‘You look ravishing,’ I whispered in her ear, with my arm protectively around her waist. In the moment, I was paying no heed to our body language, although I knew questions were being asked. It is quite amazing the gossip you can pick up with enhanced hearing, should you choose to do so.
Rowan was dressed in an elegant full-length black dress. It was sleeveless and simple, but looked like it had been made for her, despite having been a charity-shop purchase. Typically, she had refused to let me buy her one. But it was perfect … accentuating her small waist, gently touching the curves of her hips, seductively outlining the shapes of her breasts. She was covered up, but – dear God! – it was a dress which allowed your imagination to so easily encapsulate the joys of what lay beneath.
But I was most certainly not happy with the appreciative looks she was receiving from all full-blooded males in the room. Repressing the latest growl beginning to rise in my chest, I sent a look in the direction of the current offender, and watched in muted satisfaction as he took an instinctive step back, and the contents of his champagne glass jumped out to soak his shirt. I could do no more, I reminded myself. My cocktail party was not the venue for plucking out the eyes of my guests.
But removing that from the equation, I was the happiest I had ever been. Heaven was a place on earth, I realised – it was at Rowan Locke’s side.
I watched Rowan’s hand rise to touch the necklace around her neck, and met her eyes. She loved it. Elizabeth had said she would when I had broached the subject with her. I smiled, recalling Rowan’s reaction to the gift I had given her earlier in the evening. ‘The rose-gold setting and the diamonds to the sides are Georgian. The central stone I had replaced with a moonstone – in light of your lunar appreciation. It is a family piece.’ I hadn’t been able to tell her that the necklace had originally been made for my mother, and I had wanted her to have something of the woman I had loved so deeply.
‘It’s absolutely beautiful! It’s the most wonderful present anyone has ever given me,’ she had sobbed, as I removed her mother’s pendant for the night and placed the new piece around her neck. I had even allowed myself to gently kiss her pulse point. The moment had been magical.
Back in the ballroom, Rowan squeezed my hand. ‘Mingle, Nate. You need to mingle,’ she whispered in my ear. And all I could think was how her touch and her proximity was making my body feel. Why the bloody hell would I want to mingle?
‘You know I do not tend to mingle well, and besides … I would rather not leave your side.’ I spoke huskily.
She smiled with both her mouth and her eyes. The intensity worked for us both. ‘What am I going to do with you?’ she asked gently. She raised her hand and I sensed she wanted to stroke my face, but remembered where we were, so lowered it quickly. She took a deep breath. ‘I’ve got to sort out the caterers. Please try and make the most of this event. Everyone is desperate to meet the elusive Nathaniel Gray. I know you don’t like these things, but try! And spare a thought for me. It’s not easy with my hearing in this sort of set-up, so you aren’t the only one struggling tonight. I’ll be back before you know it; I’ll be here to hold your hand. I promise.’
I sighed as I watched her hobble away, smiling and greeting a number of people en route. Her hearing problems were not obvious, but I knew she just covered it well. I had noticed odd occasions in the office – but she never struggled with me.
I watched Rowan shake her head when offered a glass of champagne from a tray. I must get her to drink some tonight, I mused. She insisted she didn’t drink on the job, but she was so endearing intoxicated. I would make sure there was a bottle – or two – upstairs for later.
When Rowan was finally out of sight, and I had nowhere else to look but the room, I conceded there were, indeed, rather a lot of people looking in my direction and attempting to catch my attention. My mobile rang. Saved by the bell!
My caller display showed it to be Madeleine. Unbeknown to Rowan, we were not the only ones in Nice. I wasn’t taking any chances. They had left an hour ago, though. Fergus’ team had confirmed Frey was still in South America, so there was no point in their lounging around, attempting to look inconspicuous in the hotel, when they could be heading to the Black Forest to sample some of the regional specialities. It was a couple of hours’ flight, at a leisurely vampire pace, so they were going to make a night of it.
‘Madeleine,’ I said jovially, ‘you have just saved me from a fate worse than …’
‘Nate – you have to listen to me.’
