by Sienna Parks
I take a moment to scent him, breathing him deep into my lungs. “I’m not ready to let you leave.” We spend the car ride kissing and whispering sweet nothings to each other like lovesick teenagers. It’s disgusting really… and I love every moment of it.
When we pull up outside my apartment I relish the idea of spending the night in my own bed with the man I love. He grabs our bags and tells David to pick him up in the morning.
As I open the door, I notice that Addi isn’t here. Xander obviously has the same realization as he drops the bags on the floor and backs me down onto the sofa.
“I love you so fucking much.” It’s all I need to give myself over to him completely. He quickly strips both of us before sitting me on his lap. I can feel his rock-hard cock pressing against my clit.
“I can’t get over how stunningly beautiful you are. You take my breath away.” I thread my fingers into his hair, tugging his lips to meet mine in a toe-tingling, mind-melting, earth-shattering kiss. Deep and sensual; loving and hungry. I lift my hips in invitation and he wastes no time impaling me on his throbbing erection. We are two pieces of a puzzle; destined to fit together.
He guides my hips up and down the length of him, kissing my breasts while his strong hands press into my thighs. With every stroke, he hits my sweet spot, and caresses my clit; the myriad of sensations almost too much to bear. I slide my hands down onto his shoulders as I ride him faster and faster, chasing the release that only he can give me.
“Yes! Right there… fucking hell… yes… yes… I love you.” As soon as the words fall from my lips, Xander finds his own release, joining me in the all-consuming ecstasy that our bodies create together.
We take a moment to enjoy being skin to skin before we grab our clothes from the floor and get ready, just in case Addi makes an entrance!
Xander takes our bags into my room while I put on a pot of coffee before checking through my mail. I discover a note from Addi on the fridge telling me that she’s gone away with Carter for a few days and will be back late Monday night. There is also a Post-it telling me to call my mom. I’ll call her before bed to see if she has some good news.
I grab my mail from the table by the door, lazily sifting through it. Bills, bills and… a large brown envelope. I set the unexciting stuff down on the table and open the large envelope with my name on it. When I pull out the contents, a chill runs through my body. This can’t be… he wouldn’t. There’s a handwritten note attached.
To Miss Lily Tate,
I thought he owed you your little trip to London before you found out what he’s been doing behind your back. Don’t feel bad. He’s always been in love with me. We’re meant to be.
Woman to woman, I figured it was about time you knew. He shouldn’t string you along when his heart’s not in it. He’s mine, and he will always BE MINE.
Natalie Mason
I run to the bathroom, knowing what’s coming. I make it to the bowl just before I lose the contents of my stomach. Xander comes rushing into the bathroom behind me.
“What’s wrong?” He kneels down beside me and starts to rub my back. I can feel the tears, but I don’t want to give him the satisfaction.
“Don’t fucking touch me. Just get the hell out of my apartment.” I realize I’m still clutching the photos in a death grip.
“What the fuck, Lily? What’s going on? I’m not going anywhere, you’re sick. I’m going to look after you.” He moves to run his hand down my cheek, but I can’t stand it. I feel like I’m about to break.
“I said don’t fucking touch me.” I want to cry at the look of hurt and confusion in his eyes, but then I glance at the photos in my hand. “Here.” I say shoving them into his hand. “Take these and get the fuck out of my apartment and my life.” He looks down at the photographs, horror, and anger flashing across his face.
“Fucking Natalie.” He runs his fingers through his hair, dropping his gaze to the floor.
“This is not what it looks like. I can explain.” I’m furious now. He’s broken my heart and I fucking let him. I suspected as much when I met him and I ignored it because I wanted to believe that I’d found my knight in shining armor.
“I don’t want to hear your pathetic excuses as to why I’m looking at photos of you kissing your ex. And I’m pretty fucking sure these were taken the night before we went to London. That’s what you were wearing when you disappeared for hours with no explanation, in the middle of the night.” He tries to grab my arm as I move to leave the bathroom. I glare at him with venom in my eyes.
