Yes.
Now think back to that day. Back to when you were a little boy. I believe you said you were only eight. Think back to that time when you were eight.
Okay.
Try to remember something simple. Something that you liked. What did you have for breakfast that morning?
Sugar Krinkles. They have this scary clown on the box. But I’m not scared by it. Because every time I open it up I say, ‘I’m not scared of you.’ And then I’m not scared.
Good, Ellis. That’s good. Are you scared right now?
A little.
I want you to say the same thing that you used to say to that clown on the Sugar Krinkles box. Say, ‘I’m not scared by you.’
I’m not scared by you.
Say it again.
I’m not scared by you.
How do you feel now?
A little better.
Okay, now I’m going to count to three. And when I say the number three, you will be back in that day that you went up to the mountains with your family. That day you disappeared. Do you remember what day I’m talking about?
Yes.
Good. I’m going to count now. One... Two... Three... Ellis, can you tell me where you are?
We’re driving up to the mountain together.
Your whole family?
Yeah. My mom and dad are in the front. My dad is driving. I’m in the back with Allison—that’s my sister. She’s mad at me for crossing over into her space but I’m bored so I keep doing it. When we get there, dad goes off to talk with his friend. He says they’re not working, but my mom knows it’s a lie. She asks Mrs. Parker where the wine is and they go off to drink and complain about their husbands.
You’re very perceptive, Ellis. You seem to know a lot about what your parents thought of each other.
They don’t try to hide it.
What’s happening now?
I see my dad and Mr. Parker walking outside. I ask him if I can go into the woods, but he says I can’t go by myself. My sister says she’ll take me.
Tell me what you see after you went into the woods.
We’re following this dry creek bed down to the lake when I get separated from my sister. I find this path near the creek and follow it, thinking she might have gone that way, but I can’t find her.
Remember, Ellis, that you are in a safe place.
I know. I know.
You’re on this path and you can’t find your sister.
I think about how I should turn back and look for the creek bed and follow it home, but I see someone.
Who do you see?
A man. He’s dressed in a suit and he’s talking on a radio. Wait, now he’s turning around and walking back into the trees. I'm following him. There’s this fence with a door in it. He’s typing a code, letting him through. I want to go through it, but I see camera in a tree watching the door to the fence. I start walking along the edge of the fence in the trees, but there are more cameras. I’m about ready to go back and go home, but then I see the fox hole. It’s this little hole under the fence. It wouldn’t be big enough for a man, but it’s big enough for me.
What do you see on the other side?
Trees. Lots of trees. Wait—there’s a clearing with a small building in the middle of it. It looks like it’s under construction.
Do you see any people?
There’s construction workers. But they’re not working. They’re just standing around, like something is wrong. Oh god, what’s that?
What is it, Ellis?
A loud noise. It sounds like a car that won’t start, but ten times, no, a hundred times louder. Everyone is running from the sound. There is this machine I can see above the tree line. That must be where the noise is coming from.
Are you going toward the noise as well?
No. There’s no one around anymore. I’m going to go inside the building.
What is inside the building?
A—a hole in the ground with an elevator inside of it. Not a normal elevator. There are no walls or ceiling. Only a platform with a big cable through the middle of it.
Are you going down the elevator?
Yes. It’s taking a long time. It must be really far down. I don’t know how far. But it’s darker down here, fewer lights. I’m—I’m getting scared. I’m not sure if I can remember how to get back. I think I hear voices now, yelling for me, but—but I don’t want to go to them because then dad will be mad. So, so mad.
Were you scared? What were you feeling?
I’m not scared. They can’t stop the elevator. So, for now, I’m safe.
What do you see down there?
Tunnels. But these look natural. Not dug out like the tunnel I came down. There are cables hung along the walls of the tunnel with lights connected to them. I hear the elevator moving. I think they’re coming for me. I’m going to keep going.
The tunnel is branching off now, but only one side has the cables and the lights. The other tunnel is dark, and I don’t think I’d be able to see anything. The lights seem brighter up ahead. Whatever they have down here, I think I’m close.
Wait—there’s a man shouting. I think he’s shouting my name. I need to get away from him. There’s a door ahead of me, set right in the wall. It’s a big metal door. It’s probably locked, but—no, wait, it’s opening.
What’s on the other side the door?
A room. I’m shutting the door. Maybe I can hide in here…
Is there anything in the room?
Equipment. A lot of it. It’s all crammed against one wall. The voices are getting closer and I need to hide. But I can’t see anywhere in the room to hide. Wait... in the middle of all the equipment, there’s this dark square in the wall. It looks like this little hole in the wall, like a narrow, little tunnel. I’m running over to it, because I need to hide, and—and I—
Are you okay, Ellis? I know this isn’t easy for you.
