‘He told me about you, too.’ Cassius almost jumped out of his chair as a small hand closed over his. ‘In his letters, he called you his best friend, too. He said that he’d asked you to be best man at our wedding. It was supposed to be last summer.’
‘I’m sorry I couldn’t bring him home.’
‘So am I.’ Her eyes glistened with tears. ‘But you tried and you’re here now. By your own definition that makes you a true friend.’
He let out a long, shuddering breath. ‘You’re very forgiving, Miss Barrow.’
‘It’s taken me a long time to be so. When I first heard about what had happened to Edward, I was not so calm. If you’d come then...’ she made an apologetic gesture ‘...it might not have helped either of us. Even now there are times...’ She dragged a hand across her cheek and gave a ragged laugh. ‘I didn’t think I had tears left to shed.’
‘I understand.’
‘I know. Of all people, I know you do. The pain is always there, but most days I can close it away in a box. In here.’ She tapped her chest. ‘That’s where he’ll always be. Only I try not to open the lid too often.’
‘I’m so sorry, Miss Barrow. You must hate me.’
She smiled sadly. ‘I could never hate you, Lord Falconmore. You were his best friend. Only I have to ask, why visit me now?’
‘I suppose because I’ve realised I can’t hide any more. That’s what I’ve been doing, hoping that all the horror and guilt might just go away on its own. Instead I just gave myself something else to feel guilty about. I should have come to visit you straight away. That’s what Edward would have wanted, but I put my own feelings first. I thought of him as my friend, but I didn’t appreciate your feelings enough. I didn’t understand love and what that meant before.’
‘But you do now?’
‘I think so.’ He nodded and cleared his throat. ‘I married recently. It wasn’t a love match at the time, but...’
‘Now you’ve fallen in love with her?’
‘Yes. She’s made me want to come out of hiding again.’ He grimaced. ‘I’m sorry. I don’t mean to upset you...’
‘You’re not. Just because I lost Edward doesn’t mean I can’t be happy for others.’ She smiled. ‘I’m truly happy for you, Lord Falconmore.’
‘Thank you.’ He felt a lump swell in his throat. ‘In my letter I asked if there was anything you needed, anything I could do to help you?’
‘Yes, it was a kind offer, but I have everything I need.’
‘Edward would have wanted me to take care of you.’
‘That sounds like him.’ She laughed softly. ‘Then if there’s anything I need, I’ll ask. I promise.’
‘Good. In that case, perhaps you might allow me to visit again with my wife? I believe she’d like to make your acquaintance, too.’
‘I’d like that very much.’ She met his gaze steadily, her own expressing a deep well of feeling. ‘Thank you for coming, Lord Falconmore. It makes me feel better to think that Edward died for a reason. For a friend. It means it wasn’t all just a waste. And for what it’s worth, he would have been happy for you, too.’
Chapter Twenty
‘You’re back.’ Millie laid her sewing aside as Cassius entered the library. ‘I was starting to worry.’
’I’m sorry.’ He came straight to her chair, crouching down and gathering her into his arms. ‘I went to visit Edward’s fiancée, Miss Barrow.’
‘Oh.’ She placed her hands on his shoulders and looked into his face anxiously. Despite running through a thousand different scenarios in her mind, that one had never occurred to her. More than anything at that moment, however, she was simply relieved to see him. His quiet intensity that morning had alarmed her. ‘How did it go?’
‘It wasn’t easy, but it went better than I’d expected. I thought she would hate me, but she didn’t. It was good to talk to someone else about Edward. Someone who loved him, too.’
‘I’m glad.’
‘I asked if I might take you with me to visit next time.’
‘Oh? What did she say?’
‘That she’d like it very much. And I think you’ll like her, too. She was just as Edward described—“Eyes like cornflower, hair like hazel, a smile like the first hint of sunshine in spring.”’ He smiled sadly. ‘I think they were very much in love.’
‘What a terrible waste.’
