Although Samantha hadn’t lived there long, she understood how her grandmother felt. Something about knowing she wouldn’t have to leave gave her great comfort. Since her parents’ deaths, stability had been lacking in her life.
“I, too, I’m glad to be back.”
The countess leaned forward with a sparkle in her eye. “Anxious for the Season? No doubt you shall be the brightest diamond. I simply can’t wait to see the gentlemen flocking to you.”
Cheeks heating at the praise, Samantha couldn’t make eye contact. Especially considering what she had to admit to her grandmother.
“I don’t know. About the Season, that is.”
“What are you concerned about?”
Samantha couldn’t resist wringing her hands in her lap. “I . . . I don’t wish to marry.”
The silence stretched as her grandmother watched her.
Samantha’s heart sped. “Please say something.”
Had she upset the woman whose opinion she’d come to value? Would her grandmother turn her out? Or force her to marry?
“What about Monsieur Gerard? Considering he followed us from Paris, I imagine he has an affection for you.”
Guilt assaulted Samantha. Monsieur Gerard had joined them in Venice and then journeyed to London with very little encouragement from her. He claimed he understood the pain of rejection and wanted to help her heal. Samantha had told him he only wasted his time on her.
“Monsieur Gerard is a nice gentleman, but I feel nothing for him.”
Her grandmother sighed. “I had hoped our time away would make you forget the baron. Apparently I was wrong.”
“Oh, no.” Samantha leapt to her defense. “It isn’t him. After my dealings with a number of men, I have decided they have no use in my life.”
“If you truly feel this way, I respect your decision.”
Shock froze Samantha. Had she heard right? “You do?”
“Of course I do. Your grandfather passed away twenty years ago. During that time, I have been content on my own. Men do have their uses, but when you’re done, you cast them aside.”
Samantha’s face burned. “You’ve sought men for . . . companionship?”
Her grandmother laughed. “You sound surprised. The key is discretion and to choose your partner with care.”
With her head spinning, Samantha tried to remove the images from her mind. She could hardly believe this conversation was taking place. Was her grandmother teaching her how to take on lovers? Knowing she should be appalled didn’t change the fact that she was intrigued.
As time had moved her further away from Kenneth, she found herself growing lonely. The week she’d spent in his arms at Berwick had made her feel more alive than ever before. She missed the feeling. She missed the comfort. She missed him.
Even as the week passed, Samantha couldn’t get her grandmother’s words to leave her head. She surveyed every man in Lord and Lady Minor’s ballroom while trying to catalog each one’s merits. Nerves made her stomach ache. Regardless of who the man was, she knew she could never go through with it. She was a fool to actually think she could take on a lover.
“Lady Samantha, are you vexed with me?” Monsieur Gerard asked in his thick French accent. “You have hardly spoken to me all evening.”
“I’m sorry. My mind has been full of thoughts since I arrived back in London.”
“Perhaps you will allow me to swing you across the dance floor and clear your head.”
Smiling, she nodded and took his offered arm. He expertly inserted them among the dancers and entertained her with his wit the entire time. She couldn’t remember having that much fun on the dance floor.
When the song ended, he took her toward her grandmother, but Samantha halted when Kenneth appeared before her. He looked dark and dangerous in his black evening attire and gray waistcoat. Her eyes drank in every bit of him. It had been much too long since she enjoyed the sight of him.
“Lady Samantha, would you honor me with this waltz?”
His deep voice sent goosebumps across her arms, and when his eyes strayed down to her low-cut bodice, her body flamed with desire. Did he have any idea what he was doing to her?
Without waiting for her response, Kenneth took her arm from Monsieur Gerard, and led her onto the dance floor. Her traitorous legs followed his silent command, uncaring if her mind wished to comply or not.
After being settled in his arms, his warmth enveloped her. Her skin tingled, more alive than it had been in months. She closed her eyes for a moment, simply to enjoy his presence again. This was what she longed for.
“I didn’t realize you arrived back in London,” he said, breaking the spell he’d weaved around her.
“Yes,” she rasped, then cleared her throat. “We have only been in town for one week.”
He nodded before sweeping his gaze over the other dancers, giving her a glance of his strong neck. His Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed. An overwhelming urge to kiss it overtook her.
Curling her lips into a smile, she discovered who she wanted her lover to be. She already knew he was competent in bed, and his discretion couldn’t be questioned. After all, he’d kept all her secrets. In addition, it would allow her to have a part of him. For him to belong to her again for a time. She couldn’t keep him, but she would take any bit of him she could manage.
Although they didn’t speak, she felt comfortable simply to be near him. The swaying of the dance allowed their bodies to do the talking. Noticing his clenched jaw and shallow breathing, she decided she liked the conversation.
“I see you’ve decided to listen to me regarding Lord Klein,” he commented, not looking at her.
“Not exactly. I simply haven’t had time for him. And, of course, Monsieur Gerard doesn’t care for him.”
At that, Kenneth missed a step, but her newly acquired dance skills allowed her to compensate. The corners of his mouth turned down as he glared at her.
