by Sienna Parks
My hands begin to shake as I relive what happened that night; the night that changed the course of my life.
“I came home one Friday night from a party at my girlfriend’s house. Her parents were out of town for the weekend, and the drinks were flowing. I was more than a little drunk by the time I stumbled through the front door, into what looked like a war zone. The living room was completely trashed, and at first I thought we’d been robbed, until I heard them in the kitchen. My mom was screaming at Derek to calm down, and he was calling her every name under the sun. I ran through the living room ready for a fight, but nothing could have prepared me for what I found. Her face was black and blue down the right side, her eye almost entirely swollen shut.”
“Fucking hell, man. That’s brutal. I know… from experience.” I can see that he’s telling the truth, the same haunted look in his eyes.
“I saw red. Blind-fucking-fury. I tackled him to the ground, punching him square in the jaw before he even knew what was happening. I might have been taller than him, but he was twice my size and obviously had experience in beating the crap out of people – especially women. I was shouting at him to get the hell out of our house as we grappled on the kitchen floor, my mom screaming in the background that I should mind my own business. Can you believe that? I was the bad guy for defending her.”
“I’m sorry, Logan. That’s fucked up.”
“Yeah, it is. I got distracted by her screaming, shocked that she was blaming me; I didn’t see it coming. He was fast, and I was too dazed to notice that he was up on his feet, towering above me. He raised his dirty biker boot, and slammed it down full force on my left hand, breaking twenty-two of the twenty-seven bones, and ending my career in a single blow.” I can feel the bile rise in throat at the memory. “I’ll never forget the pain, it was agonizing, and I knew immediately, that I would never be able to play the same again. We didn’t exactly have great health insurance. A basic fix was all I got, so now, I can barely play for an hour without my hand becoming sore. It’s been years since I last played anything.” I watch as Campbell rubs his hand, an unconscious response from one guitar player to another. He understands how soul destroying that would have been for me, but he doesn’t speak, he just sits back and waits for me to finish. “He told me to kiss my deal goodbye, and that no one in the industry would touch me after I’d ‘assaulted’ him. That was the last time I saw him, and my mom never forgave me for it; for loving her enough to stand up for her. I lost everything I’d ever wanted, and for my troubles, I also lost my mom. These days we tolerate each other when necessary, but I moved out as soon as I got out of hospital, and I never looked back. She’s had an endless stream of loser boyfriends, except now she’s learned to prey on the rich and gullible. I paid my own way through college holding down three jobs at a time to pay my tuition. Eventually, I found my way back to the music business, even if it was in a different way than I’d hoped for. I get to be everything that Derek should have been to me. I harness talent, and help people like you to achieve the success you deserve. It took me a long time to come to terms with it, but now I love my job, and my life is pretty amazing, so I can’t complain.”
He blows out a long breath, scrubbing his hand over the scruff on his face. “I had nae fuckin’ idea. I thought you were some rich kid who had it all. You’re so… you’ve really got yer shit together, an’ you’re no’ even thirty yet. It’s amazin’. You’re a fuckin’ inspiration, man.”
“Hardly. My ‘shit’ feels like it’s all over the damn place. I like to be in control, and there are so many factors in my life that I seem to have zero control over. I’ve never missed someone the way I miss Vittoria. I know I sound like a pussy, but fuck it! I love her.”
“The girlfriend?”
“Yeah.”
“It’s no’ a pussy that admits to bein’ in love. A man that ignores it an’ denies it when he finds it is the real pussy. I want that. Tae love a lassie so much that I’d fuckin’ die for her; that I’d gie it all up in a heartbeat for; that I’d write a song for, like the one you were playin’ when I came in. I’m no’ ashamed tae admit it, an’ neither should you be. Guys that cannae admit it are arseholes.”
“How did you get so wise? You’re only twenty-one.”
He gives a hearty, raspy laugh before his face sobers and his tone becomes serious. “When you’ve seen what I’ve seen, you age well beyond yer years. Where I grew up, yer no’ long a bairn. Childhood was a luxury in ma neck o’ the woods. Music was my escape, an’ turns out, it was ma savior.”