This was not good.
‘Fergus’ team called. They’ve lost Frey. One minute he was there, next he wasn’t. The hope is Heather’s lot have got him, but we’re on our way back now. Just be alert.’
My heart was racing and my throat had become dry. Where was Rowan? Why the hell had I let her leave my side? My eyes scanned the room. Thank God! I could see her in the corner of the room, coming out of the door leading to the kitchens. She caught my eye, and I could hear her sigh from across the room. She was waving her arms around and mouthing, ‘Mingle, Nate. Mingle!’
‘Understood. We will be alert.’
As soon as I hung up, I was at Rowan’s side. She jumped. But she was getting used to my strange movements, as she called them. Nobody in the room would have seen me move.
‘I wish you wouldn’t do that, you scare me half to death every time!’ I couldn’t help the stomach lurch that resulted from her choice of words.
I spoke close to her ear and felt her tremble, ‘Forgive me. But can we mingle together, please?’ I had managed to keep my voice calm. It was most probably a false alarm.
‘You’re useless, you know! Totally useless.’ She sighed. ‘Come on then!’ And we turned to head back into the midst of the party.
But our way was blocked.
I had heard nothing. But before us was Simeon Frey. He was flanked by two more of his kind, both taller and broader. If I hadn’t heard them, how had I not smelt them?
Rowan gasped and her heart pounded. Her fear punched me. I put my arm protectively around her shoulders, and spoke in her ear, ‘It is fine, my love – leave this to me.’ As casually as possible, I changed position, ensuring Rowan was behind me; I was facing Frey head on.
‘Rowan … It’s so lovely to see you again.’ Toxic was the way I would have described his voice.
‘I do not recall seeing you on the guest list, Frey?’ My own voice was strained due to Rowan’s anxiety.
‘Perhaps not; it was quite an omission. I was hoping to catch up with Rowan.’
‘I think you will find Rowan a little preoccupied with helping me host my party. And she will be by my side for the foreseeable future.’
‘Yes! A party – with a host the like of which this hotel is unlikely to have seen before,’ he proclaimed, with exaggerated wonder.
And in that moment I knew exactly how he was going to play this. He knew what I was, and suspected, quite rightly, that Rowan did not. He was going to play his trump card.
‘If you will excuse us?’ I couldn’t disguise the urgency in my voice.
‘I don’t think so,’ he sneered.
‘You will move aside!’ My body was like a coiled spring. My voice was borderline but my eyes were most definitely not. The two spooks at his flanks took a rapid step back. Frey looked uncomfortable, but held his ground.
‘You haven’t told her, have you, Gray?’
I felt Rowan tense behind me and her fear increase.
This was my worst nightmare. She could not hear it from him. She couldn’t! Our physical location, in the corner of the room, was contained by his party of three. We could escape by going up. I could grab her and fly, if she would calm down a little, but we were in public. We were in a room full of two hundred people, already showing more than a passing interest in proceedings. The charm couldn’t be used on them all. I could reveal the monster within and rip Frey’s throat out, but Rowan was here. Forget about everyone else. She couldn’t have a clearer demonstration of w
hat I was. There was nothing I could do.
Rowan spoke shakily, ‘I know exactly what he is.’
She wasn’t ready for this. She was doing everything she could to avoid the revelation. I squeezed her hand reassuringly. But I knew what was coming next. I spoke rapidly for her ears only. ‘I love you, Rowan, more than you will ever know. It was for me to tell you—’
But it wasn’t quick enough. As I was speaking, his voice intruded. Both mocking and triumphant. ‘You know he’s a vampire?’
Her shock consumed me. And then I felt her horror and terror and fear and her heartbreak and then her recoil as she snatched her hand from mine. She was gasping desperately for air. And then denial. She so didn’t want to believe it.
‘Nate?’ Her voice was pleading. I had moved to the wall for physical support, desperately attempting to keep myself between her and Frey as her pain, mingled with my own, took hold.
The cackle of his laugh rang in my ears. ‘The worst, of course, is that he used his charm on you.’
