by Holly Rayner
Rami held up a photograph, featuring a man with a child—obviously a very young Rami—on his shoulders. “To me, this symbolizes the fact that, while my father may have always seemed to have put his business first, it was his family that formed the base of everything he did.” Rami swallowed and Mia could see tears glimmering in his dark eyes. “In spite of mistakes that he might have made, I know that he cared about all of us. I know that he loved us.”
Mia barely paid attention to the rest of the ceremony; she was only dimly aware of Rami’s presence next to her, of the unrelenting grasp of his mother’s hand on hers. She moved automatically, standing and walking, stopping, bowing her head and looking up in unison with the people around her. She knew she had no right to grieve Rami’s father; she had never even met the man. But she grieved for Rami’s sake, for his widow’s sake, for the sake of his other children and the family that she knew would miss him dearly.
Mia winced her way through the rest of the service, the burial, and the reception afterward, politely answering questions from family members and friends about her pregnancy and her connection to Rami. After a while, she was feeling utterly exhausted. The Braxton-Hicks contractions came and went, becoming progressively more intense throughout the day, and by the time the extraneous guests began leaving, she wanted nothing more than to lie in the bath tub for an hour or two—maybe allow herself a nap in the hot water.
“Ma, everyone,” Rami said, just when Mia was planning to make her excuses and go into the bedroom she shared with Rami. “I have to tell you all something.” Mia pressed a hand to her abdomen as a particularly intense contraction rippled through her, forcing herself to breathe and let it pass.
“What’s wrong, Rami?” his mother had just removed her veil; it was crumpled in her hands, ready to be put aside.
“I’ve gone through Ba’s affairs, all of his business paperwork and financials,” Rami said slowly. Mia saw him take a quick breath. “I’ve talked to his accountants, and his lawyers.” Rami pressed his lips together briefly. “I’m afraid that Ba was not…his businesses weren’t in the position he wanted everyone to think they were. His empire…” Rami shook his head. “All of it was propped up with loans, and debt. By the time everything is cleared through his estate, there will be almost nothing left for us.”
Mia gasped at the same moment that Rami’s siblings and mother did; but while she had heard the announcement, her attention broke away from what Rami was saying as a savage contraction jolted through her. The next instant, when she felt it begin to abate, Mia was shocked to feel a sudden gush of wetness erupt from somewhere inside of her, flooding out of her body. Her eyes widened and she looked around in panic.
“Rami…” Mia’s stomach lurched as she realized what had happened. “Rami—Rami, my water just broke.” She knew this shouldn’t be happening yet; she had four more weeks before she should be in labor. Mia groaned, beginning to pant as her heart beat faster in her chest. Her baby was coming prematurely, and there was nothing she could do to stop it.
ELEVEN
“Breathe, Mia,” the nurse said firmly. “You have to breathe. If you pass out on us, you’re not going to be doing yourself or the baby any favors.” Another contraction ripped through her and the air left Mia’s lungs in a long, loud cry as she grabbed for the railings of the bed. The nurse was unruffled by her screaming. “Good girl; if you’re shouting you’re breathing.”
“I wish you would shut up and let me push already!” Mia inhaled in a sharp gulp, throwing her head back against the pillows. There was not a single part of her body that wasn’t drenched in sweat; that didn’t feel as though it was being slowly ripped into shreds by the monumental pressure and ratcheting tension of the contractions the gripped her, wrung her out, and then stopped, over and over again.
“If I let you push now, you’ll rip yourself apart,” the nurse countered.
“It already feels like I’m ripping myself apart,” Mia protested. The contraction eased slightly and she looked around the room for her fiancé. “If I had known, Rami, that this was what childbirth would feel like…I would have demanded…three million from you,” she told him between panting gasps for breath.
Rami chuckled, coming closer and pushing her sweat-sticky hair out of her face. The nurse raised an eyebrow. “We met when I was seeking a surrogate for my child,” Rami told the woman, whose name Mia couldn’t actually recall. “We never expected it, but we fell in love while going through the process.”
The nurse shrugged and nodded. “I’m going to examine you again, Mia, is that okay?” Mia closed her eyes and gritted her teeth. She tried to focus on her breathing, to inhale and exhale the way she had been shown at her prenatal classes, but the pain was so bad that she couldn’t concentrate; she felt as though she might throw up at any moment. She barely noticed as the nurse flipped up the bed sheet and examined her. “You’ve got a while to go yet,” the nurse reported. Rami turned to look and Mia reached out quickly, grabbing at his wrist.
“Do not look down there,” she told him in an almost-growl. “If you ever plan to have sex with me again, you don’t want to see what’s going on down there.”
“I’ve seen babies born before, Mia,” Rami told her mildly. “Unless you’re giving birth to Cthulhu, I don’t think anything that’s happening under your gown is going to make me want to never touch you again.” The nurse tittered quietly and Mia scowled at the man she loved, gripping his wrist even more tightly.
“If I was giving birth to Cthulhu, it might be progressing a little more quickly,” she said, panting for breath. “And it would all be your fault.”
Rami patted her hand, giving her fingers a gentle squeeze.
