Spell? What spell is he talking about? Opening my eyes, I look at Kade for the first time, reaching to touch my translucent prison.
“I’m doing this?” I ask with bewilderment.
“I’m not doing it, Himyar certainly wasn’t doing it, and so by process of elimination yes, you have to be the one doing this.”
“But how?”
“I don’t know, but I need you to relax and make it stop.” Distraught, I stare at Kade, who correctly interprets my misgivings. “Yes you can, you can do this.” I close my eyes, take a deep breath, and attempt to connect with my powers and sever the connection that’s keeping this shield going.
“Oh Gwen,” Kade breaks off as he strokes my face. I’m startled by his touch and look up, unaware I’ve succeeded. Scooping me up in his arms, Kade removes me from the wreckage and gently tucks me into the back of his Yukon. Punching a number into his phone, Kade then barks when the intended recipient answers.
“Gwen’s fine, but she and Ben aren’t going to make dinner.” He eyes me warily while pausing to listen. “Let’s just say they were in a car accident... Ben didn’t make it.” There’s another long pause during which Kade runs his fingers through his hair. “What am I doing here? I followed them... I wasn’t going to let her out of my sight,” he answers, meeting my gaze. “We’ll meet you at your place shortly,” he announces as he ends the call.
“You followed me?” I mumble, semi-incoherent.
“Look, I was angry earlier but that doesn’t mean I’d let you go alone.”
“But Hal and Rashid?”
“Are fine warriors but protecting you, that’s my job,” he explains, interrupting me. “Z and I have some clean-up to do, but it’ll only take a second,” he promises. Nodding stiffly, I hug my knees to my chest and watch events unfold through the windshield. Quite a crowd has gathered about the scene of the accident and blaring sirens announce the arrival of an ambulance. Once the ambulance comes to a stop, Kade approaches and I see him speaking with the driver. When he climbs down from the cab a minute later, Kade follows him around the back of the vehicle. Z appears to be on crowd control, moving between the huddled groups of eye witnesses. True to his word, the duo returns in next to no time.
Z opens the door and climbs in beside me while Kade claims the driver’s seat.
“Gwennie, you’re shivering!” Z exclaims, rubbing my clammy hands and arms to promote circulation. “She’s in fucking shock!” he yells at Kade.
“Here, I got these off the ambulance driver,” he answers and hands Z blankets and a thermal pack. Wrapping a blanket around my shoulders, Z activates the hot pack and places it between my fingers.
“Are you alright?” he follows up, searching my face for something.
“No,” I reply, turning away and allowing the sweet self defense mechanism known as apathy to kick in and save me from breaking down again. Shrouded in a mental fog it seems our journey to who-knows-where flies by.
“Gwen, we need to go inside now... it’s time to get out of the car,” Kade repeats, giving me step-by-step instructions like a toddler. Bewildered, I slide to the edge of the bench and accept his hand. I shuffle along, following while he leads us through the parking garage and up an elevator to Hal’s place.
“What happened?” Hal’s befuddled question reaches through my fog and I experience a moment of clarity.
“Worse than I thought... all my fault... Ben’s dead, Ben’s dead!” I repeat like a broken record, voice cracking.
“Shh, you’re safe now. Come with me, you just need to lie down for a bit.” Resting a hand on the small of my back, Kade ushers us towards the bedroom, but not before I lock eyes with Hal.
“How do you survive?” I ask him.
“In pieces, one day at a time,” Hal whispers softly, stepping forward to wrap me in his fiercely protective embrace.
Somehow I find myself lying perfectly still on the bed in Hal’s spare bedroom, but the world won’t stop spinning. Wide-eyed, my brain makes me relive Ben’s final moments over and over and over. I can’t make it stop. Eventually the ice coating my heart melts and I sob against the pillow, drowning in a torrent of grief and still the images play on.
Chapter 22
“Gwen, wake up,” Kade instructs, shaking my shoulder gently to rouse me. To my astonishment, my body replies and I drag my lids open.
“I’ll dial, but I need you to contact Ben’s folks and let them know what happened.”
