Allie – I can never thank you enough for my beautiful cover. I love it. You are one talented lady.
To all of the many blogs that helped to promote me – Thank you for all the time and effort you put in for me, I’m forever grateful.
A big thank you to Natasha from Natasha Is A Book Junkie and Kristy from Book Addict Mumma. All your help when I had questions about my story was greatly appreciated.
To every one of the ladies I have mentioned in this acknowledgement, may God bless your souls. You make this world a better place.
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What happens when you find the one person who completes you, and then life conspires against you? How do you set your grief and anguish aside? How do you pick up the shattered pieces, put those pieces back together again, and try to move on?
Katie and Tripp met on the playground the first day of third grade when Tripp tried to rescue Katie from Zack, her twin brother. A lifelong friendship that later blossomed into love began that day.
Broken beyond her own ability to repair, Katie boxes her grief up and attempts to raise her three girls the best she can on her own. As time slowly passes, Katie relives her times with Tripp while struggling most days to even get out of bed. She is reminded of him at every turn.
Zack is Katie’s twin brother and was Tripp’s best friend. Having lost his own love, he dedicates himself to helping Katie put her life back together. Throw in a mother-in-law who torments at every turn and poor Katie can’t even find a chance to breathe, much less a desire to somehow search for tomorrow.
Who is Tripp, you ask? Well, that is fairly easy to explain. Tripp was my best friend, my lover, my confidant, my soul mate. He was the salt to my pepper. He was the peanut butter to my chocolate. He gave me love and hope and joy. Together we created our three beautiful girls and together we looked at the world as ours to conquer. In short, he was my other half; the part that completed me.
Tripp and I met in 1992. It was the first day of the new school year and we were starting the third grade. Mom had made me wear this frilly pink dress and these hideous pink and white ribbons in my hair. During recess, all the kids went out to the playground for recess. The tire swing was my favorite thing to play on. Tripp saw me fighting with a boy who was trying to take the tire swing from me and decided he would come rescue me. He had no idea that the boy he rescued me from was my twin brother Zack who was quite used to trading punches with me. He quickly learned that fact when I joined forces with Zack to ‘take that little twerp down’! From that day forward Zack, Tripp and I were inseparable. Like Tripp always said, “If you can’t beat them, join them!” He introduced himself to us as Channing, and we let him keep that name for a short while. The change from Channing to Tripp was just the beginning of the start of our new life together.
A past that haunts can be laid to rest through the act of forgiveness, even if the person you forgive is yourself. It must be gifted freely. Abby Sullivan cherishes the life she is creating for herself in her hometown of Santa Barbara, California. She adores her best friend and supportive family. Her job as a kindergarten teacher offers her life hope and purpose. She is very talented at many things, especially hiding the pain of her past. That is until her world collides with Caleb Hunter’s, giving them both a lesson in forgiveness and love. A life changing love is cruelly snatched by sickness and death. A person must be willing to give love, the greatest gift of all, to receive love. A successful writer, Caleb is living life day-to-day. Giving refuge to his sad and lonely heart since his wife’s sudden death from cervical cancer, his primary focus becomes honoring her memory by rearing their five-year-old daughter, Madison. Yet, when Madison Hunter walks into Miss Abby’s kindergarten class, everything changes for all three of them. With a little nudge from a loving mother-in-law who has everyone’s best interest at heart, anything is possible, especially when forgiveness and love gift even more blessings than ever imaginable.
“No, please.” He choked out. “I can’t do this without you.” His chest was tight. Agony strangled his heart with its greedy hands. Caleb shook his head as tears fell from his swollen eyes that had witnessed his wife go through so much hell that past year. Softly, he whispered while closing his tired lids and tilting his head back, “Please don’t take her.” The corner of his lips trembled when he sucked in a shaky breath. This was not the way to let her go. Their family and friends gathered in the brightly lit room, witnessing him behaving with such desperation. The life he’d created with his wife Rene was crashing down all around, shredding his soul into pieces like glass shards of a shattering window, and he couldn’t do anything to stop it. The smell of sickness and death lingered in the air, assaulting his nostrils and lungs. This scent would be ingrained in his memories forever.
