by Jessie Lane
The Army wasn’t my only plan, though. No.
As I sat, stewing in English class, barely paying attention to whatever the hell my teacher was talking about, I was planning for the future, for when I was ready to settle down.
As soon as my first six-year enlistment ended, and I signed on for my next one, I would take some time off and come home to see if there was still that something different between Ginny and me. It might seem selfish of me to wait so long before coming back for her, but there was more than one reason to do so.
We were way too young for one thing, and she was three years younger than me. So, even if I waited until I was twenty-one and she was eighteen, I feared, down the road, she would resent me for tying her down so young.
When I dreamed about Ginny, it was hot enough to wake me up with the hardest morning wood I had ever experienced. There was just something about her that made me want to do crazy things, like fantasize about tying an older Ginny to the bed and kissing every inch of her body. I knew it sounded nuts, but something about her made me feel things I didn’t understand, which was another damn good reason I should keep my distance from the girl.
It was more than physical. Ginny had this vision. She saw everything in vivid color. Her creativity, her smile, everything about Ginny was bright, including her future. She was smart, quiet, shy, and loyal. Through all the girl drama my sister ever went through, Ginny was by her side. Ginny had depth most girls didn’t. Hell, she was deeper and more intuitive than any teenager should be.
I hated the few times she would seem to get scared of her own shadow. I really hated to see the longing in her eyes around holidays like Father’s Day. She never talked about her dad, and I’d never asked.
The more I watched her, spent time with her, spent time around her when she was with Olivia, the more I wanted her. All of this added up to more reasons I needed to stay away.
Last month, I had woken up to one of those vivid fantasies about her, frustrated, aching, and tired of the insanity. I’d taken myself in hand and was going to take care of the problem, hoping it would help erase the crazy thoughts about her. Too bad I’d gotten a little too enthusiastic and moaned her name while I was on the verge of orgasming.
My door had flown open, and my dad had stormed into my room as if he were storming a castle on a mission. When he had seen I was alone, he’d sputtered, turned ten shades of red, and then given me his back while he had gruffly ordered me to get some clothes on because we needed to talk.
Fucking mortified my dad had walked in on me jacking myself off and more than pissed that he would think I would do something we both knew was wrong, I’d quickly pulled my shorts on and sat back down on my bed, seething.
When my father had finally turned back around, he’d apologized for busting in and accusing me, but he’d had a very good reason to be worried about Ginny and me. He’d been around my age when he had first noticed my mom … who had been much younger, like Ginny. He’d also noticed that my little sister’s best friend had a raging crush on me, which didn’t help the situation. Therefore, he’d worried I might give in to temptation as he had wanted to do so badly when it was him and Mom.
Even though I had been embarrassed as hell, I had sort of felt better knowing I wasn’t a pervert for wanting a younger girl. That shit had been bothering me to no end.
Seeing my chance to finally talk to someone, I’d asked him what I should do. What had he done when it came to Mom?
We had sat there, talking for a little over an hour as he’d told me the story about him meeting Mom in school when he had been a senior and she a freshman. He’d known right away it was more than wanting to just be physical with my mom, but he had also known her parents would never approve of her dating a much older boy. He’d hinted that he’d had a similar experience to an extent, but he did not divulge further, which I was glad for. I might have gotten sick to my stomach if he’d told me anything about him and my mom.
He’d known his only chance to get close to Mom then was to be her friend, so that was what he’d become. That had given him the opportunity to protect her from the other boys who’d tried to take advantage of what he already considered his girl.
They’d hung out together with friends after his football games and met her at the ice cream shop on weekends. Then, when he had shipped out to basic, he’d asked Mom to be pen pals. They had kept in touch through letters until he’d felt she was finally old enough to ask her parents’ permission to date her.
What he’d done made sense. Keeping her close yet not too close was smart. I wasn’t so sure I could be that close to Gin and not give in to my need to touch her, though. There was just something about the girl that made me want to be a possessive asshole. When I’d told my father that, he had given a sad sigh then encouraged me to not act on my urges until I was older.
Before he’d left my room, he had said something I would never forget. He had told me he’d seen the way I had been looking at Ginny lately when I thought no one else was paying attention. He had explained how I was on the verge of becoming a man, and it was time to learn one of the most important lessons a man should ever learn: “A good woman is a priceless treasure.”
She was meant to be protected and loved, never abused, never treated like she was less than she really was. That meant doing the right thing by her, even if it was the hardest thing a man might ever do. That meant keeping my hands off the girl across the street until I was ready to give her my last name.
“Ginny is a pure heart, son, beautiful from the inside out. You don’t want to break a pure hearted girl like that, because it would break her in ways you might never be able to fix. And, if you ever do that, you would only end up blackening your soul. If she’s yours and you’ve broken her, then you’ll be living without the very thing you need the most: your heart.”
My father’s words resonated in my head for days, forcing me to think about something I had once thought I never would—tying myself down to one woman. It had been sort of overwhelming for me. Yet, the more I thought about it, the more the idea of Ginny and me felt right—owning the angel across the street, calling her mine.
One day, when we were ready, I would do just that.
Own her.
Love her.
