I didn’t run off home and cry. I picked a flower and I went to her and we both told Henry all about the fairies. I leaned my head on her shoulder and she gave me one of her special kisses, on my forehead, and stroked my cheek. And then Henry started bawling because I wouldn’t let him eat my flower and we went home.
I let Darling potter about on the grass while I looked for a flower. I found the perfect one: a single honeysuckle bloom, delicate and sweet-scented. I laid it down on the wall by the well – the other flowers there rain-beaten, sun-shrivelled and rotten – and I asked the fairies, please, to never forget my mum. To show how much I meant it, I left them my tiara.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
I pushed my bike and my loot home. As I came up the road, it started.
I heard the terrier’s howl cut through the silence. I couldn’t ignore it any more. The neighbours’ pets. The neighbours’ pets.
With a heavy heart, I left my darling Darling and my loot in the stinky house, and went out again to perform yet another charitable act.
On the way to Whitby the golden retriever’s house, I took the crowbar out of Simon’s rucksack, which was still lying in the middle of the road where I’d dumped it. I went to Whitby’s first because I liked him best. I knocked, I called. The back door was open: Whitby bounded out. He must have barked himself stupid because he could hardly get a sound out, but he almost knocked me over. He was mad, glad, crazy to see me . . . and me, I can say the same about him. (All those years I’d wanted a dog, it wasn’t a dog like Darling, it was a dog like Whitby. Actually, it was Whitby.) I braved the stink in his house to feed him – and, though animals seemed to be OK with it, I just couldn’t give him water from the tap. I went back and got a bottle of fizzy water from Simon’s rucksack and gave him that. He lapped and scoffed and lapped and scoffed. And wagged and wagged and wagged his tail. He was ecstatic.
Then I had this massive guilt attack because I knew the kids that lived (had lived) in that house had a hamster, so I went and got that. I stabbed holes in an old ice-cream carton and loaded Fluffysnuggles, food and bedding into it. When I got to London, I’d generously give that hamster to Dan. He’d love it.
I left the door open for Whitby, dumped Fluffysnuggles by Simon’s rucksack and crossed the road to Mrs Wallis’s house. If I was thinking anything, it was that the joy of seeing Whitby was still alive might make up for whatever had happened to Clarence and Mimi, because I’d already noticed those grumpy little shih-tzus weren’t running up and down on the windowsill any more.
The front door was wide open. Mrs Wallis wasn’t home. Clarence was dead, lying there on the kitchen floor; Mimi didn’t look far off. I ran back outside and pulled another bottle of water out of Simon’s rucksack.
I poured out water for her, filled a bowl with food.
‘Please eat, Mimi, please eat.’
She drank; then ate a bit, then sicked it up. She lay down on the kitchen floor. She whined at me. I coaxed her with food. All the while, I called for the cat – ‘Ruu-by! Ruu-by!’ – but she was a no-show.
I stroked Mimi; normally you couldn’t even get near her. I smoothed back her fur from her little face. It was the first time I’d ever really seen her eyes, her sad little brown eyes, and it made it a whole lot harder to think about leaving her . . . but I had to, didn’t I? I backed out of the kitchen. Whitby was sitting outside the door. His tail was wagging. He had an arm in his mouth – a woman’s arm – the raggedy sleeve of a flowery blouse still on it. Her fingernails were painted a plummy red and she wore some pretty rings.
‘Whitby! No!’ I shouted at him. ‘Leave it!’
He dropped the arm and lumbered goofily up to me, ready to slobber how sorry he was all over me. Revolting! I pushed him away. I left him sniffing at Clarence (I hoped he’d remember Clarence had been a friend and not chomp on him too) and I went over the road, knocked, called, and tried to open the front door of the house where the terrier was now barking like crazy. The door was locked; the back door was locked. I smashed the kitchen window (single glazed) with the crowbar and opened it. The terrier – whoa! Somehow it managed to leap up on to the draining board, skittering on broken glass, and scrambled out of the window – to attack Whitby, who’d come up behind me with the arm hanging out of his mouth.
