“That was well done, John,” he nodded, looking up to meet Cynthia’s frown. “But I think we would be very rag-mannered to have your mother come all this way without offering her some refreshment.”
“I don’t need anything...” Cynthia started, wanting only to get the boys home, but he purposely turned to the hovering Evenson to forestall her.
“Evenson, do we have any more of those delightful cakes we had the other day?”
Evenson opened his mouth but John was shaking his head violently no. “I ... I believe they are all gone, sir, but I’m sure Monsieur Henri can find something else suitable for the lady.”
“Excellent.” Daniel offered Cynthia his arm. “Shall we?” She bit her lip—did all the Kinsles have that habit, he wondered?—and glanced around at the three upturned faces. He added his pleading look to theirs. I suppose there’s no harm in it, Cynthia thought with a sigh. “That would be very nice, Mr. Lewiston. Please lead the way.”
Daniel tried to ignore John’s look of triumph as he walked them into the house. He escorted them all down the long, twisting hall to the withdrawing room and murmured pleasantries while Evenson arranged for tea. It arrived a short while later along with a game of nine pins, which Evenson erected in the corner, nodding to Daniel to entertain the lady. It was nicely done, but somehow Daniel felt Evenson had gotten the easier end of the deal.
Cynthia sipped her tea slowly, glancing about the room.
It did not seem to have changed much from what she remembered. In fact, it was almost as if the room had been abandoned on the day she had eloped, so thick was the dust on nearly every surface, from the walnut credenzas on either side of the marble fireplace to the grouping of sofa and chairs in the center of the room to the farther corners of the polished wood floor. The corner the boys were playing in at least seemed to have been dusted, but she wondered if perhaps it had been by the seats of their pants. She took another sip of her tea, listening to the polished oak pins clatter to the base amidst the rise and fall of children’s voices. Across from her, Daniel offered her the kind of smile he used to use when she and his sisters had pulled a prank on him. She felt instantly contrite, lowering her cup to the silver tea tray.
“I’m so sorry the boys keep intruding on you, Daniel,” she told him. “It’s just that there’s so little to do at Kinsle House right now and...”
He held up a hand. “Please, Mrs. Jacobs, you mustn’t apologize. I asked you in to explain that I enjoy being with the boys. Please don’t ask them to stay away on my account.”
Cynthia stared at him, but his round face was earnest, his gray eyes sparkling, and his smile rather endearing. “You, you actually like them?”
His smile deepened. “Of course I like them. They’re intelligent, fun-loving, adventurous little jackanapes. I’ve always wanted brothers. I guess I’ll have to settle for nephews, and surrogate ones at that.”
Cynthia felt something thaw inside her. “You don’t know how good it makes me feel to hear someone praise them. They really are darling boys. If only Jonathan realized that.”
“Jonathan and Colonel Hathaway,” Daniel muttered, although he reached for his tea so quickly she wasn’t sure she’d heard him correctly.
Daniel took a sip of the tea to steady himself. He had been calling himself a coward for several days since his halfhearted attempt at courting her. Evenson reported that several of the eligible Wenwood bachelors had already been calling, making his chances even smaller. But each time he sent the boys home, he wondered if it would be the last time. Each time they left, the house seemed larger and more empty. And he was beginning to realize that the boys needed him as much as he needed them. There weren’t many men who would understand how it felt to be raised only by a mother. For all their sakes, he had to try again to get Cynthia to see him as a suitor.
A cheer went up from the bowlers, and Cynthia smiled at their enthusiasm. It took her only a second to realize that Daniel was sharing her smile. He really does like them, she thought, warmed more by his caring than by anything that had happened since Nathan’s death. Daniel seemed to have noticed her regard, for he paled and cleared his throat. “Mrs. Jacobs,” he began.
