by Sienna Parks
He holds his weight on his elbows, raising his fingers - gently caressing the tears from my eyes.
“I love you, Addi. You deserve to be loved and adored… and made love to, every single day of your life. You mean so much to me. I’ve been making love to you for a long time now… tonight is just the first time you’ve realized it.”
“I… I never thought I would ever feel this way, Carter. Not after Gavin.” The full force of it all hits me square in the chest; a stark contrast to the man in front of me. The difference between Carter’s love for me, and what he called ‘love’ is glaringly obvious to me now.
I feel bereft as Carter pulls out of me, breaking contact, but only for a split second before he scoops me up into his arms and nestles me safely against his chest. He moves with me as if I weigh no more than a feather; positioning his back against the headboard of his massive bed, before pulling the covers around us.
“Tell me what happened, baby… please… if you can.”
I’ve never told anyone what really happened behind closed doors between Gavin and me. But now, in this moment, I need to relieve myself of the baggage and burden I’ve been carrying around for far too long. Carter doesn’t push me, or speak another word; he simply strokes my back as I listen to his steady heartbeat, taking comfort and courage from it; he gives me the time I need to formulate the words I’ve never said to another living soul.
“Gavin didn’t just cheat on me.” My voice is small and almost unrecognizable, even to me. “When I met him, I was a naïve girl straight out of high school, in love with the fantasy of my new life at college, and what better way to complete that pretty picture than by dating the most popular, dreamy guy on campus. All the girls loved him. He had a way about him, no matter who he was talking to, he made them feel like the only person in the room. When he asked me out on a date I was so excited; every freshman girl wanted to be me.
We started dating and for the first few months my life was close to perfect. We’d said, ‘I love you,’ we made love, and everything about him drew me in; made me believe he was ‘the one.’ As time went on, he started to change; he wasn’t quite so attentive, and I’d notice him looking at other girls, not even trying to hide it. Then he started asking for things in the bedroom that I just didn’t want to do. At first, he just sulked about it, was nasty to me, or just plain ignored me for a few days. Then…”
The words begin to choke me, the memories suffocating as I gasp for air. I can feel Carter’s heart hammering in his chest as he tries to give me the space and time I need to continue. “It’s ok, baby, I’m right here.” His words give me the strength to continue.
“Then… one night, I caught him kissing another girl. He chased after me, professing his love, and telling me it was all a big mistake. I wanted so badly to believe him - I let him take me home, but when he tried to kiss me, I burst into tears, hurt by his betrayal. The look in his eyes was pure disgust as he watched my heart break in front of him.”
I take a deep breath.
“That was the first night he hit me.”
Carter’s grip tightens, his whole body rigid, his toned muscles corded and ready to fight.
“The slaps became punches, and the punches turned into beatings; never where anyone would notice; he was too smart for that. He stopped even trying to hide the fact that he was making out with other girls, and by that point I’d started to believe his bullshit lies that it was all my fault - I was too emotional, too frigid, too uptight. If I just did the things he wanted, he wouldn’t need to find other willing girls. He started asking for anal sex, which never really appealed to me, but I was desperate to keep him and make him love me again. The night I finally gave in to his demand, it wasn’t a request by that point, I thought things would get better between us; back to the way they were when we first met. It was one of the worst nights of my life.
I could have been anyone; he didn’t care how I felt or how rough he was being with me, slamming into me with no warning, no build up. It was… excruciating… and humiliating. He pinned me to the bed, rutting into me like a rabid dog, over and over; so harsh and punishing; pushing my face down into the pillow to muffle my sobs. When he was done… he beat me pretty badly, telling me I better not cry the next time. I was bleeding, sore, and torn from how rough he’d been. I was so used to the other bruises – ribs, arms and legs; they barely even registered with me at the time.
