The fact I couldn’t find him had me chewing my bottom lip. The sun began to fall below the mesas. I hurried back to Daisy and untied her reins. Maybe Uriah had gone riding while he was waiting for me and gotten hurt. Uriah was a very good rider, but if his horse had been startled bad enough, she could have thrown him. With one foot in the stirrup I swung my leg over the saddle and urged Daisy forward.
The shadows grew longer as I rode down familiar paths near the campsite. Uriah wouldn’t have gone too far from camp. I started down the shortest trail, one we had ridden many times before. The path wound through the desert, and slowly up a flat topped hill. Daisy made the climb easily. I stood in the stirrups and gazed around the valley, searching for any moving forms. Nothing.
Daisy’s gait was a little more cautious on the way down, but she never missed a step. Following the next trail, I saw a pair of wild rabbits dart through the scrub brush, but little else. The sun was half hidden behind the hills by the time I reached the next mesa. I scanned the horizon, straining my eyes to catch even the smallest movement.
I had almost made a full circle when I caught the soft flickering of firelight. Marking the spot in my mind, I hurried Daisy back down the hill. There was still enough light for the sure footed horse to place her steps, so I kicked her into a gallop when we reached the bottom. Daisy snorted at the request, but picked up her speed. We rode back down the trail, turning in the direction where I had seen the fire.
Trees and boulders obscured my view, but I was sure we were heading toward the campfire. I took hope as I rode that if Uriah was injured, he was at least well enough to start a fire. Branches snapped against Daisy, and the blunt needles whipped against my legs and arms. Daisy burst through a stand of hickory and the orange glow of a fire filled my eyes.
“Oh thank goodness,” I whispered. Three more of Daisy’s long strides brought me up to the small camp. A huddled shadow sat next to the fire, and my heart shuddered in relief. “Uriah,” I called out, “are you okay? Are you hurt?”
The shadow shifted to look at me. It was a few seconds before it straightened and stood to face me. The fading sunlight left his face shadowed, but mine was twisted into confusion. He was standing. He must not be hurt after all. But why was he sitting half a mile from our camp instead of waiting for me like he promised?
“Uriah, what are you doing out here?” I asked. I took another step toward him. Something seemed very wrong, but I didn’t know what it was.
“Claire?” It was Uriah’s voice, but he said my name as if the sound was foreign to his tongue. “What are you doing here?”
I stopped. What was I doing here? Why would he ask me that? “What do you mean what am I doing here? I’m looking for you,” I said. “I waited at the camp for you, but when you didn’t show up, I came looking for you. Are you hurt or lost?”
“No, I’m fine,” he said as if the question made no sense.
My confusion was quickly turning to irritation. “Then what are you doing out here?”
“I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be,” he said.
“No you’re not. You’re supposed to be camping with me in the valley, not sitting by yourself in the dark,” I said. What was going on?
“I’m sorry, Claire, but I am not supposed to be with you anymore, and you know that.” He shifted, his hand reaching for something. A shadow I had not seen before moved and stood next to Uriah. I stepped closer and gasped. Even in the dark I could see that it was a woman. “I belong with my Twin Soul now, Claire.”
“No, no, please, no,” I cried. “Please don’t do this to me, Uriah.”
“Claire you can’t expect me to choose you over my Twin Soul. I am happier with her than I ever could have been with you,” Uriah said. His voice was full of pity, not the slightest hint of regret.
“I can expect you to choose me over her, Uriah. I did it for you. I gave up Daniel for you, because I love you.” Hot salty tears ran down my cheeks. I had just gotten him back and now he was being whisked away from me again. “You have to fight, Uriah. I can help you. It won’t be easy, but I won’t give up on you. We can still be together.”
Uriah smiled a sad smile. “If I wanted to fight, you probably could help me, but I don’t want to, Claire. I have already made my choice.”
“No. Uriah, don’t do this, please,” I begged.
Uriah shook his head and turned away. He walked hand in hand with his Twin Soul into the haunting dark of the moonless night. I stumbled after him. I wouldn’t give up so easily. He wanted me. I knew he did. He just needed me to show him how to fight. Braches and needles scratched my skin, but I pushed into the night.
