by Sienna Parks
ADDI
I open my eyes, slowly coming around from the best sleep I’ve had in months, with the smell of Carter still lingering on my pillow, aware of a presence in the room with me. In my sleepy haze, I remember asking him to stay with me until I fell asleep last night, and I’m so happy he stayed. There was an awful moment when I thought he was going to leave and never come back. I turn to face him, but I’m more than a little surprised by the face staring back at me.
“Holy shit. Fuck a duck, Lil.”
“Morning, sunshine.” She’s amused with herself. I’m just confused.
“What are you doing here?”
“Em… I used to live here, and you’re still my best friend.” I can see she’s holding something back.
“Spit it out, Lil, you’re a terrible liar.”
She gives me a sympathetic smile. “Carter called last night and told me that you might need your best friend today. He wouldn’t tell me anything more than that, said it wasn’t his place, but he didn’t want you to wake up alone. I came over a few hours ago and you looked so peaceful, so I just crawled in next to you like old times. I hope that’s okay?”
“Of course it is. I don’t deserve you, you know that, right?”
“You deserve a smack in the face for leaving me without a word. I’ve aged about ten years in the past two months worrying about your crazy ass.”
I drop my head, completely ashamed of myself. “I’m so sorry, Lily. Truly. If I could go back and change it, I would.”
She pulls me into her arms. “Please, just tell me what’s going on, Addi.” Her delicate perfume and the familiar scent of her shampoo gives me so much comfort. I fall apart in her arms. “You’re scaring me. What’s so bad that you had to run away?”
I take a deep breath and say the words that scare me half to death.
“I’m pregnant.” She crushes my body against her own, as if somehow, I’ll become a part of her if she squeezes me tight enough.
“Holy shit, Addi. I can’t believe you’ve been dealing with this on your own. Is it… Carter’s?” I push myself out of her grasp.
“Of course it’s Carter’s. How could you even ask that?”
“Because you just packed up your shit and left him behind. Why wouldn’t you tell him?”
“He knows now. I told him last night.”
“No wonder he sounded like shit when I spoke to him. God, Addi. You have no idea how much that man loves you. He was a mess when you left.”
“I didn’t tell him, because he said he didn’t want kids. I didn’t want to trap him.”
She’s shaking her head, a sad, disappointed look on her face. “Addi, people say stupid stuff all the time. You should have given him the benefit of the doubt. He loves you more than anything. You should have trusted him.”
“I know that now. When I told him, he explained the only reason he said he didn’t want kids was so that I didn’t get spooked and run away from him again. I’m such a freaking idiot, Lily. I know I should have trusted him. I’ve ruined everything.”
“What happened when you told him?”
“He was angry, and disappointed that I didn’t confide in him. We talked, we made love, I messed things up again.”
“Wait… what?”
“I asked him if it was safe for the baby that we had sex without a condom. I know he must have slept with a lot of women while we were apart and I was worried.”
“Oh, Addi. Come on. You know him better than that. He would never put you or the baby in danger. He might be a man-whore when he’s heartbroken, but you are everything to him.”
“I know, okay, I screwed up. He said he can’t trust me, and that I don’t trust him. He agreed to try and give us another chance, but he wants to take it slow. I can’t mess this up again, Lil. I want to make it work with him and the baby. I want us to be a family.”
“Well stop running, Addi. It hurts everyone that cares about you. If you do it again, he’s not going to be so forgiving. You broke him when you left.”
“What happened?” She takes a moment to think before she answers.
“Normally I would tell you to ask him, but I don’t think that will help either of you right now. So I’ll tell you.”
She fills me in on everything that happened while I was gone – the drinking, the women, the complete disregard for his own wellbeing, and even his night in jail. My heart breaks all over again, realizing just how much I’ve hurt him.