“What happened?”
“That’s a story for another night, an’ a lot more booze. I think it’s time we get the fuck out o’ here an’ get some shut-eye. The boys are off thinkin’ wae their cocks the now, so I willnae be waitin’ around for them.”
“Tell me they’re intelligent enough to be safe. We don’t need to be dealing with an influx of Ember babies nine months from now.”
“Aye, they’re no’ that daft. They’re a shower o’ clatty bastards, the lot o’ them, but none o’ them want to be raisin’ weans any time soon. Cloak it before you poke it is our motto!”
“And you?”
“I’ve got ma sights set on other things in life at the minute. I’m no’ interested it chasing tail the now. At least, no’ the easy ones!! Know what I mean? There’s nae fun if there’s nae chase!”
“I know exactly what you mean. Tori gave me a run for my money, and she was worth it, a thousand times over.”
“Then, let’s go back tae the hotel. A quick dram at the bar an’ then you can call your girl an’ tell her that.”
“Sounds like a plan.”
Campbell grabs his guitar and we head out to hail a cab to take us back to our hotel. He’s quickly becoming a real friend, and someone I have the utmost respect for, even if I don’t always understand what he’s saying to me in his thick Scottish brogue.
When I finally get back to my room, I take his advice and call the girl of my dreams, her voice soothing the nightmares that threaten to envelop me. It’s been a long time since I relived that night, and the pain in my hand is a reminder of what I lost. I drift into a fitful sleep with the dulcet tones of my submissive pledging her love to me fresh in my mind, and her love prevails. The nightmares of relived memories are kept at bay by a goddess that leads me to happier memories, an enchantress that soothes my soul… my Nyx.
Two Months Later
He’s here.
My dressing room already feels smaller.
I could feel him tonight. I could sense him in the auditorium. Every move I made, every dance step – was for him. The pain was gone, for the first time in months; my focus solely on the knowledge that his eyes were burning into me, watching me… loving me.
I’ve been aware of him at every performance he’s ever attended, even when I didn’t know he was coming, but now that my body is so attuned to his, it’s a physical tether between us.
I drink in the sight of him after four months apart, and he looks even more handsome than I remember. My heart is pounding in my chest, my breath hitching at the sly grin that spreads across his deliciously full lips.
He stands in the doorway, his arm resting on the frame above him. He’s wearing a three-piece suit – black with a pinstripe. The jacket is a perfect fit, the waistcoat clinging to his ripped physique, his shirt opened at the collar, exposing just a smattering of hair. It’s sexy as hell, and as I let my eyes travel lower, I can feel my nipples pucker under my dressing gown at the sight of him, hard and straining against his pants. My core tightens at the memory of how phenomenal it feels when every long, thick, hard inch of him is inside me. The delirious, pleasurable pain that comes when he hits the very deepest parts of me.
“What’s going on in that beautiful head of yours?”
My eyes dart up to meet his. He has the most stunning smile, sexy, smoldering, and dripping with the promise of the most divine sin. It touches his eyes, making them sparkle with an intensity unlike an
ything I’ve ever seen before. They are the deepest blue with a ring of green around the center, and they call to me on a molecular level, drawing me in, entreating me to see myself through them.
His hair is longer than the last time I saw him, styled to messy perfection, just screaming for me to grab hold and pull. He looks every inch the dark and dangerous Dominant I know him to be.
“I asked you a question, Nyx. Have you forgotten how this works? If I don’t get an answer, you’ll be bent over that vanity so fast it’ll make your head spin, and I’ll make sure your ass matches that sexy red lipstick you’re wearing.”
The sight of him has me in a trance; the edge in his voice snapping me out of it. “I’m sorry, Master Fitzgerald. I was thinking about how hot you look in that suit, and how badly I’ve missed feeling every glorious inch of you inside me, claiming me as yours.”
