“Sure, dear, the keys are on the table by the door. Take your time. You could use a break,” Lina said. She smiled at me before turning her attention back to her book.
After changing into a fresh pair of clothes, including another of Uriah’s old shirts, I was in the battered red truck and on my way to the only grocery store in San Juan. It took me several tries to park the truck. I was used to driving my much smaller Lexus, which handled a million times better than Uriah’s old truck.
“I better get used to driving this if I’m going to marry Uriah,” I said to myself after finally getting the truck into the parking space. I knew Uriah worried he wouldn’t be able to give me everything my parents could. I wished I could make him understand that those things weren’t anywhere near as important to me as he was.
Getting out of the car, the door swung shut with a screech. I laughed. It would certainly be an adjustment, though. I crossed the parking lot quickly and pulled a basket from the cramped stack. I read through Lina’s list carefully before pushing the basket towards the produce section.
I made my way through the store, aisle by aisle, dropping each box and bag Lina needed into the cart as I went. The last item on the list was not for dinner, but a bag of Lina’s favorite candy. It was largely mindless work so I hurried through it, eager to get back to the shelter of Uriah’s room. The candy and soft drink aisle was usually the most popular, and as I turned onto it, I found it even more crowded than usual. The moment I realized who it was debating over what snacks to buy, I tried to turn the shopping cart around.
“Claire!”
I groaned. I wanted to pretend I hadn’t seen or heard her, but it was too late. Dana Atcity and Beth Pioche were already coming toward me with four other girls from school trailing behind them. Two of my best friends growing up, but all of them had turned their backs on me the moment Uriah and I started dating. They also made a point of telling everyone they knew to do the same. They really weren’t the nicest of girls, but it still hurt to be abandoned by them. And it pissed me off every time she tried flirting with Uriah, too, even though he never paid her any attention.
“Hey, guys,” I said weakly. The excited curiosity on their faces said that they had already heard rumors and were dying to know the truth.
“Claire, oh my gosh! What has been going on? Did you and Uriah elope?” Dana said. The words came bursting out of her mouth in a rush.
“Elope?” I asked. “What are you talking about?”
Dana’s father was one of the Elders. It wasn’t completely unbelievable that he might have let slip to his wife about what had happened with Quaile. Dana had always been the biggest gossip I knew. If anything even slightly interesting was whispered where she could hear it, everyone else would know about it as soon as she could pass along the words. I couldn’t decide whether her getting the story ridiculously wrong was a good thing or a bad thing.
Dana’s face was absolutely glowing as she spilled her news. Dana was one of the girls that still resented me for being Uriah’s girlfriend, so I wasn’t sure why she would look so happy if she believed we had eloped. There had to be some other reason she was smiling. Beth’s sneer was even more oddly pleased. She was sure Uriah would have chosen her over Dana if I hadn’t gotten in her way.
“I overheard my dad telling my mom that Quaile said you and Uriah couldn’t get married because you aren’t Twin Souls,” Dana said.
“Then you and Uriah both disappeared for a few days and now you’re living at Uriah’s house,” Beth said. “You two must have eloped. Does Quaile know?”
I could not think fast enough to catch up with them. Eloped? That was the last thing I had been expecting to hear. I wished it were the truth. “Dana, Beth, I don’t know where you got that idea, but Uriah and I didn’t elope. I’m staying at Uriah’s house because he’s out of town and his mom still needs help around the ranch,” I said. I watched their expressions. Most of the girls looked extremely disappointed. Dana and Beth’s expressions turned catty.
“But what about what Quaile said?” Dana asked, feigning sweetness.
That was a trickier point. My mind raced trying to come up with an explanation for Quaile’s part in all of this. I wanted to say that Quaile had finally gone senile, and Uriah was on his way to find another Tewa shaman to take over for her. The problem with that was that Quaile was here, and perfectly capable of telling everyone what a liar I was. I decided that a slightly altered version of the truth was my best bet.
“She did say that Uriah and I aren’t Twin Souls,” I admitted. A few of the girls gasped and whispered in each other’s ears. “Uriah went to visit another shaman and talk to them about it.”