“You’re doing fine, Mia,” the nurse said again. “It just takes time. You’re actually moving along very quickly for a first-time labor.”
“It doesn’t feel quick!” Mia released Rami’s arm, grabbing onto the railings once more as a new contraction ripped through her, lighting up her nerves with electric fire. “It feels like a goddamn…” Words deserted her as a yell muscled its way up inside her throat. “Like a goddamned eternity!” Mia groaned as her muscles flexed and strained. She could feel the baby moving inside of her, struggling with the tidal forces that were pulling it inexorably towards its birth.
Somewhere underneath her pain, and the incredible pressure building in her body, a small but forceful part of Mia’s brain was deeply concerned about the fact that the baby was being born a full month early. Before her labor pains had become as intense as they now were, Mia had asked the nurse about how dangerous her labor would be, given that the baby was not quite at full term.
“Well, it’s not an exact science, determining the due date. A month before or after isn’t too unusual. We’ll be watching carefully to make sure there aren’t any complications,” the nurse had explained.
The contraction began to ease and Mia sagged back against the bed once more, panting and gasping. She turned her head limply to look at Rami. “I really just want this to be over. Why can’t you be the one to do this?”
“I’d already be dead if I was,” Rami told her. He smiled, taking her hand in his. “You’re so strong, Mia. You can do this. You’ve been through harder things.”
“You have no idea,” Mia told him, almost bitterly. “You have no idea how hard this is.”
“Do you want some ice chips?” he asked, his face concerned.
Mia swallowed, wondering how her skin could be so slick and her mouth so dry. What she really wanted was a big glass of water—but they wouldn’t let her have anything to drink or eat, just in case she had to be put under anesthesia for an emergency C-section.
“Sure,” she said weakly, closing her eyes. She felt Rami let go of her hand as he left her side. Over the bleeping of monitors and the hum of machines, she heard the clatter of ice and opened her eyes in time to see Rami return, a cup of ice chips in hand.
“I need to run into the hall for a minute, Mia,” the nurse said. “Yo
u’re doing fine. Just remember to keep breathing. Eat your ice chips and hold tight, okay?”
Mia scowled at the woman; even though she knew that the nurse wasn’t being intentionally cruel, she had an unavoidable sense that everyone in the room—Rami included—was somehow her enemy. The nurse left the room and Mia sucked on a mouthful of ice, wishing she could somehow get the chilly cold down where it would do the most good—between her legs.
“Do you want to try and get up and walk a little bit? Ma said that can help.”
Mia took a slow breath and considered the question. “I don’t even know if my legs will work,” she said, looking at Rami with a kind of weak desperation. “My thighs feel like they’re on fire, and everything below my knees might as well not exist.”
“Do you want to at least give it try?” Rami rubbed her palm with his thumb. “Don’t worry, I’ll hold you up.”
Mia tilted her head back onto the pillows and took a few slow, deep breaths in and out, trying to clear her head. “Okay,” she said finally, “I’ll try.” She sat up, and Rami took her hand. Mia could still feel the rippling of muscles through her back, through her abdomen and down into her legs. Estimating that she had a minute or two before the next contraction, she somehow got onto her feet and Rami helped her take a few steps around the bed, holding her up all the while.
Over the next few hours, it felt to Mia as if days passed. Her contractions became still more intense, and she heard her voice getting hoarser as she shouted in reaction to the pain and pressure in her body, the roiling, twisting spasms wringing her out every few minutes. The nurse stayed with her as much as possible, praising and reassuring her, but for a long time Mia was too involved in the upheaval happening inside of her body to even hear the woman, much less make sense of the words leaving her lips. Again and again, the nurse lifted Mia’s gown to check how dilated she was.
After what seemed like an eternity, Mia was brought out of her lull of pain and misery by the sound of the obstetrician’s voice. “Push, Mia. Push!” She opened her eyes and looked around; Rami was right at her side. Mia gave into her body’s demands, feeling muscles she had never been fully aware of moving inside of her, and bore down to push. She could feel the baby, the terrific and terrible pressure of the slow but steady movement. She heard someone say that the baby was crowning, but all Mia could think about was continuing to push.
“One more, Mia! One more big push and you’re home free!” Mia screamed as she pushed a final time, and felt the baby slide free of her body. She collapsed against the bed, panting and gasping. She wasn’t sure if she was awake or unconscious; everything seemed utterly surreal.
“Is the baby okay?” she asked hoarsely, turning her head to look at Rami. “I can’t hear anything.” The next instant, a shrill, sharp shriek greeted her ears, and Mia smiled. Tears slid down her cheeks, flowing steadily as sobs of tired relief broke through her panting breaths.
“It’s a boy! Give us just a moment to check him over. You did great, Mia.”
Mia nodded weakly. She could barely move or speak, but deep down she was ecstatic that the baby was alive and seemingly fine; dimly relieved that she had made it through the birth herself. In her mind, she floated up and out of the room, barely aware of what was going on around her. She came back to herself only when she felt a subtle weight being placed in her folded arms.