“Uriah! Uriah!” I screamed his name over and over, stumbling through the trees, but I never heard an answer. They were gone. I would never have my Uriah back. He had abandoned me. I fell to my knees and dropped my head into the cool sand. “Uriah,” I sobbed, “please come back. Please come back.” The howl of a hunting coyote was my only answer.
“Claire. Claire,” someone called. My eyes snapped open, and I prayed that my love had returned. Bright sunlight hit me, and I hid my face. “Claire, honey, are you awake?” The soft feminine voice didn’t belong to Uriah. I forced my eyes open again and blinked them quickly to make them adjust. Uriah’s mother stared back at me.
Had she found me wandering in the desert? Did she know about Uriah? Did she know where he was? “Where is he? Where’s Uriah? I have to find him,” I said.
“Claire,” Lina said, her mouth twisted with concern, “calm down, dear. Uriah isn’t back yet. You don’t have to find him. He’ll be home soon.”
“I lost him in the desert. He said that he didn’t belong with me anymore, but he does. I have to find him and make him see that. We belong together,” I said. I tried to untangle myself from the sheets, but Lina put her hands on my shoulders and forced me back into bed.
“Claire, you were dreaming,” she said.
I stared at her. Dreaming? No, it was real. I remembered every smell, the feel of night descending on the desert hills, the warmth of the fire. It was real.
“Claire, Sophia found you passed out on the kitchen floor this morning. She put you back in bed, and you’ve been sleeping right here ever since. You didn’t go to the desert with Uriah. He isn’t home yet.”
I remembered being in the kitchen. I remembered the phone call from Daniel. I shuddered at the memory. I didn’t remember passing out, but I didn’t really remember anything after the phone call either. Thinking of Daniel’s voice brought reality back to me. The force of the bond was stronger than ever. My eyes darted to the computer desk and the knife that still sat upon it. Cut after cut, it had worked the day before, but as I felt the noose around me, I was unsure if even pain could loosen the chokehold. I was suddenly shaking with the effort of keeping myself from darting out the door.
That was all the confirmation I needed. Uriah hadn’t come back and broken the bond. He hadn’t abandoned me in the desert either. It was a bittersweet reality. I would give anything to break the Twin Soul bond, but knowing that Uriah was still out there fighting for me brought relief deep enough to banish the aching desires of the bond for a few brief seconds.
“I’m so sorry, Lina,” I said. I felt slightly embarrassed at my theatrics. “The dream was so real. It was awful.”
Lina watched me carefully. Slowly her grip on my shoulders relaxed. “It was just a dream. Uriah will be home soon.”
“How soon?” I asked. “Did he call?”
“No,” Lina said softly, “not yet, but he will.”
I couldn’t sit and wait another day. I needed to know where he was and what he was doing. I was running out of ways to distract myself. Every day the bond grew stronger, trying to overpower my will. Even in Uriah’s room, surrounded by everything he loved, I needed more. If I knew where he was or how he was trying to break the bond, I would be able to handle his absence better. Not knowing was too difficult. My fears were seeping into my dreams and would soon overwhelm me co
mpletely without help.
“I need to see my dad,” I said firmly. Looking up at Uriah’s mother, my resolve deepened. I was going to get some answers.
“Why do you need to see your father?” Lina asked, looking alarmed.
“Because we didn’t finish our conversation the other day.” I had tried to get what I needed from Lina. Quaile knew, too, but between my dad and Quaile, he was the easier target. That didn’t mean Quaile was getting off the hook, though. Whatever my dad knew, Quaile knew more and I figured the only way to get her to talk to me was to get my dad to talk and show her that I already knew some of her secrets.
“And then I need to see Quaile,” I said. “Can you call her for me? I’ve been trying to call her for the past few days, but she won’t answer. Maybe you’ll have better luck. I really need to know what she said to Uriah. I can’t keep sitting here not knowing what’s happening.”