“It’s okay Caleb.” Her chest rose up and down as she labored to take in shallow breaths. His gaze fell upon her sunken eyes. Laying in the hospital bed she’d spent entirely too much time in, she let out another painful moan. “Everything is going to be fine. You know I’m going to a better place. We will be together again.” Rene gave an exhausted cough, further proof of her lengthy suffering.
“I know, but I can’t let you go.” With quivering hands, he leaned over to stroke her cheek, using the pad of his thumb while holding the side of her neck. His long fingers extended to her nape. “You are my everything.” A trembling hand touched his shoulder, attempting to provide comfort. Caleb didn’t need to look up to know it was his mother-in-law, Grace. Everyone in the confined space of the hospital room had said goodbye to Rene before Caleb took the seat beside her bed. Now that her end was so close, he wished more than anything that they all would leave. He couldn’t ask anyone to do that though. They were all hurting.
He sensed in her once brilliant blue eyes that she only had moments left. With a weak smile, she whispered so softly it was difficult to hear, “I love you. Please make sure Madison knows how much I love her too.” Her labored breaths came few and far between, and she winced with the effort it simply took to breathe. She spoke those last words before falling into a morphine-induced slumber. A nurse stayed close administering the pain medication as needed to ensure Rene’s comfort.
With tear streaked cheeks, Caleb bent down, gently placing his trembling lips onto hers. “I love you too. I always will.” The woman he’d counted on spending the rest of his life with took her last breath under his kiss. The piercing hum of the heart monitor confirmed what he couldn’t bear to accept; she was gone.
“No, no, no! Come back to me, please!” Caleb’s violent sobs echoed throughout the room while he gripped his wife’s withered, unresponsive body.
Rene danced across the luminous room wearing his favorite cream-colored dress. Snug on top and flowing from the waist down, the silk that covered her tantalized and called out to him. Long auburn hair cascaded over her shoulder, enticing him to touch her one last time.
Caleb approached his beautiful bride and took her into his loving arms before dipping her slender body backwards. Seeking the warm comfort of her lips, he covered her mouth with his own, only to feel cold rigid skin. Jerking away, he looked at her face and found lifeless eyes staring back. Anguish overtook him, penetrating his heart.
Caleb bolted up in his king sized bed. His lungs sought relief with the morning air. All these years later, he still felt the gut wrenching hospital scent lingering in them. Blinking rapidly, he focused on his surroundings. Just enough light filtered into the bedroom through the heavy drapery hanging from sturdy metal curtain rods. Relief spilled over him once he recognized where he was. “Oh man. It was just a nightmare.” The impact of the actual event haunted his dreams many nights. His wife was dead, and he remained here, alone, to care for their daughter. Was it ever going to get eas
ier? They say time heals all wounds, but with the heartache he’d experienced in the last four years, Caleb wasn’t so sure about that. Although he was in a much better place, the gaping dark hole in his heart still left him in agony.
Following a low grunt, Caleb ran strong fingers through his thick messy black hair. He rubbed his palms over soulful coffee brown eyes and the overnight scruff on his face. Doing his best to shake the disturbing visions he’d just roused from, he stood and stretched his back. He reminded himself that today was a new day, a special one. His baby girl, Madison, was starting kindergarten, and he had to keep himself together for her sake. She hadn’t talked about anything else all week.
Grabbing a shirt and pulling it over his head before exiting his bedroom, Caleb made his way down the dark wooden floored hallway into the pink princess room. He fixed his eyes on the small wooden chair next to the linen covered window, and spotted the ‘first day of school’ outfit Madison had picked out. Tiny jean capris laid spread out under a light pink top with daisies embroidered on the sleeves. She’d also placed her matching pink Mary Jane shoes under the chair. Rene would have loved this sight. Pushing that thought far from his mind, Caleb tiptoed to the twin bed and sat down on the fluffy comforter that covered his sleeping angel. He moved strands of her ash brown hair away from her face, and leaned over to place gentle butterfly kisses on her baby soft cheek. She loved when he did that and let out a giggle.