‘No,’ I said as loudly as I could, shaking my head desperately. I used all my strength to reach out my hand to her, but she just stared at me, the horror there in her eyes.
‘How else could you fall in love with a bloodsucking monster? He made you love him. But it was never real. It was a spell! You’ve been under his spell the whole time!’
I watched her wobble and felt her emotions drain from me. My own were still tearing me to pieces, but I could move. I caught her around the waist as it all became too much for her and her legs buckled.
He looked triumphantly at me, his hard metallic eyes glinting. ‘All’s fair in love and war, hey, Gray? I believe that connection of yours will ensure you’re out of action for a while.’ And then they were gone.
I scooped Rowan up into my arms, not caring what we looked like, and carried her from the room. It was over. I had lost her. My feelings for the moment were, thankfully, numb. I was acting on automatic pilot. I kept moving. Cradling her unconscious body in one arm, I used my other to find my mobile.
‘Madeleine! I need you back NOW! I am about to be out of action – and Frey somehow knows it.’
‘Nate! What’s happened?’
I hung up.
Once we reached my room, I gently placed Rowan on the bed. The same bed on which, last night, she had fallen asleep in my arms. The smile she had given me when she woke this morning was one of the sweetest, most wondrous sights the universe could offer.
I now looked down upon my beautiful Rowan. So human, so fragile, so vulnerable … and devastated because of me. I stroked her face, committing to memory how her skin felt. I inhaled her scent. She was gone from me now. But I would make her safe. I was prepared for the last act of my existence, to be Frey’s destruction.
Rowan stirred. I stepped away. I didn’t want to scare her any more than she was going to be. I stood by the window. I shouldn’t be here. I didn’t want her to fear at all. But I couldn’t leave her alone with Frey prowling around. And I owed her an explanation. I needed to tell her she was my whole existence, that I had not once deployed my charm on her; that what we had had was the most special, most wonderful thing I had experienced in two-hundred-and-thirty years; that I could never have hurt her. I knew that now.
But I was agonisingly aware that, at any moment, I was going to be crippled by her heartbreak and terror. I doubted I would be able to get any explanation out. If I had had the time, I would have put it all in a letter. The hardest letter I could have ever written.
Her eyes were open now. She lay motionless for a few moments, whilst she experienced confusion. And then it hit – realisation. She sat bolt upright, and as I was spotted, gasped and struggled frantically, clamouring backwards across the bed, to get as far away from me as possible.
My legs had already buckled and I slid to the floor. I used every particle of strength currently at my disposal to stop myself from lying down, wrapped in a foetal position. By resting my back against the wall, with my elbows braced on my raised knees, I managed to maintain a sitting position. My head was clutched in my hands.
Rowan’s breathing was on the verge of hyperventilation.
‘Rowan,’ I managed to gasp.
‘Get away from me!’ she screamed. It was hysteria on top of horror and terror, heartbreak and grief; she was already grieving for me.
‘Do not be scared,’ I said as gently as I could, whilst fighting the agony.
‘Do not be scared? Do not be scared? You’re a fucking vampire!’ She choked on the last word before it turned into a sob.
She had made it off the bed and was continuing to back away from me across the room; not that I was capable of moving any closer. She came to rest with her back against the farthest wall from me. The tears were rolling down her face and her body was convulsed in sobs. More to herself than to me, she stammered, ‘You don’t exist, you aren’t real. You’re just in horror films … and my nightmares!’
I felt her moment of hope. She was pleading with me, begging me. ‘They don’t exist, Nate. Tell me they don’t exist. You can tell me what you are now … tell me what you really are. I’m ready now!’
Her hope disappeared as I slowly shook my head. But she still screamed at me, ‘TELL ME!’ She slid down the side of the wall and mirrored my position. She had the ability I did not, though, to sob uncontrollably. ‘You … drink … blood?’
‘Yes … but …’
‘But you haven’t got fangs … You’re dead … You’re a monster. Oh God – you kissed me!’ Her volume increased so her voice was hoarse with the scream. ‘You kissed me, you bastard! You more than kissed me … and I enjoyed it! I wanted more. How could you do that?’ She twisted around, trying to curl into the wall, and pummelled it with her fists. ‘You’re a monster … Clare … the boys. I let you near them. You spent time with them!’