‘Yes.’ He cleared his throat and glanced at the pile of fabric beside her. ‘What’s that?’
‘My gown for tonight.’
‘Your gown?’ He frowned. ‘I thought I told you to buy one.’
‘And I told you I like sewing. This one of Sylvia’s hardly needed mending at all and the silk is exquisite.’
‘What would you do with your time if you didn’t have some project or other to work on?’ His smile tempered the words. ‘Am I allowed to see it properly?’
‘Here. It’s just finished.’ She stood up and held the fabric in front of her. The dress was pale blue and shoulderless with short lace sleeves and a triangular-shaped bodice that tapered down to a point just below the waist. From there, dozens of pleats spread outwards into a wide skirt embroidered with tiny white flowers.
‘I thought they looked a bit like snow.’ She gestured at the pattern.
‘They do.’ His smile widened. ‘You’ll be the belle of the ball, Lady Falconmore, but that’s enough work for now. You don’t want to wear yourself out.’
‘Says the man who’s been up since dawn.’
‘Touché.’ He made a face. ‘But I’m glad that I went. It was something I should have done a long time ago.’
‘Forgive the intrusion, my lord.’ Kendrew appeared in the doorway suddenly. ‘But the musicians have just arrived.’
‘Excellent. Tell Mrs Turner to feed them, will you, please, Kendrew?’
‘I’ll see to it straight away, sir.’
‘Something’s wrong.’ Millie murmured as the butler departed again.
‘What do you mean?’ Cassius looked at her with immediate concern.
‘Something’s the matter with Kendrew. Mrs Turner, too. They’ve both been acting oddly since yesterday evening. I’m worried they’ve had some kind of argument.’
‘In that case it’s none of our business.’
‘It is if I caused it.’
‘How would you have done that?’
‘Because I said they could get married.’ She bit down on her bottom lip. ‘Maybe I shouldn’t have said anything.’
‘I’m sure they’ll sort it out between themselves.’
‘Or maybe you could talk to Kendrew?’ She looked at her husband hopefully.
‘I really don’t think—’
‘He’s such a stickler for tradition, after all. Maybe he thinks it’s still against the rules to get married? Maybe he needs to hear it from you rather than me?’
‘Maybe he doesn’t want to get married at all.’
‘You could find out?’
Cassius groaned and ran a hand over his face. ‘It’s not the kind of thing Kendrew and I discuss.’
‘But you could do it for me?’
He rolled his eyes. ‘Why do I get the impression I don’t really have a choice?’
‘Because you’re a good husband?’ She smiled coyly. ‘And I’ll make it up to you.’
‘Well, that sounds promising at least. Do you have any particular method of compensation in mind?’
‘A few ideas.’ She walked her fingers one by one up his waistcoat and shirt-front.
‘All right, you’ve convinced me. I’ll try to speak to him, but I’m not promising anything.’
‘Thank you.’ She pressed a kiss on his cheek at the same moment as there was a loud thud and then raised voices in the hall.
‘It’s here!’ She jumped away from him with a gasp of excitement an
d rushed to the door.
‘What’s here?’ Cassius followed after her. ‘I thought we were discussing my compensation?’
‘Later.’ Millie flung the door open to reveal half-a-dozen men carrying a towering pine tree through the hallway. ‘The finishing touch has arrived.’
‘That’s what you call a finishing touch?’ He came to stand beside her, folding his arms with a look of bemusement.
‘Yes. They say Prince Albert put one up in the drawing room of Windsor Castle last year.’
‘Well, I suppose if it’s good enough for the Queen.’ He lifted an eyebrow. ‘Where exactly is it going?’
‘Right over there.’ She gestured to a space beside the stairs. ‘So all of the guests will see it as they enter. It’s supposed to be decorated with candles, but with so many people coming Mrs Turner and I thought it would be safer to use ribbons and gingerbread men instead. Then we’ll have bowls underneath filled with nuts and sugared plums so everyone can take a treat. Now we just need to decorate it.’