“When he came back from Dallas, he just shut down. He cleaned up his act. There were no more women, and no more drinking, but he was lost, Addi. Really fucking lost. Xander was worried that he wasn’t going to get over you… ever. You know I love you, you’re my family, but I was so damn angry at you for leaving this shit storm behind. You can’t treat people that you say you love, like that.”
“I’m so sorry, Lily. I fucked up.” She pulls me close.
“Yeah, you did, but you’re back now, and we all still love you… including Carter. You’re not alone in this. We’re all going to be here for you and the baby. You need to prove to Carter that you can be trusted with his heart, and you need to learn to trust him with yours. He’s completely and utterly head over heels in love with you, Addi. Embrace it and cherish it.”
“I will. I promise. Thank you, Lil. I love you.”
“Love you, too, friend.”
We spend the rest of the day together, catching up on the two months that we’ve been apart. I get to hear all about Lily’s book and what’s been going on with her and Xander. Now that she’s focusing on writing, Xander has finally convinced her to give up the blogging job and he’s planning to take some time off so that they can travel together.
Lily is already insisting that she won’t be going anywhere anytime soon, especially not before the baby is born. A better friend would argue with her, but I’m selfish; I want her with me through this; and I know Carter will appreciate having Xander to talk to as we try to find our way back to each other and prepare to become parents.
When I finally curl up in bed, I can still smell a hint of Carter on the pillow. I lift my phone from the nightstand, debating whether or not it’s a good idea to send him a message so soon, but in the end, I can’t help myself.
Me: Thank you for sending Lily. It was exactly what I needed.
Carter: You’re welcome, Tesoro. I only wish I didn’t have to leave you lying there looking like an angel.
Me: Why did you?
Carter: Because I want this to work. I want you so badly it hurts. I don’t want to ruin it by jumping straight back in where we left off.
Me: I understand. I just miss you.
Carter: I miss you, too, cara mia. Now get some sleep, beautiful girl. We’ll talk tomorrow.
Me: Ok
Carter: I love you, Tesoro. Never doubt it.
Me: I love you, too. Night x
Carter: Buonanotte x [Goodnight]
I snuggle down into my covers, a smile on my face, and a glimmer of hope in my heart.
Carter and I spend the rest of the week speaking on the phone and texting. The day I went to visit my parents and tell them I’m pregnant, he left a package with the front desk so that when I got back I had a box full of my favorite candy and potato chips. I called him as soon as I opened it… well, maybe not right away… I may have wolfed down an entire bag of Hershey’s kisses, like a complete pig, and then I called him! We spoke for hours, and I admitted the Hershey incident, which had him laughing his head off at me and calling me his little piggy for the rest of the night. As long as I’m his, I don’t care if I’m a girl, a piggy or a flying horse.
He assured me that my mom and dad will get over the initial shock, and be happy for us that we’re giving them their first grandchild. They are idealists and pretty old school. They were hoping I would have the big white wedding, followed by the pitter-patter of tiny feet. I don’t think it was their dream for me to get pregnant by my boyfriend and then dump him and move to another State. My heart constri
cted in my chest at Carter’s words to me.
“You can tell your dad that I would make an honest woman of you tomorrow if I didn’t think I would end up like Richard Gere in The Runaway Bride.” He was joking around, but I could tell there was a serious note to his comment, and it made me feel even worse about the way I’ve treated him. All I could do was try to lighten the mood.
“Wow… did you watch that movie with your boyfriend?” It did the trick and I took advantage of the reprieve, changing the subject. We made plans for Saturday, to go on a second chance, first date.
I’m nervous and excited at the prospect of seeing Carter tonight; excited to spend time with him, and nervous in case I mess it up. I’m starting to show now; it’s like my belly just popped out in the past few days. I’m blaming the baby, but it could definitely be all the food that I am constantly shoveling into my pie hole! Nothing fits, and I feel disgusting.