“Nobody has ever been denied the right to marry before,” a know-it-all girl named Tabitha said in her most teacher-like voice.
“There’s a first time for everything,” I said drily. “Uriah should be back in a few days, and then the Elders will speak with us about what to do.”
Dana’s cutting laugh made me grit my teeth. Her pleased expression made my skin crawl. Her earlier excitement had seemed off and now I realized she was just toying with me, pretending excitement that we might have eloped, knowing full well it wasn’t true. She just wanted to rub in the fact that we had been turned down in as malicious a way possible. Turning back to her friends, her sickly sweet voice addressed the other girls, but the comment was clearly for me.
“I always knew Claire and Uriah weren’t Twin Souls. Uriah and I have much more in common than they do.”
Beth was not about to let herself be outdone by Dana. “Like the fact that you’re both so smart,” Beth said nastily.
I had no idea whether Dana was truly smart or not, but I knew that her grades certainly would not side with her. Dana had no plans for her future other than marrying and letting her husband support her. Dana glowered at Beth, but Beth didn’t appear to notice.
“Uriah and I have been friends since we were babies. I doubt Quaile would have two words to say about us getting married,” Beth said. She was obviously using the term “friends” very loosely.
My hands were tightening on the shopping basket with every word. Daniel was screaming in my head to listen to them. Their words seemed to strengthen the pull as well as make me want to tear their hair out.
“Actually,” I said in my sweetest voice, “whether Quaile agrees or not, Uriah and I are still getting married. We may go to Santa Fe. The Botanical Gardens there does weddings, I’ve heard. I’ve always wanted to get married in a garden.”
Actually, I had no idea whether the Santa Fe Botanic Gardens could be rented out for weddings or not, but the jealousy that swept over Dana and Beth’s faces was definitely worth the possibility of being caught in a lie later. The surge of satisfaction momentarily wiped the aching for Daniel out of my mind. The girls behind Dana and Beth were giggling behind their hands. That made me smile even more.
“Besides, aren’t you two dating Johnny and Marcus?” I asked innocently. Dana’s faced turned crimson while Beth merely tossed her hair, flicking it into the girl’s face that was standing behind her.
“Well,” Dana began after getting herself under control again, “we’re off to watch some movies at my house. We’d invite you but…” She didn’t bother to pretend there was a good reason she wasn’t inviting me. Beth smiled at the jab. I smiled as well. I didn’t care what they did, as long as they left me alone.
“Well, you girls have fun,” I said. “I better get back to my shopping.”
Dana and Beth brushed past me with their noses in the air. The gaggle of girls trailed after them. I was very glad at that moment that Uriah was not leaving for college. It was going to be a very lonely last year of high school. I was about to grab the bag of candy Lina wanted when the memory of Daniel’s face blurred my vision. Instead of his smiling face, his mouth was sneering at me. “What if Uriah doesn’t come back?” he seemed to be asking.
“He is coming back,” I said.
“Um, Claire?”
>
I spun around to face the voice. Emily Yazzie was still standing behind me. I hadn’t noticed that she didn’t leave with the other girls. “Emily,” I said, hoping she had not heard what I just said, “I thought you left with the girls.”
Emily shook her head and watched me carefully. “I just wanted to make sure you were okay,” she said. “I’m glad you’re feeling better. My mom was worried when Uriah left and nobody saw you for a few days.”
Of course, I thought, Emily’s mother was Anise Yazzie, who was also one of the Elders, the only one who had tried to stand up for us. Emily’s parents had divorced when she was very little, so if Anise was worried and needed to talk, it would have been with Emily. Even if Emily knew the details of what Quaile had said better than Dana had, she probably did not know what really happened after we left the Elders.
Emily had always seemed nice, but I didn’t know her very well. “I’m fine. It was just a touch of the flu, I guess.”
“I know my mom shouldn’t have told me about what happened in the Elder’s meeting, but she was really upset about what Quaile told you guys,” Emily said.