Lina hesitated. “I’ll try calling her, but I can’t guarantee she’ll see you, Claire. She’s, uh, very busy.”
“Yeah, I’m sure it has nothing to do with what you both won’t tell me about Uriah,” I said sarcastically. They couldn’t hide this from me forever. If I had to go to her house and knock down the door, I would. I deserved to know the truth, and from what I had heard, she owed Uriah plenty. “You’ll try to get a hold of her?”
“Yes, I’ll try to call her,” Lina said. “Now why don’t you lie back down and get some rest.”
“I’m fine, really. I need to go see my dad,” I said. I needed to get up and move, to find enough answers to keep me from giving in. I tried to pull the blankets off my body, but Lina took them out of my hands and laid them back against me.
“Claire, maybe you should rest a little more. Neither Sophia or I could wake you earlier. It scared us both,” Lina said.
“How long was I out?” I asked.
“It’s just after twelve o’clock. You’ve been asleep all morning,” Lina said. “Why don’t you let me get you something to eat?”
“I’m not hungry.”
“Just lie down for a little while longer. Eat first and then we can talk about who you need to go see.” She stood and made her way to the door with the help of her cane. She was ignoring my protests because she didn’t me want to find out what she was hiding about Uriah. I stopped objecting and let her leave.
Lina turned back to look at me before making it through the doorway. “I mean it. You stay in bed until I get back or I’ll tell Sophia.” She said it with a smile, but I could see the edge of desperation in her features.
I watched Lina hobble out of the room, intent on jumping up and scrambling into my clothes so I could leave, but her absence left me with no buffer against the bond. It doubled me over in agony. As soon as the click of her cane faded, I scrambled out from underneath the blankets. Two bounding steps brought me to the desk, my hands searching for the blade.
I wasn’t sure how long it would be before Lina reappeared, so I dashed back to the bed with my prize. Both of my upper arms were discolored with pulsing bruises, but only my left arm held the angry red lines from the day before. Rolling up my right sleeve, I held the knife awkwardly in my left hand. A nervous glance at the door showed it was still empty.
Each biting slice softened the edge of bond. I turned away, biting my lip and blinking away tears. As my mind began to clear again, I reached out for Uriah. His soft, but serious features seemed to watch me. I blanched at the hurt that seemed to emanate from his eyes. I could never let him see what I had done. He would blame himself for my weakness and failures. Reaching for the washcloth I had hidden under the pillow the day before, I held it to my arm until the bleeding began to ebb.
When I finally pulled the cloth away, the small fibers stuck to my wounds before letting go. I rolled up the rag and shoved it and the knife under the pillow. Drained, I fell back against the pillow and used the bed sheet to wipe away what remained of my tears. I knew the break in the storm would not last long, but that didn’t stop me from relishing the few moments of peace. I needed to get up and find my dad. I couldn’t seem to find the strength to move. Reaching up to push away a few strands of stray hair, I saw the colorful beads wrapping around my wrist.
I touched the leather bracelet. Of all Uriah’s things, it was the only thing that still held any sway against the bond. I twisted the thin leather, watching the pattern of the beads move around my wrist. His father had given it to him, and I dreamed of the day Uriah would give it to our son. The bracelet linked me to Uriah’s past and our future together. I watched the colors, keeping every other thought away and waiting for my strength to return. I had to get out of the house before Lina came back and stopped me from figuring out what everyone was hiding from me about Uriah’s future.
Lina’s shuffling steps drew my eyes away from the bracelet a few seconds later, and I immediately clenched my jaw in frustration. My time had run out because of the treacherous bond. It stabbed at me again for my thoughts, and I had to turn my face away to hide my pain from Lina. I dug my fingers into the cuts I had just made and let the pain wash over me. It should have brought tears, but instead, I sighed with relief as I felt the fire of the bond start to recede. Lina’s slow walk had given me the few precious seconds I needed to regain my calm. I pulled my sleeve down to cover the cuts and managed a tired smile.
“Here we go,” Lina said. She smiled as she handed me the plate. “I tried to call Quaile, but there was no answer. I’ll try again after lunch.”