You really don’t want to see that kind of thing: two dogs fighting over someone’s arm. It did seem to help Whitby get his voice back, though. I shouted at them – zero impact – then realised what a racket we were making . . . plus I hadn’t even realised Whitby had followed me – which I thought was a bad thing. If he could creep up on me, anyone could.
Someone, anyone.
I decided I really, really had to go. I felt bad about it, like I ought to go look for more animals to liberate, but I just couldn’t handle any more charitable acts. I just couldn’t.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
There’s a reason people don’t dye their hair by candlelight, just like there’s a reason people don’t put on fake tan by candlelight either. It is too hard to judge when you’ve got the colour right – particularly if you don’t actually bother timing it like you’re supposed to. That night, after my own one-girl riot, and after I’d gone upstairs and cut Saskia out of the photo of me and Caspar (so it was now just me and Caspar, as it should have been) and stuck it back on the wall and kissed him and felt sad (like inexpressibly sad, to the point of any-second-now-I’m-gonna-scream-my-head-off-because-I-truly-can’t-believe-this-thing-that-is-happening-is-happening sad), I had my own one-girl beauty session. All things considered – e.g.:
• The smell in the house was at a new unbelievable high. (Or low.)
• I topped up Simon’s hideous pot with lemonade – but those flowers, they looked done for.
• None of the phones showed any sign of working.
• I checked the internet again, then – dur – realised that although the battery in the laptop was still good, the broadband wasn’t working.
• The whole of Dartbridge was still in pitch blackness and the slightest noise made me jump.
• I was too terrified to have any candles on apart from one tiny one in the bathroom and even then I made myself go and stand in the back garden and check and check again that you couldn’t see any light.
• Though I checked and checked it too, I also couldn’t see any light from any house in town.
• I nearly made myself sick again on a looted chocolate-spread scoffing binge.
• In the middle of the night, a plane flew overhead.
• I couldn’t actually play any music because everything we had to play it on ran off electricity so I had to go next door again to get the massive battery-operated Old Skool boom-box ghetto blaster that Mr Fitch heaved around the garden with him when he was weeding so he could listen to brass-band music (which he said the plants liked too) (see what I mean about Dartbridge? Even the most normal people . . .) and it only worked with tape cassettes and the only tape cassettes I had were . . . Mr Fitch’s brass-band music.
Yes, all those things considered, me and Darling had a busy girly night that was kind of almost fun . . . if you ignored the ‘global melt-down, everyone’s died, I’m all alone, what am I going to do?’ aspect.
In the morning, it wasn’t even vaguely fun. I did, really, actually, gasp with horror when I saw myself in the mirror. The make-up I’d messed about with that had smudged itself all over my face in the night was not the problem. That could be (relatively) easily removed; what might not be so easily removed was my streaky all-over orange tan, which clashed pretty badly with my red hair. I’d bleached my hair first; by candlelight it had looked a ghostly, scary white, so I thought I should go for it. Why-oh-why had I chosen red? My mum was right; it really didn’t suit me . . . And I knew that, even though it was hard to tell when my face was ORANGE.
I had to wash my face – a lot – immediately. I knew what I would do. I would get Simon’s rucksack and I would use every bottle of water or soda water or tonic water or whatever
, whatever was left, to scrub and wash my skin and my hair. (I did kind of know even then that there would be nothing I could do about my hair; I’d put permanent brilliant red on bleached white – only way that would come off was shaving myself bald and waiting for my natural mouse to sprout. Or dye it black? Hmmm . . .)
I burst out of the house; didn’t even look at the sky (should have done). Whitby must have won the arm-fight because he was lying outside our gate, still gnawing on his prize. I skirted round him and marched into the road.
Simon’s rucksack had gone.
No animal could or would take something as big and heavy as that. Only a person could have taken it. A ‘someone, anyone’, perhaps. I felt fear crackle in my bones.
‘LEAVE IT AND GET IN!’ I hissed at Darling and Whitby, who were sniffing Mrs Fitch and eyeballing each other, as if they were trying to decide whether to share a nibble or a fight. (My tiny girl – she is so plucky!) (My big huggy hound – he knows when to go gentle!)