“I’m glad to see you haven’t lost your dirty little mouth. Don’t worry, my sweet submissive, I’ll make sure you get what you want. Now get over here and give your Master a kiss. It’s been four months, and I don’t think I can wait a moment longer.”
“And why would I do that when you promise such fun if I refuse? The vanity sounds too enticing for words.”
A sexy, mischievous grin spreads across his face, and he’s on me in seconds, his strong hands snaking around my waist, pulling me effortlessly up and into his arms. Our lips collide in an earth-shattering kiss, his tongue forcing entry into my mouth, claiming me with primal desire. His touch is raw and rough, and yet he always handles me with such tenderness; a heady juxtaposition of sensations that drive me wild.
He spins us round, one arm holding me, the other sweeping everything off my vanity, clearing space for him to set me down. He breaks our kiss just long enough to rip my robe off my shoulders, exposing my naked flesh to his hungry gaze. “Fuck, I’ve missed you so goddamn much. I can’t wait. I need you, now.”
“I’m yours.”
He bites down on my shoulder. “I know.”
I loosen his belt and push his pants down just enough for him to spring free. His hands and lips are everywhere as he takes me with one hard thrust, and it’s euphoric! We lose ourselves in whispered words of love, and screams of passion, bringing us back to each other after so long apart.
When we’re sated and soothed, he pulls me close, and holds me for the longest time. I savor the smell of him and how safe I feel in his arms. It’s the first time in months that I’ve felt calm, like all is right in the world; in my world. “I’m so glad you’re here. I can’t even explain how much I’ve missed you.”
“You don’t have to explain. I feel the same way. I’ve never been so happy to see someone in my entire life!”
I chuckle, taking in the sight of my dressing room. “Yeah, I can see that by the carnage that surrounds us.” My makeup is all over the floor, broken and smeared on the carpet. The mirror is covered in Logan’s handprints, and the imprint of my hair glitter from my performance all over the glass.
He looks around, laughing along with me at how we’ve destroyed the room in our eagerness to reconnect. “Holy Shit! What can I say? When I have to have you… I have to have you.”
“You’ll get no complaints from me, but dinner will have to wait until I’ve cleaned all of this up.”
I drop to my knees, gathering all the items that were swept from my vanity in the heat of the moment, but Logan grabs my hand and pulls me to my feet. “As much as I love to see you naked on your knees, I don’t want you doing it to clear up the mess I’ve made. There’s only one reason to be on your knees in front of me, and now is not the time, unfortunately. I’ll make sure this gets sorted, but for now, I want you to get dressed so I can take you out and feed you.”
“Yes, Master Fitzgerald.”
“God, you make me hard when you say that.”
I lick my lips seductively, running my hands down my body as I turn to fetch my dress from the closet. It’s like a red rag to a bull, and he takes me again, hard and fast, and oh so delicious, before we finally get dressed and head out to dinner.
Logan’s been here for half a day, but has somehow managed to get us a reservation at one of the most prestigious restaurants in Paris. It’s incredible – the food, the wine, and the company. I don’t want to mention it, but my ankle is really hurting after tonight’s performance. If I did, he would cancel dinner and have me resting back at the hotel. I won’t let our small window of time be ruined by my stupid body refusing to heal for me. I’m managing to keep it under control with painkillers, and that will have to do for now. I don’t want Logan to find out, so I wait until he goes to the restroom, to down a few tablets with my glass of wine, and when he returns to the table, he has news.
“I have a surprise for you while I’m here in Paris.”
“I love surprises! But, I’m just so glad you’re here, I don’t care what we do or where we go.”
He takes my hands in his across the table, sending a jolt of desire straight to my core. I’ve been starved of his touch for so long, even the smallest caress is like manna in the dessert.
“I’ve been asked to do a shibari Master class at Club Désir tomorrow night. I told them that I would have to confirm once I’d spoken to my submissive. What do you think? Would you like to be my muse, and let me work you into a piece of art? More beautiful that anything in the Louvre.”
His voice is so commanding, and sincere; I couldn’t possibly refuse him, even if I wanted to. It’s an honor to have a Master such as Logan demonstrate something as intricate and specialized as shibari on me. “I would love that. It’s been so long since we’ve been to Andromeda together. I miss it.”
