Darkness Before Dawn

by Contreras, Claire

  Me: Can you take us?

  Connor: Hell yeah. B there in 20

  I chuckle at that. Connor reminds me of Aubry sometimes, they're both nosey motherfuckers. Shit. I have to call Aubry.

  I fall into a reverie as Connor drives Cole and me toward Brian's house. I stare dumbly at the highway signs, which are my only indication as to where we're headed. I close my eyes to shut everything out and sag against the back seat of the four-door sedan, letting myself get lost in Common's lyrics coming through the speakers. A large hand stilling my bouncing leg snaps me out of my contemplation and I peel my eyes open to find Cole watching me intently.

  "You okay?" he asks quietly.

  Connor's eyes snap to mine in the rearview mirror and I nod at him before looking at Cole again, still nodding. He squeezes my knee before turning around again. I stare at the back of his head and idly fiddle with my necklace before clasping both hands together on my lap. I look at the clock in the middle of the car that reads 10:15 and just as I'm wondering how much longer we'll be on the road, Connor turns into a driveway. He lowers the window when we get to an iron gate and enters the code that opens it. As we drive up, my leg begins to bounce again on its own accord as I wring my hands together. Cole turns around and covers my hands with his, squeezing gently to affirm that I'm okay. I nod slowly in response.

  I take a deep breath and gulp down my apprehension as Connor switches the engine off. Closing my eyes, I silently repeat I can do this before getting out of the car and taking Cole's hand as we follow Connor up the steps to the house. He knocks twice before an older lady in a French maid outfit opens it. I frown and tug Cole's arm, looking up at him in question as we walk past her. His replying smirk tells me he's seen her before and thought the same thing—odd. I've always loved that Cole and I can have a conversation with just our eyes. I'm not sure if that stems from knowing each other for so long or just the way we know each other.

  Connor rubs his hands together and strides to the other side of the house as I look around at everything from the polished off-white marble floors that I can see practically see my reflection in, to the dual staircases on either side of the foyer. We trail behind him slowly, across a long corridor filled with family photos on either side of it. My eyes go from face to face in all of the photos until one catches my attention, making my heartbeat quicken. I let go of Cole's hand and walk toward the picture, willing my breathing to stabilize as I look at it in shock.

  "Hey, what's wrong?" Cole whispers.

  I look at him with my mouth hanging open before looking back at the photo of a woman that looks like she could be my twin. Standing beside her is an older lady with brown hair and sky blue eyes—Aunt Shelley. I clasp my hands over my face to contain any emotion from seeping through while taking a deep breath. Cole wraps his arms around me and pulls me toward him, and I let him hold me.

  "That...that's Sh-Shelley," I whisper hoarsely and watch his eyebrows raise in surprise.

  "Your aunt?" he asks with wide eyes.

  I nod slowly in response, my mind still reeling over seeing my mother and my aunt, the aunt who took care of me for nine years. The one whose intentions I never had a reason to question before now. She was as alone as I was, sad even, hurt. I shake my head, slowly refusing to believe this is real. I shake it harder for good measure in hopes to wake up, until Cole holds both sides of my face and angles my head to look at him.

  "I'm getting you the fuck out of here. Now," he growls with narrowed eyes. "CONNOR!"

  "No, Cole!" I say loudly. "NO! I NEED TO KNOW, DAMMIT!"

  "Blake, listen to me. LISTEN TO ME!" he says, shaking me by the shoulders when I try to walk past him. My eyes snap to his cold glare and I run through things I can tell him so he'll back off. Before I can say anything, he presses his lips roughly against mine, making the air rush out of my body. My chest is heaving when he backs away and before I have a chance to react, he scoops me into his arms and begins to stalk toward the exit.

  I cling to his shoulders and look at Connor, who is now jogging toward us with a confused look on his face. I demand Cole to put me down—still looking at Connor—when I see three men dressed nicely trailing behind him.

  "COLE!" The one with salt and pepper hair yells before they break off into a sprint toward us.

  Cole turns around, fully facing them as he holds me tighter to his chest. "Fuck all of you!" He shifts so that he's holding my body with one hand. I contemplate getting on my feet but decide not to until he's done with his rant. When they reach us, Cole points at them with his other hand. First at the oldest man, Brian, my grandfather. Then at the man standing on one side of him that I don't know. "You lied to me! You fucking lied to me! You said you didn't know where she was all those years!"

