“Daniel!” I tried pulling him off but when that didn’t work, I clambered on his back and wrapped my arms around him, restricting his movement. “DANIEL!”
“Move Ink!”
“No! You have this all wrong.”
He stood, the strength in him lifting both of us, me still hung from his back as he turned his head to look at me. “Really? Oh it looks like I have, Zoe.”
His head snapped back to Nick who was now sat up on the floor, his hand cradling his nose to try and stop the flow of blood. “Not satisfied with ruining my career you have to fuck my girl too?”
I snorted at that, causing him to angrily pivot his head and look back at me. I dropped off him. “Your girl?”
He ignored my contempt. “Did you fuck him?” One wide step from him found my back against the wall and his angry body pressed against me. “Did you, Ink? Did – you – fuck – him?”
My mouth fell open. Anger took my wise answer and tossed it in the gutter. “What? You can fuck him but I can’t?”
I regretted my stupidity as soon as the words left my mouth. His face paled, his jaw locking into a strict vice as he pushed me further back. “I understand you want to punish me, Zoe. I understand. But I won’t allow you to make a fool of me.”
A laugh of utter disbelief popped from my mouth and I shook my head, completely perplexed at him. “Make a fool out of you? How dare you! HOW FUCKING DARE YOU! You have used me, hurt me, brought me lower than anyone else ever has in my life. For three years you have deceived me. And yet you have the gall to stand there and accuse me?” I pushed at him, my rage giving me the strength to shift him back.
Nick moved forward but I held a hand up to him and turned back to Daniel. “For what it’s worth, no, we didn’t… fuck. Not that it is any of your business.”
“Why?”
I stared at him, not understanding his question. “What do you mean why?”
“Why didn’t you fuck him?”
I couldn’t hold in the laugh. “Are you for real?”
He shrugged cockily, “I don’t know, Ink, you tell me.”
“Have you been smoking shit again?”
“Answer me, Zoe. Tell me why.” He gave Nick a look of disgust then turned back to me. “It certainly looked like something had happened, so why didn’t you fuck?”
“What?” I bit out, “You want us to? Is that it? You wanna watch?”
My whole body tensed when he held me against the wall by my throat, his hand circling my neck as his face contorted with fury. Nick stepped forward but I warned him off with a look. Daniel needed this. I was used to this part of him, it was the only thing that could shift his temper. I knew he wouldn’t hurt me, it was just his way of taking control of the situation.
Nick looked unsure, eager to step in. “It’s fine, honestly. Wait.”
I watched Daniel as he fought with himself. His expression changed many times as he battled with his thoughts privately. I knew he’d moved through it when his hold softened and his eyes dulled. He blinked and he was back with me, grief, sorrow and regret now overruling the anger.
“Why didn’t you fuck him, Ink?” he asked again but quietly.
I swallowed back the ache, my eyes roaming over his sadness. “Because he’s in love with you.” Nick gasped but I ignored him. “He didn’t betray you Daniel. It wasn’t him. He’s as much a victim in this as you are. You need to listen to him.” My heart broke a little more with each of my words. As much as I wanted Daniel, I would never hold him back from happiness. And I knew he could find that with Nick. It was so obvious that they were in love with each other and my soul sat down and cried when I knew he couldn’t give me that.
However, he didn’t turn to look at Nick, or even acknowledge him as I thought he would. He continued to look at me, his eyes studying me curiously. He slid his hands down each of my arms, his fingers trailing softly down my skin until he linked them through mine. Slowly he took each hand and lifted them, softly placing them above my head on the wall. His forehead dropped until it rested against my own.
“Don’t shut me out, Zoe. I won’t survive that.” I squeezed my eyes closed, not just wanting to hide from his pain but needing to protect myself from him too. “I want to kiss you so bad right now. I have never wanted anything as much as I need you right now. You’re perfect, the most amazing thing in my fucked up world and I’m a fucking fool for hurting you. Open your eyes and look at me, baby.”