“Can we talk about this? I promise you I can explain.”
“I don’t want to hear it. You were with her and then you came back, showered her disgusting smell off, and crawled into bed with me - and I let you fuck me. I knew the shower was odd, but I just ignored it because I didn’t want to see what was staring me in the face. I gave you everything, Xander. Fucking everything - and I stupidly thought that it meant something to you.”
“It did mean something to me. It does. It means everything to me. You mean everything.” I can’t listen to this. I need to protect myself, and if I let him stay and tell me his bullshit lies, I’ll let myself believe him because I want to believe him more than I’ve ever wanted anything.
“If you care for me at all. Please, leave.” I start sobbing, shirking his attempts to comfort me. “Please, Xander… just go.”
“I’ll go for now, but we need to talk about this. I haven’t been cheating on you. You owe me a chance to explain.” I want to say no, but every fiber of my being is telling me that I’m going to have to talk to him at some point. I can’t bear the thought of us ending this way.
“Fine, but I need some time. I have to be ready to start my new job on Monday and I can’t deal with this as well. We’ll talk when I’m ready.”
All light has faded from his beautiful blue eyes as he lifts his bag and heads for the door. I feel like my world is crashing down around me as I watch him leave. He turns to face me as he steps into the elevator.
“You’re it for me, Lily. You’re a part of me. I’d be fucking lost without you. Please remember that I love you, more than anything.” As the doors close and he disappears from my life, it’s more than I can handle. I collapse to my knees – distraught and heartbroken.
I can’t sleep - I can’t get the image of Xander and Natalie out of my head. My body becomes sore from the wrenching sobs that have consumed me for hours. I eventually pass out through sheer exhaustion; my heart ripped from my chest. All intentions to call my mom and Addi are completely forgotten.
I don’t know if I’ll be able to see him again, the thought of it, too painful to contemplate. How could my day turn out so differently from the way I thought it would? I thought I was coming home from the trip of a lifetime, to start the next exciting chapter with the man I love.
It’s amazing how five minutes can change the course of your life forever. I know that better than most, but I guess I let myself believe for a brief moment that I could have a happily ever after.
I’d like to say that I woke up today and realized last night was just a bad dream, but unfortunately that’s not my reality. I want to pick myself up, dust myself off and prepare to start my new job on Monday, but instead I lie in my bed most of the day, sobbing - missing Xander even though I don’t want to.
I can’t bring myself to eat anything; I feel sick to my stomach every time I think about what he did. When I finally drag myself out of bed and into the kitchen to get a glass of water and some painkillers for the hammering in my head, I notice an envelope has been slipped under the front door.
I’m loathe to open it, worried at what I might see, but when I bend down to pick it up, I know instantly that it’s his handwriting and a massive lump forms in my throat. I sit down on the sofa, gingerly opening the envelope that smells of Xander. I run my fingers over his writing, breathing in the scent that gave me such comfort twenty-four hours ago. I wipe the tears from my eyes so that I’m able focus on the wor
ds in front of me.
Dearest Lily,
I want to give you the time you asked for before we talk face to face, but I can’t stand the idea of you thinking badly of me for another second. I thought it might be easier on you if I explain myself on paper.
Firstly, I am so unbelievably in love with you, Lily, I have been since the moment I met you. I’ve made mistakes, but I have never been unfaithful to you. I haven’t even looked at another woman since I held you in my arms on campus.
Natalie contacted me the weekend of our first date. You were so insecure. I didn’t want to ruin a perfect weekend by dragging you into it. She called me to ask for my help.
I didn’t want anything to do with her, but I felt that I had to help her. She contacted me a number of times, then she started showing up at my work. I was starting to question her story and I confronted her when she showed up at Cube on the night of your graduation.