  I gasp, realizing that the other man is probably Cole's father, Camden. I squint my eyes and realize that it does look like him, although he looks different when he's on television. Still, he's definitely Cole and Aimee's father, and he does have a mixture of both of his kids in him.

  "Brian, what the fuck is he talking about?" my father, Liam, shouts.

  "Let the kid talk, Liam," Brian demands as he gestures for Cole to continue and raises an eyebrow. His gray eyes are thunderous as he looks at us impatiently.

  Cole puts me down and rolls up the sleeves of his dress shirt before tucking me into his side and holding me there. I look at the three men, Brian, Liam, and the one I assume is Camden, Cole's father. The only one that doesn't look like he's visibly holding his breath is Brian.

  "Blake saw a picture of her aunt inside! Her aunt and her mom posing together. What the fuck?" Cole exclaims loudly, throwing an arm up.

  "Let's go inside and we can talk about it," Brian says, waving his right hand toward the house.

  Connor looks at the three men and back at Cole and me before walking up to us and standing next to me. I feel his fingers brush my shaky hand before he places it in his, and I let him, thankful to have a cousin that takes my feelings into consideration.

  "Explain it here. Explain it now, Grandpa. This fucking girl has been through enough! COLE has been through enough! They were kids! JUST KIDS! If somebody took Eli from me like that, I'd fucking kill them without thinking twice. I'd hunt them the fuck down. I wouldn't stop until I found my kid! EXPLAIN IT HERE BECAUSE I WANNA HEAR THIS SHIT TOO!" Connor yells loudly, his hand squeezing mine as he does.

  Both Brian and Camden rub their foreheads as Liam stands with his arms crossed, waiting for the men to speak, I guess. I turn my head into Cole's body and breathe him in, reminding myself of what's important and who's important. Reminding myself that at the end of the day, these people are strangers to me and they don't matter. They never did. I sniffle back tears, making both Cole and Connor shift their bodies toward me and look down to make sure I'm okay. I wipe my face on Cole's shirt and let go of Connor's hand as I wiggle myself out of Cole's hold.

  "I'm fine," I whisper to them, looking them both in the eye for assurance, before taking a step toward the men. Both Cole and Connor move with me, and it occurs to me that the two men standing behind me can take the men before me in a fight if it came to that. I close my eyes and pray it doesn't come to that, though. Liam's and Camden's eyes have been locked on me the entire time, both in amazement and apprehension, and I imagine it has to do with the fact that I look so much like my late mother.

  "Speak," I say, crossing my arms in front of me and tilting my head at Brian in expectation. He chuckles and shakes his head in disbelief, looking from me to Liam and Camden. They all seem to agree on something as their mouths turn up for a second before they look back at me.

  "I really didn't know where you were. I swear on that. I found out when Benny called trying to cut a deal with me," Brian says, shaking his head. "I would have looked for you."

  "Why was I with Aunt Shelley and why is her picture in your house?" I demand.

  Brian exhales before his mouth settles in a grim line. "She was my ex-wife, your grandmother. I had no idea she had
you. I didn't know you were alive! She disappeared on me—I only knew she was alive because the kids would come over wearing things that I knew she had made for them; but she didn't want anything to do with me. I respected that and stayed away. I'd burned her enough times to make her suffer anymore," he responds quietly before taking out a pack of Benson & Hedges cigarettes from his pocket and lighting one up.

  "Did you know she was sick? For YEARS she was sick! For YEARS she cried every night! For YEARS she talked about love and how you don't give up on real love. For years..." My broken voice trails off when my throat begins to tighten.

  Cole places his hand on my shoulder and kisses my head, pleading with me to calm down. And in that moment I am so disgusted to be associated with these people, even if it's just by name, even if it's just by blood, that I'd do anything to erase the memories from that part of my life out of my head forever.

  "Why are you two so fucking quiet?" Cole snaps.

  I look up to see both Liam and Camden staring at us before ducking their heads. Brian steps forward, flicking his cigarette as he points an accusing finger at Liam.

  "You fucking knew, you little bastard!" Brian says gruffly. "YOU MOTHERFUCKER!" he screams at Liam. "YOU KNEW WHERE SHELLEY WAS ALL ALONG!"