“So, his opinion is more highly regarded than mine?”
Was he jealous? “Of course. He is an honest gentleman, and I know him well.”
Kenneth’s arms tightened around her. “You once said the same about me.”
The intimate tone of his voice sent shivers through her body, but she did her best to keep the emotion off her face.
“That was before I knew the truth.”
“The truth? Tell me, Samantha, what is the truth? My behavior in regard to Sam? Or Samantha? Or Lady Samantha? It was all truth. All me.”
“I wouldn’t proclaim that so proudly.” She clicked her tongue.
Before he could respond further, the dance ended.
“Can I take you for a walk in the garden?” His voice sounded hopeful.
“Perhaps another time.”
His face fell, but he managed to put on a smile before escorting her back to her grandmother. The bit of disappointment only served to solidify her decision to proposition him. First, she needed to determine how they would arrange a location for their encounters.
This would be a perfect situation for them both, and as she intended to keep her emotions out of it, nothing could go wrong.
Leaning back against his hand, Kenneth popped another cracker in his mouth. The picnic spread was finer than anything he’d had before. Brianna had outdone herself in her attempt to see him marry. Honestly, the attention from his friends’ wives was embarrassing. However, he’d grown too fond of them to mind overly.
“You are uncommonly quiet this afternoon,” Miss Doutree observed.
Giving her a half-smile, Kenneth tried to brighten his tone. “I’m sorry. I suppose my thoughts got away from me.”
“Why not just pick one?” Grace suggested, earning a confused look from both Kenneth and Miss Doutree.
“One of what?” he inquired.
Grace rolled her eyes. “The women. Brianna hand-selected all of them to come for you. Since I’ve attended dozens of events this Season, she grilled me mercilessly on the potential of each lady.”
“This entire gathering is for you?” Miss Doutree sounded surprised.
“Yes.” Grace drew her head up proudly. “Kenneth’s cousin, Catherine, is determined to see him wed. Since the viscountess and my sister are great friends, Brianna latched onto him as a problem she could solve.”
Hearing the marchioness’s determination made Kenneth groan. “All right. I shall select one now. Grace, Miss Doutree, will one of you marry me? We deal well together. I can’t promise the world, but I will make either of you happy to the best of my ability.”
As if it were a great jest, both women began laughing. Kenneth winced at their rejection. He should have known it wouldn’t be so easy.
Grace came to herself first. “I’m flattered, but I have certain qualifications for the man I marry. I’m sorry to say you don’t meet them all.”
“I’m honored to have been asked, but I’ll not tangle with fate. Besides, your heart belongs to another, and I want more than that,” Miss Doutree added.
Kenneth nodded. “Wise decision. You both deserve more than me.”
“True, but the same can be said for you. You deserve better than us.” Miss Doutree patted his arm. “Take your heart back, then give it to someone else. Someone who will treat it correctly.”
Unable to handle the pity in their eyes, Kenneth looked away. The sad thing was he believed Miss Doutree had the right of it. He had given his heart away, or rather lost it, to Samantha.
He missed her. He ached for her. He loved her.
“So,” Grace said, breaking through his painful thoughts. “Has anyone heard the latest gossip?”
“Not another scandal?” Miss Doutree shook her head as if saddened by the thought.
“An old one.” Grace leaned forward as if not wanting to bring attention to their conversation. “Lord Tarrington has returned.”
Kenneth rolled his eyes at the mention of the viscount again. Anger surged through him on behalf of the man. No one knew the particulars of his situation and had no right to judge.
“I’m sick of hearing all these scandals.” Kenneth’s voice came out harsher than he intended. “Half of the stories we hear, and shun our peers for, have not one ounce of truth. I wish someone would stick up for these poor souls and tell the entire truth of the matter.”
Sitting up straighter, Miss Doutree clasped her hands together. “Like a champion for the unfortunate who become prey to Society’s gossip? I love it.”
“No one is likely to take up that torch,” Grace offered.
Putting the ladies conversation from his mind, Kenneth scanned the crowd. He couldn’t help anyone, for he couldn’t even save himself.
Choosing a bride should be simple, but none of the women present could move him in any way. Then his eyes fell on Samantha. He’d been avoiding her, and the sight of her made his chest hurt.
She’d made her lack of interest in him clear, and he had no desire to pressure her into speaking to him. Her rejection gave him more pain than he cared to admit.
When her eyes met his, he told himself to turn away, but his head wouldn’t acquiesce to the command. She could deny him her presence, but she couldn’t ban him from looking.
To his surprise, she didn’t move out of his view as he expected. Instead, she sauntered toward him. He couldn’t stop himself from scanning the length of her lithe body as she approached. His heart sped up when she didn’t change her course.
Before she completely closed the distance between them, he jumped to his feet. The eagerness filling his body irritated him. Why did he have to feel so strongly about her?
“Good afternoon, Lady Samantha,” he greeted. “Would you care to join us?”