He took me that way on numerous occasions, every time leaving me broken and bruised, but I still wasn’t enough for him. I walked in on him in bed with another girl. I’d convinced myself that he was just fooling around with other girls, and that he would never sleep with them, especially after I gave him what he wanted. It was the last straw for me to see him naked and bucking wildly inside another girl… I took my final hit that night when he caught up to me. It was the worst beating of them all; I ended up in the ER, alone and too ashamed to call Lily or my family. A week later, after I’d recovered, I filed a restraining order against him. I didn’t tell the police about the attack, I didn’t have to. I had enough evidence in texts and threatening voice messages to have the order enforced with immediate effect. I haven’t seen him since.”
The silence is deafening as Carter’s body vibrates against me, and when he finally speaks, his voice is a low whisper, hoarse; more menacing that I’ve ever heard.
“He fucking… raped and beat you.” I can hear the pity in his voice, and see it in his eyes. He thinks I’m completely broken.
“He didn’t rape me… I… I let him do those things.”
He stops me; his tone stern.
“He sexually assaulted you. You didn’t want it, he knew that, and he did it anyway. And then he fucking beat the shit out of you. Fucking hell… I need a minute. I’m so sorry, Addi.”
I knew he would pull away when he realized just how damaged and fucked up I am. My heart shatters into a million tiny shards. “I understand. I’ll go.” I move to find my clothes and leave the safety of his apartment, unable to stomach the way he’s looking at me.
“What are you doing? Where are you going?”
“I’m leaving. I can’t stand to see the pity in your eyes.”
“Fucking PITY? Are you shitting me right now? I only asked for a minute to process everything you’ve just told me, to stay calm for you, and you want to run away… AGAIN? It’s not pity you see, Addi, it’s fucking - seething - rage, it’s fucking undying love… I love you… so hard it hurts to take a fucking breath. The idea of anyone hurting you is nauseating… it’s fucking abhorrent to me, Addi. Can’t you understand that? I… LOVE… YOU…ADDI… I’m so fucking in love with you.”
His words are a balm to my broken soul; soothing me, healing me - giving me the strength to speak the words I need to say.
“I… I love you, too, Carter. I’m in love with you, but I’m terrified of that feeling.”
“So am I, Tesoro. So am I. But I’m more terrified of losing you, of losing what we have. Please… trust me. I won’t ever hurt you like that. I promise.” He cups my face in his warm callused hands, entreating me with his gorgeous brown gaze. “Trust me. Let me help to make this better for you, claim you back from him. You’re mine now, Addi. Let me love you the way you deserve; the way I know you want to be loved.” I can only nod my acceptance; I’m at a loss for words. Nothing I could say would possibly be enough to express how I feel for this man.
“Wrap your legs around me, Addi.” I do as he asks, our naked flesh flush against one another, my breasts tight to his hard, muscled chest.
“I want to show you what it can feel like, to be claimed… everywhere.” I understand what he’s asking, and his face is telling me it’s completely my call, he won’t push me.
“Do you trust me, Addi? I’ve wanted to do this with you for a long time, but now, it seems so inconsequential to me. I don’t need it to be happy with you. I won’t think of you any differently if you don’t want to do it. But I do want you to feel that every part of your body is yours. Not marred b
y anyone else. Every inch of you is beautiful, Tesoro… inside and out. I want to help you claim back what’s yours.”
I dip my head down into the safety of his neck, inhaling the scent that gives me such comfort. “I want that, too, Carter, but I’m scared. Please… be gentle.”
He plants the softest kiss on my lips. “I will always be gentle, Addi, with your heart and with your body. I won’t ever do anything you don’t want.”
He deepens the kiss, letting me lose myself, feeling only his lips on mine. The desire I felt earlier returns as his hands begin to roam my body. We remain face to face as he lifts me up; letting me lower myself onto his throbbing erection. It feels divine as I seat myself to the hilt, taking all of him inside me. Our bodies slowly begin to move in time, Carter letting me ride him, savoring every upward movement; his eyes closing as I lower myself back down. His fingertips dance across my sensitive flesh, leaving a trail of desire in their wake.
As his hands begin to massage my ass, my body tightens in fear. “Trust me, Tesoro. I will only give you pleasure. You can say stop at any time.” He lifts his finger to my lips. “Suck.” His face searches mine, concern evident through the desire I see in his flawless features.