“All right, Mama,” the nurse was saying, hovering over her. “It’s time to meet your baby.” Mia’s eyes began to sting at the words.
Let’s get you latched,” the nurse continued, untying the neck of Mia’s gown to free her breast. Mia looked down at her newborn son as the nurse guided her hands. “We want him to use his instinct, but you have to help him,” the nurse was saying. Mia guided her nipple to the newborn’s mouth, and after a brief moment, he latched on.
“Oh—oh my little boy…” Mia felt a flood of emotion as the infant began to nurse, sucking hungrily. Tears flowed from her eyes as she stared down at the bright red, bloodstained newborn. He opened his eyes and Mia saw they were the deepest blue she’d ever seen. He was tiny; so tiny. “He has the most perfect little hands,” Mia said, as the newborn grabbed onto her finger. His skin was pink-red and impossibly soft.
“Oh my God, Mia, this is amazing, you’re amazing. What do you want to name him?” Rami asked, kissing her and putting his arms around them both.
Mia could barely turn her attention away from her son to look at Rami. She laughed, cringing slightly at the twinge of pain the movement sent through her. “You know, I have no idea,” she replied. “After all this time, I don’t think we ever really talked about names, did we?”
Rami’s eyes were full of tears. “No, we didn’t,” he agreed. “We could call him Aziz—it means ‘cherished’.”
Mia pressed her lips together, looking down at her son. “You know what, that sounds perfect. Can we give him my father’s name for a middle name?” She glanced hopefully at Rami.
“Harrison? Of course, Mia, I think that would be a really special tribute to him.” Rami smiled lovingly.
The nurse hovered attentively at Mia’s other side as she nursed. “Your little boy is very healthy, especially considering that he was born a month early,” she told Mia as Aziz suckled greedily. “He’s tiny, but all of his vital signs are strong. You two are going to be just fine.” Mia nodded, feeling exhausted and wincing as the sensation in the lower part of her body began to return. Noticing Mia’s expression, the nurse continued, “We’ll give you a little something for pain, but nothing that will make its way into your milk.” The nurse stood and Mia realized that all if the members of staff were gathering their things to leave. “Now we’ll let you three get some rest and check back in with you later.”
Rami sank down into the chair by the bed and Mia smiled at him. She suddenly felt full to the brim with happiness, relief and bliss. “I’m sorry I said such horrible things to you before,” she said, tears streaming from her eyes.
“No, I deserved them,” Rami said, smiling weakly. “Besides, you were in pain. Giving birth is basically the most painful thing people ever have to go through.”
“Damn straight it is,” Mia agreed. She looked down at her new son, unable to keep from beaming so hard that she thought her cheeks might split. “He’s the most perfect little baby boy, and he’s ours.”
When she looked up, she saw that Rami was crying too; but his tears weren’t the joyful kind that were streaming down her cheeks. “What’s wrong, Rami?”
“I’m just…so sorry I haven’t been here for you,” Rami said, reaching out to take Mia’s free hand. “I’ve been the most terrible fiancé, pretty much since the day we got engaged.”
Mia shook her head. “No—no, you haven’t, Rami,” she insisted. “It’s been difficult but…” she shrugged, looking down at baby Aziz. “But it’s so worth it now.”
“Still,” Rami said. “I haven’t been taking care of you the way I should. And then, to top it all off, I sent you into early labor.”
Mia smiled at him sleepily. “I don’t know if your announcement was the only thing that caused this,” she said. “I don’t think it would have happened if you made the announcement like—last month or something, I think he was trying his best to come out early. And besides we’re okay now; Aziz and I are both fine.”
“But I promised you so much, and now…”
Mia shook her head again, interrupting him. “We have each other,” she said firmly, then paused as Aziz pulled away from her, his mouth stretching into a tiny, toothless yawn as he began to fall asleep, fully content and sated. “We have our son,” Mia continued. “We love each other and we love our little boy. That seems like a great beginning to me.” She watched her son’s eyelids fall over his dark eyes, and in an instant the baby was asleep at her breast. She looked at Rami again.
“You can’t hold yourself responsible for the choices your parents made. It’s up to your family how they move forward now their circumstances have changed. You and
I will be just fine, you’ll see.” Mia yawned widely, cradling her newborn against her body. She tilted her head towards Rami. “And now, I would really like to sleep while this little monster lets me.”
“Of course, you get some sleep. You look so beautiful, Mia. I knew you’d be an amazing mother.”
Mia smiled as her exhausted body pulled her inexorably into a deep sleep.
TWELVE
Within a couple of days, Mia, Rami, Aziz, and Rami’s family members, landed back in the city where Rami and Mia had met. The doctors had cleared Mia and the baby to fly, though they cautioned her to pay attention to any unusual pains or aches she felt which could be an early warning of complications.
Amie was waiting for them at the airport. As they exchanged hugs and joyful tears at the new baby meeting his maternal grandmother, Mia was surprised at the change in attitude showed by Rami’s mother, Amal. “I wish we could have gotten you to the hospital, Amie. I know that a mother’s presence can be such a relief when a woman is giving birth,” Amal said.