‘When you say we...?’
‘I mean you and me. It’s our tree.’
‘I suppose so. Well, if it delays my talk with Kendrew... First things first, we’ll need some rope to tie it to the banisters. Guests tend not to appreciate trees falling on them.’
‘And I’ll go and fetch the gingerbread men.’ Millie darted off towards the back stairs. ‘Cook and I baked them this morning.’
‘You’ve been baking, too?’
‘I like baking.’
‘Of course you do.’ Cassius removed his jacket and rolled his shirt sleeves up. ‘While you’re there, tell her to get some mulled wine ready, too. When we’re done with this, we’re all going to need some.’
* * *
‘Do you have a moment, Kendrew?’ Cassius called his butler into the library when the tree was finally finished, resplendent in red ribbons, gingerbread and sweets wrapped in tissue paper.
‘Of course, my lord. Lady Falconmore indicated there was a matter you wished to discuss.’
‘Yes, she told me that, too.’ He rolled his sleeves back down as he walked to his desk, trying to adopt a detached, businesslike demeanour. ‘You know I wouldn’t normally consider it my place to interfere with personal matters, but I need to ask you a question. To be clear, however, you’re in no way obligated to answer. Please feel at liberty to walk out at any point.’
‘I would never do such a thing, sir.’
‘That’s what I was afraid of. All right then.’ He cleared his throat and rubbed his hands together. ‘Lady Falconmore has brought it to my attention that you and Mrs Turner might be interested in forming a union of your own?’
For the first time in memory, his butler’s impassive expression actually wavered. He looked rather like a landed trout, Cassius thought, opening and closing his mouth soundlessly.
‘I’ll be blunt,’ he said hurriedly. ‘Do you want to marry Mrs Turner, Kendrew?’
‘It’s not a question of want, sir.’
‘Isn’t it?’
‘No.’ The butler recovered enough to draw himself up to his full height. ‘Marriage between servants has never been allowed at Falconmore Hall.’
‘Maybe not in the past, but it’s a new era, Kendrew. My wife is quite adamant about that fact.’
‘Indeed, and while I wouldn’t dream of criticising Lady Falconmore, her ways are...new here. Personally I do not believe such a union would be appropriate.’
‘Appropriate be damned! Do you want to marry the woman or not?’
‘I confess that Mrs Turner and I have discussed the matter.’
‘And?’
‘And she understands the way of things like I do. Any change to established habits now would set a bad example for the rest of the staff. It would encourage licentious behaviour. After some, ah, discussion, she and I were in full agreement on that point.’
‘Really?’ Cassius lifted an eyebrow. ‘Because my wife was afraid the two of you might have quarrelled.’
‘Women are prone to their foibles, sir.’
‘But you do have an attachment to Mrs Turner?’
‘We’ve worked together for a number of years, sir. I admit to having a certain fondness for her, yes.’
‘And she has a fondness for you, too?’
‘She suggested as much.’
‘Then for pity’s sake, man, marry her! Set as bad an example as you like.’
‘Lord Falconmore!’ The butler’s shocked tone was compounded by a look of horror.
‘Kendrew.’ Cassius pushed himself up off his desk and folded his arms behind his back. ‘Are you suggesting that Lady Falconmore and I set a bad example?’
‘Of course not, sir. I would never...’
‘But we’re married.’
‘This is your house, sir.’
‘Yes, but by your logic our union must already be encouraging intimacies among the staff. It’s a wonder the footmen aren’t flinging themselves at the housemaids already. Therefore your refusal to marry Mrs Turner is a slight against ourselves.’
‘I don’t...’ The butler looked distinctly confused.
‘More than that, I believe that your not marrying Mrs Turner at this point would seriously grieve Lady Falconmore and if she is aggrieved then I am aggrieved. Do you understand me, Kendrew?’
‘I believe so, sir.’