I stare back at him glassy-eyed; his suggestion is ridiculous. I’m dead, and dead people don’t make phone calls. “Gwen please, I need you to speak with Ben’s mom,” he continues. I sit up and scrunch my knees to my chest then accept the small cellular device he folds into my hand. Placing it to my ear, I hear the sound of repetitive ringing, and when a female voice answers I’ve almost forgotten what it is I’m supposed to be doing.
“Hello?” Mrs. Cohen’s bell-like voice greets me.
“Mrs. Cohen... it’s Gwen.”
“Oh hello dear, so nice to hear from you. Is everything alright? You sound out of sorts,” she asks.
Alright? Is she kidding? Ben is dead, all my fault! Shaking my head, I open my mouth and try to answer. “Something happened, I tried to stop it, and I couldn’t, I couldn’t! Now he’s gone! JUST GONE!”
Faster than lightening, Kade rips the phone from my clutches before my incoherent babbling can scare Mrs. Cohen any further. I slump flat across the bed as my eyes well up.
“Mrs. Cohen, my name is Kaden, and I’m an old friend of Gwen’s. I’m afraid we have some terrible news. Ben and Gwen were in a car accident on the freeway. I’m afraid Ben didn’t survive.” Her painful wail is clear through the phone, and I cover my ears, trying to block out the heartache.
“Gwen isn’t taking it well... no, I don’t know if she’s up to that. If you could... that would be wonderful, thank you. Let me give you my cell phone number.” The snippets of their conversation that I can hear sound so normal. How do they do that?
“Just one more for today, Gwen, I promise.” Uncovering my ears, I let Kade draw me back into a sitting position. “Now we have to call your parents.” Vigorously I shake my head and pull away from him. “That’s how these things work, Gwen, we have to tell your family what happened.” A second time he places the phone back in my hand.
“Mom,” I say immediately when she picks up. “A car hit us, Mom, Ben is dead,” I tell her, trying to sound as calm and rational about it as Kade. Without a second thought I give him back the phone and curl up in a ball on the bed. Closing my eyes, I will death to come and save me from this nightmare. I feel the covers drawn over the top of me and hear Kade mumble something about taking care of everything else before oblivion welcomes me.
* * *
“So you couldn’t see anything?”
“No, the barrier was completely invisible, about a foot and half out from her body. Try as we might, neither Z nor I could penetrate it.”
“Fascinating. I wonder what it looked like from her perspective.”
The hushed conversation outside the bedroom door wakes me, but I have no desire to relive the wretched ordeal by describing the events for them. I don’t know what time it is, or what day it is, but it doesn’t matter. All I know is I smell and I’m still alive. When the door cracks I look up.
“I think today you should shower and eat.” Hal’s ordinary request seems so frivolous a suggestion, but I manage a weak nod, not really caring one way or the other.
“Here let me,” Kade speaks up, stepping past Hal to come to my aid and escort me to the bathroom.
“No!” Hal’s simple but firm command stops Kade in his tracks.
“She’s weak...”
“No! Nothing is wrong with her body, but there will be unless you stop babying her.”
“You’re done wallowing, get in the shower.” Hal’s rebuke and curt instructions to me earn him a heated glare from Kade and I wonder if they might come to blows.
“If you can’t han
dle this then get out. This is how we bring her back,” Hal informs Kade, whose fearful glance flicks to me before he stomps from the room.
“Was that necessary?” I chastise him as a bit of my old humor surfaces, which feels so very peculiar in my emotionally bankrupt state.
“Yes, he’s an utter fool when it comes to you, remember?”
I do, I remember! Hal had once spoken those very words to me. When he points again, I trudge to the shower, taking my first steps of life after death.
When I’m done in the bathroom not only do I find a fresh can of Coke and clean clothes, but someone’s stripped the bedding and opened a window. I guess I’m not going back to bed, I smirk. Throwing on the jeans and t-shirt, I then find a brush and comb through my damp hair before leaving the sanctuary of the bedroom. To my utter shock and amazement, Melanie is seated at Hal’s small kitchen dinette conversing with Kade. Leaping to her feet when she sees me, I watch her visibly restrain herself from running over and smothering me with affection.
