by S. N. Garza
“Don’t. I don’t want to marry. I don’t want any of that.”
“But-
“No buts Gram. It’s just not happening. Besides, his life is here, mine is in Georgia. There’s nothing but bad memories here for me.”
Gram sighed and I could tell she wasn’t going to give up. “Adelaide, you know you can tell me anything baby-girl. I would never judge you. Or think any different of you. Grant-
“Gram. Drop it please. I told you, I would tell you when we got home. This isn’t my home,” I stood up, not being able to sit still any longer. My hands were gesturing wildly as I spoke. “I can’t live here. I hate being here. I am grateful for being able to see Uncle Chet, Aunt Maggie and JR. God, even Courtland, but this isn’t my home. It never will be. I for sure as hell don’t see him packing up and moving out there. He just finished building his home. It would never happen. While I’m here, it’s only having fun. Nothing more. Just-”
“Sex?”
“AH!” I started walking away towards my room. I went inside and slammed the door behind me. Yes, it was just sex, but I didn’t want her thinking I was that girl.
Shit. Galveston.
I need to go back out there. I knew I needed to apologize for being so bitchy and throwing a tantrum.
Sigh. Turning around, I whipped open the door and went back to the sofa. I dropped myself on it and threw my face in my hands.
“Sorry Gram. I didn’t mean to throw a bitch fit. I acted childish and I took it out on you. I’m sorry. However, my love life isn’t here nor there. Courtland did ask if we wanted to go to Galveston tomorrow. Are you up for some fun in the sun?”
“No need to apologize. You’re a grown woman. And yes, that would be lovely. I don’t have a suit but I wouldn’t want to wear one anyway. Did you bring yours?”
“Eh, no. But Courtland volunteered to get me one. Don’t say anything. The man is completely caveman. I don’t see why he doesn’t just drag me by my hair, back to his lair.”
Chuckling, Gram patted my shoulder, “Oh baby-girl, those are the best kind.”
“Not funny.”
We got everything talked over and I pleaded tiredness and I escaped to my room. I replayed the day in my brain. Besides the tension between Courtland and me sometimes, it was a great day. The panel went great and the fun me and Courtland had in here was beyond words. I can’t believe I let him take me like that. I didn’t let guys do oral. I wonder if he wanted me to reciprocate. Could I do that? Did I want to?
I really liked looking at him. With clothes or without. He had such an amazing body. Did I have the courage? I don’t think he’d care if I did. I knew guys liked that stuff. I did trust him. That never has changed. Even when he left, I knew he was a good man, then and now. Even with my nightmare the night before, ugh. I don’t know. If I didn’t know, could I do it? Day by day, Addy ole girl. Don’t think about it.
I really did like touching him though. Maybe if I did it slowly and had him keep his hands to himself. I knew he wouldn’t hurt me, but for my own peace of mind, it might be okay. For goodness sakes, he kept the shell necklace I made him for his twentieth birthday. That doesn’t sound like a guy who wouldn’t care. Right? Maybe I’ll make it my goal. Doctor Gillian was all about me making progress. I don’t think this would be really one of them, and I knew she wouldn’t tell me to give a guy a blow job to get over my fears but dammit, sometimes I really just wanted to be like other women. Having hot, sexy fun with a hot, sexy-schmexy guy. And that barbell. That Prince Albert piercing was hot. Definitely gave me ideas for a book idea. I really enjoyed him doing that to me. I don’t know if I would let anyone else get that close to me but I knew he was different. The trust was just, there. It might have taken me a bit to relax but when I did, I really enjoyed it. His tongue did things a penis never could and it was so vitalizing and I must say, seriously fucking hot. Even now, I could feel the blush creeping in my cheeks. It was really an experience. One I might not mind having repeated.
Laughing to myself, I changed into one of my long nightshirts and plopped on the bed, remembering how he took me to orgasm with just his mouth. I closed my eyes for a moment before I heard my phone vibrate with a new text message.