By the time the doorbell rings, I’ve shoehorned myself into a pair of black ¾ length pants and a black lace tank top – mainly because it’s stretchy and goes over my little bump. I’ve gone for some chunky purple accessories and soft waves in my hair. It’s not classic Addi, but it’ll have to do.
I open the door and the look on Carter’s face is so damn sexy. His delicious chocolate-brown eyes rove all over my body, stopping dead when they reach my stomach. I defensively fold my arms across my front. In a heartbeat, he’s in my space, invading my senses, pulling my arms apart and pinning them to my sides.
“Don’t hide from me.” I feel shy all of a sudden as he drops to his knees, letting go of my arms and ever so gently placing his large, warm hands on my belly. His gaze lifts to mine, a stunning smile splitting his face. “You are… breathtaking, Addi.” He presses his lips to my stomach, right on my belly button. “So fucking amazing.”
I can feel the tears pricking my eyes, and I start blinking them back, annoyed at my new, permanent state of emotional DEFCON 1.
“Don’t cry, cara mia.” He gets up off his knees and stands in front of me.
I drink in the sight of him – tall, lean, muscular, and sexy as hell. He looks dangerous tonight, like the bad boy I met in Cube that first night. He’s wearing dark blue jeans, faded in all the right places; a white fitted T-shirt that highlights every deliciously defined muscle of his torso to perfection, and to finish the look, a black leather jacket. His hair looks like he’s freshly fucked, and all I want to do is grab it in my hands and guide his head to where I’m aching for him.
He wipes the tears from my cheeks. “How can you be crying, and at the same time, looking at me with such wild desire in your eyes?” I feel myself blush.
“Crazy pregnancy hormones.” I’m expecting a laugh from him, but his eyes are fixed on me, on my lips. I can hear his breath quickening, his tongue darting out to wet his sinfully gorgeous lips.
“I want to take this slowly, Addi. I don’t want to mess it up.” He runs his hands through his hair, his eyes never leaving my lips. I mirror his action, darting my tongue out to wet my lips, inviting him to kiss me. The groan that escapes his chest, makes me weak at the knees and awakens the fireflies in my stomach, sending them into a frenzy of want and anticipation.
“We better go before I throw you over my shoulder, take you into the bedroom, and play out every fantasy I’ve had of you over the past two months.”
“Would that be such a bad thing?” I watch the desire drain from his eyes, and I’m devastated.
“We can’t just pick up where we left off, Addi. I’m sorry. As much as I want to make love to you… and believe me, I REALLY fucking want to, too much has happened for us to just sweep it under the carpet and act like it doesn’t exist.”
“I understand.”
“Do you? I want you so badly right now, my dick fucking aches. Do you know that’s how much I want you? Do you know that’s how much I need you? Do you understand how much it hurt when you left me?”
“I’m so sorry, Carter.” He cups my face in his hands.
“I don’t want you to apologize again. I don’t want you to think that I’m punishing you by withholding sex, which is what the look on your face suggests. PLEASE… believe me when I tell you that this is torture for me, but that’s how much I love you. I’m in this for the long haul, Addi. I am all in. I need you to trust me and I need to be able to trust you, but never, ever, doubt that I want you more than my next breath. I’m so fucking in love with you it’s ridiculous.”
I crack a smile at that last part.
“I love you, too.”
“Good. So, are you going to put me out of my blue balls misery and distract me with dinner and a movie?” His mischievous grin is back, something I haven’t seen in a long time, and it’s a beautiful sight to behold.
“Well, just because you put it so eloquently… let’s go, Casanova.” He leans down, giving me a chaste kiss, before opening the door for me.
“Romance is my middle fucking name.”
Our laughter echoes in the hallway as we enter the elevator and head out into the safety of surrounding ourselves with strangers. It doesn’t always work for us, but Carter is fighting our overwhelming passion for each other; his noble intentions winning out over animalistic desire. I don’t know how long I’m going to be able to stand it. I want to do as he asks and take it slow, but it’s hard when every fiber of my being is screaming at me to seduce him; to make him mine again, to let him take me as his own, claiming me, only for him.