“Credetemi, io ti proteggerò… sempre.” [Believe me, I’ll protect you… always.]
He removes his finger from my mouth, replacing it with his tongue; twisting, tangling and teasing as he slides his fingers down my spine. I try to stay relaxed, but it’s almost impossible to tame the storm raging inside me. His finger, wet with my saliva moves down, teasing at my forbidden entrance.
“Keep moving, baby, use my cock, get yourself hot and sweaty riding me. Let me worry about the rest.”
I move my hands up to grip his shoulders, slowly working the length of him, pumping up and down, creating a steady rhythm for both of us that feels incredible.
“That’s it, Addi. Feel how hard I am for you. Feel what you do to me, only you. I’m so close, baby… but I need you to come first. Tell me when you’re close.”
I ride him, slowly increasing my pace, losing myself to the exquisite ecstasy, giving myself over to the unfamiliar sensation of him teasing my rim. I never thought I would experience pleasure this way, but my nerve endings come alive under his gentle caress, sending a jolt of electricity straight to my pussy, forcing it to clench around Carter’s impressive length. I delight in the familiar pull, deep in my core as I grind up and down, taking what I need, chasing my release.
“I’m almost there, Carter, I’m gonna come… oh my God… Yes.” As I reach the peak, ready to crash over the edge and down into the sweet abyss of euphoria, he gently eases his finger inside, holding my body tight to his chest.
“That’s it, Tesoro. Take what you need. You are so fucking beautiful when you come for me.”
His words together with the sensation he creates, sends me into tailspin. I ride him harder, letting him press his finger all the way inside of me, filling me in a way I’ve never felt before. It only intensifies the climax radiating from every nerve ending; from every fiber of my being.
“Oh my God, Carter… please… come with me… Yes… Yes… YES!”
He continues to fill me in every way possible, his tongue owning my mouth, his finger claiming me, and his cock hammering into me as he rears up off the bed to taking me as deep as he possibly can. The guttural roar that tears from his chest is primitive, sexy, and so full of need… for me. I fall in love with him all over again in this moment.
“Addi… FUCK… sei mio. Si può sempre e solo essere mio [you are mine. You can only ever be mine.] … Holy Shit!”
We stay wrapped in each other’s arms; kissing, nuzzling, nibbling at each other. Our bodies slide together with the soft sheen of sweat that our lovemaking has created - it’s heaven. I could stay like this forever, and die happy. It’s a long time before either one of us speaks.
“Let’s get cleaned up.”
Carter stands up with me still wrapped around him; his semi-hard cock still deep inside me. He walks us to the bathroom, sitting me down on the cold granite countertop before pulling out of me and moving to fill the tub, adding some bubbles – for my benefit I’m sure. He lifts me as if I might shatter into a thousand pieces if he’s not careful, lowering us both into the tub. He positions my back to his front, wrapping his strong muscular legs around me. I rest my head against his chest, content… for the first time in… forever.
“Ti amo, Addi.” He kisses my head, wrapping his arms around me.
“I love you, too, Carter.”
I can breathe again…
CARTER
Two Weeks Later
I am in awe of Addi. Her courage, her bravery, her vulnerability, and her willingness to open up to me, has completely floored me. I am so proud of her. It’s a major step forward for her, telling someone, telling me what happened. I watched Vittoria go through it, and how hard it was for her to trust people again. It shows an inner strength I knew was there, but until she recognized it herself, no one could help.
That night with Addi was a combination of the most intense rage I’ve felt since I was fourteen, and the greatest elation I have ever felt. I’ve had to rein in my anger, and curb my instinct to hunt down that son of a cunt, Gavin. I would fucking bury him in a shallow grave if I followed my gut. I’m trying to focus on what is important in the here and now – Addi. I’ll protect her from any threat, with every breath I take.
In the moments when I feel like my anger is going to swallow me whole, I take a minute and replay the other revelation she shared with me that night – she loves me. It took her a long time to realize it, and to admit it to herself, but when she did, it was the sweetest sentence I have ever heard spoken.