Courtland: Everything okay? Did she say yes?
Me: Yes. We’ll B ready @ 10. No suit 4 her. Hey, why not invite JR?
Courtland: ha-ha. Okay. Sure. I’ll ask him. He just dumped his girlfriend.
Me: Do NOT pick out something skanky 4 my suit either Courtland. I will hurt U.
Courtland: HAHA! Never anything like that. But I will enjoy the view. ;)
Me: smh…
Courtland: Whatcha doin?
Me: Laying down about to write a little b4 sleeping.
Courtland: Laying down? Hmm. Sounds hot. You gonna write naked?
Me: U R WEIRD
Courtland: I might be weird but you so totally thought about me naked right then huh?
Me: Of course not! That’s ridiculous.
Courtland: You totally just did though right? That’s what I’m thinking about.
And because I couldn’t resist the backfire for that response, I texted back with-
Me: UR thinking abt urself naked?
Courtland: HA. You’re funny. No actually I’m jerking off.
Oh. My. God! But-
Me: How?! Really?
Courtland: Stop thinking about my dick. It’s making me super hard. And of course not. How could I write back?
Total Ass.
Me: Asshat.
Courtland: Ha. But I’m your asshat. So I’ll be there 10 sharp. Be ready for awesome ass fun babe.
Me: Yeah, yeah. Sure.
Courtland: Dream sweet Adelaide. Dream of me.
Me: :/ Y don’t U dream of me?
Courtland: I always do.
How did I respond to that?
I didn’t. I left it at that. I didn’t want anything big or special to happen between us. I was only spending the week here. This week was about meeting fans and other authors. Fun. If I was gonna be with Courtland, that’s all it would be too. Just fun. I didn’t know how to reply back to that.
He always dreamt of me? I mean, honestly? I doubt he’s been thinking about me very much over the last ten years. He’s been so busy. Marines took about eight of them. I knew he wasn’t celibate. I hadn’t been either. I never thought about him in any other way but best friends when I was a young girl. Too much horrific shit happened that I didn’t even want to date. The thought about kissing or touching a guy freaked me out sometimes.
The only time I felt anything remotely normal was when I was with Courtland and JR. And Aunt Maggie. She always had been a hugger. JR wasn’t overly affectionate, but he always had a tender smile and usually gave me a one arm hug. Sometimes, it had seemed as if he knew I didn’t like being touched by anyone. I did avoid a lot of stuff like that. When people got to close, especially guys, or if someone grabbed me a certain way, by my arm or wrist. Memories would flood back to when Geoff would grab me like that before he took his hurt to a new level. I would feel an inky black sensation, like spider legs, creep under my skin. I usually would end up running to the nearest restroom, dry heaving or vomiting whatever I had eaten.
Courtland though? Hmm. He never really ever made any kind of physical approach. Not even a hand shake. He usually nodded at me. Except for that night. I had raced right into his arms and he let me. He wrapped me in his beautifully strong embrace. I never felt safer than when I was with him. For some reason, Courtland always seemed like a big, bad, rough’n’tough type guy, but with me, he was a big ole teddy bear. He was such a gentleman. Always opening doors for me. Paid when JR, me and him went out. Well, JR paid for his own, but I had noticed Courtland had always taken care of my portion of the bill. He was just that kinda guy. I knew he paid when he took other girls out, but I knew they usually always ended up putting out for him. He was such a ladies man. Or so the rumors around town said. Women of all ages, would praise how hot he was in the sack, bu
t then sometimes they would be total slore’s when they said, that’s all a guy like him would be good for.
I had made the mistake once in defending him. Somehow, it got back to Geoff and I paid dearly for it. So I kept my mouth shut. Even though I hated what they said. He was a great guy and any of them would be lucky to have him. I mean, he turned into my best friend. We hung out a lot. With JR always there, because they were best friends. I knew he had a shit life before coming to Granville and had turned all that into something positive and worthwhile. We went bowling, to the movies. He even took me roller skating. He looked so silly in roller skates. He was so tall and bulky, he looked so out of place, but it had been so much fun. Not that I ever told Geoff what we did. I knew he didn’t like me going out around town. He would accuse me of trying to get attention, trying to tell people about what he was doing to me. But I never did. I didn’t tell a soul.
