbit and reversed the planet’s rotation. Once again, time retreated ten minutes.

  As soon as Cyborg returned to the room, he grabbed on to the pods containing Martian Manhunter and the Flash.

  SPASH! SPLASH! SPLASH!

  The three pods containing Wonder Woman, Superman, and Batman all slipped into the acid.

  “Again!” yelled Robin.

  ZIP! ZIP! ZIP!

  When he returned this time, Cyborg quickly moved all five pods to the edge of the chasm.

  CRASH!

  The thin crust at the edge of the chasm gave way, and all five pods tumbled into the acid.

  “Again!” yelled Robin.

  ZIP! ZIP! ZIP!

  Upon his return, Cyborg carefully placed the five pods on thicker ground.

  “We did it!” Starfire said happily.

  “Let’s open these things up!” yelled Beast Boy as he reached to push a button on the nearest pod.

  KA-BOOOOOOOM!

  All five pods exploded into tiny pieces.

  “We are so bad at this!” wailed Raven.

  “Again,” said Robin wearily.

  ZIP! ZIP! ZIP!

  Once again, Cyborg lugged the five pods to a safe location.

  “Let’s just leave them here this time,” suggested Raven.

  “But if we do that, they’ll never know that I defeated Darkseid and saved the world!” Cyborg protested.

  Starfire put her hand on Cyborg’s shoulder and said, “Friend Cyborg, one day the League of Justice will surely recognize your strength and bravery. Just be true to yourself, and you will live your dream.”

  “Thanks, Star,” said Cyborg. “It’s always been my dream to be a member of the Justice
League! But to think that one day I might be able to call the Hall of Justice my home…”

  Cyborg paused, and then he shook his head sadly.

  “Huh, like that will ever happen,” he said.

  As Cyborg continued to sigh, the next-to-last chapter of this special two-part adventure came to a close.

  CHAPTER

  6

  Twenty years later, it was finally time for the final chapter in the epic saga of the Teen Titans’ special two-part adventure. All things considered, the team held up remarkably well. Beast Boy and Starfire were virtually unchanged. Raven now wore reading glasses. Robin’s hairline had receded, and in order to draw attention away from that, he had grown a bushy and rather unattractive mustache.

  These four elder Titans gathered outside the Hall of Justice, which gleamed even more impressively than it had twenty years ago.

  Robin held a finger in front of his bushy mustache to quiet his teammates.

  “Okay, shhh,” he said as the Titans slowly approached the steel door to the Hall of Justice.

  Robin reached out to ring the doorbell.

  “This never gets old,” he said with a laugh as the Titans ran to hide behind the fountain.

  “Ding dong ditch!” they all called out.

  Just then, the Hall of Justice door sprang open, and Justice League team member Cyborg stepped into the sunlight.

  “Hey! I see you!” Cyborg said with a smile as he playfully shook his fist in the air.

  Cyborg ran toward his former teammates and started chasing the Titans around the fountain.

  “Get back here, you scamps!” he said with a laugh.

  As the Titans giggled and ran around the fountain, Raven turned to Robin and asked with disbelief, “This is the ending for our two-part adventure?”

  “I know!” Robin yelled happily. “Talk about SPECIAL!”

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