CARTER
Six Weeks Later
These past six weeks have been fucking torture.
I’m trying to be the good guy. Thinking with my head rather than my cock, for a change, but I swear I’m getting calluses on my right hand from my frequent meetings with palm and her five sisters. I haven’t jacked off this much since I was thirteen. I’m going to end up with carpel tunnel at this rate.
Every time I see Addi, she looks even more beautiful. Her breasts are fucking amazing, growing and filling out, readying her for motherhood. Her stomach is rounded and it’s plain for all to see that she’s carrying my baby. It’s such a turn on I can’t even describe it. To know that I did that to her, that I’m the only man that will ever do this to her – it calls to my most primal urges and desires when it comes to her.
We’ve been trying to take it slow, but we’re talking about me and Addi – slow has never really been our style. There have been a few nights that I just couldn’t leave; I couldn’t resist my desire for her. We’ve made love, we’ve fucked, and we’ve devoured each other on a few occasions. I know that Addi doesn’t want to take things slow, she’s said as much, and when she sets her mind to seduction, I’m a fucking goner.
I’m starting to notice a change in her. I feel like she’s beginning to trust me; really trust me. I don’t want to get carried away though; we have a long road ahead, and plenty of time before the baby is born for her to completely freak out and try to shut me out again.
Vittoria is back in town, and anxious to catch up with us, although, truth be told, I think she’s more excited to see Addi than her big brother. I’ve invited Xander and Lily to come over to my place tonight, and Logan with whoever his latest victim is. Vittoria’s seeing someone; some mystery guy. I told her to bring him, but she said he’s out of town on business. Loser is probably scared to come and meet me, and rightly so. I would have no problem beating the shit out of any guy that I don’t think is good enough for my little sister, and that’s pretty much every fucker that looks at her.
Before I can spend the evening with Addi and Vittoria, I need to go and interview a prospective manager to oversee the running of my clubs. I toyed with the idea a few months back, and now that the baby is on the way, I figure it’s the perfect time to take a step back and enjoy some time with Addi and the baby. I hope this guy is better than the last one I interviewed; I swear I wouldn’t have let that guy manage his own bowel movements. If today’s interviewee can tie his own shoelaces it will be a step up!
With a
new manager hired and my girl here beside me, my day just keeps getting better. Addi is making herself at home, cooking up a storm for everyone while I shower and shave. When I walk back out into the kitchen, it’s the best damn feeling in the world watching her treat my apartment like it’s her own.
Her sweet baby bump is perfect, making her even more beautiful as she dances around my kitchen, singing along to my iPod; ingredients covering every available surface. It’s like watching an angel, a dream – my dream. This is what I want for us; a home together, a family, and just… normal, everyday life. It takes her a few minutes to notice me, but she doesn’t stop, doesn’t miss a beat. She simply gives me a mischievous grin and a wink of her eye. It’s adorable.
When the doorbell rings, I’m reluctant to let anyone else intrude on my time with Addi, but when she eyeballs me for ignoring it I give in and open the door.
“Hey, cock blocker!”
Xander starts laughing. “Nice to see you, too.”
Lily just stares at the two of us. “You guys are weird. I’m going to go see if Addi needs any help.” She kisses Xander, and I observe them, envious of just how easy their love is. I hear his breath catch as she turns and makes her way over to Addi.
“You’re a lucky son of a bitch, Xander.” He has a stupid grin on his face.
“Don’t I know it.” Lily reappears with two beers, holding them out to us before leaving without a word. “Fancy a thrashing on the Xbox before dinner?”
“Sure. I can take twenty minutes out of my day to kick your ass.”
“You wish.” We head down the hall to the game room.
This is my hideaway; my man cave. A massive plasma screen, with surround sound, and every console on the market. I rarely get to come in here with the clubs taking up all of my time this past year or so.