I slammed the gate shut. I frightened myself, it was so loud – and I looked behind me. I wished I hadn’t; Mimi was sauntering across the road – behind her, the crazy terrier was loitering, like he just happened to be there.
‘GET IN! GET IN!’ I hissed at them.
I held the gate open. The terrier bounded in.
‘LEAVE IT!’ I hissed as he sniffed at Mrs Fitch, then Mimi condescended to enter our garden. ‘Don’t even think about it,’ I growled as she veered off the path towards Mrs Fitch.
I held the front door open and all the dogs trooped on in like they lived there.
I took one more nervous look up and down the street and then I shut the door.
I locked it.
Inside the house the dogs were already falling out. Whitby and the terrier had obviously failed to make up after yesterday’s fight and were snarling at each other, debating whether to have another scrap, which was making Mimi and Darling nervous and yappy. That’s the way I saw it, but maybe they were just egging them on.
I might have gone veggie but my mum and Simon were raging carnivores. There was meat in the freezer – thawing, but OK. It smelt fine; not stinky. I shut Whitby in the kitchen with a chicken . . . I kind of thought it was only cooked bones that dogs can’t eat – isn’t it? – and from the way I’d seen him crunching fingers I reckoned it was all right. The terrier I lured upstairs with a pack of stewing steak, and shut him the bathroom. I figured Mimi and Darling would get on. I opened the door to the front room, fragrant with my wee bucket, and I tempted them both inside with some lamb chops. As I walked away I heard Mimi snap. I hoicked Darling out and put her with her very own chop in Henry’s little room . . . that he’d hardly even ever had the chance to use.
The crazy terrier got a bit growly when I went into the bathroom, like I’d come to nick his steak; I didn’t dare shout at him in case he got barky, so I ignored him, and stuffed a couple of the loot bags with the best of the booty. Then I went upstairs and stuffed another bag with more of my things – including all my photos – and most especially the photo of me and Caspar. I kissed it, ignoring Saskia’s chopped head, which lay on the floor – pouting at me. I might have trod on it on my way out.
Hard to know what to pack; hard to know what I was packing for . . . but does it sound like I was organised? Like I knew what I was doing? I tell you, I couldn’t think straight about what was going into that bag – let alone how that bag and me were going to get to my dad. All that last night, when I’d been supposed to be coming up with Escape Plan B, all I’d come up with was stuff like I prefer glitter to crackle-finish nail polish and super-moisturising gloss lipstick to frosted.
I went back down to the bathroom; the terrier had scoffed all that steak and was flaked out in a ‘Come pet me I’ll be good now honest I will’ way. I ignored him; I pulled things back out of the bag so’s I could sort my face and hair out . . . as much as I could. I scraped the scary red hair back into a top-knot (think volcano erupting on top of head) and slathered my orange face with looted foundation. The mascara and the lipstick made it worse: I looked plastic. I looked like a scary dolly. A Halloween bad-dolly special.
And while I was trying to make myself look half human and failing, I was thinking, What are you doing? What are you doing?! WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO? And when I’d finished, when I stared at my own bad-dolly self in the mirror, she answered.
I’m going to drive, she said.
WHAT?! I said.
That’s what Saskia did, isn’t it? she said. How else do you think she got away from Zak’s? Dummy.
I kissed the door to my mum and Simon’s room.
I breathed.
‘Bye, Mum,’ I whispered.
BUT I CAN’T DRIVE!!! I thought, lugging bags down the stairs. I DON’T KNOW HOW!
Get a grip! I thought. Be like Saskia. Be like Halloween Bad Dolly Saskia.
I got all the phones and Caspar’s precious MP3 and Simon’s precious laptop and put them – and the chargers – into a bag. Then I rummaged in Simon’s jacket pocket and fished out the keys to our car. Then I picked up the crowbar.
I got it straight in my head; I would keep it really simple, like steps you follow on the back of a packet of hair dye. (The crowbar bit wasn’t a step, it was more like part of the stuff you don’t read on the back of the packet, about what to do if it all goes horribly wrong.)