I—I’m fine. But everything is changing. I’m not in the tunnels anymore or in that room. I’m—I’m somewhere else.
Describe it to me.
Everything is dark, and I’m cold. I’m so, so cold. I feel like I’m floating, like my body isn’t connected to anything. Now that’s changing, like I’m being put back together. I’m falling now onto a dirt floor. It’s—it’s night here. Why is it night? It was morning when we went into the woods. The ground is wet and cold under me. It’s—it’s snow, I think.
Can you see around you at all?
Yes. I’m in a city. I’m in this alleyway. I’m walking out to the street. But the street is—it’s empty. There’s no one. No cars. No one out walking, or anything like that. I don’t understand—oh god—where have all the people gone?
Do you know what city you’re in?
I don’t think so. I’m walking down the street. The cars don’t look familiar. They’re shaped differently than I am used to. More rounded on both ends, like there’s no real front or back. And they don’t have steering wheels. But no one’s out driving them and some of the car’s look crashed.
The road goes down in a hill. I’m following it now. The buildings are so tall that the tops are up in the clouds. They have these bridges connecting them. The buildings don’t look like any buildings I’ve ever seen. They look, plasticy. Almost like they’re grown.
Do you see any street signs? Any way to tell where you are?
Yes, but they’re not in English.
What do the letters look like?
They’re English letters, but I can’t read the words. I’m almost at the bottom of the hill, but—the hill ends in water and it comes up to the buildings as well. I—I don’t understand. The city’s flooded, but it keeps going. I can tell it keeps going. There are buildings out in the water.
Any signs? Anything to tell where you are?
No, there’s something in the sky, though. I’m looking up at it, and it’s large and moving very slowly. It has a searchlight. I think it’s a blimp, but it looks like it’s from the military. I can hear
a voice, coming from a loudspeaker in the blimp.
What is the voice saying?
It sounds, I don’t know, African. Wait, it’s in English now. This is an alert of the Global Union’s Climate Control Initiative. This is not a drill. Residents of Johannesburg, you are under an atmospheric alert. Again, this is not a drill. Carbon Dioxide has neared dangerous levels. Remain indoors. I repeat: remain indoors... And then it starts over. Oh my god. Johannesburg is half underwater.
You are sure that is what you hear? You are sure it is Johannesburg?
Yes, I’m sure. Oh no, I have to go back. The air. They said the air was dangerous. I have to go back.
Ellis, it’s okay.
I can’t find my way back. The air—the air is going to kill me!
Remember Ellis, this is only a memory! You are safe right now.
I’m running up the street, but nothing looks familiar. All the buildings look the same. Wait—there’s the wrecked car, and the alley behind it. I need to find the right spot. There! The shadow on the wall, the one darker than the other shadows around it. That’s where I came through, but how do I go back?
Ellis? Can you hear me? I think it’s time we end. I’m going to count down from three to one. When I get to one you are going to wake up.
I’m touching it, pressing with me hands. It’s only a wall, I’m stuck here. I’m going to die! I’m—
Three…
I’m back in the room. There are men here in coats. A dozen of them. They’re all looking at me like they’re surprised. I—I feel lightheaded. I don’t know if I can stand anymore.
Two...
One of them grabbed me. Another is bringing something in a small, plastic box. I’m fighting them, but they won’t let go. The other man opens the box and takes out a needle. He’s injecting something into me. Wait, there’s someone else. He’s talking to the others, encouraging the one with the needle to finish the injection. The man, it’s…
One—
I feel a cool sensation on my scalp. Something wet and rough. A washcloth. I open my eyes. Quincy stands above me. Light shimmers across his skin. The walls. The ceiling. I must still be high.
“Good, you’re awake.” He says. His voice has an almost musical quality to it. The colors on his face shift with each word.
I glance around the room. I’m still in basement of Camton’s Psych Building, lying on a low couch with a blanket over me. The shimmering light surrounds me. I stare at it.
There’s a darkness behind the light. A spherical darkness, receding into nothing. Like a tunnel.
I was going to die there.
I sit up, gripping Quincy’s arm.
“Hey man, are you okay?” he says.
“Where are the others? Jane? Vance?” I ask.
“They’re around,” Quincy responds. “You’re okay now, understand?”
“And Jane? I need to talk to her,” I say, struggling to to get up.
“Oh no,” Quincy says, pushing me back down. “You have to rest now.”