I tried to hold in the tears as I opened my eyes but they refused my request and rolled down my face. “Don’t cry,” he whispered. “I don’t deserve your tears.”
I swallowed hard attempting the stop the flow but shook my head when I lost the fight. “Let me go, Daniel, please. I can’t do this, I’m not strong enough.”
He pressed his own eyes together for a moment before opening them and holding my gaze. “Let me kiss you. I need to feel you, taste you one last time. I need a memory, baby. I need that piece of you.”
I wish I could say I was strong, but I wasn’t, far from it. My whole body cried out when he softly swept his tongue across my bottom lip like only he ever could. My resistance disintegrated and my lips parted, allowing him to take me. The soft fullness of his lips upon mine again brought my soul to its knees. My spirit soared, my womb cheered, and my soul sobbed as my heart broke.
His hands let my arms go so he could embrace my face, the palms of his hands soft against my cheeks as he held me down for his onslaught. His kiss grew fiercer, a strangled moan ripping up his throat and bursting into my mouth as his tongue attacked mine angrily. His fingers snatched at my hair as he pressed his erection into my stomach, his lust as fierce as his kiss.
He tilted my head with his strict hold, taking me harder. He fucked my soul with his kiss, aroused my mind with his tongue and made my heart orgasm as my body trembled under him.
“God, I need you so much. I miss the warmth when I slide inside you. I miss the way your pussy snatches greedily at my cock, how your nipples pucker under my tongue.”
My legs shook and I clenched my fists trying to fight off the need, the hunger for him that never allowed me any peace. “Daniel, don’t…”
“I miss how your lips squeeze my cock, how the way your tongue twists and wraps around my shaft, how the heat of your mouth makes my balls explode. I miss the way you scream my name when you come undone beneath me, how your body bows for me and only me.”
Oh shit. I couldn’t push him off, I couldn’t move as his mouth moved around until his tongue found that little sensitive spot behind my ear that only he knew about. The groan that broke free heated my cheeks as embarrassment tore through me. I was ashamed of how easy he always won me over. I couldn’t resist him, I never could. And that was my problem. Our problem.
“Stop!”
“Uh-uh, baby. You’re mine. Your body knows it, you know it.”
“STOP IT!” I forced him back. “Stop it.” I hated how my voice broke, I needed to be strong, find the courage to step back. “Stop manipulating me. I can’t do this. You’re destroying me, bit by bit. We both know I’m not enough for you. And when you finally decide that I’m no longer everything, it will kill me. I can’t do that, Daniel. I won’t let you do that to me.”
“No,” he argued. “You’ll always be everything to me, Zoe.”
My body sagged. I wouldn’t allow myself to lie to him or me, it would eventually annihilate us. “No Daniel. Don’t let your lust for me confuse what your heart needs.”
“This isn’t just a need to fuck, Zoe!” He was angry with me, his lips tightening his mouth into a straight line as his eyes blazed. “I love you. Did you miss that earlier? Did you not hear me properly? I – love – you. My heart needs you. My soul fucking yearns for you. Not just my cock, everything inside feels incomplete without you.”
“And what about in six months’ time, when you’re needing a man? What then?”
He stiffened, lying to himself as well as me. “I won’t. I can set that part aside.�
�
“That’s a lie, Daniel. Even you told me that you can’t live without that side in your life. So why now are you suddenly changing your mind?”
“Because I don’t want to lose you!”
I gazed at him, sadness enveloping me. “Why do you do this to me, Daniel? Why do you always break my god damn heart all the time? I waited three years to hear you tell me that you love me, and you choose the moment to tell me that just hours after you shattered my heart, when there was nothing for your love to hold onto anymore.”
“No, I don’t believe that, at least give me chance to rebuild it, fix it.”
He looked so sincere, his eyes begging and I wanted nothing more than to give in but the truth was, I knew I wouldn’t survive him again. It had only been my pregnancy that had saved me last time, preparing to be a mother taking up my time and heart.