Thinking about that, I knew it was a stupid move. I should have told someone. Although there was some truth in what he had said, who would believe me when he was a pastor? This small town looked up to him as if he were some great voice. Like he had all the answers. Answers to being a self-righteous son of a bitch. He was a son of an actual bitch. I figured that her husband must have beat the shit out of her or had to have damaged her in some way for him to be so malicious. Uncle Chet is his opposite, in every way. Never had a mean word to say about anyone and always giving. I often wondered why he didn’t end up being a Pastor. He took such great care of Aunt Maggie and raised JR to be such a great guy. Whenever the whole family got together, Uncle Chet would try to be the voice of reason when my parents and I got into it. I was just ‘rebelling’. Whatever. That always made me roll my eyes. Not in front of them of course. Those last few years here, I had really closed into myself. Except when I was around JR and Courtland. Chet Jr always had a way of making me laugh. He was such a cowboy. He had been going to the University of Houston for agriculture. I figured he would take up after Uncle Chet, but he now worked in an oil refinery. So I honestly didn’t know what he went to school for.
That didn’t leave much to do about helping his dad with his horses. But then again, I’ve been gone for so long who knows what was going on. Maybe I should ask him about it tomorrow. Hopefully he’ll come tomorrow. I would love to see him, He had been such a great friend and cousin growing up. Even when he had gotten into girls, he always made sure to leave some time to take me fishing down by his family’s creek or just giving me the time of day. I was such a lonesome girl. Most kids my age, even though they thought I was nice, they still didn’t hang around me much. I was too nice. If they did something bad, they thought I would tell dad and get them in trouble.
Susie was and is my only friend that’s a girl. Besides the female authors I’ve met, none of them knew the real me and what my life had been like. Neither does Susie, but her bubbly affection and constant happiness overshadowed the darkness in my life. That’s a reason I was so attached to her. She just could lift a person’s spirit just by talking to her or being near her. She was a spit fire. Wasn’t the clingy, naïve type. Not that I could tell. She just seemed so vital that at that age that I wanted to just be near her. We had become such great friends in such a short amount of time.
When I moved to Hankerton, I had nothing. I had no way of paying for college even if I wanted to. I didn’t have a job, nothing. When I got there and my grandparents welcomed me with open arms, I told them I wanted to find a job. Since I didn’t have a car, I rode the bus around the small town and there wasn’t much to do except waitress. So I got hired on at the local Chili’s Bar and Grill. I was able to take the neighborhood bus before and after my shifts. Gram had told me if I wanted, she would drive me, but I really wanted to learn how to do things on my own. I never had any type of freedom and I was desperately needing that. To be my own person.
I really wanted to go to college. I loved writing in high school, I learned how to just make believe a lot since my home life was nothing but crap in my eyes so I started writing down my hopes and dreams. In which, turned into short stories. My senior English teacher had noticed this and asked if she could look at it and since I had nothing to hide, I gave it to her. I had been writing off and on for a month and I had about fifty pages written. The next class, she said I had a real knack for writing and that I should really pursue that as my major in college. So that had become my dream. After that summer, and I knew I would find a way to leave, I really wanted to do that. Become an author. I saved up what I could those first six months in Hankerton and I was able to start taking classes.
It was my second week, walking in the line to order my lunch before my class when the girl behind me was talking on the phone. She sounded so bubbly and energetic. I wished that was me. I had just started therapy at my grandparent’s suggestion and my moods would swing from dark to normal. I was thinking that day was a dark one, because I really wanted to turn and tell her to take her positivity and move on. I knew there was a dark fury above my head and I had no idea what I was supposed to do to get this girl to stop being so happy.