“I’m so sorry Gwennie,” she tells me, bursting into tears and hugging me tenderly. The spunky little blonde is only half my size, and as funny as it seems for me to be consoling her at this moment, that’s what I do. It’s just how our relationship has always worked. While I reassure her everything is going to be alright, I stare over her head, making eye contact with Kade while I speak, my words intended for him as much as they are for her. I can tell that he wants to kiss me when I finish but with Melanie present he refrains; he’ll have to satisfy himself with my promise.
Zafir has no such qualms about kissing me outright when he finds us all together in the kitchen. Wrapping his arms around the both of us, he plants a big one right on my cheek. Not happy about being in the middle of the sandwich, Melanie sputters and attempts to push the mountainish Z away.
“Oh I’m sorry, I didn’t see you there,” he teases Melanie, stepping back so we can breathe.
“Of all the nerve,” she fumes, smoothing her springy locks.
“Melanie, this is Z,” I introduce them.
“We’ve met,” she informs me, continuing to eye him like a bug she’d be happy to squish under her shoe.
“Kade and I are ready any time you ladies want to head out,” Zafir explains, smiling mischievously at Melanie. Funny, I wonder what spawned their animosity. Ignoring Z completely Melanie takes my hand, leading me toward the door.
“Where are we going?” I inquire warily.
“To collect Barbara and your mom, and then head to the funeral parlor to make the arrangements,” Melanie answers as she watches me closely for signs of panic while she explains our itinerary.
“I don’t want to go!” Retreating back, I step into Kade, who has come up behind me.
“Hey now, it’s going to be alright,” he reassures me, running a thumb over my check and cradling my arm. Embracing the conviction is his eyes, I look back at Melanie. A speculative expression flits across her face and I wonder what it is she saw, but there’s no time to ask since we’re now on the move.
Silent hand wringing quickly becomes my M.O., and after tearful greetings with both Ben’s mother Barbara and my own, the four of us stuff together in the Yukon and set out to finalize funeral arrangements.
“Oh, Hal took the liberty of making you a hair appointment for the day of the service,” Melanie informs me like it’s a vital detail she doesn’t want me to forget.
“He did?”
“Yes, something about needing help putting yourself together, but I could do your hair if you want?” she offers.
“No, that’s fine. I’m due for color anyway.”
“Why on earth would you want to cover up your color? It’s gorgeous,” my mother bursts in on the conversation.
“Just the gray mom, I color over the gray,” I repeat the familiar lie.
“Oh well, that’s inevitable I’m afraid.” Forcing a smile, I’m glad to see the answer appeases my mother.
“Ladies, we’re here,” Kade announces.
Numbly, I disembark and follow the stream of mindless chatter Melanie is spouting so I don’t get lost. Thankfully, the formidable trio takes care of everything when we get inside so I barely have to nod in approval. Thirty minutes of flipping through catalogues of urns and caskets is all I can take: I’m choked up and forced to remove myself from the proceedings. With nowhere to go, I wander around the back of the funeral home wishing I could crawl under a rock and die while the moms take care of everything.
Against my will I’m dragged to the next stop on our list. We have to take care of the millions of details that have sprung up overnight, all of which have to be settled before Tuesday. Wandering around in a daze, I try not to think about anything but fail miserably. If not for me and my cursed angel blood, Barbara would still have her son. If not for Kade and his selfishness, I’d still be human and wouldn’t be trapped in this supernatural circus. I could have forgotten about all of them, given my husband the family he’d wanted, and moved on with my life instead of becoming trapped in this suffocating holding pattern.
Growling, I snap out of my stupor, shove a vase to the floor, and march out of the flower shop. Just like that, I flip my switch and move seamlessly into the third stage of the grieving process: anger. Not giving a shit, I leave a stunned Melanie and my appalled mother behind to deal with the aftermath of my tantrum.
