Darkness Before Dawn

by Contreras, Claire

  Dean and Connor are noticeably absent when I walk by the waiting area, which I'm glad for. I continue down the hall, checking in with the security guard, when I see Bruce walking up to me with a worried look on his face.

  "What happened?" I ask before he says anything.

  "Blake asked to see Dean," he replies with a shake of his head. I look around and notice Spencer is nowhere to be found.

  "And you let her? Are you out of your damn mind?" I growl. "What the fuck is she thinking?" I say as I storm over to her room.

  I swing the door open and look around the crowded room. Aubry, who is standing beside Blake, puts his hands up in defeat. My feet stay frozen on the spot when I see Blake standing in front of Dean, staring at him with tears running down her face. Both Connor and Aubry have their hands on her shoulders.

  "So they've been using me as some sort of pawn?" Blake asks Dean, snapping me out of my trance, making me step toward them.

  "What the fuck are you doing in here?" I ask Dean as I walk up to Blake and bury her face in my chest. She lets out a muffled sob against me before turning her head and placing her cheek against me.

  "I asked you a question," I say loudly.

  Dean shakes his head and shrugs his shoulder. "Not my place to say."

  I feel my body burning from the inside as I continue to stare at him. He has an attitude that mirrors my own, and normally that would be a good thing, but between the way he looks at my girl and the fact that he helped take her—I will never like him. To add insult to injury, Blake acts like the motherfucker is welcome around her, and it pisses me off to no end.

  "Cole, just drop it, please. We'll talk about it later," Blake whispers against my chest, making me get even angrier, but when I look down and see her pleading eyes, I let out a deep breath and nod.

  "Has the doctor come by?" I ask as I caress her face lightly. Her eyes gleam at me and she gives me a small smile before nodding. "Are you ready to go home?" She nods enthusiastically which makes me smile and duck my head to kiss her.

  I look up, still reeling from the information Dean gave me earlier, and catch him watching me intently from across the stuffy hospital room. I'm not sure how he can be so casual in such an uncomfortable situation. Cole has been shooting daggers at him since he got here, yet there he is leaning against the wall with his legs crossed out in front of him—not a care in the world. I know he's used to dealing with much scarier people than Cole, but still. I don't think I've ever met a man that's not afraid of Cole ripping their head off. Maybe he just doesn't get it, poor bastard. I shake my head and drag my eyes away from his to Cole, who's standing on the other side of the room watching me as well.

  "I'm ready," I announce once I have my shoes on. Both Cole and Dean lean forward and walk toward me, Dean stopping short and smirking when Cole shoots him a warning glare. Cole reaches me and holds me at arms' length, his eyes traveling up and down my body a couple of times before he pulls me into his side. I take a deep breath looking around once more and make a silent wish that I never have to visit this place again.

  I hug all of the nurses and thank them for putting up with us and our dysfunctional friends before one of them wheels me out of the hospital. A mix of emotions washes over me as we take the elevator to the bottom floor, knowing that in a couple of seconds I'll be heading out into the world again. I think of the last time I stepped outside and glance at Dean, who has a clenched jaw and is fidgeting with the sleeves of his jacket. He looks over at me and our eyes lock for a couple of seconds before he gives me a small smile and looks at the floor in front of him. When the elevator reaches the bottom, I get up from the wheel chair and hold onto Cole's hand as we walk out. The wind hits me and I take a moment to breathe in the cool air and look up at the dark sky before I turn to say goodbye to everybody. I hug Connor first and he promises to visit me tomorrow to check up on me. I then turn to Dean, stepping forward to speak to him and am thankful when Cole moves back and lets me have this moment.

  I see a myriad of emotions in Dean's eyes before they settle into a passive stare. "Thanks for telling me and for helping me," I say quietly.

  "No big deal," he replies with a shrug. I gape at him in response, which makes him start laughing. "Really, chick. I'm sorry."

