by Mary Balogh
Margaret set her forehead against the cool glass of the window and closed her eyes.
How strange it would be to be married!
And how she ached for it. And for tonight. Was that a shameful, unladylike admission? But she did not really care. She had waited long enough for this. Too long. Her youth was already gone. And since it was gone, and with it all her youthful dreams of romance, then it was as well to turn her mind to the future with a positive wish for it to come as soon as possible.
Today and tonight she would be a bride—and she was going to enjoy every moment. Tomorrow and for the rest of her life she would be a wife. She was going to enjoy that too. It was what she had always wanted, after all, and what she had decided over the winter that she would be. It really did not matter that her bridegroom was neither Crispin, whom she had loved, nor the Marquess of Allingham, with whom she had enjoyed a comfortable friendship. She had made her decision to marry the Earl of Sheringford, and somehow she would make something good out of their marriage.
There would be a child to bring up.
Again.
She smiled fleetingly.
Even before she gave birth to any of her own.
Oh, let it be the right thing she was doing, she prayed to no one in particular as she lifted her forehead away from the window and moved into her dressing room to ring for her maid. Please, let it be the right thing.
It was fourteen days since she had collided with the Earl of Sheringford in the doorway of the Tindell ballroom. Fourteen days since he had asked her to dance and to marry him—all in one sentence. His first words to her.
Only fourteen days.
Weddings by special license, Duncan discovered during the ten days preceding his marriage to Margaret Huxtable, did not differ significantly from weddings by banns except that one did not have to wait the obligatory month for those banns to be read.
They were going to be married at St. George’s in Hanover Square, for the love of God. It was the scene of most ton weddings during the Season, it being the parish church of most of the beau monde. It was where legend had it he had left Caroline waiting tragically and in vain at the altar for his arrival five years ago. Legend erred on the side of good theater, of course, as legend often did, but even so…
How foolish of him to have imagined a mere two weeks ago that he would procure a special license, bear Miss Huxtable off to the nearest church, marry her there with only the clergyman and a witness or two for company, and then make off into Warwickshire with her to live obscurely ever after.
He could do nothing but kick his heels while his wedding crept up on him with the speed and inevitability of a tortoise.
The only thing of any real significance he did during those days was to call upon Norman and Caroline. It went severely against the grain to do so. Norman had never been his favorite person. Indeed, he had probably occupied the place of very least favorite for as far back into their childhood as Duncan had conscious memories. He was a pompous ass who had behaved in typical Norm fashion at Aunt Agatha’s soiree. And Caroline was no better in all essential ways than her brother. Which meant that she was a pretty rotten human being.
Nevertheless, Duncan had wronged her. Even though he had written to her before he ran off with Laura and had made sure she would receive the letter as soon as she woke up on their wedding day, abandoning her had been an admittedly dastardly thing to do.
He owed her an apology.
And perhaps he needed to hold out some sort of olive branch to Norman. Losing Woodbine Park, when he had fully expected that it would be his in a few days’ time, must be a severe disappointment to him. Though Duncan was not the one who had played cruel games with him, nevertheless he felt bad for his cousin. He had never wished Norm any real harm, even if he had bloodied his nose on one occasion when they were both boys, and blackened one of his eyes on another.
So he called upon the two of them one afternoon and hoped ignominiously that they would be from home—or that they would pretend to be.
He was no more fortunate on that account than he had been when he had gone to tell Margaret Huxtable about Toby.
He was admitted to a small visitors’ parlor on the ground floor and left to kick his heels there and otherwise amuse himself for almost half an hour.
Caroline arrived first, looking not a day older than eighteen and as fragile and lovely as ever, though she had had three children during the past five years, had she not?
Duncan bowed.
She did not curtsy.
“Caroline,” he said, “I must thank you for receiving me.”
“I do not believe, Lord Sheringford,” she said, “I have given you permission to make free with my given name.”
She spoke with the light, sweet voice that had once so enchanted him.
“Mrs. Pennethorne,” he said, “apologies are cheap, as I am well aware. They cannot set right what has been done wrong. Nevertheless, sometimes an apology is all that is available. I beg you to accept mine for all the humiliation and suffering I caused you five years ago.”
“You flatter yourself, Lord Sheringford,” she said. “What you did was release me from a connection that had grown distasteful to me, though of course good breeding would have forced me to honor it. I am grateful that you felt no such compunction. I am far happier with my dear Mr. Pennethorne than I could ever have been with you.”
If she spoke the truth, he was vastly relieved. And why would it not be the truth? She must have grown as unhappy with him as he had with her when he had started trying to enlist her support to plead with her brother to put an end to Laura’s sufferings.
“I am happy for you,” he said. “You will forgive me, then?”
Delicate eyebrows arched above large hazel eyes.
“Oh, you must never expect that of me, Lord Sheringford,” she said as the door opened again to admit Norman. “Certain actions are quite unforgivable. I can certainly be very glad that you left me free to engage in the happiest marriage in the world, but I cannot forgive your behavior. Neither could I ever forgive you for tearing Randolph and Laura asunder and thus destroying a marriage that was made in heaven and that rivaled my own in happiness. Indeed, you might almost be called a murderer. She would very probably still be alive now if you had not dragged her off with you to satisfy your wicked desires.”