I didn’t blame her mom for spilling the details of the meeting. Something that unusual would have been hard to keep secret. “It’s okay,” I said.
“When Quaile showed up later that night, she seemed really upset. My mom told me to go to my room, but I couldn’t resist listening outside the kitchen door,” Emily said. Shame flushed her face. Her eyes were asking me to understand.
“Oh,” was all I could say at first. Emily obviously had not mentioned whatever she’d overheard to Dana and Beth, at least.
“I won’t tell anyone,” Emily said quickly. “I just wanted to make sure you were alright.”
“How much did you hear?” I asked.
“I heard about who your dad went to see, and what he did to you. I heard about Uriah leaving to find your Twin Soul, too,” she said. Emily watched my expression. Her eyes widened when my face betrayed the truth. “Did all of that really happen?”
I nodded. Emily stared at me with wonder. She actually seemed to take what she had heard at face value. “You believe me?” I asked.
“Of course I do,” Emily said. “I’ve always believed in Twin Souls and in what Zarafen can do. But if Uriah really found your Twin Soul and let him wake you up … and now he’s gone again … You’re not really getting married, are you?” Emily’s face crumpled instead of gleaming with the possibility of Uriah finally being single.
“Me and Uriah are still getting married,” I said angrily.
“But how?” Emily asked. “If you met your Twin Soul you can’t possibly still want to marry Uriah.”
“Oh yes I can,” I argued.
A woman about to pick up a bag of candy snatched her hand back at my words. I shrugged a quick apology and grabbed the candy Lina had asked for before pushing the cart down the aisle. Emily was quick to follow. The checkout line took three times longer than it should have, as usual, but Emily waited patiently, and quietly.
We were out to the car before she reached her bursting point. “Claire, I’m sorry. I know this is none of my business, but how can you still marry Uriah? You have to be with your Twin Soul.”
“No, I don’t,” I said. I started loading the shopping bags into the bed of Uriah’s truck, hoping she would get the point and leave me alone.
“But you have to,” Emily said. Suddenly her mouth dropped. “Did something happen to him? Did your Twin Soul die?”
“What are you talking about?” I asked. I was quickly losing my patience with Emily. “Daniel is not hurt or dead, or anything else besides alive and back where he belongs. Away from me.”
“Your Twin Soul’s name is Daniel? What’s he like?” Emily asked.
“How would I know? I met him for all of ten minutes before he was on his way home, and I hope I never see him again.” A stabbing pain shot through me at the unkind remark.
Emily’s eyes bulged and her mouth was hanging down to her knees. “You don’t want to be with your Twin Soul?” Emily asked.
The conversation was bringing up everything I had been trying very hard not to think about. The feelings physically assaulted me. My hands gripped the side of the truck bed until my knuckles turned ghost white. My body and mind were screaming at me to get in the car and search for Daniel. I knew I would be able to find him even if he were halfway across the world. That thought almost buckled my knees.
Squeezing my eyes shut, I dropped my head against the hot metal of the truck. The sun had scorched the red shell in the short time I was in the store, but pain was what I needed to clear the unwanted thoughts from my mind. Slowly, the searing heat gave me back the smallest hint of control. Pain was the only thing strong enough to overpower the bond, but even that didn’t last long enough.
I was quick to remember Uriah’s soft, deliberate kisses. Always, he kept himself at a respectful distance. Well, almost always. What I really wanted to remember was the few times he had slipped and let his passion carry him away. Graduation. Santa Fe. The climbing trip to El Rito when I fell, and he kissed me so passionately in his relief that I wasn’t seriously injured I could barely breathe. There were so few instances to remember.
I tried to behave myself around Uriah and not entice him too much, but as soon as I had my arms around Uriah again, I was planning to kiss him within an inch of his life. I didn’t care who might see, either. I believed Uriah would be back soon like he said. I trusted that he would save me from this. Neither of those were doubts for me. When Uriah came back, there would not be anything that could take me from his side again. My only fear, besides giving in to the bond before Uriah got back, was that even if Uriah did break the bond, my dad would do something to stop me again. Another reason I had to talk to him again. I had to make sure that as soon as Uriah got back I was free to spend every waking minute with him, and maybe some of the non-waking ones if I could manage it.