She finally got off the phone, and when it came my turn to order, I was thankful for the small silence so I could concentrate.
When I ordered the bacon, egg and cheese sandwich, (yeah, it was totally midday but I loved me a BEC sammitch any time of day) and just when the counter lady was ringing me up, the happy-go-lucky girl behind me chimed in, “I’ll take the same!”
I cringed at her squeaky voice. I turned, full head on glare and said, “Excuse me, but I was ordering.”
“Hi, I’m Susan, but everyone calls me Susie. Don’t worry,” she turned to the clerk and spoke, “go ahead and add another, I’m buying.” Then she turned back to me and said, “I saw you huddle up closer so you wouldn’t have to hear my conversation with my snarky older brother. Sorry about that. He’s a real pain, so I try to annoy him with all my cheerfulness. Let’s sit down together for lunch. I’ve only lived here in the states for a few years, and I don’t have many friends. We totally have the same tastes in food. We should be friends.”
Whoa. I had no clue a girl could talk so much in one breath. She did seem really nice and I didn’t have anything else better to do before my classes, so I agreed and sat down with her. She then just started talking about her life in Germany and how growing up there was so very different than anything she imagined anything here would be like. Her dad being in the Army, and falling in love with a woman there. Then she said the weirdest thing as we got up and throwing our empty containers in the waste bin.
“I have a really good feeling about you Adelaide. We’re gonna be awesome friends. I can see it in your eyes chicka. Let’s swap numbers, I’ll text you later and maybe we can meet up!”
I never thought I’d befriend a girl that was my total opposite, but somehow her saying we would be awesome friends made me hope we would be.
∞
And we still are.
Getting comfortable in the bed, I set my head down on the pillow and put the alarm on my phone. Before hitting the hay, I prayed for only good dreams, or none at all.
I did dream though. It was all of Courtland and how every time he kissed me, I swooned. Every touch I melted for him. I didn’t want it to end. I woke up with a smile on my face and couldn’t wait to see him.
Fourteen
Courtland
After I had dropped her off, I headed down to the nearest SEARS before they closed. Within thirty minutes to spare, I got two lounge beach chairs, a huge ass umbrella and then to pick out something for Adelaide to wear. I only looked briefly, and I skimmed through all the one pieces.
I scoffed thinking about her in a one piece bathing suit. I really didn’t want anyone else to go sniffing around her. I knew I was being a total caveman about shit but thinking about another man looking and leering at Addy was making my hackles raise and want to mark her as mine yet again.
I’ve always had a one track mind. When I had it stuck in my brain, I stuck with it and
never let go. Like a dog with a bone. I gave up thinking I should confront her about the letter. It really wasn’t anything to me anymore.
Scanning the bikinis, I didn’t like anything they had. Ugh. The one pieces looked too innocent. I didn’t like the tank top thingies with the shorts either. A sales woman came up to me and asked me what I was looking for.
“Is there anything specific you want for your wife?”
My wife? Why else would a man be shopping for swimsuits in the women’s section? I didn’t correct her and just went with it.
“She’s curvy, but I know she wouldn’t like a bikini, I don’t like those tank things, and a one piece is too juvenile. I want her to be covered, but not covered. I know it’s confusing. Sorry. She doesn’t have a bathing suit and I sprung a trip to the beach on her.”
“That’s so romantic. Wish my husband would do things spur of the moment like that sometimes.”
I didn’t really know how to respond, so I just gave her what women had told me was my ‘smolder’ look. The look that no woman could resist.
“Alright handsome, I think I have just the thing.” She walked through a few rows and held up a one piece but the sides were cut out. The print was a rainbow of colors. “This animal print is cute but sexy. It covers but lets her tan if she wants by unzipping this right here.” She was pointing out all the different ways she could wear the suit and I had already made the decision to get it. “Like you want, it’ll cover all the good parts well and still let her feel feminine and sexy with the back missing.”