“I feel the same way,” Barbara blurts out to my astonishment when she catches up to me outside. Reading the shock on my face, she smiles. “It’s not fair, Gwen.” Coming closer, she eases herself back and rests against the stone store front. “I have no intentions of belittling your feelings with the ill-timed clichés people usually spout off in these moments. You’ll get enough of that over the next few months. But I do want to say thank you. My son adored you; you made him extremely happy, so thank you for loving him.”
“Oh no... I just can’t talk about this!” I spew out, all but running for the Yukon. Z sees me approach and jumps out and opens the door. Without a word I climb into the very back to lie down and hide. Thank me, how can she thank me? I was a terrible wife and I’m the reason he’s dead! Assuming the fetal position, I bury my face in the soft upholstery and surrender myself to self-condemnation.
“Gwen?” Kade’s rich, beseeching voice floats over the bench seats. The sound trips my fuse and I jump from shame back to anger in record time.
“Leave me alone, you’ve done quite enough already,” I lash out, focusing a majority of the blame on him. The sharp bang of the car door slamming as he exits the vehicle lets me know I’ve scored a point, but I just can’t bring myself to care.
No one else tries to engage me in conversation on the return trip. My grief appears genuine and everyone affords me extra space. Melanie does hop over the bench seat for a quick hug before departing, and I indulge her by not moving.
“See you tomorrow sweetie,” she whispers before heading into her hotel. Alone at last, except for Z and Kade, I close my eyes and dream of my bed at Hal’s. I have a date with that bed when I get back, and I don’t plan to resurface until tomorrow.
* * *
When we arrive at Hal’s garage, I make sure I’m first out of the SUV and I almost beat the guys to the elevator.
“Going somewhere?” Z smirks, holding the lift door open so Kade can slip inside. My hope to ride upstairs alone is thwarted, so I avoid eye contact by analyzing my sneakers. For whatever reason the guys let me be and I fume silently, arms crossed.
“Great timing, food’s just arrived,” Hal tells us by way of greeting upon entering the apartment. Angry and slightly nauseous, I mumble a quick “I’m not hungry” before stalking to my room.
“I see she’s angry... excellent.” Hal’s observation reaches me through the bedroom door and I punch a pillow. He’d be angry too, I think, if he was almost abducted, got his innocent spouse murdered, and his mother-in-law was thanking him for doing it. Ready to give those know-it-alls a piece of my mind since they’re a big part of the reason
I’m in this mess, I grasp the handle and yank the door open only to run smack into Zafir’s chest. Temporarily deflated, I glare up at him.
“Change your clothes, we’re going for a run,” he states.
“What? No!”
“Just indulge me.” His clipped tone lets me know there’s no getting out of this, and I can tell he’s trying very hard to keep the usual expletives and name calling that decorate his speech to a minimum.
“Fine,” I reply, not at all thrilled by the prospect of hanging out with Z. I bang around loudly while I don appropriate attire, like a toddler throwing a fit, and it actually makes me feel a bit better. Sullenly I keep my mouth shut and follow Z outside to the pavement, at which point he starts running and I have no choice but to truck it to match his long strides.
“What are we doing?” I huff after several minutes of soundlessly pounding the pavement.
“We’re finally going to have that chat about the chip on my shoulder.”
“Oh.”
“Surprised?” he inquires, grinning.
“Yes,” I admit, grateful that this isn’t going to be about me.
“Don’t look so smug, we’ll get to you.” Damn it. I knew it was too good to be true. “So go on, ask me,” he continues, ignoring the sour look on my face.
“What’s your deal? Why do you let that guy get to you? I know you were close when you two were Sylph but you’re an entirely different species now.” My joke about his ilk earns me a laugh.
“I was changed, yes, but my memories are still there. The angels didn’t start me off with a blank slate.”
“You guys never really talk about that, you just allude to it now and again.”
“Do you like to talk about all your mistakes?”
“Well no,” I reply floundering, the conversation steering me more than I’m leading it. “Wait!” I blurt out as a shred of higher reasoning comes to my rescue. “You feel guilty, don’t you?”
“Geez, you’re dense.” Z laughs and rolls his eyes.
“Seriously Z, that’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.”
A Step Away (The Wanderer Book 2) Page 17