“How can you predict the outcome?” he countered.
If she wanted to have this conversation, he’d give her every reason he could think to give them a modicum of a chance.
“Why did you come back here?” he asked. “Considering what happened earlier?”
“Because if we didn’t talk now, you would have barged into my home demanding answers tomorrow morning. And I hate mornings.”
He couldn’t argue with her on that because that was exactly what he would have done.
“So you’re simply humoring me?”
“Not precisely.”
He looked at her for a long moment. They needed to come to an agreement on how to carry his plan forward, because, by God, he would not let her turn him off this idea.
“I can’t stand by and watch as you court and marry another man. In fact, I refuse to do any such thing.”
She reached for one of his hands across the table and squeezed it. “You are my best friend. You’ve stuck by my side when half the ton was divided on whether or not they should welcome me with open arms or shun me for something they deemed inappropriate. If we were to marry, everything that we have built over the last eight years could very well crumble around us.”
“You only assume our relationship will change because you lived through a horrendous marriage.” He clasped both her hands in his, needing to touch her, never wanting to let go of her. “Trust me when I say it won’t be like that for us.”
“Men change when they can no longer cat about Town, bedding whom they wish whenever they wish. You’ll eventually find a young wife that can give you everything you need. But if you ask me to play the role of wife…” She shook her head and slid her hands from his. “I don’t want to be responsible for changing the man you are. I would never forgive myself.”
It was unbelievable that she was arguing this point with him. “Do you even recall my last mistress?”
“The redheaded one?” Should it surprise him that she did remember? “I saw her onstage recently, but for the life of me, I cannot recall her name.”
Hayden grasped both of Jez’s arms and lifted her from her chair till they were face-to-face over the table. “Are you so blind, Jez?”
She blinked at him, confused.
His mistress had filled a void more than a year ago. It had been an on-again, off-again relationship for years, but it didn’t take long for that particular woman to realize she was filling the role for the woman he could not have. When they’d split off once and for all, he’d not found anyone else. He hadn’t wanted anyone else. None of them were Jez. No one could even come close to comparing.
Instead of explaining himself, he planted his lips against Jez’s. If she wouldn’t listen to reason, perhaps she would listen to action. She did soften in his hold, going so far as to lean in close enough that the upper halves of their bodies came together over the small table dividing them.
But his victory was fleeting, and before long she pulled out of his hold and walked over to the window to look out onto the darkened street.
“I’m sorry.” He’d acted too soon.
“Stop saying that when we both know you’re not sorry in the least.”
“Believe me, Jez, if I could act rationally around you, I would.”
He came up behind her, standing close enough that the heat of their bodies mingled as he rested his chin atop her head.
“Can you not consider the idea that we might be right for each other?”
“And what if I lose you in the process?”
His arms went around her waist. She didn’t fight his touch this time, allowing him the small liberty.
“Have you ever asked yourself why you’ve always been cautious with me? Could it be that I’m more set in my ways than Leo and Tristan? And I’m always the sound of reason when reason seems far from everyone else’s thoughts. But think about it, Jez; where they might be brothers to you, I’ve never played that role.
“Leap with me this once. Trust me. You’ve never known me to lose a challenge. You’ve never known me to act rashly. I assure you I’ve had plenty of time to think this through and I know in my heart that we are right for each other.”
He coaxed her to turn in his arms; she complied. Once she faced him, her head tilted back, her eyes searched his, searching for answers and the truth of his words, he thought. How he wanted to ask her what she really saw.
“It’s not in my nature to trust a man with something like this.”
“You know I’m nothing like Fallon.”
“Do I? Because aside from our friendship, I certainly do not know what kind of man you are with your paramours or lovers.”
He brushed his thumb over her lips, wanting to dip his head and taste her mouth again. “You know me better than you think, Jez. I wouldn’t dare hurt you.”
Patience was the name of this game. He’d not frighten her off now that she was willingly in his arms discussing the possibility of a future that involved them.
“It’s the best solution to your current circumstance.”
“How romantic.” She rolled her eyes and glanced away from him.
“And finding rich gentlemen on your evenings out is any more so?” He couldn’t keep bitter sarcasm from tainting his voice.
When she didn’t answer him he lifted her chin, forcing her to face him again.
To hell with it, he thought. Why wait when he needed her just as much as she needed him?—even if she wasn’t ready to admit that.
He lowered his mouth in slow increments, giving her plenty of opportunity to pull away, to stop him in any fashion she might deem appropriate in her moment of vulnerability.
Their lips melded, his lips parted and tasted hers. Their kiss was like fresh honey drizzled over warm bread. And the bear he was, he couldn’t pull away now that he was tasting the sweetest nectar life had ever offered him. When she relaxed into the kiss, he delicately traced her lips with his tongue.