I told her in no uncertain terms that she had to leave me, and you, alone. The day before we left for London she called again, upset and asking if I could meet her. I stupidly believed her and when I got there, she tried to rekindle things between us. I realize now that it was a setup to get those pictures.
As soon as she kissed me I pushed her away and told her that I’m in love with you. I told her that there would never be anything between us and I gave her hell for lying to me and using my good nature against me. She knew I would help her if she were in trouble. She knew that was the only way I would even consider seeing her.
My mistakes were to believe a single word that came out of her vindictive mouth and keeping it from you. I could have avoided putting you through all of this if I had just trusted our relationship and told you what was going on.
For that I am eternally sorry.
I would never do anything to intentionally hurt you or cause you even a moment of pain. I hope you can believe that and give me a chance to make it up to you.
Please don’t let Natalie and my idiocy ruin what we have. I love you so much, I feel like my heart has been ripped out of my chest and there is just a gaping hole where you’re supposed to be.
You’re a part of me. No matter what happens between us, you will always be a part of me, and all of me will forever belong to you. What you choose to do with it is a choice that only you can make.
Please give me a chance to prove how sorry I am and how much I love you, sweets.
Always yours,
Xander x
Bruno Mars – Long Distance
I can’t control the tears streaming down my face. I don’t want to be gullible, but deep down I believe him. He should have been honest with me, but I know how protective he is.
I’m tired out by the emotional rollercoaster I’ve been on over the past twenty-four hours, and my eyes are practically swollen shut. I make the decision to call Xander tomorrow once I’ve had a good night’s sleep, so that we can talk things through rationally and hopefully get things back on track somehow.
I’m startled awake by a call from the doorman - there’s a flower delivery for me. I know they will be from Xander, and a flutter of hope swells in my stomach at his willingness to put his heart on the line for me.
When I hear knocking, I pull my tired body up off the couch, opening the door to a beautiful bouquet of flowers. My first thought is that they’re not from Xander - he always sends me roses, and these are calla lilies. As I lift them into my arms I get a glimpse of the deliveryman…
My entire body begins to shake in terror. The face before me has haunted my dreams for the past eight years. I would know that scarred face anywhere… Ron Peterson. The flowers drop to the floor in front of me. I’m frozen - my head screaming at me to run, shout, or do anything... but I can’t move.
“Hello, Lily. I’ve been waiting a very long time to see your pretty little face again. Have you missed me?” He runs his fingers down my face as he speaks, spurring me into action. I try to push him out and slam the door but he’s too strong. He bursts into the room knocking me onto the floor. I crash into our wrought-iron coat stand, my head hitting the jagged hook as the force sends it flying into the wall.
My head hits the hardwood floor with enough force to elicit an almighty thud, and warm blood begins to matt the hair at the back of my head. I scramble backwards on my hands and feet, trying to find anything I can use as a weapon.
“Your daddy isn’t here to save you this time, Lily.” Even the way he says my name is repugnant. I try to reach for my phone, but he’s one step ahead, grabbing it before me and throwing it to the floor, smashing it underfoot. He slaps me full force across the face before kicking me in the ribs, breaking at least one. Pain shoots through my chest as his boot makes contact.
“Don’t fucking try anything, you little bitch. Do you have any idea what I’ve been through in the past eight years because of you? You were fucking begging for it that night and I gladly obliged, only to be fucking beat up by your prick of a father. It was his own fault he ended up dead.”
Just the mention of what he did to my dad causes bile to rise in my throat. I retch as he bends down, the stink of him invading my senses.
“Bit of a gag reflex there, sweetheart. Don’t worry, I’ll sort that out for you.” My head is pounding and my ribs ache as he pulls me to my feet.
“You’re coming with me.” I try to struggle free but he just shoves me down, straight into the coffee table, smashing it to pieces below me. A stabbing pain sears through my back, but I’m on my feet again before I have a chance to comprehend my injuries.