  "Brian-" Liam starts before Brian's fist connects with his jaw, rendering him speechless.

  I gasp just as Cole pushes me behind him, holding my arm with his left hand so I don't move. I sneak a look around him to watch Connor step forward and grab his grandfather. Brian looks at Connor in confusion.

  "Grandpa, let me handle this," Connor says, pacifying his grandfather with a hand on his shoulder.

  Brian shakes his head somberly and looks at Liam again. "You fucking knew where she was? YOU KNEW WHERE SHELLEY WAS THE ENTIRE TIME? WHERE YOUR OWN DAUGHTER WAS?"

  "SHE WAS SAFE THERE, BRIAN!" Liam shouts back.

  "SAFE MY ASS! WHO ELSE KNEW?" Brian demands.

  Liam closes his eyes and takes a breath before opening them again. "I only knew when Blake was at Shelley's. I lost track of her when she was taken away from there because Mark wouldn't give me any information. Cam knew where Cole was, but never touched base with Maggie, so we didn't find out when Blake got there."

  "Maggie? Our friend Maggie?" Brian growls. "And how could Mark tell you and not me?"

  Liam shrugs. "Marky got one of guys not to kill the kids somehow but knew they'd go back for them if they were somewhere obvious. I knew they hadn't gotten killed, so I started asking him, following him. But like I said, Marky's smart, wouldn't leave trails. Cam wanted to set up a bank account for Cole, and Marky drafted everything for it. Maggie's information was there."

  "You knew where I was all those years and you didn't even think of getting me? Of visiting me?" Cole asks, his voice barely a whisper.

  "They would've killed you!" Camden grits. "If I had gone there, they would've killed you! As it is, Benny trailed everything back there looking for Blake, and look at what happened to Maggie then!" he continues.

  "DON'T BLAME THIS ON BLAKE!" Cole screams, his breathing becoming ragged.

  "I'm not blaming it on anyone but ourselves, Cole! It's nobody's fault but ours! I'm just letting you know what would've happened if they would've tracked you down!" Camden shouts back.

  "Your wife was shot dead. My fucking baby girl was shot dead. Oh my fucking...did you kill Cory?" Brian spits at Liam. He shouts the question again, leaving the name rattling in my head for a second too long. I bite down on Cole's forearm to keep from making a sound. He snaps his arm from me and turns around quickly, searching my face.

  I shake my head slowly. "Cory is my mom," I explain, my voice barely a whisper.

  His jaw works as he narrows his eyes at me in contemplation, a look I know too well. Before I can react, he steps away from me, shooting me a quick warning glare before stomping past Brian and Connor and grabbing Liam by the throat.

  "COLE!" Camden screams beside him as he grabs him by the shoulders. "This doesn't concern you!"

  Cole lets go of Liam, pushing him back, making him tumble and splay onto the grass before he turns to glare at Camden. "DON'T FUCKING TELL ME WHAT DOESN'T CONCERN ME! ANYTHING THAT CONCERNS BLAKE CONCERNS ME!"

  I shuffle my feet over quickly to where Cole is standing and pull on his with both my hands, begging him to step away from them, but he shrugs me off. "Back off, Blake! I'm gonna MAKE THEM understand that you are my ONLY concern! Stand over there!"

  I clutch his arm again and look at him with wide eyes, then at Camden and Liam, who's dusting the grass off his pants. Brian and Connor are watching Cole in approval. My breathing begins coming in short bursts and my vision tunnels. When my hands weaken, I drop them from his arms and concentrate on breathing.

  "Cole!" I hear Connor shout at a distance and suddenly feel arms holding me up.

  "Babe, are you okay?" Cole calls out as I blink heavily, trying to concentrate on his eyes, his beautiful green eyes. I take one last deep breath, feeling my senses returning to me all at once as I sag against him.

  "I'm fine," I whisper. "Did you kill her?" I ask, looking directly at Liam, who's standing beside us.

  "NO! I would never do that! Benny was trying to shoot me in the arm when I went for my gun, and she stepped in," Liam explains. "I loved your mother."

  "There were three shots. Three," I repeat, loud enough to hear my words over the thumping heart in my ears.

  Liam casts his eyes down before he looks back at me. "The first shot hit your mother. The rest of the shots were aimed at me."