STEP ONE. I took a deep, calming breath and unlocked the door and went out into the road and loaded the bags into the car. This went OK.
STEP TWO. I went back into the house to get the pets.
This took longer than it should have done.
Darling was easy because I’d done a mini-detour and picked up a pretty little lead and collar for her on the return leg of the looting expedition. I couldn’t bear to go back to Whitby’s house, so I went back out to the car, got one of my new belts and attached that to his collar. I did the same with Mimi. The crazy terrier was too crazy to be saved, my Halloween Bad-Dolly Saskia self ruthlessly decided.
As I led my pack of dogs out to the car, Mimi pulled towards home. So I dragged her. She snapped at me when I tried to pick her up, so I pretty much yanked her up by her neck into the back seat of the car. I put Darling down with her, on Henry’s baby seat, then loaded Whitby into the boot with my bags. I went back into the house. I scooted the terrier out of the bathroom, down the stairs and out of the front door.
‘Leave it!’ I hissed, when he went straight for Mrs Fitch.
I opened the gate and he bounded out – then turned, waiting to see what I would do. Wondering whether he was getting a walk, I expect.
Be like Saskia.
I shut the gate on him.
Then I went back inside and got Fluffysnuggles.
I stood in the hall . . . the house – the whole world – silent.
Drip, drip, drip, went the kitchen tap.
Don’t start blubbing now, I told myself.
STEP THREE. This was supposed to be ‘drive off’.
It went horribly wrong.
The terrier pranced after me as I walked towards the car.
Inside the car the dogs had rearranged themselves. Whitby sat in the front passenger seat panting his vile breath everywhere; Darling waited cutely in the driver’s seat; Mimi sulked in the boot. I scooped up Darling, put her on my lap, and put Fluffysnuggles down on the floor in front of the passenger seat.
I started up the car.
That engine, it roared into the silence like a jet, sounding a million billion times louder than the plane that had zoomed low overhead in the night. Loud enough to wake the dead, Grandma Hollis would have said.
The first thing I had to do was open my window or I’d be sick from Whitby’s death breath. Then I checked out the pedals; fiddled nervously with the gears. Only my dad had ever let me have a go at driving his car; my mum and Simon went mental when I told them – even though it was on this totally deserted lane in Lancashire (‘He let you drive on a public highway!?!’) – and completely, totally a
nd utterly refused to let me have a go in our car.
We kangarooed out of the parking space, bashing next-door-but-one’s car. Whitby fell off his seat on to Fluffysnuggles. Darling didn’t fall, but decided the floor was a better bet. The engine screamed and the car lurched along the road where my foot pressed down on the accelerator as I fished about and scooped her up.
‘ animals!’ I shouted. It was the nervous tension.
Oh no. I turned off the engine.
‘Two seconds,’ I muttered to the animals, then got out and went back to the house.
See, now maybe you’ve been thinking what a nice person I am and how I must really love animals and everything. (Well, apart from the terrier.) You know what I had forgotten? The stupid guinea pigs.
I didn’t even know whether they’d still be alive. I unlocked the front door and charged through the house and out of the back door into the garden. I think guinea pigs come from Peru, and I guess life must get pretty tough there, because, although there wasn’t a scrap of food or water left, Gimli and Prince Charming (don’t ask; that’s a whole other story) were very much alive and squealed their little heads off for food. I opened the cage and –
I stopped. It wasn’t because I realised it would take too long to find a box or something, it was because the dogs were going crazy. The girls’ muffled yapping; Whitby booming; the terrier, out on the street, going nuts. Either the ghost of Clarence had arisen and was scaring them to death or another dog had rocked up and a fight had broken out or – I ran back into the house, I yanked open the front door –
Or something had upset them.
Not something. Someone. Not anyone, either.
He was standing a couple of steps away from me. Posh man, grey-haired. The terrier barged past him into the house, and it was that – that two seconds of the dog barging through – that gave the posh man enough time to lurch forward and stick his foot in the door before I could slam it shut. I shoved against that door with all my might. The terrier kicked off again, barking like a lunatic right behind me. Behind me, like he was backing me up, like I could actually do something.
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