  Cole places his hand on my shoulder and squeezes gently, letting out a harsh sigh when I tell Dean it's okay. I let Cole escort me away, Bruce and Spencer on either side of us as we walk toward the car in the back of the hospital. When we drive off, I see the news trucks on either side of us and the photographers flock to the car to take photos of us. Aubry's been warning me about them being out here, but seeing them makes it all real. Even though the windows of our truck are tinted, I hide my face behind Cole's back to keep them from getting a clear picture of my face. I don't want Benny to get a chance to see me at all, though I know it's inevitable.

  I take a deep breath, letting Cole's familiar scent of Christmas and Jean Paul Gaultier wash away my ambiguity.

  "You okay?" he asks softly as he leans back and nestles me under his arm.

  I tilt my head to look into the night, watching cars drive by and admiring the city lights. I think back to how only a few minutes ago I was still in a hospital bed, and how I begged Aimee to go get Dean so that I could speak to him. When she agreed and Dean made his way over to me, I asked him to tell me everything he knew about me because I couldn't go back to living the way I had before. I couldn't go back to living a shadow of a life, without knowing with certainty who my family was and who they were involved with. I already figured it was mafia related, but I didn't know the extent of it. According to Dean, my grandfather is Brian Benson, THE Brian Benson. After hearing that, I figured everything else would be less daunting, but hearing that the Bensons and O'Briens had a falling out, and in turn, made Benny turn against everybody, didn't make things easier on me. Dean seems to think Benny's vendetta is against my father, who is indeed alive and remarried.

  "Blake?" Cole says, snapping me out of my reverie.

  "Yeah?"

  "Are you okay?" he repeats.

  I turn my face to him, loving the way his big green eyes twinkle in the dim lighting. Loving the way I feel here in his arms, safe. I give him the best smile I can muster as I blink away tears of gratitude. "I think I will be," I whisper honestly.

  He nods and pulls me tighter into his side, kissing the top of my head softly as we pull into the parking garage of our apartment.

  My hands feel clammy as I walk into the building, and suddenly I'm not so sure I want to be back here. What if Benny is watching us right now? I look skeptically at Bruce and Spencer as they walk on either side of us. I've spoken to Bruce about what happened that day a couple of times and although I know that none of it is his fault, I can't help not trusting him anymore. I cling on to Cole's arm a little tighter and he stops walking, looking down at me with questioning eyes.

  He snaps his head up. "Go ahead," he says to our security guards as we reach the elevators.

  "Sir, Spencer will go up first and check things out while I wait here with you," Bruce says as Cole waves his response off.

  "No, go ahead. I'll take her up by myself in the next one."

  Both men look at us with dumbfounded expressions before shrugging and muttering an "as you wish" and getting on.

  Cole turns his body to me. "Look at me," he says quietly, and I comply. "Everything is going to be fine."

  "I don't trust them," I whisper. "I don't want them watching me anymore."

  He frowns before shaking his head on an exhale. "Baby, we need the security," he says as he combs my hair away from my face. "If you want we can get new people, but you can't just parade around by yourself."

  I shake my head. "I'm not planning on it."

  His eyes soften as he regards me. "Good, because I don't think I can handle another blow to my heart."

  I sigh. "I guess we'll keep them for now, but I don't know, it just feels weird. Will Connor be around too?" I ask quietly.

 
His face grows serious as he searches my eyes and takes both sides of my face in his hands. "Yeah, unless you don't want him to be? I trust him though, and I know you'll like him. He's really excited to have a cousin, you know? And if you don't feel safe with Bruce and Spencer, we'll get rid of them." I give him a small smile and he leans in to kiss me softly.

  "I want Connor around," I whisper quietly. Truth is, I get a good vibe from him, and he gives me an ounce of hope that maybe my family isn't all that bad.

  "Good," he replies with a nod as he tilts his head to search my face. "Now, let's go home, yeah?"

  "Yeah," I reply quietly, feeling a little less breathless, despite the lack of air in my lungs.

  The walk to our apartment is long, as I take my time, savoring each step of freedom that I take. Every step brings me closer to our home together, our life together, the life I've been missing for the past month. When we open the door, I see a fury of red hair bouncing toward me, making me gasp and take a step back.