“You want the truth, Daniel?”
He flinched anxiously but nodded.
“I loved you so much, so much. And if I’m honest with myself, I loved you more than Shane. But waiting for you, trying to hold onto you broke me down every time you walked away. And every time you did, you took a piece of me. Something inside me died every time you never answered my call, or you refused to even answer your door to me when I knew you were in there.”
I hated the tears that slid down my face. I hated the despair that mirrored my own in his eyes. But mostly, I hated myself because I couldn’t set the past free, I couldn’t move on and trust.
“You say you love me, but if you did, you would never have hurt me like you did. And that’s the truth. You just think you love me because you’re scared of the finality of me moving to Miami. But you couldn’t love me before and you don’t love me now. You’re in love with Nick, I can see it in you. It’s real. Yes, that hurts me as much as it probably does you, but we need to be honest now. If you destroy me this time, what happens to Jakob? Who will take care of him while I turn in on myself and refuse to live, just like every other time you hurt me?”
He reached up and slid his thumbs across my face, wiping at the torrent of tears. “You’re wrong.” I gulped when he shook his head at me. “I do love you, I have always loved you. And it was because I loved you that I never gave you anything to hold onto. Because I knew I would hurt you, Zoe. I knew that my life, not just my sexuality but the whole celebrity shit, would grind you down. Take from you what it’s taken from me. And I never want to see any part of you break. Yet, in my attempt to protect you, I killed you.”
He grabbed my face, making me look at him when I tried to turn away. “You have no idea how much it hurt to stare at your name on my phone screen and force myself not to answer, or the times I stood behind the door, my palm pressed to it because I knew you were that close to me on the other side.”
My eyes widened, stunned at his confession.
“You never saw my tears every time I walked away from you. You never witnessed me self-destruct every time I knew I had hurt you. The times the guys had to pick me up and force me to keep going because without you it felt like I had nothing.”
He stared at me, waiting for me to say something. I could feel Nick watching us and my heart broke for him. He was so obviously in love with Daniel and hearing that must have broken him.
I swallowed and pulled my shoulders straight. “Nick needs to talk to you.”
Daniel’s mouth dropped open, a twitch appearing in his right cheekbone with my brush off. But I was far from ignorant. I just didn’t want to hurt Nick.
“We need to talk to him, Zoe,” Nick cut in.
“I can’t, I have to fetch Jakob from Adam’s.” I turned back to Daniel. “But we’ll talk soon.”
“You promise.”
“Yes.” It was simple but honest. “But please listen to him, Daniel. He’s trying to help you, not hurt you.”
His eyes flicked to Nick for a second but he nodded to me. “I’ll take your word for it.”
I smiled. “There seems to be a lot of firsts today.”
His eyes lit up, his smile widening. “Only this once, don’t expect it frequently. You know I’m always right.”
I pulled the door open and stepped through, closing it behind me. “Not always.”
“SHE LOVES YOU.”
I lifted my eyes to Nick. He was stood making us coffee but I hadn’t realised he’d paused and was staring at me.
I shrugged and sighed, ignoring the way his curiosity infiltrated me. I wasn’t sure what it was about him, but he seemed to have the ability to ask things without asking them. I knew that didn’t make sense, no matter how I tried to decipher it in my own head. Maybe it had something to do with him being a journalist, how he could pull information from you without you even realising he had asked a question. “It’s complicated.” I answered vaguely, knowing he wanted more.
He nodded, continuing to make the drinks but I could sense his tension. “It always is.”
Something shifted inside me as I watched him, his strong back to me, the movement of his muscles under his shirt holding my eyes. His thighs were thick, the denim of his jeans hugging his muscles and backside. My dick was obviously delighted at the sight when it twitched excitedly. “You sound like you say that from experience.”