Imagining what I wanted to do to Uriah when he returned brought a smile to my lips and pushed away the overpowering feelings. Tucking those thoughts safely away in a small corner of my mind, I lifted my head, facing Emily again. Her eyes watched me nervously, no doubt wondering if I had lost it. Realizing how foolish I must have looked, I was quick to change the subject.
“I need to get these groceries home,” I said.
Emily shifted her feet, but made no move to leave. “I came here with Dana. I think she left already.”
Searching the parking lot for Dana’s blue Ford Escape, I realized that she was right and sighed. “Do you need a ride home?”
Emily brightened immediately. “Thanks, Claire.”
She was in the truck before I had the chance to even consider changing my mind. I followed her with grim determination to avoid any more of her questions. I wanted to get rid of Emily as quickly as possible, but some of the items in the truck bed needed to be refrigerated before they had a chance to melt. Emily lived on the opposite side of the pueblo while Uriah’s house was only a few blocks away. Reluctantly, I left the parking lot and turned toward Uriah’s house.
Emily was not about to let the drive pass in silence. “Claire, I’m sorry I was badgering you so much. It’s just that I’ve grown up hearing stories from my mom and Quaile about Twin Souls, and everything is always so wonderful after they finally meet. It’s my dream to find my Twin Soul,” Emily said. Her eyes were filled with unspoken illusions of happily ever after. “I just don’t understand how you can’t want that.”
I pulled into the gravel driveway of Uriah’s stucco and adobe brick house, relieved at the chance to escape answering. “I’ll be right back,” I said. Jumping out of the cab, I gathered up the bags and took them all inside in one trip.
The bags clunked against my legs as I pushed my way through the door. I was relieved to find the living room empty. I briefly wondered where Uriah’s mother had snuck off to. Most likely she was out in the stables giving treats to her favorite horse, Dewmint. The second Lina was ou
t from under Sophia’s watchful eye, she limped off to visit Dewmint with a pocket full of sugar cubes.
I put the groceries away quickly and reached for a notepad left on the kitchen table. I scribbled a quick note to Lina about where I was going before leaving the kitchen. I paused at the front door, not wanting to face Emily again. I knew she wasn’t going to let up with her interrogation. I couldn’t leave her sitting in Uriah’s truck forever, though.
My hand touched the doorknob, but I froze, completely unable to force myself to turn it. She would ask more questions about Daniel, questions I couldn’t bear to face right now. My breathing grew sharp and quick as I thought of having to get in the truck with Emily again. I slid down the wall as the pull intensified. I lifted my head to the ceiling to try and keep fresh tears from falling. The salty tears pooled for a few seconds, but eventually burst over the edge and poured down my face.
My chest was aching, begging me to give in to its desires. I wished I was back outside where I could sink my head against the hot metal of the truck once again. Pain. I needed pain. My trembling fingers reached up to the soft skin of my upper arm. I grasped a chunk of flesh between my fingers and twisted as hard as I could.
Pain lanced through my arm, but not enough to clear my mind. I grabbed another bit of my skin, twisting even harder. The physical agony finally chased away every other thought and emotion. Looking down at my arm, I blanched. Huge red welts had already formed. I pushed my sleeve down to cover the mark and pulled myself back up, reaching for the door knob one more time.
When I stepped into the sunlight, I was greeted by Emily’s smiling face. I let out a deep breath and started back to the truck. I had the feeling she had been rehearsing her next slew of questions while I was inside. As soon as I was sitting in the driver’s seat Emily’s mouth popped open.
“What was it like Claire? Meeting your Twin Soul, I mean,” Emily said. Her imagination had obviously been busy while I was inside. She was peering through the windshield, not seeing the pale desert landscape, but whatever fantasy her mind was busy indulging. “I’ve heard it’s like being struck by lightning or falling off a cliff.”
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