He moves his thumbs across my knuckles, leaving a tingling sensation on my skin. “I’m glad. I’ve missed it, too. I’ve missed seeing you ready and waiting for me, or seeing you in chains on my cross. I’ve arranged for us to have a private room after the demonstration, because I’m not sure I’ll be able to wait to get you back to the hotel.”
“Sounds perfect.”
“You’re perfect.” He always says the sweetest things, without making them sound clichéd or cheesy; something in his voice makes it sound so sexy and… honest.
“And you’re quite the smooth talker.”
“Just being honest. Now enough about me, I want to know what’s been going on with you. How is your ankle now that you’re back dancing full-time?”
I don’t want to lie to him, but I know he’ll worry about me if I tell him how much it still hurts. I haven’t told the physio either. He wouldn’t let me dance if he knew how much pain I’m in every night. It almost killed me taking time away from it before. I can’t do it again. I’ve been managing my own pain, visiting doctors in every city to get prescriptions for Vicodin, because I can’t let the ballet company doctor find out about it. He works closely with the physio and they would have me replaced in a heartbeat. If I time it properly, I can get through the full performance without any adverse effects on my dancing ability, but within an hour of the curtain going down, I can barely stand. I took a few extra pills tonight to make sure that Logan doesn’t see that happen. I should be able to make it back to the hotel and rest up for tomorrow without it becoming too much for me.
“Earth to Vittoria. Did you hear me? Or am I boring you already?”
I was so busy thinking about my deception, I forgot to answer the question. “Sorry. Of course you’re not boring me, I’m just exhausted after the performance, followed by your… performance in my dressing room. Throw in some sparkling wine, and I’m feeling a little out of it.”
“I’ll get the check and we’ll go. My ballerina needs her rest, and as always, your wellbeing is my primary concern, my beautiful Nyx.”
As promised, Logan settles the bill and leads me out of the restaurant to hail a cab back to the hotel. I must have misjudged my pills, or the alcohol is affecting me more because of them, because I barely make it out of the door before my ankle gives way and I lose my footing. Logan reacts a
t lightning speed, taking my weight and pulling me close. “Are you okay? Is it your ankle?” He scoops me up into his arms as we wait for the valet to get us a cab, and all I want to do is cry. I want to confess everything to him, but I can’t.
“Just too much Champagne and heels that are far too high.”
“Are you sure? You’d tell me if it was your ankle, wouldn’t you?”
He looks at me, staring into my soul as I lie to his face. “Of course.” My heart drops into my stomach as I nestle against his warm chest, hanging my head in shame. I haven’t seen him in four months, my Master, the love of my life, and yet, here I am, lying to him. I’m a self-fulfilling prophecy. I’ve always known that I’m not good enough for him; that my darkness would taint his goodness, but instead of fighting it, I’m making it a reality, and I hate myself for it.
He spends the rest of the night taking care of me, after lifting me in and out of the cab, and carrying me up to our hotel room. He runs me a bath, washing every inch of me with such sweet tenderness, before putting me to bed, and crawling in beside me. I fall asleep content, for the first time in months – four months to be exact. My nightmares subside and the physical pain I feel in my waking hours, fades into insignificance, wrapped in the arms of the man I love.
“Are you ready to leave for Désir?”
“Yeah. I’m a little nervous. I’ve never been outside of a playroom before.”
Logan pulls me into his arms, his scent soothing my anxiety. “I spoke to the Master of the club last night. I laid down the ground rules for having us in the main hall. I told him that you will not be naked. I can show them everything they need to know without them seeing you like that. You’re mine, and the thought of anyone seeing what’s mine, makes me so angry I can hardly breathe.”
“Thank God! I would have done as you asked, but I really didn’t want to be completely naked in front of all those people.”
“Why didn’t you tell me? Remember the rules. You need to let me know your limits. It’s the only way I can protect you and make sure that I’m not pushing you past what you can handle.”