That night, we put her demons to bed, and I claimed every single part of her body as mine. She looked so fucking beautiful - riding me wildly as I eased my finger in and out of her, owning her in every way possible. I feel like such a dick for moaning about not being able to do that with her before. I never could have imagined her reasons for not wanting to, and when it finally happened, it was all about her, all about us… and nothing at all to do with my sexual gratification. It was an epiphany for me. I’ve always wanted to make a woman feel good when I’m with her, but it’s always been to inflate my ego and to enhance my enjoyment. That all changed as soon as Addi opened up to me. All I want is for her to feel pleasure in every way possible. To love her body, and everything that we are when we’re together; all the pleasure our bodies can bring to one another. It is the least selfish I’ve ever been during sex, and at the same time, it gave me the greatest satisfaction and pleasure of my life.
Things between us have been amazing since that night. We are only going to get stronger, growing together as a couple, and I will never get tired of hearing those three little words tripping off her sexy little tongue.
Tonight is Xander’s non-bachelor, bachelor party. He wanted to be a complete killjoy and just go out for dinner with the girls, but Logan and I convinced him that we would forever rename him ‘Xanadu’ if he didn’t man up and at least have a guys’ night out. This will be the last time the three of us get the chance to hang out like this. I know we’ll still see each other, but it won’t be the same after he’s married, and hopefully, one day, Addi and I will make the same commitment to each other, embarking on our own life adventure together. As for Logan, I don’t think he’ll ever settle down. He seems to tire of women after a really short period of time.
First, we grab a quick bite at Jason’s before heading to one of my clubs for drinks, and to meet up with some of his other friends. Spyder is jumping, just the way I like it. I must be making a killing tonight. It’s one of those nights when it really pays to be the owner. I don’t think a regular Joe will be getting served a drink for at least half an hour as they fight their way through a sea of people to get the attention of the bartenders. I’ve had one of the private rooms set up with a pool table, a private bar and our own, female, bartender. Logan is fli
rting shamelessly within two minutes of setting foot in the door. I don’t blame him though, she’s hot, and I would have been all over her in my attempts to get her under me, before I met Addi. She’s a great worker and a really sweet and funny girl. Logan could do a lot worse, but I know he’s only looking for an easy lay tonight, and I get the distinct impression from the way she’s looking at him - he’s found it. She remains professional, despite Logan’s obvious attempts to get her to slip out with him for a little while. Xander and I are busy trying to wipe the floor with each other at pool when Logan finally drags himself away from the bar… and the bartender.
The rest of the night goes by in a blur of booze, pool and possibly some dancing. I don’t remember much after Logan insisted on shots. Scotch, beer, and tequila are not the best combination. I vaguely remember him leaving with my bartender, and I have a hazy recollection of hailing a cab to take Xander and I back to my place. I’m almost positive there was more Scotch after that and then I woke up in my bed this morning – fully clothed and stinking of booze.
I need coffee.
Dragging my sorry ass out of bed, I strip off last night’s clothes and step into a hot shower, my head resting on the tiles to keep myself upright. I stand for at least ten minutes letting the water beat down on me, slowly bringing me back to life. When I feel semi-human, I get dressed and go in search of Xander.
Oh my God. He’s already sitting at my breakfast bar, coffee in hand, freshly showered, new clothes and a bag of fresh bagels waiting to be eaten.
“What the fuck, man? How is it that you’re up and looking like you had an early night last night?”
He chuckles. “I took two aspirin and a tall glass of water before I went to sleep. Maybe you should have done the same… asshole! I had David bring me clothes and bagels. I might not be hung over, but I’m fucking tired and I couldn’t be bothered going out for breakfast.”
I tuck into the bagels and coffee. It’s my fucking lifeline this morning. After two cups of strong coffee, I feel ready to tackle my day. We spend some time talking about arrangements for the wedding, which is only two weeks away now. I’m the best man, so I have certain things I’m going to have to take care of before we get on a plane to Italy. When I’ve made a list, and assured Xander a million times that I won’t forget anything, he moves on to dissecting my love life.