Cynthia couldn’t stand his nerves. She had obviously been overly stern in her dealings with him, and guilt smote her anew. “Daniel, please, you’ve known me since I was born. We grew up together. I know I was a dreadful child, always helping your sisters tease you, but I hope you can see I’ve grown beyond all that. You can call me by my first name. In fact, I wish someone would. It would be nice to remember I have a name other than ‘Mother.’ ”
Her speech only served to make him more nervous. She was being far too kind when he had expected resistance. It somehow made things more difficult. He adjusted his cravat self-consciously and swallowed again. Perhaps it was best to just get it out in the open. “Very well, Cynthia. I understand that you may be thinking of remarrying?”
Cynthia took a deep breath to keep from screaming in vexation. Not him, too! All her good intentions disappeared. “That, Daniel, is hardly your concern.”
Now, that was the Cynthia he expected. And she was entirely right. “Not normally, no,” he agreed with her. She looked so fierce that he was forced to take another fortifying sip of tea. Even she had to notice that his hand shook as he set down the cup. How could he be so craven? “Dash it all,” he exclaimed and was rewarded by a look of surprise. “I never could do anything right around you. Cynthia, if you must remarry, would it pain you too terribly to consider me as a candidate?”
She stared at him. This could not be happening. Daniel Lewiston, courting her? He could not be in love with her, not after having known her as the giddiest girl in the neighborhood. And it had been a very long time since she had thought of seriously considering anyone as a husband but Nathan. She shook her head and looked at him more closely. For the first time she didn’t see an overgrown version of the boy she had known, she saw a man. She could feel her own teacup start to tremble and set it hastily down. Then she noticed that he looked no more delighted with the matter. Sweat was beading on his upper brow, causing his dark hair to curl on his forehead. His gray eyes were stormy with emotion, but she’d have termed it fear rather than love. “You don’t really want to marry me, do you, Daniel?” she asked softly.
He inhaled slowly, focusing on her face. There had been a moment when a light seemed to shine in her eyes and at that moment he had been surprised to find that he very much wanted to marry her. But the moment had passed and he reminded himself that he was doing this for the boys. “I didn’t think I particularly wanted to marry anyone, at least not right now,” he replied truthfully. “But I’ve never been happier than the last two months since your boys arrived. I’d hate to lose them to someone who didn’t even care about them. Not that you’d marry that sort, but sometimes widows don’t have the luxury of choosing. I just wanted you to know that if you must marry, I’d be proud to be the boys’ father.”
Tears welled behind Cynthia’s eyes, and she looked hastily away from his kind face. “Thank you, Daniel. I don’t think you can know what that means to me. It’s very kind of you.”
“Kind, but not wanted,” he murmured. She couldn’t meet his gaze. “Cynthia, are you already in love with someone?”
She shook her head, blinking the tears away. “No, no, of course not. I don’t want to get married any more than you do.” She glanced up in time to see him start.
“Then why...” he began, but his brow cleared suddenly. “John was right. Jonathan can’t keep you.”
Embarrassed, Cynthia held out her hand in entreaty. “Please don’t let anyone know. Nathan tried to take care of us. He always brought enough money home from his trips to see us through a year or two. He was hoping this last trip would put him in a position to share in prize money. It also put him in more danger. When he was killed in battle, I was sure there would be something put aside for us in his belongings, but the Admiralty swears there was nothing. Jonathan will do wh
at he can for us, I’m sure. It’s just that three growing boys...”
Daniel nodded in understanding. “Then we should marry.”
“Well, I like that,” Cynthia exclaimed, drawing back in surprise.
“Don’t I have something to say in this matter?” He had the good sense to look abashed. “I’m sorry if I seem to be making decisions for you, but can’t you see our marriage would be for the best? This place is huge, I’ve got plenty of blunt with nothing useful to spend it on, and truth be told I think I’ve always been lonely. Don’t you see—we both get what we need.”
It was quite logical. She could see that. Jonathan and his sisters would be delighted with the match—in fact, one of the reasons she had teased him so unmercifully when they were younger was that their parents kept insisting he would one day offer for her. Sometimes she thought she had just been building up an excuse as to why he wouldn’t offer. But now he had offered, and if she accepted him, the boys would have a father, one who would dote on their every act, and a steady, reliable source of income. It was perfect for the boys and for Daniel. But would it be perfect for her?
