by Carrie Daws
Chapter 13
DAVID WOKE THE NEXT MORNING, unwilling to move. Exhaustion from the physical and emotional turmoil of the last several days felt like it had settled deep in his bones. His body felt like he could sleep another three days. But his mind only saw Cole lying in that hospital bed, and his heart only felt the depression of walking away from his baby.
Today they had to make funeral choices, including what they wanted to do with him after his cremation. A burial plot here in North Carolina would be easiest, but how long will the Army keep us stationed here? And when I retire, will we stay? Perhaps buying an urn and keeping him with us would be best. Could I stand to have his remains in the house? God, I need some wisdom.
He heard Melody stirring beside him, so he rolled over to her. Eyes full of tears, she simply looked at him and said, “I want my baby.”
He pulled her close. “I know. Me too.”
David stepped outside and took a deep breath. Sunny day, huh? God, couldn’t You put up a few clouds for me?
The house was largely quiet, even with the small flow of people stopping by to see them. One of the pastors from their church had come, as had a chaplain who had assured him that he would contact the personnel support element so the Casualty Office could get involved. At least Aunt Patricia and Dorothy were being kept occupied with visits from his team’s various spouses.
He leaned against the deck railing and dialed a familiar number.
“Hello?”
“Hey, Ryan.”
“David! Are you home?”
“Yeah.”
“How’s Cole?”
David still had trouble saying the words. His eyes still burned from the conversations with his parents and older brother. “He didn’t make it.”
Silence lingered on the other end of the line. “I’m sorry.”
“We opted to donate whatever organs they could use for other children.”
“I know those families appreciate your sacrifice.”
“This is one I’d have rather not made.”
“I can imagine.”
“I never think about it being a sacrifice when I’m in survival training or have to leave Mel behind to deploy somewhere. It’s my job, and I’m good at it. I know the Army is what I’m supposed to do.”
“But this is different?”
“I don’t see the purpose, Ryan. Why did God choose this, or allow this, or whatever you want to call it?”
“I don’t know, David.”
“I understand war. I know we need a military force to stand up to evil men. I know sometimes soldiers get hurt or die, and it may seem random, but that’s part of the package deal. I get that. I walk into it knowing it could be me. But Cole didn’t get a choice. He didn’t get a vote in whether or not to sacrifice himself for the good of others.”
“I wish I had answers for you. All I know is that God is trustworthy, even when He doesn’t make sense.”
“Maybe that’s why I’m looking for a purpose. I believe I can trust Him, but . . . I don’t know. Maybe my heart is just trying to catch up with my head.”
“I can understand that.”
David looked at his back shed and noticed a bird sitting on top of the roof. How many worries do birds have?
“What can I do, Dave? You want me to fly out there?”
“My commander’s given me some time off, and I’ve got some leave to burn. I think we’re going to inter him in Sacramento near our parents and then head north to see you and Brittany for a few days, if that’s okay. Melody needs the time away, and I think the time with Britt will be good for her.”
“Before you come, you need to know something.” Ryan paused. “Amber and Brittany are both pregnant.”
David took a deep breath and blew it out. “Wow. I wish I could be more happy for you.”
“It’s okay. And I understand if you don’t come.”
David paused. “No, I still think we should. Every time I ask God for help to get through this, you come to mind. I think we need to be in Crossing for a bit.”
“Okay. We’ll be waiting.”
David worried. Although simple, the interment ceremony had been nice, and Melody had held it together fairly well—until it was time to walk away. He had to admit walking away from the columbarium had been the toughest thing he’d ever done.
Now, with his son safely tucked into his niche, they were heading north on I-5. Melody sulked in the passenger seat beside him.
“Want some lunch?”
“Not really.”
“Might do you some good.”
“I’m not hungry.”
“It’s still a long way to Crossing.”
“Then let’s turn around and go back to Mom’s.”
“And what are you going to do there? Mope? Sit in your room?”
She glared at him. “So what if I do? Don’t I have the right to mope? I just buried my baby!”
“But what about those of us who are still living? I need you too, Mel.”
She snorted. “Right. I’m so necessary to your well-being that you spend more time in the field or deployed than you do at home.”
David gripped the steering wheel harder. “Don’t you want to see Brittany?”
“Why? So she can rub her pregnancy in my face?”
“She wouldn’t do that!”
“She’s a fool, anyway.”
“What do you mean by that?”
“She’s probably living in some dreamland, thinking she’ll give birth to a beautiful baby and they’ll live happily ever after.”
“That’s the real problem.”
“What?”
“You’re angry because she still has her baby.”
“I just don’t live in a fantasy anymore.”
“We won’t feel like this forever, Mel. Our hearts will heal; we’ll be able to have another baby.”
“No.”
“No, what?”
“No more babies. I won’t be hurt like this again.”
Chapter 14
MELODY SUNK LOWER IN THE front seat of her mom’s 2011 Ford Taurus as David pulled off Highway 26 and entered Crossing. I can’t believe Mom loaned David the car for this stupid trip. What’s wrong with sitting in Sacramento, seeing all our friends there?