  "Blakey!" she shrieks as she wraps her arms around me, her large, obviously pregnant midriff crashing against me. My breaths start coming in gasps as I wrap my own arms around her and begin to weep. I see a large figure from the corner of my eye before feeling Greg's big brown arms wrap around both Becky and me.

  "I missed you so fucking much," Becky says in between sobs.

  "We're so glad you're safe," Greg says above us.

  "Let the girl breathe!" Aubry shouts from behind us, making us step away from each other and chuckle as we wipe our tears.

  I fully take in Becky's short navy wrap around dress that hugs her body perfectly, and I can't stop my tears from running. Despite my broken heart, I step forward and place my hands on her pregnant belly. A soft sob escapes her as she places her own hands above mine.

  "I heard. I'm so sorry, babe," she whispers.

  Once I'm sure the knot in my throat will let me speak, I clear my throat. "I'm so happy for you," I say quietly. And despite the sadness I feel about my own lost pregnancy, I am happy for them. They tried to get pregnant for so long, and I know it's unfair for me to feel the pang that I feel in my chest. I turn to Greg and smile at him. "Congratulations, Gregory."

  His mouth turns up slightly before he steps forward and wraps his arms around me and kisses the top of my head. "I love you, Cowboy. I'm sorry for your loss. I missed you so much." I feel new tears sting my eyes before I rapidly blink them away. I will not cry anymore, dammit!

  Cole walks over and hugs Becky and Greg before putting an arm over my shoulder and pulling me into him. "You hungry, baby? Becky stocked our fridge."

  "I wanna shower first, is that okay?" I ask, looking from face to face.

  "Of course, we're not going anywhere!" Becky responds, sitting down on the couch and perching her feet on our coffee table, which makes me smile.

  I excuse myself and walk to my room in long strides, soaking in every detail of our apartment. Everything looks the same. My jean jacket is still thrown over the back of a stool in the kitchen. My slippers are by the sliding glass door that leads to the balcony. The memories of that day make me shudder slightly as I open my bedroom door. Stepping in, I frown at the disheveled gray sheets on our bed, the same ones on it when I left that day. I feel Cole's warmth behind me before his arms wrap over my shoulders from behind.

  "You okay?" he murmurs against my hair. I nod in response before turning my body around to face his.

  "You didn't make the bed," I say quietly. Cole is anal about making the bed in the morning. So much so, that if he leaves the bed unmade and comes home throughout the day, he makes it before he leaves again, whereas I just always leave it unmade.

  A flash of pain clouds his eyes and he gives me a sad smile, tucking my hair behind my ears with both hands. "It's been that way since you left. I couldn't bring myself to sleep here without you."

  "But that drives you crazy," I reply, looking at the bed and back at him with furrowed eyebrows. He pulls my face against his chest and holds me there, his deep chuckle making my body hum.

  "I know, but I wanted to make you make the bed when you got here."

  I laugh and shake my head a little at his ridiculousness, because he always does things like that just to "teach me a lesson".

  "I forgot what a pain in the ass you are," I mumble into his shirt.

  He drops his arms and takes a step back, ducking his head to look me square in the eyes. "Don't worry, I'll never let you forget again." He kisses me slowly, his tongue leisurely stroking against mine before pulling away. "Let's get you showered."

  He's helped me shower every day at the hospital, even though after the second day, I was fully capable of doing it myself. I go into my walk-in closet and get my most comfortable sweat pants and my favorite red Murphy shirt before making my way to the bathroom.

  "I can wash myself, you know?" I say with a raised eyebrow as I peel off my shirt, noticing the way his eyes travel slowly down my body. The up side to being in the hospital for a week is that other than the bruises, I feel fine. My face isn't swollen anymore and for the most part, the soreness is gone from my body.

  "I know," he replies quietly, his eyes darkening when I shimmy out of the black yoga pants I'm wearing.

  By the time I lean into the shower to switch it on, he's staring at me with hungry eyes. I smirk at him before taking off my bra slowly and tossing it in his face, and then fall into a fit of laughter when he wraps his arms around me and follows me into the shower.

  "Cole! You're dressed!" I screech as I try to wiggle out of his hold.