The smell of green chile and slow cooked pork warmed me. I would never criticize my mom’s cooking, but Sophia knew more about authentic southwestern cooking than my mother ever would. I accepted the bowl, barely able to hide my anxiousness to leave, and took a bite.
Lina straightened Uriah’s room, at least the parts she could reach without moving too much, while I ate my stew. She pretended not to watch me, but her worried glances were hard to miss. Every time I looked at her, I saw worry in her eyes. Worry for me, worry for Uriah. I wondered what my own face must have looked like. I felt like I was being torn apart from the inside. I often caught myself sitting alone with my arms wrapped around my legs. I would stare at nothing, but inside I was raging against thoughts and desires for Daniel. I didn’t like to be alone.
I set the empty bowl on the night stand and Lina was quick to settle back on the end of the bed. She smoothed the blankets with her hand, an absentminded gesture to stall the words she wanted to say. “What happened this morning?” Lina asked. “Why did Sophia find you passed out in the kitchen?”
Now it was my turn to stare at the blanket. Lina waited patiently. Without looking up, I said, “Daniel called.”
“He called here?” Lina’s voice was incredulous. “How did he know you were here?”
I shrugged. It didn’t matter. “He wanted me to meet him.”
Lina huffed.
“I told him to leave me alone.”
“What did he say to that?” she asked.
“He said no, basically,” I said. “He just doesn’t understand. He thinks that I should be happy to give up Uriah for him. He didn’t believe me when I said these feelings aren’t real. He doesn’t get that the love he feels is forced.”
“He won’t understand, Claire. He has nothing to compare it to. For him, the love of Twin Souls is real. He has never built a relationship from scratch like you and Uriah have. Hold onto Uriah, Claire. He’ll be home soon,” Lina said. Her voice hinted at deeper emotions.
“How did you feel when you met Uriah’s grandparents, the ones who were Twin Souls? How did you feel about Notah after meeting them?” I asked. She had told me and Uriah part of the story when we asked her permission to get married, but perhaps there was more, something that would help me.
“The first few days were so confusing for me. I loved Notah, and until I met his parents, I believed I loved him with all my heart. Being around them made me doubt my own feelings,” Lina said. “I couldn’t say anything to Notah, and I certainly couldn’t ask
his parents. I went to Quaile, like I told you, and she told me that Notah wasn’t my Twin Soul and that neither of us would ever meet our Twin Souls. Well, for Quaile that was enough. She refused to discuss it anymore and told me to go home.”
Every time Quaile’s name was brought up, my opinion of her dropped a few more levels. When I was finally face to face with her, there would be no putting me off. She would answer every question I had, and if I had to tie her to a chair to get them, I would.
“I stewed about it for a few more days, but I just became more and more miserable the longer I kept it to myself. After three days, Notah knew something was wrong. I still didn’t want to tell him how much his parents being in our home had shaken me, but he kept pressing me until I finally told him the truth,” Lina said.
“How did he react?” I asked.
“He laughed.”
“Really? He laughed? Why did he laugh?”
“He forgot that not everybody was used to the effect his parents had on people. He had grown up surrounded by their love, and it wasn’t that big of a deal to him anymore,” Lina said.
“How could anyone get used to it?” I asked.
“Notah took me in his arms and held me. I asked him how he could love me knowing that we weren’t Twin Souls.”
“What did he say?”
“He said that it didn’t matter to him. Even though he was raised by his parents, he said that they understood real love better than anyone. They always told him that real love was built on trust and friendship, and Notah and I had both of those things. His parents often told him that even though the bond sealed them together, their relationship took years to build. Notah told me that he loved me and he wouldn’t trade what we had for anything,” Lina said. A wistful smile crossed her face as she thought of him. Her eyes sparkled with tears for her dead husband.
“Now I know where Uriah got his romantic side,” I said. I was smiling too. It was the first time in quite a while. Notah would have been proud of his son.
“Uriah won’t give up, Claire. You have to trust him.”
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