After all, a part of me was already in love with her.
It was only my inexperience, youth, and dreams of leaving that held me back from falling in love with her completely. It wasn’t easy, but I shut out the emotional shit and refused to let it grow any further.
Now, as I came closer and closer to my eighteenth birthday, my mind was made up. At the end of my first enlistment, I would be twenty-four, and she would be twenty-one. Ginny would have had time to live a little before I came home, and we would both be old enough to know if it had just been hormones or something more.
At seventeen, I knew who I was to an extent. After the talk with my dad, it was not lost on me that I had serious urges that might get worse when it came to the angel who lived across the street. It was going to take everything I had to ignore those urges, and who knew how domineering I might be when I did finally claim her? Deep inside, I knew the controlling, selfish part of me would only grow.
The reason why was simple: part of me wanted to own every part of Ginny. However, in return, Ginny would own every part of me, as well. We were in no way ready for that.
I was only worried Ginny was going to drive me insane between now and when we were ready. Seeing her without actually touching her was becoming torture.
It wasn’t lost on me that Ginny only grew more beautiful every day. Still, she was shy, quiet, and painfully awkward. Thankfully, because of those qualities, the boys in school didn’t pay much attention to her. Even though I was a senior, while she was just a freshman, I kept an eye out for her, making sure no one messed with her. And, by no one, I meant those of the dick carrying variety.
I had convinced myself before that I was doing it because she was my little sister’s best friend and practical
ly part of the family. Now, I wondered if something inside of me had always known Ginny was my girl.
In my attempt to keep my hands off her, I was still fucking my way through my high school and the one in the next county over. Was it wrong? Probably. I did feel guilty every time I touched another girl. However, I did my best to keep everything I did quiet so it wouldn’t get back to Ginny and hurt her. Luckily, she didn’t talk to many people and wasn’t one to gossip. If she had heard a rumor about me and one of my hook-ups, I wasn’t sure she would know whether to believe it or not.
Ginny had all hearts and flowers and forever in her eyes, and I was worried one of us would break before we were ready.
If I broke, it would be my willpower, and I might claim my girl sooner than I knew was good for either of us. If she broke, it would be her heart.
“Mr. Young?” my English teacher drawled. “Would you like to tell the class what you learned from the story of Odysseus?”
Somehow, I managed to stop myself from rolling my eyes at the uptight woman who loved to find any reason to throw me in detention. “Do I have to, Ms. Edwards?”
She crossed her arms over her chest and started tapping one of her high-heel-shod feet on the floor. An impervious eyebrow rose before she looked down her nose at me as she replied, “I wouldn’t be surprised if you do not have an answer, Lucas. That would require you to pay attention to what I’m teaching, which I highly doubt you are.”
The old shrew never failed to tick me off.
“If you want to know what I think of Odysseus, fine. He was an unfaithful, egotistical schmuck. Did he defeat some enemies? Yeah, but he also lost a bunch of his men, too. His wife sat at home for twenty years, waiting for his dumbass to come home, when she should have shacked up with a new guy. At least Odysseus got to bang a nymph and a sorceress.”
My classmates laughed around me, while my teacher’s face turned red in anger. Ms. Edwards opened her mouth to say something, but the bell rang, and I took the chance to get out of there before the hag gave me detention again. As I walked out of class, a soft hand grabbed my bicep and tugged a little.
Looking to my side, I found Rachel, a junior cheerleader I had already gotten a taste of.
“Hey, Rachel, what’s up?” I kept walking toward the cafeteria, unwilling to waste time by stopping to talk to a girl I’d already had.
“Lucas,” she practically purred, “my parents are going to be gone this weekend. I was wondering if you’d like to come over.”
Her question stopped me in my tracks. Sure, lunch was important, but the chance to get between Rachel’s thighs again was an awesome incentive to wait to eat.
Turning my back to the lockers, I leaned back and took a moment to glance up and down the hall to make sure Gin wasn’t around before I looked Rachel over from head to toe. Damn, she had a nice rack.
“If I come over, what are we gonna to do?”
Rachel stepped closer to me and brushed her breasts against my chest as she stood on her tiptoes and whispered into my ear, “Whatever you want.”
I brought one of my hands around to land on her back then slid it down until it was resting on her ass. “And if all I want is to fuck you and leave?”
“Sounds like a good time to me,” she purred.
I flexed my fingers so that I was now squeezing the cheek of her ass instead of cupping it, and Rachel gasped against my ear.
“Then I’ll be over on Saturday. Now back up. I want to go eat lunch.”
Rachel stepped back then followed me down the hall. Apparently, my Saturday booty call was going to cost me a lunch companion today. Whatever. She knew I didn’t date or do serious. If she wanted to follow me around, then she could waste her time.
After going through the lunch line with Rachel right on my heels, I sat down at the table filled with my football teammates. I had hoped Rachel would sit down with her cheerleader crew, but she pasted herself to my side, and I had to push her away a little to actually eat my lunch.
One of the guys asked me about this weekend’s upcoming game, and while we debated the other team’s offensive strength, I felt Rachel reach over and caress my chest.