“My love,” Norman said, hurrying toward her, taking her by the shoulders, and leading her to a love seat. “You ought to have remained abovestairs and left this unpleasantness to me. But you are always so foolishly brave.”
“I have never been a moral coward,” she said, seating herself. “I even called upon Miss Huxtable at Merton House when I believed her to be the innocent dupe of a scoundrel. It seems I was mistaken in her. She will be sorry she did not listen to me one day soon, but my conscience is clear at least. And she will be getting only what she deserves.”
The visit went downhill from there.
“Norm,” Duncan said, “I am sorry about Woodbine. It was just Grandpapa being fiendish, I am afraid. He used you in order to bring me to heel. But he ought not to have promised you something he was prepared to withdraw at a moment’s notice if he succeeded. Will you feel free to visit my wife and me at Woodbine? And to bring Car—Mrs. Pennethorne and your children with you, of course.”
Norman fixed him with a stern stare—something he had perfected at the age of eight or so. His shirt points waited hopefully a scant inch from his eyeballs.
“I am only sorry, Sheringford,” he said, “that I felt compelled to admit you today under the same roof that shelters Mrs. Pennethorne and my children. I did it because I have something to say that I will say once only. I wish it were possible to slap a glove in your face and proceed to put a bullet between your eyes. It would give me the greatest satisfaction. It would, however, expose Mrs. Pennethorne to gossip again and cause her unnecessary distress. I deeply regret that my brother-in-law is too mild-mannered and peace-loving a man to challenge you himself. He is a ge
ntleman with a conscience, and I must honor him for that even if I do not like it. I spurn your acquaintance, Sheringford. If you come here again, you will be refused admittance. If we come face-to-face, you will be ignored. If you should try speaking with Mrs. Pennethorne again, I shall punish you like the cur you are. I hesitated about moving my family to Woodbine Park because you once lived there. You are mistaken if you believe I am now disappointed.”
Dash it all, but the man was a born orator—if one liked bombast and pomposity, that was.
“And now,” Norman said, “get out, Sheringford.”
Duncan nodded, bowed to Caroline, and took his leave.
He wondered as he did so if Caroline had ever told Norman any part of the truth of what had happened five years ago—any significant part, that was. He somehow doubted it. And that meant, of course, that Norman’s righteous indignation was justified. He had every right to his anger and his fervent desire to put a period to Duncan’s existence.
Caroline certainly knew the truth—the whole of it. He had told her himself, and it had not come as a surprise to her. If only Laura would show more wifely loyalty to Randolph and his family, she had said plaintively, blows and bruises would be quite unnecessary. On the contrary, Randolph would love her for the rest of his life—as he already did, of course—and see to it that she had everything that could possibly make her happy. She deserved whatever she was getting instead.
Just as Margaret Huxtable did in marrying him.
Duncan did not call upon Randolph Turner or hold out any sort of olive branch to him. Caroline had been right about one thing. Certain actions were unforgivable. Or if that was not strictly true, then it was true of a man who had never shown any remorse for his unspeakably wicked and cruel actions.
Apart from that one visit, Duncan spent the nine days before his wedding simply avoiding the madness associated with it as much as he was able. A grand wedding was necessary, his mother explained to him at great length the day she arrived home from Merton House with the news that Margaret Huxtable was sending out more than two hundred invitations—or perhaps not quite as many as that since some people were in couples and only one invitation was necessary, it being a foolish waste of paper and ink and time and energy to send two.
He did not argue the point with her in the hope that she would not feel the necessity to share any more of the details with him.
Vain hope!
“A grand wedding is very necessary, my love,” she went on to explain with her own particular form of logic. “Anyone who attends it can hardly give you the cut direct afterward, as you will realize very clearly for yourself if you stop to think about it. You may still not be society’s favorite son, but you will be firmly back in the fold, and that is what really matters.”
“Society,” he said, “can go hang for all I care, Mama.”
“Oh, men can be so foolish,” she said. “But even if you do not care for its regard on your own account, Duncan, you must remember that you are going to be a married man. You are going to have a wife to consider, and if society snubs you, it will snub her too. You owe it to Margaret to do all in your power to ingratiate yourself with the ton again.”
He sighed audibly. She was quite right, of course.
Dash it all!
“Anyway” he said, “I daresay no one will accept the invitation—except a few of the uncles and cousins, perhaps.”
Another vain hope—as he had explained to Maggie a few days before.
His mother clucked her tongue.
“Men!” she said with the utmost scorn and a glance tossed at the ceiling. “They have no idea how people think. Of course everyone will accept the invitation. Everyone! No one would miss it for any consideration.”
It was an opinion that was corroborated on the gossip page in the next morning’s paper. The upcoming event was heralded there as the wedding of the Season—if, that was, the Earl of Sheringford did not run off on the day and leave Miss Huxtable standing at the altar alone.