“I’m not fucking around here. Unless you want me to gut your pretty little roommate and that fancy boyfriend of yours like pigs, you better come quietly.” My eyes widen in shock.
“Yes, Lily. I did my research. I know all about your pathetic little life. It’s amazing what you can find out these days. I’ve been staking this place out all week. Saw your pretty little friend going in and out with some guy. She looks like a bit of a slut, that one. I’m sure I could have fun with her before I slit her throat.”
“Don’t you fucking touch her.” I manage a kick to his shin before the next punch connects with my face. My lip and nose are bleeding but I don’t really feel the pain. I’m numb.
“And that boyfriend of yours. He didn’t look too happy last night. You frigid for him, too? I’ll enjoy carving him up.” Rage boils inside me - unlike anything else I have ever experienced; even worse than the night my dad died.
“I swear to God, if you go near him I will fucking kill you.” He pulls a roll of duct tape from his jacket.
“And how are you going to do that, you stupid… little... cunt?”
I’m not going to get out of this alive, but maybe if I do as he asks he’ll leave Addi and Xander alone. I don’t say a word, racking my brain for a plan to get away from him.
“Good girl. I think you’ve done enough talking.”
He grips my arms with one hand while pulling a length of tape free with the other. He breaks it with his disgusting rotten teeth and secures it around my wrists. Once he’s sure I can’t break free, he puts a piece of tape over my mouth, before pulling me out of the apartment and down the stairwell.
When we emerge at the back of my building, he has a car waiting - a blue Ford Mustang. He opens the passenger door, pushing me in headfirst. Why wouldn’t he put me in the trunk? What the hell is back there?
“Time to go for a ride.”
I kick at the door against his arm as he tries to lock me in. He stumbles to the ground, but manages to slam the door on my leg as I struggle to break free. My head is spinning, my body overcome with pain.
As the engine roars to life, his fist smashes into my cheek, my mouth instantly filled with the metallic taste of blood. “Don’t piss me off, little girl. I love watching you squirm in fear, but the moment I stop being amused by your pathetic attempts to fight me, you’re worthless. Try that again and you’ll wish you were dead already.”
He reaches past me into the backseat,
his vulgar stench invading my nostrils. The last thing I see is a gun – the cold metal presses against my temple. My blood is pumping so hard I can hear it whooshing in my ears – the rapid thud drowning out everything else around me.
As the darkness descends the chilling realization sets in - Addi won’t be back until Monday, and I told Xander not to contact me. No one is going to know I’m missing. I’ll never get the opportunity to tell Xander that I believe him. To gaze into his exquisite blue eyes again and tell him how much I love him.
XANDER
It’s been three and a half days since I last saw Lily and I’m going out of my fucking mind here. I cannot believe that little bitch Natalie got the best of me, again. I had a nagging feeling when she first contacted me that I shouldn’t trust her, but she knew exactly what buttons to press. I couldn’t refuse an abused woman, even Natalie.
I thought she ripped my heart out when she left me, but that was a fucking scratch compared to how I feel right now. I’ve sent Lily letters every day, hoping that she would get in touch and let me explain myself face to face. I’m trying to give her space, but if I don’t hear from her by tomorrow I need to go and see her before I fucking implode.
I feel like I can’t fucking breathe without her. I poured my heart out in those letters like a fucking pussy-whipped loser, but I don’t give a fuck. If it’s her pussy-whipping me, I’ll take it any day of the week… for the rest of my life. I can’t believe the hole in my chest after three days of not hearing her voice, her laugh, or seeing her sexy little smile.
She slays me every time I look at her. She is everything I never realized I was missing. I just shut down after what Natalie did to me, and I thought I was fine until that day at Columbia when we crashed into each other’s lives. The minute I touched her, my body came to life, and when I looked into those enchanting emerald green eyes it was like a defibrillator to my heart. I knew she was it for me in that moment. I felt like she was looking straight into the very depths of my soul.