Any fight left in her dissipated as she stood on her toes to better reach his mouth. The press of her soft breasts met his chest as the palms of her hands rested over his shoulders. Incrementally, she pressed her body tighter against his. With his arms wrapped around her small waist he held her with a reverence that belied the desperation clawing at him to claim her as his own.
In returning his kiss she proved that she wanted more between them. He would not let her insecurities or her stubbornness stand in the way of their future.
She would be his bride.
Releasing his hold at her waist, now that he knew she wouldn’t flee, he placed the palms of his hands on either side of her face. Her skin was as soft as the silk that made up a butterfly’s wings. And while she was not so delicate as that, he wanted to show her a gentleness she’d never been shown before.
Their kiss deepened, their tongues danced lazily as they explored this unfamiliar side of each other.
As she lowered her feet back to the carpeted floor they both opened their eyes and stared at each other without words. Was there anything they could say? There was no denying that this was the right thing for them.
That kiss could never be called a mistake.
“Hayd—”
His finger pressed against her parted lips. “Unless you agree to marry me, I think we should part on the highlight of the evening without further questions, assumptions, or denials.”
She did not argue. “You’re right. I should go home.”
Even though he wanted her to stay the night so he could take his time exploring every facet of her, he nodded his agreement. When she thought through their night would she try to convince herself that what they had was still wrong? He didn’t think so.
“I’ll walk you home.”
They gathered her jacket and his hat and cane at the door. Taking her arm, he strolled through the clear night with her. It wasn’t overly late by any means; it was only an hour past midnight, in fact, and the streets seemed bustling.
“What are your plans for tomorrow?”
he asked.
“You know I have nothing planned for the foreseeable future. And we’ll have to wait till September to enjoy any more balls, since the season is officially done.”
“I’ll call around eleven. We can take a turn around the park.”
“That sounds lovely.”
Looking around them, he didn’t recognize anyone who would note his late-night stroll with Jessica, so he pulled her to a stop and turned her around to face him. He would see her expression as he told her this was only the beginning for them.
“There is nothing you can say to stop me from pursuing this.”
“My mind cannot be made up overnight.”
He smiled. How could he not when she was admitting there was more than friendship and all she was asking for was time to adjust to the idea? He’d give her some time, but he would not wait overly long.
“You can’t string me along like you have so many gentlemen in the ton.” He ran his forefinger down the side of her jaw, before pulling away and turning them to walk again. Lingering was dangerous, because he wanted to sweep her up in his arms and do things no gentleman should do in public. “I’ll not be led on a merry chase, Jez.”
“And the more you push this when I’m not ready the more I’ll resist. That’s simply my nature,” she responded.
And didn’t he know that to be the truth.
With her hand on his arm, she pulled him to a stop and looked around his shoulder to the darkened streets surrounding them.
“What is it?” he asked as he glanced from face to face that passed them.
She shook her head and walked with him at a hurried pace. “I thought I saw someone.”
“Who?” He searched the area but saw no one he knew. There were few people of note out at this hour, only a few familiar faces stumbling home from gaming hells and other less-reputable places. And most were too far into their cups to take note of him and Jez.
Her gaze didn’t stop searching their general vicinity, so he kept his eyes to the shadows, looking for what she might have seen.
It was easy to disappear in the night when only gas lamps and the stars illuminated the street. “I thought someone was following us. I was mistaken.”
“Who did you think it was?”
“No one. My imagination is playing tricks on my tired mind.”
He let her drop the topic for the time being.
“I expect to see you bright and early in the morning, Jez. Your days of hiding yourself from society are long gone.”
She gave him a small smile as he walked her up the front stairs of her townhouse.
“Until tomorrow,” she said, looking at him expectantly.
Though most of those around on the street weren’t worthy of their notice, there were still too many eyes to dare kiss her good night. Instead of leaning forward like he wanted to do, he brought her hands to his mouth and kissed the inside of one of her wrists. Her mouth parted, tempting him to lean in closer and take more than that small liberty. Not tonight. He released her instead of indulging further.
As he strolled toward home he was diligent in watching those around him. Perhaps it was Jez’s overactive imagination earlier. But one could never be too safe.
* * *
Jessica wasn’t sure why she’d indulged his request, but now that she had, she had so many questions she needed answered. And the only way to get the answers she needed was to continue in the game of hearts she was playing with Hayden.
Marrying someone for his fortune was one thing, taking that step with her dearest friend…?
It seemed ludicrous, frightening, but oddly like this was the right direction she’d always been headed in—she just hadn’t realized it before now.
She pressed her back against the entrance door and closed her eyes. Fingers curled around the necklace he’d given her, she exhaled a long breath she hadn’t realized she’d been holding since she’d closed the door behind her.
What was she doing? What would she ruin in the process of pursuing her feelings … her desires?