He was in for a grand wedding, then, Duncan realized, as surely as a condemned man was in for an appointment with the gallows.
He dressed on the fateful morning with the full awareness that he was going to be on display more than he had yet been since his return to London.
Which was saying something!
“Not so tight,” he half growled at Smith as his valet tied his neckcloth in a knot that was not too simple, not too elaborate. It was perfect in all ways but one, in fact. “Are you trying to throttle me?”
“I think it is the occasion that is doing that, m’lord,” Smith said without tampering further with the neckcloth. “You don’t want it swinging about from one shoulder to the other, now, do you? And even if you do, I will not have it. I would never be able to hold up my head again among my fellow valets. Stand up and let me give that coat a final brush. You have a positive gift for picking up bits of lint, though for the life of me I don’t know where you find them.”
Duncan finally escaped the clutches of tyranny and went downstairs, where a small group awaited him in the hall. Carling looked resigned to a day of boredom that would, nevertheless, release him of the charge of housing and feeding his stepson. His mother declared that she would not hug him lest she crush her new dress and crease his coat, and that she would not weep lest she ruin her face—she would not mention cosmetics, but they were there in full, colorful evidence. But she did blow him kisses before leaving for the church, and she did dart at him at the last moment for a quick hug, and she did dab at a stray tear with a large white handkerchief she pulled from one of Carling’s pockets before she preceded him from the house.
Duncan turned to Con Huxtable, who had agreed to be his best man. They both raised their eyebrows.
“Sherry,” Con said, “I have no idea what happened five years ago. But if you should take it into your head to bolt between here and St. George’s, you are going to have to bolt through me.”
“I am not going to run,” Duncan assured him irritably.
Con nodded.
“I do not understand how all this came about either,” he said. “Margaret has always seemed to me like a sensible lady. However, it has happened, or will have when I have dragged you to the church and prevented you from bolting. You will treat her right, Sherry.”
It was not a question.
“There are many things we do not understand,” Duncan said. “I don’t understand, for example, why Miss Huxtable’s happiness is important to you, when her family moved into Warren Hall five years ago and pushed you out.”
Con’s dark eyes were immediately hooded.
“Circumstances pushed me out,” he said. “My father’s death, and then Jon’s. It is easy to rush into hatred, Sherry, and to wallow in it for a lifetime. I did so rush. I did hate them—or Merton, anyway. But sometimes one needs to stop to ask oneself if a certain person really deserves to be hated. Merton and his sisters were innocent—and they are pretty hard to hate. And one needs to ask who is most hurt by hatred. Do we need to be having this talk at this precise moment?”
“We do not,” Duncan said, resisting the urge to pull at his neckcloth. “We need to get to the church. Under the circumstances, it would be more than usually calamitous if I were late.”
“Off we go, then,” Con said cheerfully.
Because it was a lovely day and society weddings always attracted a large crowd anyway, Stephen’s coachman had to maneuver the carriage carefully before St. George’s in order not to run over some of the people who had spilled over from the pavement onto the roadway.
There was a noticeable “Oooh” from the crowd as Stephen descended and turned to hand Margaret out—almost as if they thought he was the bridegroom. But of course, Stephen always looked remarkably handsome even when he was not dressed in formal black and white attire as he was this morning.
Margaret set a gloved hand in his and stepped down to join him, smiling at him as he smiled back. He had actually shed tears back at the house after Vanes
sa and Katherine had left with Elliott and Jasper—and had turned his back hastily in the obvious hope that she had not noticed. But he had turned to her again without drying his eyes.
“Meg,” he had said. “Oh, Meg, you have always been the most wonderful sister any boy or man could ever ask for. I had no idea today would be so painful—or so happy at the same time. He is a good man. I am convinced of that. And I think you are fond of him, even though you have known him for such a short time.”
He had taken both her hands in his and squeezed them tightly.
“Are you fond of him?”
But she had been on the edge of tears herself and had merely nodded.
“And he is of you too,” he had said. “I am sure he is. He will love you, Meg. I can safely promise that. How can anyone know you and not love you?”
“You are not biased by any chance, are you?” she had asked, smiling. “Ah, Stephen, I have loved you all dearly. I still do and always will. But forgive me if I want to go to my wedding now and not be late.”
He had chuckled, turned to pick up his hat, and offered his arm.
The crowd outside the church let out a collective “Aahh!” as she stepped down from the carriage. And indeed she did believe she was looking her best. She had resisted all the brightly colored garments Lady Carling had thought appropriate for the occasion and had chosen a cream-colored dress of satin and lace, which was high-waisted and simple in design but that had been expertly cut so that it molded her figure to perfection. She wore a new straw hat trimmed with white rosebuds.
Jasper had told her it was a good thing she was the bride or no one would even spare a glance for the poor woman. And then he had turned and grinned and winked at Kate.
Stephen offered his arm now, and they made their way into the church.
Margaret was assailed suddenly by the panic that had grabbed her earlier. What if he was not here? What if he was not even late? What if he was not coming at all?