“You faker, you were awake the whole time.” He tickled her ribs.
“Yes Daddy but I don’t want you to be sad. You had not given me my butterfly kiss yet, so I stayed here until you did.” A silly little girl smile appeared on her rose bud lips.
“Let’s get ready for your special day, my big kindergartener.” He stood, and then turned around so she could climb onto his broad back just as she did every morning. She jumped onto her daddy’s back with her nightgown scrunched up around her knees. This allowed her to wrap both legs around his waist while her arms hung onto his neck and shoulders. Madison made her first request of the day. “Can I have chocolate chip pancakes for breakfast today?”
“Of course you can.” He carried her on his tired back down the stairs with the ever-present pain in his chest. He thought anything for my sweet girl. His life revolved around taking care of her, and he planned to fulfill every reasonable wish she would ever have.
Abby Sullivan stretched in her cozy bed after turning off the Maroon 5 song that played on her cell phone alarm. Using the back of her hands, she rubbed her eyes and grinned. Today marked one of her favorite events of the year, the first day of school. She sat up, stepped onto the cold morning floor, and then slid into her fuzzy cherry colored slippers. With hair sticking in all directions, she shuffled to the bathroom to take a shower. While stepping under the water, she breathed a sigh of relief, feeling lucky to be able to get ready for this day at all. Abby was filled with gratitude that she’d survived all of the school budget cuts. Many of her teacher friends worked for traditional public schools, and some received those dreadful pink slips just before summer break. Charter schools were all the rage in California, and although she was initially skeptical about working for a school that was part of a new fad, she couldn’t be more grateful now for her decision to accept a job at one. Her growing school was flourishing with students and was hiring teachers, rather than laying them off.
Since August in Santa Barbara was still an unusually warm month, Abby wore her dusty rose light cotton button down tunic and black leggings paired with ballet flats. Her outfit was comfy but also modest enough to avoid any embarrassing views from her young students. She grabbed her purse, keys and cell phone before heading out the door of her Spanish-style bungalow. The local tomcat rubbed his fur all over her dark covered legs when she stopped to lock the door. She tried to brush most of the long white hair off, and then walked down the brick pathway toward her forest green VW Jetta. She smiled as she inhaled the perfume from all of the flower blossoms that filled her front yard.
The first destination of the morning was to her favorite coffee spot. No, not the one that sold the fancy coffees for four bucks a cup. She preferred her coffee from the local convenience store. They didn’t mind when she poured just as much vanilla coffee creamer in her travel mug as she did coffee. Abby was a simple girl and didn’t need frou-frou coffee.
Relieved the train through town didn’t delay her, Abby drove the three miles from her coffee stop to school. After claiming her spot in the staff parking lot, she walked into the school and felt butterflies in her belly. With quick steps, she headed straight to the teachers’ lounge, grabbing a couple of papers from her mailbox. Many of her coworkers hung around talking about their summer, but she couldn’t wait to get to the classroom she’d decorated the week before.
Abby sat down at her desk and started to reflect. Had she truly only been teaching for three years? It felt as if she were created to do this. Growing up with a single mom who also taught should have clued her in that it wasn’t the most lucrative career choice, but she was passionate about teaching kids. Like most teachers, she didn’t do it to receive a whopping paycheck.
After memorizing all of her students’ names over the last couple of weeks, Abby couldn’t wait to match faces to them. Noticing the time, she grabbed the kids’ nametags she’d prepared for the first week, and then headed to the gate to greet her new students and their families. She recognized some of the parents and other family members from the community she fondly grew up in, including her own mom’s friends, Grace and Robert Westbrook. They both wore cheerful smiles when she made eye contact. Abby’s mother had told her about the loss of their only daughter. Abby felt her throat tighten as she looked into the round eyes of the sweetest looking girl who stood beside them. She knew this precious face. She’d seen Grace and Robert’s granddaughter a couple of times at her mom’s house when she’d visited. The couple walked hand in hand around the mass of tear-filled families who had a hard time letting their little ones start kindergarten. Grace grabbed Abby for a quick squeeze and introduced her to the angelic child.