Her gaze took in the two ladies on the blanket, and she smiled. “Perhaps another time. I heard Lord Stonemede has a talent for gardening and boasts of having exotic species here. Would you be so kind as to show them to me?”
The urge to look behind him and confirm she spoke to him struck him. Why would Samantha want a walk now and not at the ball? Did she honestly care about plants? He hoped not. He didn’t know a damn thing about them.
Knowing he couldn’t refuse without explaining himself to the curious ladies watching them, he offered his arm. “I’d be happy to.”
As she took his arm, the smug smile on her lips made him regret agreeing. Did she believe she only needed to snap her fingers to have him at her disposal? He feared it was true, and he didn’t like that she knew it.
“Can you take me to see the plants farthest from the picnic? Over there? They look beautiful from a distance. I’d like to see them close up.”
“I can show you whichever flowers you prefer, but I know nothing about them, save their color.”
“That is all right. I didn’t ask you for a stroll to speak of the foliage.”
He straightened his back as he narrowed his eyes at nothing in particular. She must enjoy torturing him. He made the decision to leave her alone, but she wouldn’t do the same for him.
“Then what do you want of me?”
“There was a time when we were great friends.” Her voice sounded sad. “Do you think we can put the painful memories behind us and interact as we once did?”
Kenneth took in a long breath as he thought over the question. When all his petty concerns were removed, the truth remained. He wanted to be a part of her life in any way he could manage.
“I see no reason why we can’t try.”
“Perfect.” She put her free hand on his arm as she leaned in close. The contact seared him. “Now that we’re friends again, I need your help . . . or rather, I have a question for you.”
“All right.” His guard went up.
“I have decided to take on a lover.”
Missing his next step, he pulled his arm away from her and righted himself. She couldn’t have uttered a more surprising statement. Simply thinking of her in another man’s arms had rage pumping through him. Attempting to take control of his reaction, he faced her.
“You shouldn’t say things like that,” he growled, unable to get a handle on his anger.
“Why not?” Her brow wrinkled as if she honestly had no idea what her comment could do to her reputation. Or to him.
“Too many reasons for me to list. First of all, your grandmother. What would she think if she heard you say something like that?”
With a small smile on her lips, Samantha took his arm and resumed their stroll. He briefly wondered if she’d gone mad. Although she hadn’t been raised learning the strictures of London Society, surely taking on lovers wasn’t acceptable anywhere.
“I believe she would applaud me for grasping what I want. When we spoke of it the other day, she-”
“What?” He stopped again. “You spoke to your grandmother about taking on a lover?”
“Kenneth, if you don’t stop halting in your stride, questions will arise regarding the topic of our conversation.”
“Any sordid thought they have couldn’t come close to reality,” he defended himself, but he complied, knowing she spoke the truth.
“Now, considering our past, I decided to find out if you’re interested first.”
Closing his eyes for a few seconds, he tempered down the blood rushing to his head. She had come to him. What did that mean? Did she have feelings for him?
Suddenly struck by her words, he stopped walking again. First? How many did she intend to take on? Could he handle it if he wasn’t the only one?
Breathing became difficult as only one thought plagued him over and over. She didn’t believe he was good enough to marry, only to bed. His head hurt. Did she have any idea how this tore at him?
“Assuming I agree to this, where would we meet? How often? And when?”
She blushed as she ducked down her head. “I hadn’t thought of all that yet. However, at Berwick you were quite inventive with our locations. I thought you could find places here as well.”
“So you ask me to be your lover, and you expect me to do all the work? I assume you want this af
fair to be discreet and for me to prevent the possibility of a child as well.”
Looking down at the top of her head, Kenneth wanted to laugh. Surely she would see the difficulties in her decision and forget this plan. She, being a well-bred, sweet woman, should find herself a husband. Even if it wasn’t him, he wanted her to find happiness.
To his surprise, she straightened her shoulders and met his gaze. “You have a valid argument. I will request your silence, and I have no desire to bear a child. Beyond that, I ask for nothing from you but your body.”
He hardened with her words and husky voice. Although he desperately wanted her, he couldn’t give in. He wanted more from her than a few nights of pleasure. He wanted something she would never give. He wanted an impossible dream. Why did life have to be so cruel?
Kenneth sighed. “And if my answer is no?”
“Then I find another willing partner.”
Her eyes didn’t leave him. He saw determination and certainty within her. She wouldn’t stray from her course. Shaking his head, he knew he had no other option.
“Then I accept. However, you must agree to not take on any other lovers until we have both tired of one another.”
A slow smile broke out across her face. “That is a fair request. For our first encounter, I will seek you out at Lady Laramie’s ball.”
Chapter 12
The banging of a hammer woke Samantha up for the hundredth time that week. Then the noise continued to serenade her while she dressed and headed down for breakfast.
“Good morning, my dear,” her grandmother’s overly cheery voice greeted. “They are nearly done with the last gondola.”
“Is all this necessary?”
“Have you changed your mind regarding the Venice theme? The ball isn’t until tomorrow night. We still have time to change.”
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