  "I don't care," he replies before biting my neck. "You're teasing me. You know I can't handle that."

  He runs the tips of his fingers from my waist up my sides slowly before stopping below my breasts. My legs pool in anticipation and my eyes flutter closed as I toss my head back on to his chest, arching my back, begging for him to touch me.

  "Are you sure you're ready for this, baby?" he asks, his voice hoarse with need. I whimper and rock my body against him in response. He finally fans his fingers over my breasts before plucking at them slightly, making a tremor run through me. Suddenly, he drops his hands and places them on my hips. I focus on the sound of the water mixed with our heavy breathing, and when I notice that Cole isn't moving, I turn around to face him. His eyes are ablaze with desire, but I can also see the concern there that makes him second-guess this. I look down look and let the water hit my back. I focus on his wet shirt that's clinging to the cuts on his stomach and snap out of my daydream at the sound of Becky's loud laughter coming from our living room. Becky, my beautiful best friend who's pregnant, I think, my eyes trailing over my flat stomach as water pools my eyes. I blink them back, hoping they get mixed in with the rest of the water, unnoticed by Cole.

  "Hey, what's wrong?" he asks, cupping my chin to look into my eyes.

  I try to restrain my head from moving just for a second so that I can train my eyes into a blank stare, but he's too quick for me...and he knows me.

  "We'll wait. You're not ready and that's okay. I'm not going anywhere," he whispers.

  I nod slowly in response, my eyes filling with tears I can no longer hide, my shoulders beginning to quake from sobs I can no longer hold back. He pulls me into his chest, kissing the top of my head and holds me there letting me cry, letting me pour out the conflicted feelings that flow through my veins. Feelings that make me feel disgusted at myself for having toward my own best friend.

  "I'm a horrible person," I whisper into his chest.

  He grabs me by the shoulders and holds me at arm's length as he searches my face. "Why would you say that?" he asks, confusion and alarm clear in his voice.

  "Because I am." I shake my head sadly. "I saw Becky and all I can think about is that I'm supposed to be pregnant too. After all she's been through...after all the years she's been trying to conceive and that's the first thought that crossed my mind. I'm a terrible person," I finish, my voice breaking and turning into a loud sob as I lean back into his chest.<
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  "Oh, baby," he says quietly, wrapping his arms tightly around me, letting me cry for the two of us.

  I feel like I'm having an out of body experience sitting in my living room surrounded by the people I love. I can't stop the tears from running down my face. But this time they're not sad tears, or scared tears, they're thankful tears. I am so thankful to be sitting on Cole's lap as Becky runs her fingers through my hair, Aubry holds my hand, and Greg catches me up on what has been going on in their lives. The discomfort in my chest stabs at me with each mention of their baby, but I smile nonetheless. I'm sure it'll get easier to deal with and despite my own sadness, I find myself placing my hand on Becky's growing belly and smiling at the knowledge that she's carrying a life inside of her.

  "I'm sorry," Becky whispers as she places her hand over mine. I sniffle back new tears and look into her wet blue eyes with a nod. Cole shifts me so that I'm sitting sideways in his arms and cradles me into his chest, covering most of my body with his arms and kissing the top of my head. I bury my face into him before deciding that I really need to stop crying. I wipe my face, take a deep breath and sit back up.

  "I'm sorry. I'm fine, I swear I'm happy for you guys," I say softly, looking at Becky first and then Greg.

  "Cowboy, this is all new for you, you've been through hell, we understand if you're sad. We're sad about your loss too, and it's okay to be sad," Greg says before he leans forward and wipes a stray tear from my face with his thumb. Becky hugs me and kisses my cheek before she excuses herself to go to the bathroom.

  "Where's Aimee?" I ask, looking at Aubry.

  "She'll be here later, she had to go do some stuff with her mom," he replies, looking at Cole for a beat before grabbing my hand and kissing the back of it. Cole pulls my hand away from Aubry's and shoots him a look that makes us laugh. He scowls at Aubry and Greg before winking at me and pulls me closer against him.

  "What do you feel like eating?" he asks before pressing his lips to my neck.