I push him aside, rising to my feet. Quincy stumbles backward, a look of surprise on his face. “You know, you can be a real asshole sometimes.”
“Sorry, I’m sorry. I remember things now and I need—I need to tell her about it.”
“It’s cool, man. Everything’s on the tape. We heard it all. We can talk when they get back.”
“When they get back?” I say, nearly whispering.
“Yeah, when they get back.”
I slump back down on the couch, staring at Quincy. “Your skin is like… the ocean,” I say.
He snorts out a laugh. “That’s the LSD talking.”
I clench my eyes shut. “I need to remember something. Something important.”
Quincy sits on the couch next to me. “It’s totally normal to not remember things from the session. You’re accessing seem really deep parts of your memory, and the hypnosis combined with the LSD puts you in a deeply dissociative state.”
I shake my head, trying to work through the memories. “I remember that there was someone there. Someone in that room when I came back. Did I mention anyone during the session?”
“You were starting to talk about someone, but you never mentioned a name. Are you sure you’re feeling okay, Ellis?”
I squeeze my eyes shut. Images push their way through my subconsciousness, crowding into my frontal lobe. I’m back in that lab under the mountain.
“My father. He was there—what was he doing there?” My father steps aside and there’s another face, not quite as familiar, but still one that has been burned into my subconscious. “And my therapist. Oh god, it was all a lie. All a lie. All of it was one big fucking lie.”
Quincy nods. “Yeah, we figured your dad was part of it.”
“That construction. I remembered going in there, finding that room. But those therapists convinced me it was all part of the fucking delusion.”
I hear the sound of distant footsteps approaching, and laughing voices. A door opens, and I turn to see Vance, Jane, and Aleisha tumbling into the room. They’re carrying burgers and shakes and are passing a joint between them.
Vance sees me and grins. “Hey, he’s up! We got some food. Do you want something eat?”
I stand, looking desperately at the others. “No, I—I need to know everything I can. I need to figure this all out.”
“It’s okay,” Vance says. “You don’t need to figure anything out now. You’re still flying high.”
“I’m thinking more clearly than I have in weeks,” I say. “I’m remember things that have been buried for… a decade!” I stumble over to Vance and grab him by the shoulders. “Do you know what that is like?”
Vance laughs, shaking his head. “No, man. Not really. But it sounds pretty cool.”
Aleisha steps in front of Vance. “Close your eyes,” she says. “Breathe. Before you do anything, you need to calm down.”
“No,” I say. “No, no, no.” I shut my eyes, trying to remember. Trying to make the connections. But I can’t. I need more. “The films, there’s more of them, right? More sessions? I want to watch them. I want to know everything.”
Vance turns to look at Jane and she nods her assent. She steps forward and takes my hand. “Does this mean you’re with us?”
I nod, feeling shaky.
“Does this mean you will talk to your father and find out everything you can about where he took you that summer?”
I nod again.
Jane smiles. “Good.”
“The films?” I say. “I need to watch the other films.”
Did someone just whisper my name?
I sit up in bed. Unfamiliar sheets. Unfamiliar furniture. A ceiling fan whispers above me. There is shag carpeting on the walls. An image of a bare-breasted Nubian goddess stares down at me from within an ornate, brass frame.
Ah yes, I’m in Longdale’s bedroom.
I lay back down. The last few hours is a whirlwind in my memory. The tank. My father’s betrayal. And the films. Hour upon hour of Jane, telling her story.
“Ellis…”
There it is a again. A whisper. I sit bolt upright in bed, searching the room. My eyes land again on the picture frame and the Nubian goddess turns her head to look at me.
“There is something you are forgetting,” she whispers.
Her voice is deep and airy like ocean waves on a moonlit night.
I lean forward. “Something I’m forgetting?”
“Yes,” she replies. She lifts her chin, continuing to stare down at me, her face proud in the cold light of the room.
I move to the edge of the bed. “What is it?”
She reaches a hand up, lifting it to her chest. Her hand passes between her breasts and then reemerges, holding her still beating and bloodied heart.
“You,” she’s says.
I scramble off the bed. “Me?”
“You,” she says again.
“What about me?” I ask.
“You, you, you, you,” she repeats.<
br />
I rush to the framed picture, but she is frozen in place, once again only a picture, though her words echo in my mind.
You, you, you
you, you
“I what?” I cry out. “I what!”
The door to the room creaks open. “Everything okay?” somebody asks. I think it’s Vance, but I’m not so sure.
I turn from him, following a shaft of light spilling in from the hallway and onto the floor.
Dispersion: Book Two of the Recursion Event Saga Page 9