He flicked his eyes my way but didn’t enlighten me. Sitting on an opposite chair at the large wooden table he finally looked at me. “I’m so sorry about the shit in the paper – my paper.” He took a sip of his drink, his eyes watching me, the deep green intensity of them penetrating me as he tried to get a read on my thoughts. “If it’s any consolation I quit, after breaking the reporters nose. That shouldn’t have been published and I told my editor that I’ll watch the bastard sink for it.”
I could see the guilt in his face, his expression hard but worried. I trusted Zoe, she had obviously spoken to Nick about what had happened. And it seemed unlikely that he would actually put himself out there with pictures of himself in that situation. I shook my head. “Nah, it’s out now. Nothing will take it back and to be honest, other than the reaction from my parent’s and Ink, fuck the rest of them.”
“Have you heard from your family?”
I waved my phone at him, “Sixteen calls, all of which I have refused.”
He looked sad for a moment. “Why?”
“Let me just say they’re the type who will not be… understanding about it.” My stomach had turned every time I had seen my Dad’s number flash up. What the hell did I say to them? It made it worse that they’d had to find out like that. I should have told them a long time ago and there was only myself I could blame for the shit.
“And your manager?” he asked with a tight grimace.
“Oh, Brent will get over it. He loves all the trouble we give him, keeps him away from his Missus.”
He chuckled, nodding his head. “I bet you give the poor guy hell.”
“Once or twice. 103 aren’t exactly known for their quiet lifestyles.”
Silence descended for a while, both of us staring at each other, both of us unsure what to say. But Nick finally broke it with a question that he’d been dying to ask for the duration of my time there. “Did you mean what you told Zoe, about loving her? About wanting to be with her?”
“Yes.” He flinched at my bluntness and I stiffened for so obviously hurting him. “Is it true what Zoe said about you?” He shook his head, not understanding my meaning. “About being in love with me.”
His face paled, his body tensing slightly. “I don’t think…” He didn’t finish his sentence but stood up and walked to the window, turning his back to me and facing out to the garden. “We hardly know each other.”
“What I find strange,” I continued, ignoring him, “is how you’re supposed to be in love with me, yet you’re all over my girl.”
He spun round, his face tight with anger as he glared at me. “Yet you’re telling Zoe how much in love with her you are… and you have slept with me twice this week.”
I shifted uncomfortably, his honesty making my
clench my teeth. “Touché.”
A wide smile suddenly erupted on his face, taking away the stern glare and completely lifting his features into something quite stunning. “Although I can’t say I’m surprised you find me irresistible. It’s my pure good looks and my smile…”
“And your cock.”
His eyes widened at my quip but he shrugged and nodded, giving me a wide smile. “And that.”
I returned his smile, thankful we were back on safer ground with each other. Grimacing after taking a sip of his coffee, I placed my cup back on the table and scowled at him, “You make shit coffee.”
He looked shocked for a moment, then laughed loudly. “I know but surprisingly you’re the only one who’s dared to tell me that.”
“Seriously?”
“Yep, they all know I have a temper.” He smirked. “You wanna get out of here, go grab a beer?”
“Sure, although after making me suffer your sludge, I’d say the first is on you.”
Giving me a confident smile, he snatched his jacket from the back of one of the kitchen chairs. “And hopefully the last round is me on top of you.”
My jaw dropped and I swallowed at the way my dick fired with life, my balls already preparing themselves in excitement. Everything felt conflicted, the way my body reacted to him but my heart craved Zoe. My head was warning me that this would ruin everything with Zoe, yet my cock denied that belief.
Nick frowned at me when I winced with the thoughts racing through my head, but I forced a smile. “C’mon, I’m gagging.”
“I know you are,” he whispered as he slid past me and held open the front door, inviting me through it with a sweep of his arm. “So am I.”
ROMEO GROANED BESIDE me where we were hiding from the public in a booth at the rear of the pub. He’d brought me here because the landlord always reserved this concealed table for the 103 guy’s and any other pub we’d have gone to would have brought loads of attention from other revellers.
Finally Heaven (Room 103 Book 4) Page 9