“Hi Miss Abby, this is our granddaughter, Madison. She will have the honor of being in your class this year.” Grace proudly proclaimed, smiling from ear to ear.
Abby promptly squatted down on the balls of her feet so that she was at Madison’s eye level and took her hand in greeting. “It’s very nice to meet you, Madison. The honor is actually mine. I can’t wait to learn all about you.” She placed the nametag around Madison’s neck.
The happy little girl handed Abby a flower and offered a big toothy grin. “Nice to meet you too, Miss Abby.” It had taken her a little time to get used to the growing trend of younger students calling teachers by their first names. When her mother taught, pupils always called their schoolteachers by their last names out of respect.
Madison looked up and motioned to someone standing by her side. “This is my daddy. He likes to play in the ocean, watch hockey and give butterfly kisses.”
Abby hadn’t noticed anyone else standing with them. She gazed up just beside Madison and saw him. Losing her balance, she fell flat on her bottom. This daddy who liked to give butterfly kisses leaned down to offer her help. “Are you okay?” He didn’t hide the concern on his face. The most gorgeous man she had ever laid eyes on was standing right above her. In addition to his looks, something about his presence immediately drew her in. How had she not noticed him before? His prominent brows shadowed his eyes from the sun, making it difficult to determine the color of his deep-set eyes. It took her a moment to realize that she was sitting on the asphalt at school, ogling this little girl’s daddy. Madison let out a childish giggle.
Embarrassed, she stood up on shaky legs, dusting off her thinly covered behind with both hands causing the nametags she still held to swing back and forth. “Yeah, I’m fine. Just clumsy.” The laugh she offered was unmistakably forced. She looked directly at his grey shirt that displayed a hockey team’s logo on his chest then raked her eyes back u
p to his face.
With a chuckle, he extended his large hand to shake hers. The skin on his hand was smooth and non-callused. This man did not do manual labor. “It’s very nice to meet you, Miss Abby. I’m Caleb.” Unable to pry her eyes off him, she turned fifty shades of red after hearing his deep voice say her name. He was probably used to women staring at him though. How could he not be?
Flustered, she managed to mumble, “It’s nice to meet you as well.” Feeling heat travel up her neck and face, Abby turned to give out nametags while greeting other kids and their parents. She successfully avoided his gaze and hid her embarrassment.
Abby shyly glanced back at Caleb every so often. She caught his eye once, and then swiftly turned to see the tall blonde Zuckerman twins, Blaine and Tiffany. Dread filled her entire body. Their youngest brother, Peter, had been her boyfriend in high school. Her heart nervously pounded as she searched the crowd to see if he was there too. As unsettling as it was, she was not surprised to see them at all. When Abby received her class roster, she spotted their last name and hoped against hope that it was not a child of one of the Zuckerman’s that she’d known all too well so long ago. It looked like luck was not on her side with this situation. After surveying the crowd, she established Peter was nowhere to be found. Abby breathed a sigh of relief before making eye contact with Blaine. He lifted the corner of his mouth then looked down at the little blonde boy beside him.
Blaine was as handsome as ever with his surfer-styled sandy blond hair and beaming blue eyes. He was a couple of years older than Abby and had been the star of their high school’s Lacrosse team. Back then, every girl wanted him, and he had a reputation of not being too picky. Rumor was that he made sure to spread his love around. Blaine always seemed to accept her and Peter’s relationship, but his twin sister and their parents turned their noses up at Abby. They didn’t think she was good enough for their precious Peter. Little did they know what a jerk he actually turned out to be. Scrunching her eyebrows, she wondered why both Blaine and Tiffany were there to drop off one child. As long as the younger Zuckerman brother was absent, she honestly couldn’t care less about the answer to that question.
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