She smiled politely at him. “You’ve given me a great deal to think about, Mr. Lewiston.”
He raised an eyebrow. “Mr. Lewiston? I was just plain Daniel at the start of this conversation. Have I been demoted for my audacity?”
“No,” she laughed. “I’m sorry, Daniel. It’s just that this is a very serious decision. I need time to think.”
“Take all the time you like,” he replied, returning her smile. Another cheer went up from the bowlers. “Just so long as you allow them to keep coming by while you do it.”
SIX
For the next week, she thought. She thought on long walks through the Kinsle/Lewiston fields while the boys were studying with Tims. She thought while she sat up rocking Adam to sleep. She especially thought every time the boys disappeared to Daniel’s house. The logic of his proposal seemed flawless. The benefits to him and the boys were numerous. The benefits to her were not inconsiderable.
Daniel had made it plain that he would take an active part in raising the boys. While she could not gainsay Nathan’s love for his sons, his voyages, which usually kept him away from them for eighteen months or longer, made it impossible for him to help raise them. A part of her couldn’t wait to share the burden. And a very selfish part of her couldn’t wait to live in a house with servants at her beck and call. She could not say she was sorry about never having to darn another sock, never having to plead with the authorities for money, never having to cook her own dinner from food that was barely fit to eat in any circumstance. She could have fine clothes again, someone to fix her hair, a rose garden! And the boys would have the schooling that befitted gentlemen.
And what would she have to give up to provide this life of luxury for herself and her sons? Every time she reached that point in the argument she found herself shivering. Nathan may not have been home much, but the eleven months in total they had spent together had given her a pretty good idea of what daily life was supposed to be like between husband and wife. She had run away with Nathan because she was madly in love. She could not make the same claim about Daniel, for all that she admired his character. Could she be intimate with a man for whom she held no romantic feelings? And if she found that prospect daunting, did that give her the right to deprive her children of such an opportunity?
As far as she could see, the only way to settle the matter was to explain her concerns to Daniel. Her courage failed her twice before she forced herself to accompany the boys on one of their visits to the Lewiston estate. Evenson answered the boys’ knock and escorted them with proper solemnity through the house to the back garden, where, he explained, Daniel was overseeing the replanting of a hedge that had been damaged in a spring storm. She tried not to let the deference shown her and the boys influence her determination to get answers to her questions, but when Daniel was so obviously glad to see them and quite willing to listen to her, she found it even more difficult to begin.
“Now then,” he smiled when he had led her to a secluded stone bench away from the gardeners but within earshot of the scampering boys, “what can I do for you?”
She could smell the nearby rose gardens. It ought to have been a good omen, but she felt as nervous as he had looked the day he had proposed. “I’ve given a great deal of consideration to your proposal,” she told him. “And there are several issues we must discuss before I can give you my answer.”
Daniel wasn’t sure whether to be alarmed or pleased that she was taking him seriously at last. He changed his smile to a solemn look. “Of course. Please continue.”
She took a deep breath and plunged in. “First, I realize that you are proposing this marriage for my sons’ welfare. I think you should understand that this is a long-term proposition. They will need to be sent to school, to be assured a place in the world. They would be assured a much greater place if you were to adopt them. I do not think their father would have objected.” It was a great deal to ask, and she knew it. But it would show her whether his intentions toward her sons were sincere.
“I would be honored to have them become Lewistons,” Daniel replied warmly, relieved that the issue had been so easily resolved. “With your permission, I’ll have the papers drawn up before we are married, and we can sign them on our wedding day. I will also have my will changed for your review, leaving everything to them.”
“Oh, my,” she gasped at the enormity of his gesture. “Daniel, I wouldn’t dream...”
“I would,” he smiled. “They’ll be my sons, after all.”
“Yes, I suppose they would.” She sat for a moment, stunned.