‘Excellent. In that case, if you and Mrs Turner are so minded, I suggest that you put any scruples about staff morale aside and marry forthwith. Let the consequences be what they may. Now go and propose or I’ll never hear the end of it.’
‘I’m afraid it may be too late for that, sir.’ Kendrew’s pained expression was back. ‘Despite our being in complete agreement, Mrs Turner seemed rather upset after our last conference.’
‘Then go and put things right. Grovel if you have to.’
‘Very good, sir.’ Kendrew started to turn and then stopped. ‘Pardon me for asking, but how exactly does one grovel? What should I say?’
‘Well...’ Cassius rubbed a hand over his forehead. ‘Just tell her the truth. Tell her how you feel and say that you made a mistake before, but that you’ll make it up to her every day for the rest of your life if she’ll let you. Tell her you’ll crawl over hot coals if she asks it. Tell her that she’s made every day since you met seem brighter and more vibrant. Tell her that she’s changed your whole life and way of thinking and that you can’t live without her.’
‘I see.’ Kendrew looked as if he’d just eaten something sour. ‘Perhaps just the part about making a mistake.’
‘Perhaps.’ Cassius tipped his head. ‘Only make it heartfelt, Kendrew.’
‘I’ll do my best, sir.’
Cassius watched his butler depart, the echo of his own words running through his mind. Tell her the truth, tell her how you feel, tell her you can’t live without her... Why was he giving Kendrew advice that he wasn’t following himself? Why wasn’t he telling the woman he loved that he loved her? Why wasn’t he telling her he’d made a mistake and then thanking her for helping him to heal? Even if he still had a long way to go, why wasn’t he offering his newly mended heart?
He would, right after their ball. Tonight.
Chapter Twenty-One
As ballrooms went, Cassius had to admit, it was impressive. In fact, from his vantage point in the doorway, it was breathtaking. There were candles in all of the wall sconces, as well as in three crystal chandeliers overhead, the light from which was reflected not just in the mirrors, but in the polished oak-and-mahogany floor itself, making the whole room seem to glow with golden vibrancy. Every window was hung with boughs of laurel and holly, all tied together with bows of gold ribbon, while red flowers from the hothouses were arranged in tall vases set out at intervals around the side of the room. It was even better than he’d expected. And it was all thanks to Mil
lie.
‘Well?’ She sounded nervous. ‘What do you think?’
‘Honestly?’ He tore his gaze away from the decorations to look at her. She looked exquisite, the pale shade of her gown making her auburn hair stand out even more dramatically. ‘I didn’t think it would be possible for anything to outshine you tonight, but you may have succeeded with this. Not that I doubted your abilities for a second, but you’ve worked wonders.’
‘Do you really think so?’
‘I think you have a talent for decorating. It’s like a winter wonderland.’
‘That’s what I hoped for. I almost wish it would snow again, except that it might stop people getting here.’
‘Maybe just a dusting?’ He curved an arm around her waist, tugging her close. ‘You’ve done a wonderful job, Millie. You were clearly born to be a marchioness.’
‘I don’t know about that.’ A small furrow creased her brow.
‘Well, I do. Now I hope you remember what I said about the opening dance?’
‘I’d be delighted, Lord Falconmore.’ The furrow faded again. ‘I enjoy dancing.’
‘Really? Was there much call for it at your Foundation?’
‘Not a lot, but we visited the local assembly rooms occasionally.’
‘Is that so? And who exactly did you dance with? Bearing in mind that if you say the name Gilbert I will go into a sulk.’
‘All right then—’ she gave him an arch look ‘—I won’t say it.’
‘Were there any other suitors I should know about?’
She pursed her lips and tapped her chin as if she were trying to remember. ‘A few, but I forget their names.’
‘Hmm.’ He tightened his grip on her waist possessively. ‘It’s bad enough that I’m going to have to watch you dance with half the estate tonight. Just remember that your first dance is with me. And waltzes. You can polka or gallop with anyone else, but I refuse to share you for waltzing. You’re going to attract far too many admiring glances as it is.’
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