  "But none hit you," I say, searching his body, even though I wouldn't be able to see a wound through his clothing.

  "One did," he says, lifting his shirt and showing me the hole on his arm. "I'm sorry, Blake. But I had to keep you safe. Benny's been looking for you ever since you disappeared. If you had been with me, he would've found you and who knows what his revenge would've been to get back at me! I really did lose track when you left Shelley's. Mark wouldn't tell me where you were sent. I did trust him to keep you someplace safe. With everything that had happened between me and Benny, and me and Alex...there just wasn't a safe way of me getting to you without them finding out."

  "You went on and got remarried and moved on with your life, though. And they did find me, " I supply bitterly, remembering how I felt when Dean filled me in on that piece of information.

  Liam exhales. "I'm sorry that they did. And I did get married, but that doesn't mean I forgot about you."

  "Do you have more kids?" I ask quietly.

  "No, I don't," he responds in a whisper.

  "Can we go inside?" Connor leads us toward the terrace, where Cole and I take a seat on the outdoor love sofa, while the others sit around us.

  "Don't bleed on the fucking carpet," Brian says to Liam when he comes back with a pack of ice for his hand.

  "You didn't get me ice?" Liam asks Brian.

  "I don't know if I'm gonna clock you again, boy! Start yappin' about important shit and stop whining like a little bitch!" Brian responds before walking to the bar. "Drinks?" he asks, looking at Cole and me.

  I nod feverishly, hoping for anything that can help calm my nerves. Brian comes over with two cups of gold liquid on the rocks. We thank him, as he hands it to us. I take a big gulp of it, feeling the burn in the back of my throat before I go into a coughing fit. Cole slaps my back and mumbles something about me always doing that, which is a total lie, but that's the least of my worries.

  "Careful," Brian says with a smirk.

  Liam sits down in front of us again after he serves himself a drink and I watch him anxiously, waiting for him to tell his story. When he looks at me and exhales, I shift to pay him closer attention.

  "Benny had a plan and it backfired on him. He came into the house thinking he was gonna take me. Your mom got defensive and started screaming at him. She and Benny were close at one point, if you can believe that. Heartless bastard," he mutters under his breath before continuing, "I tried to keep her out
of it, but your mom always did what she wanted when she wanted. Shit got out of control, shots were fired, Benny was drunk as fuck and one hit her." Liam's eyes grow sad as he recalls the night.

  "Did you forget I met Benny?" I ask angrily. "He's a monster! He...he would've killed me without thinking twice. Shit, he TRIED to kill me!"

  "If he wanted to kill you, he would've killed you, Blake," Liam says.

  Cole gets up from his seat beside me and crouches down in front of Liam, looking directly at him. "You don't know what she's been through, so you don't get to talk to her like that. You don't get to sit here and defend the man that murdered her mother and almost killed her. You don't get to do anything. As the matter of fact, consider this a gift from me to you, because you don't get to speak to her ever again. She may have come from you, but she's nothing to you."

  Liam's eyes widen as Cole's words seep in. "You can't keep me away from my own daughter!"

  "WHY DIDN'T YOU FUCKING LOOK FOR HER? WHY DIDN'T YOU LOOK FOR HER WHEN SHE WENT OFF TO COLLEGE, IF NOT AT MAGGIE'S? YOU'RE A FUCKING DEAD PRICK YOU'RE DEAD TO HER!" Cole screams, the veins in his neck more prominent the louder he gets.

  I can only sit here staring blankly at the spectacle in front of me, refusing to side with my birth father in anything because at the end of the day, Cole is right. Liam didn't want me then, so it doesn't really matter now.

  "And you," Cole says, turning around and pointing at Camden. "You're dead to me. My only family is Blake. PERIOD. Let's go."

  I will myself to move, but can't. I'm still in shock, just staring.

  "Baby, please get up," Cole whispers.

  I blink at the men a couple of times before looking up at Cole, who is looking at them as well as he grinds his jaw. He tears his eyes off of them and looks down at me, noticing that I haven't moved. He tilts his head, his green eyes laced with pain, anger, and concern. "Do you need me to carry you, baby? Are you okay?"

  "I think I'm okay," I whisper back, standing on shaky feet as I wave my goodbye to Liam.