Somehow, he didn’t think that was all there was to it. “Was there anything else?” he prompted.
Cynthia blinked. “Yes, but it is much more difficult to discuss.”
He leaned back on the bench. The day was warm and sunny, he could hear birds singing in the trees of the garden, and he was moments away from becoming a father. “I am at your disposal.”
She rose and paced, making him feel a little less sanguine about his chances. She seemed to realize how nervous she looked, for she forced herself to be seated beside him on the bench. “I think you know that I ran away with Nathan Jacobs because I adored him. You and I have a different relationship. I like to think we are ... friends?”
He nodded. “Certainly. And partners for the boys’ wellbeing.”
“Yes.” She tried to take strength from his calm demeanor, but her palms were sweating within her gloves. “I hope you will understand, then, that I am somewhat reluctant to resume a wifely role?” She looked at him pleadingly.
So, he’d make an excellent father even though she couldn’t bear the thought of him as a husband. That was really the heart of the matter. He couldn’t compete with the dashing Nathan Jacobs when the man was alive, and he didn’t seem to be able to compete with him now that he was dead. Yet, if she could be so forthright about her feelings, so could he.
“You’ve had more experience being a wife than I have being a husband,” he replied. “But isn’t marriage supposed to be about more than simply caring for children?”
He hadn’t meant it as a criticism of her first marriage, but she obviously took it so. “Nathan and I shared a bond that went far beyond our children,” she told him haughtily. “Did you expect me to immediately form such a bond with the first eligible bachelor who proposed?”
He refrained from pointing out how quickly she seemed to have formed the bond with Nathan, leaving family and friends behind for nearly ten years. “Of course not. But if you put constraints on our marriage, will you keep that bond from ever forming?”
She got up and walked to the edge of the hedge. This was not how she wanted this conversation to go. She had loved Nathan, would always love Nathan. For all that Daniel was gentler, more forthright, and much more dependable, he had not captured her heart. “I’m sorry, Daniel,” she murmured. “But I’m simply not
ready to be so intimate.”
She had not said it, but he seemed to hear the word “yet” echoing after her declaration. He could also hear the boys calling in the greenery and tried to remind himself again that he was doing this for their sakes, after all. He had no right to assume that Cynthia would be his reward. But if she were here, with him, would he have a chance at winning her heart? The desire to do so was suddenly overwhelming.
“I understand completely,” he lied, doing his best to keep his usual smile in place. “Please, Cynthia, let me assure you that I did not make that proposal to put you into any kind of compromising situation. If you wish our marriage to be platonic, I will honor your request. But you must not ask me to give up hope that one day you will change your mind.”
She wasn’t sure why that frightened her, but it did. She glanced back at him. He was smiling warmly and the sunlight glinted off the rich mahogany of his hair. He looked even more innocent than her sons. But if he was plotting mischief, it would be more dangerous to her than anything her sons tried. If Daniel succeeded, she would lose her heart again. She wasn’t sure she’d ever be ready.
She heard John call to James and Adam and forced her fears aside. The man was being more than generous in agreeing to all her terms. What did she have to complain about?
“Very well, then, Daniel,” she replied with a bright smile. “I accept your proposal. I will marry you.”
They were married two weeks later in the church in Wenwood, Daniel having procured a license from the local bishop. A pleased Jonathan hosted a wedding breakfast at Kinsle House, then Cynthia, the boys, and their assorted belongings were packed into the carriage and trundled down the drive, around the bend, and up the road to the Lewiston estate.
The boys ran laughing into the hall when they arrived, their voices echoing to the hammered beams a full story above their heads. Daniel knew they had already begun to see the house as their home, but he still detected a change in their attitudes, as if they had suddenly been set free in a new world. They wanted to explore and touch and demand an explanation for everything from the Tompion marquetry clock in the library to the gilt-framed Lawrence painting of his Great-aunt Chloe upstairs in the portrait gallery. In following them from room to room, he had to admit he had never realized what a fascinating house he had.
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