She turned and pressed her forehead against the cool surface of the door. There was a soft knock on the other side. Her breath caught. Could it be Hayden? Dare she open the door without really knowing? What if she hadn’t been mistaken earlier and she had seen Miller? Really, it could have been no more than a passing face on the dark streets of London. But it had struck a familiar chord in her and had drawn her attention so completely that she wanted to trust her instincts.
She waited for another knock at the door. None came. Shaking her head at her own folly, she turned toward the stairs and headed to her bedchamber.
Once she’d removed her dress and the last of her hairpins, she turned down the bedding. When her chamber door pushed open she turned to give Louise instructions for tomorrow. Jessica came to a halt on seeing Hayden standing in the threshold, removing his tall hat and staring at her as if she were the last image he’d behold.
Her voice chose that moment to abandon her. Words weren’t needed when he came into her room, tossed his hat to the chaise, and let the snick of the door closing fill the silence.
It was obvious neither knew what to expect of the other, for Hayden stood just inside the door while she stared at him in a kind of wonderment and expectation.
Who should make the next move? What did each expect of the other?
Would they regret any of their actions come morning? She most definitely would, but that didn’t stop her from taking a few tentative steps toward him.
She hadn’t asked him to leave for one reason alone: they both wanted to know the answer to one conundrum:
What if?
What if this was the right thing for them? On the other hand, they might very well be a terrible fit and the marriage proposal nothing more than a passing joke they could laugh about in their old age.
There were far too many questions she wanted answers to. So many questions neither of them could ask when it seemed they were both beyond speech.
Reaching for his shoulders, she pushed his jacket off. Hayden assisted when the material caught at his elbows. Jacket removed, he caressed his hand down the side of her face before tugging on one of the curls at her temple.
Doubt filled her when she realized that she hadn’t a clue what he expected of her tonight. Fallon had simply taken whatever he wanted whether she wanted the same or not. Her expression must have given light to her sudden discomfort, because Hayden’s hand dropped away.
Though she missed his touch immediately, she didn’t voice her dissatisfaction. She didn’t want to ruin the moment.
“I won’t ask for more than you are willing to give. Tell me to stay the night, Jess.”
“You wouldn’t want to—” She couldn’t finish her question, but she couldn’t help but glance toward the bed.
He moved closer, his body pressed lightly against hers. “I don’t want this night to end.” His hand was caressing the side of her face again. “Just let me hold you.”
She could do no more than surrender to the moment, allowing her desires to supersede everything her mind was telling her not to do because this—whatever this was—felt right.
Closing her eyes, she nuzzled the side of her face into his open palm. The warmth surrounded her, dissipating the nerves and reservations she’d felt moments ago.
He bent at the knees and lifted her, carrying her toward the bed. Her arms were around his shoulders, their eyes locked together.
He sat her on the edge of the bed and went about removing his shoes so he could join her. When he faced her again she inched backward on the soft covers, moving toward the mountain of pillows stacked at the headboard. He followed on his knees; each move that brought him closer she countered, until they could go no farther.
“What do you want from me, Hayden?”
“Nothing,” he whispered. “Everything. You make me question my every action and my every move. What I do know is that I want you and only you. I’ve always felt this way.”
He
covered her lips with his but made no move to claim her in any other way. In fact, their bodies weren’t even touching.
As she leaned back, Jessica’s weight was perched on her hands enough that she couldn’t wrap them around his neck and pull him closer. His kisses were fleeting, gentle. Was he afraid he’d hurt her? Frighten her off now that she’d invited him into her room … into her bed?
While she loved the lightness of his touch, she wanted to feel the solid weight of his body crushed against hers. Eventually, his lips parted hers and they tasted each other. This was not simply discovering each other on a new level but devouring something long denied between them.
She nearly laughed with that realization. When her lips tilted, Hayden pulled away. They both opened their eyes.
“And what have I done to make you laugh?”
Her grin turned into a full smile. She couldn’t help herself.
Shaking her head, she felt silly telling him but felt she owed him the honesty of her self-revelations. “I realized that I’ve wanted this for some time.”
One eyebrow cocked, Hayden assessed her. “Honestly?”
“Don’t ruin a perfect moment by doubting me now.”
“I could never doubt you.”
“Why did you come back tonight?”
“Need you ask?” His hands clasped one of hers. He massaged her fingertips before exposing the inside of her wrist and pressing his lips there. The feel of his touch, his mouth, had her eyes slipping closed for the briefest moment.
“Hayden…” She meant to ask him what he planned, but his name sounded more like a seductive sigh instead.
“Don’t say anything. Just let us have tonight without questions or worries of what tomorrow will bring.”
And that was exactly what she wanted. Regrets would have to wait for another day. Right now there was only one thing she wanted, and that was Hayden in her bed next to her.
“If I still can’t agree to marriage, what will be between us?”
“We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.” He tucked her curl behind her ear. “But I believe that if you follow your heart that’s not what will happen.”
The Scandalous Duke Takes a Bride Page 14