“Which road does your Aunt Patricia live on?”
“Hood.”
“Will you recognize the house?”
“It shouldn’t be too hard. This whole town’s only about twelve blocks.”
David turned right onto Hood Street and drove slowly.
Melody pointed ahead and to the left. “There. The bright blue one.”
“She does have an eccentric flair, doesn’t she?”
Melody looked at the ranch-style home with blue siding as David parked. The stone path led to wide steps and a broad front porch complete with white corner block crowns. Even the top peak of the house boasted gable decorations. Certainly not the kind of thing people put money into anymore.
“Ready?”
Melody took a deep breath. “I guess.”
David squeezed her hand and got out. Melody saw her aunt standing on the top step but couldn’t quite make out what she was saying. She closed her eyes. I hope David was right about coming here.
Her door opened, and the conversation drifted to her ears.
“The trip up was pretty uneventful. The scenery was beautiful. It’s been a long time since I’ve driven Interstate 5 out of California.”
Sounds harmless enough. Melody stepped out and plastered on her best smile.
On the front porch, her aunt gave her a hug before leading the way into the small living room packed with her collection of trinkets and pictures.
“Do you want anything to eat?”
“No, thanks,” said Melody.
“We ate dinner a couple of hours ago,” said David.
“Well, come on in. Sit down.” Patricia took the floral-patterned chair, leaving the plush blue couch to David and Melody. David scooted a couple o
f pillows aside to allow more room.
“I’m so glad you came,” said Patricia. “I believe God has something special for you here.”
Melody bit her tongue.
Her aunt continued. “I don’t quite know what He’s thinking, of course, but I just feel it in my bones.”
“You have some new things since I was last here,” said Melody, trying to change the subject.
Patricia looked around. “Yes, well. I just can’t pass up a good deal.” Her eyes sparkled. “And times lately have been hard for folks. But God keeps providing.”
“That curio cabinet is beautiful,” said Melody. She walked over to it, doing her best to admire the items it held.
“Yes, that’s from a woman about a year or so ago. Her husband had died, and she was cleaning out her house, getting rid of most of her furniture so she could move in with her daughter.”
“So she gave that to you?” said David.
“Oh, no. We traded. She needed new tires for her car.”
Melody watched the look of confusion on David’s face. “Aunt Patricia owns a couple of garages, one here in Crossing and another in Portland. When people can’t pay in cash, she trades for whatever they do have.”
“I host some of the best estate and yard sales in the county,” said Patricia, winking at David.
“You’re an amazing woman,” said David.
“Just doing my best to work with what God gave me,” said Patricia.
Melody sighed. Does every topic have to lead back to God?
“So, how is the garage doing?” said Melody.
“Both are doing just fine. Business is a little slower than I’d like, but we’re still making enough money to pay the bills.”
“How do you manage a shop in Portland?” said David. “Do you run up there regularly?”
“Oh goodness, no. Several years ago, I took on a partner named Jake. He’s been such a blessing. Honest, hard-working man. He takes care of the day-to-day stuff, and he and I consult once a month or so.”
“How do you know he’s not robbing you blind?” said Melody sourly.
“I hire an auditor to check over the books once a year. Plus, a couple times a year, I go up and spend the day with Jake’s family. We go to church together and then enjoy a nice lunch somewhere.”
Melody continued to look at the various items tucked away on shelves and in corners around the room.
“Surely, Melody,” said Patricia, “you’ve seen enough kindness in people over the last couple of weeks to know that a lot of people can still be trusted.”
“Just because people go to church doesn’t make them trustworthy,” said Melody without facing her aunt.
“And just because bad things happen doesn’t mean God isn’t.”
Melody spun on her aunt. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“God is still trustworthy.”
Is she kidding me? “And what exactly in the last year and a half would convince me of that?”
“Melody,” said David.
“He gave you that precious baby!” said Patricia.
“He took my baby!” said Melody.
“Melody,” said David, standing.
Melody looked at him, then turned around to face the wall. She clenched her fists. I knew this was a bad idea.
“It’s been a long day,” said David. “Why don’t I get our bags, Mel? Then you can lay down to rest.”
Melody couldn’t bring herself to speak, and apparently neither could Patricia.
“Which room would you like us to use, Patricia?” said David.
“That first door on the hall will be fine.”
“I’ll help you get the bags.” Melody turned and stormed out the door.
When David reached the trunk, she turned on him. “I knew this was a bad idea. This isn’t going to work, David. I can’t stay here with her.”
“Why?”
“Why what?”
“Why can’t you stay here with your own aunt?”
“What kind of question is that? You were there.” Melody pointed at the house. “You heard her.”
David popped the trunk open. “What I heard is a woman who believes with her whole heart that God is good.”
“Exactly! What a crock!”
“Melody! Are you listening to yourself?”
“Yes! She’s in there spouting off all this goody-two-shoes nonsense.” She grabbed their small backpack filled with her cosmetics and his shaving kit. “I’m just standing up for what I believe.”