I snapped my brows down in annoyance and looked over at her. She knew better. I didn’t do that clingy shit. I might not be saving myself for marriage, but that didn’t mean I wanted to cuddle with broads, and I definitely didn’t flaunt my shit for Ginny and everyone else to see. Tap it and go was my motto.
I grabbed her wrist to stop her wandering hand and snapped, “What the hell are you doing?”
She bit her bottom lip coyly. “I just can’t help myself around you, Lucas. Forgive me?”
I wasn’t stupid. Rachel was up to something, and it didn’t take long to figure out what, either, when I saw her try to sneak a look over to her left.
Turning my head in that direction, I saw Ginny sitting at the table in front of me, next to my sister. Her burger was hanging forgotten in her hand, her dejected eyes glued to Rachel and me.
Fuck.
Rachel was playing at her catty bullshit games, and Ginny was her victim. As much as I had tried to shield Ginny from the snobs of the school, Rachel and her squad had somehow figured out how Ginny felt about me. It didn’t matter that I took great effort to keep my own feelings at bay. Ginny was always around. Add it all up and it did not bode well for my girl, because the little bitches like Rachel made her life a living hell. They took my rejection of a relationship with Ginny as proof that it was free season on her.
I was going to have to squash that shit right then, before it went any further. Rachel and her band of bitches were like leeches; once they latched on, they wouldn’t fall off until they bled their victim dry. I would allow myself to be used as ammunition against Ginny.
Throwing Rachel’s hand off me, I grabbed her lunch tray and slid it down the table until it fell noisily to the floor. Looking back at Rachel’s shocked face, I snarled, “Looks like you’re done with lunch. I suggest you go.”
Rachel sputtered, “What’s your deal?”
Raising my voice so at least half of the noisy cafeteria could hear me, I said, “That’s my little sister and her best friend, and nobody, including you and your little crew, is going to fuck with them. Now get the hell away from me.”
Turning to give her my back and my dismissal, I looked at the guy next to me. “Can you believe the chicks here, always starting some bullshit? Makes me think I should start hanging around the local college to pick off some freshmen there. I hear college girls are wilder in bed, anyway. Last time I let Rachel suck my cock, she was so sloppy I got bored.” Admitting it wasn’t my favorite thing to do, but this broad needed to be put in her place. I hated knowing Ginny was listening, but in the end, I couldn’t come up with something better.
Rachel squealed in anger behind me then stomped off, presumably to sit with her friends.
I turned my head enough to look at Ginny and Olivia, only to wish I hadn’t. My sister was glaring daggers at me while Ginny peeled the label on her soda bottle and avoided eye contact with everyone.
Before I pulled my gaze away from her, I spotted a lone tear traveling down one of her pretty cheeks and cringed.
Now more than ever, I realized I was doing the right thing by following my dreams to go into the Army. I would go on a journey like Odysseus; only, I wouldn’t wait twenty years to come home to get Ginny.
Teenagers should have all the answers, right? Well, I didn’t. The fact that I so desperately wished I knew what was right killed me, but it seemed like everything I did was wrong. Hurting her was hurting me, but she didn’t know that.
As I watched her grab her backpack and leave the cafeteria, I worried Gin would hate me by then, which frustrated me. Actually, it pissed me off.
Was this the first time I had inadvertently hurt Ginny’s feelings? No. Nevertheless, that didn’t make it any easier to watch her walk out those doors. And there I sat, having to act nonchalant about hurting the one girl who mattered.
&n
bsp; The guys around me joked about how the girls were tripping all over themselves to get a piece of me. I didn’t laugh with them, though, because I was watching my little sister race out of the cafeteria after her best friend.
The way that tear had slowly slid down Ginny’s face would haunt my dreams tonight. If only I could give her the big picture now… But I couldn’t. She had her life to build, and I had mine. Then we could be together. We were young, too young, for all the things I wanted for the both of us.
I felt like I had torn myself in two from the inside out, battling my need for Ginny against what I had to do until I could have her. I would be lucky if I didn’t go certifiably insane before I finally got the chance to hold my girl and tell her how damn sorry I was for everything I had put her through.
No matter what, I would endure whatever hell I had to go through until I could make Gin mine for one solid reason alone: I would never be able to live with myself if I destroyed the person who meant everything to me.
Ginny
Fourteen Years Old
I was going to hide in the school’s media room for the rest of the day. Scratch that. I would hide in there for the rest of the year.
“Gin!”
The sound of my best friend’s voice did not stop or even slow down my quick strides to get as far away from that freaking cafeteria as I could. Heck, at this rate, I could probably walk out of the school and get to my house in no time. Screw the media room; hiding in my room sounded like a fabulous plan.
“Gin! Wait up!”
I still refused to stop for Olivia, though I could hear her footfalls getting closer. I wouldn’t even turn my head to look back at her. Keeping my head down so I was watching the floor kept anyone from seeing the stupid tears slipping down my face.
How pathetic I must look to everyone. It seemed like the entire school had figured out my feelings for Lucas. With my drawings and reserved nature, they already thought I lived with my head in the clouds. Rachel sure seemed happy enough to rub it in my face that she could get her hands on him, while I couldn’t.