‘I wouldn’t …’
‘I loved you, Nate! You let me love you … you made me love you. I loved you more than I thought anyone could love. You tricked me … why? Why would you do this to me? I wanted to be with you forever! Forever, Nate! You were everything.’
‘I love you!’ I desperately managed to get out.
She physically shuddered. ‘How can you love me? You’re dead! Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead people can’t love! You kill people and suck their blood.’
‘No.’
‘You disgust me!’ She started laughing hysterically. ‘I trusted you with my life. How good must your spell be? I trusted a vampire with my goddamned life! How crazy am I? I didn’t want to know what you were – I felt safe with you – but you don’t even exist. How could you ever have been that?’
She rolled over now on to her knees, and used the console table against the wall, to help her up. Edging her way around the room, with her back as close to the wall as possible, she reached the door. In a voice that could leave me in no doubt of her sincerity, she warned, ‘Don’t you ever come near me or my family again. If anything ever happens to them, I’ll know who it was.’ And then so, so quietly, ‘And it would be my fault. All my fault.’
‘Do not go!’ I managed to plead.
Hysterics returned, but I knew they had never gone. ‘Do not go? Do not go? Well, what the hell? Why don’t I choose to stay in a room … alone with a vampire! I’m obviously stupid enough to do that – aren’t I? You stay away from me and my family! Never, ever, ever come near us again! Do you hear? NEVER!!!’
She fumbled blindly through her tears with the door, before wrenching it open and stumbling out, sobbing uncontrollably. And I sat there, unable to move.
My heart had ripped into two.
She had gone. But there was some justice. I was not alone. It was for me to share her tortured soul, to feel for myself the agonies I had caused; the pain that was reeling through Rowan and which there was nothing I could do to stop. And then there was my pain. For Rowan had taught me to feel. I could experience heartbreak for myself now, and guilt … and desperate fear.
My own desper
ate fear, which was reaching terror status.
Simeon Frey was out there. This was his plan. He knew, somehow, what this would do to me. And Rowan was his prey. And I was too weak to save her. Dear God, help me! I tried to compartmentalise, but there wasn’t a chance.
After I do not know how long I became aware, somewhere in my head, of the phone in the room ringing, and then my mobile. Could it be Rowan? I finally managed to get it out of my pocket, and somehow accepted the call.
‘Nathaniel. Where is she?’ The concerned voice seemed to be coming through a haze. ‘Nathaniel? It’s Heather – where is Rowan?’
‘You must … help me!’ was all I was able to force out.
‘What’s happened? Nathaniel? Is it Simeon? We lost him! I can’t shield Rowan, she can’t have her pendant on. I can’t protect her and I can’t pinpoint her. You have to find her!’ Heather was sounding frantic. Her voice didn’t normally sound like this. It was normally non-emotional, flat, almost hypnotic.
‘She … knows.’
‘Knows … what?’ The fear that managed to creep into those two words was indicative that the answer was dawning.
‘I am a … monster.’
‘Are you hurt? Why are you struggling to talk? Breathe. Do something. I need a connection. I need to hear you.’ Heather spoke with an air of authority I didn’t feel able to ignore.
I breathed, and then shuddered. My head and body were being shared by someone other than Rowan. There was a sharp intake of breath from the other end of the phone. ‘I’m sending support but it will take time. He hasn’t got her yet because you’d be feeling her reaction. Why didn’t you tell me about the emotional connection? I didn’t know – your thoughts didn’t … but then I wasn’t looking for— The connection shouldn’t even be possible! I don’t understand how this has happened. But I can help, Nathaniel! You’ve experienced what I can do first hand! Why I didn’t see it when I was making you calm I don’t— She was sleeping! You should have told me, Nathaniel! Why didn’t you tell me? I can manipulate feelings so I can bloody well try and segregate them!’
No Such Thing As Immortality Page 25