“You’re standing up for what you are seeing through eyes clouded with grief.”
“So I’m not allowed to have an opinion now?”
“You shouldn’t demean others in the declaration of theirs. You’re belittling her opinions simply because you’re hurting.”
“I have a right to my opinion!”
David grabbed the suitcase out of the trunk and slammed the lid.
“And so does she.”
Melody looked at David’s back as he strode to the porch. Her mind felt jumbled. A few weeks ago, I would have cringed at someone who put down another’s opinion. Am I being as harsh as he makes it sound?
“Come inside, Mel.”
David waited for her at the top step. She slung the backpack over her shoulder and walked back into the house.
Chapter 15
DAVID FOLLOWED THE DIRECTIONS PATRICIA had given him and pulled into Ryan’s driveway. The front porch light on the one-story log cabin beckoned to him, calling out like a lighthouse in a safe harbor. As he approached the front door, it opened. The sight of his friend in blue jeans and a casual sweater brought calmness to his heart. Ryan’s short brown hair spiked in an unkempt manner reminded David of more carefree days.
“Hey!” Ryan engulfed him in a hug. “I’m glad you came.”
David didn’t have any words. He just smiled at his friend.
“Come on in.”
Brittany stood from her seat on the overstuffed leather couch, reaching to hug David as he greeted her.
“You look great,” said David, unzipping his jacket. Marriage hadn’t seemed to add much to her trim figure, and her eyes hadn’t lost their sparkle. She just exuded a fun-loving personality.
“Thanks,” said Brittany.
“How far along are you?” The smallest bump was beginning to show on her abdomen underneath her long-sleeved t-shirt. But her taller frame would probably carry a baby better than Melody’s. Brittany had a good three inches on his wife.
“Fifteen weeks. Thankfully, the morning sickness is easing up a bit.”
David nodded his head. He looked at Ryan. “And how far is your sister?”
“She’s at what,” said Ryan, looking at Brittany. “Thirty-three weeks?”
Brittany nodded her head. “She’s due just a couple weeks before Christmas.”
“So, one baby for the holidays and another for the spring,” said David. “Sounds like a great way to end one year and start a new one.”
“How are you doing?” said Ryan. He sat beside his wife as David took the chair near them.
“I’m not sure I can put it into words. I get this call while I’m in the desert that my son is sick and the Red Cross is getting me home on the first thing that’s moving. And I get home just in time to say goodbye to him.” David looked at Ryan. “I was barely home half of his life. Between training for the mission and then leaving when he was about three and a half months old, I only got a few weeks with him.”
“How’s Melody?” Brittany asked, leaning forward, concern etched on her face.
David rubbed his eyes and sighed deeply. “Angry is probably the best word for it. And she feels justified.”
“Anger is one of the stages of grief.” Brittany nodded knowingly.
“But it feels like she’s stuck there. And she doesn’t care to move on.”
“What do you mean?” said Ryan.
David leaned forward with his elbows on his thighs. “I think she’s angry at God but takin
g it out on everyone else. She laid into her aunt tonight just because Patricia said God was trustworthy.”
“I’m not sure I would handle someone telling me about the goodness of God very well if I’d just lost my baby,” Brittany admitted.
“I get that. I guess.” David leaned back again. “I just don’t know what to do with her. She hated the idea of coming here. And I think she’s avoiding seeing you guys just because of your baby.”
“What if Ryan met you tomorrow without me?” Brittany looked at Ryan. “Dr. Williams and I could hold down the office easily enough for a few hours while you meet for lunch or something.”
“We could meet at the diner in the town square,” said Ryan. “Or I could meet you at the house, and we could walk up. It’s just a couple of blocks.”
“I’m willing to try anything. Losing Cole is tough. I don’t want to lose my wife too.”
David listened for the rumble of Ryan’s Ford Mustang the next day. The tension in the air was giving him a headache, and he didn’t know whether to take his wife’s quiet demeanor as an improvement or not. The cloudy day outside certainly wasn’t helping.
“Sounds like Ryan coming,” said Patricia from her seat on the couch. She barely looked up from her crossword puzzle.
David listened and barely heard the small block 302. “How far away can you hear that?”
“Oh, through most the town, I suppose. If’n I’m listening for it.”
David stood and waited by the front door for Ryan to park the car and walk up to the door. “Hey, man,” he greeted his friend. “I’ll see if Mel is ready to go.”
Ryan nodded his head and stepped inside. “Morning, Mrs. Guire. How are you?”
“Can’t say I have any direct complaints.”
“Any indirect ones I should know about?”
“Now, boy, don’t you think if’n I wanted you all up in my business, I’d make an appointment?”
“Aunt Patricia!” Melody gasped.
Ryan ignored her for the moment and spoke directly to Patricia. “No, ma’am.”
Patricia looked at him, her eyes squinted. “No, ma’am, what?”
“I don’t think you’d make an appointment.”
Patricia looked back to her crossword, dismissing him. “Hmph. You’re probably right about that. Have a good lunch.”