by Nisha Sharma
Shah Rukh Khan snapped his fingers, and a drumbeat began to thrum around them.
“Let’s dance!”
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
It took a small, diverse village to write this book, and each and every member of that village has my deepest and sincerest thanks. To Alison Magnotti-Nagel, Smita Kurrumchand, and Laura DeSilva Romero, my partners in crime and the best friends a girl can have. Thank you for keeping me sane all these years, for reading my horrible work and telling me it was good anyway. To my incredible MFA mentor, Cecilia Galante, for being my cheerleader throughout the entire writing process. Your positive energy was infectious, and I’ll forever be grateful that I met you at Wilkes. Thanks to Susan Cartsonis, a baller woman in the film industry who provided input and honesty when I needed it the most. Susan, thank you for loving my story. To Gurinder Chadha for her insight, edits, and support. Punjabi mentor of my heart, I hope you like the changes I made. A special thanks to Blaze at Movies 14 in Wilkes-Barre, Pennsylvania, for showing me how to splice film and teaching me about projectors. Blaze, you’re as cool as your name, and if I screwed up any of the explanation in this book, it’s all on me. Thanks to my agent, Joy Tutela at David Black Literary, who has been my confidant, my advocate, my therapist, and, most important, my friend. Because I could never forget the woman who believed in me and my writing, to Phoebe Yeh. Thank you and the fantastic crew at Crown Books for Young Readers. Your hours of time, effort, and energy are humbling. Last but not least, to my writing community, including my Desi writers, the Sweet 16s, the Debut 17s, and the Electric 18s. You supported me when I was at my lowest, and losing hope. I made it to the finish line kicking and screaming, but I had you at my side the whole time. For that, you have my undying gratitude. I hope I’ve done the story justice and made you all proud.
WINNIE MEHTA’S BOLLYWOOD MOVIE REFERENCES IN ORDER OF APPEARANCE
Chapter 1
QUEEN (2013) ★★★★★
Basically, heroine gets jilted and goes on her honeymoon by herself. She finds friends and adventure along the way. The reason why a movie with such a basic plotline deserves so many stars is because Kangana is HYSTERICAL. Like, belly laughs hysterical.
DIL TO PAGAL HAI (1997) / THE HEART IS CRAZY ★★★★★
Classic love triangle (or square?) involving a music producer, two dancers, and a sort of arranged marriage to a best friend. DTPH is a masterpiece from the late ’90s.
Chapter 2
WHAT’S YOUR RAASHEE? (2009) / WHAT’S YOUR HOROSCOPE? ★★★★★
We all know Priyanka Chopra played the heroine in this movie so she could promote her then boyfriend, who is a terrible actor.
BAAZIGAR (1993) / GAMBLER ★★★★★
Shah Rukh Khan was stretching his acting muscles here. He wears a horrible Zorro outfit in one of the musical numbers, but the twist in this movie is KILLER.
KABHI KHUSHI KABHIE GHAM…(2001) / SOMETIMES HAPPINESS, SOMETIMES SADNESS…★★★★★
Anything with Amitabh Bachchan, Shah Rukh Khan, and Kajol should be an auto-watch. Also, Hrithik Roshan dancing. The only issue I have with the movie is that Bebo/Kareena Kapoor sucks at crying, so her character is super annoying.
Chapter 3
STUDENT OF THE YEAR (2012) ★★★★★
Thus begin the industry careers of three blockbuster actors. They were all young at the time, which is why they were perfect for this movie, since it’s like High School Musical except we get to see Sid Malhotra’s abs.
Chapter 4
HUMPTY SHARMA KI DULHANIA (2014) / HUMPTY SHARMA’S BRIDE ★★★★★
I’m skeptical about any attempts at remaking a Shah Rukh Khan classic. However, Varun Dhawan deserved an award for this movie. His comedic timing was on point.
DEEWAAR (1975) / WALL ★★★★★
Two brothers, one an underworld mob boss and the other a respectable police officer, find themselves in a twisted crime drama. There is betrayal, family sacrifice, and a kick-butt mom.
PROFESSOR (1962) ★★★★★
Think Mrs. Doubtfire. Sort of. A son needs to pay for his mother’s medical expenses, so he disguises himself as an old man to tutor two hot chicks…and falls for one of them. Creepy yet sweet, right?
Chapter 5
RAM LAKHAN (1989) ★★★★★
In this movie, we have police officers, stolen inheritances, and underworld stuff with Madhuri Dixit dancing like the beast she is.
SHOLAY (1975) / EMBERS ★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★
Oh my God, don’t even get me started on how awesome this movie is. I’m not even going to tell you about it. Don’t be lame—just go watch it.
MOTHER INDIA (1957) ★★★★★
A classic Indian movie about the power and struggles of one woman. Invest in a lot of tissues.
Chapter 6
NAMASTEY LONDON (2007) ★★★★★
Katrina Kaif needs some acting lessons, but what else is new? At least the soundtrack is decent.
NAMAK HALAAL (1982) / FAITHFUL ★★★★★
This movie has one of the sexiest rain dances in Bollywood cinematic history. Also, Amitabh Bachchan and Shashi Kapoor look like they have SO much fun together.
BEND IT LIKE BECKHAM (2002) ★★★★★
A soccer player who wants to break away from traditional British Punjabi culture. Tons of laughter and a hot coach.
BRIDE AND PREJUDICE (2004) ★★★★★
Think Pride and Prejudice, except with amazing Indian family drama and dance scenes. I just can’t give it five stars on principle. Colin Firth will always be the only Mr. Darcy that counts.
Chapter 7
DELHI-6 (2009) ★★★★★
Section 6 in Delhi is dealing with racial tension between Muslims and Hindus, but everyone gets together to defeat a rabid monkey that’s loose in the streets. Also, the heroine wants to get on the TV show Indian Idol, but her parents want her married. I don’t know, this is all sorts of confusing. A. R. Rahman did the score, which is why it deserves at least two stars.
Chapter 8
AAINA (1993) / MIRROR ★★★★★
Juhi Chawla is supposed to be the ugly sister in this story, and she has to marry the hero because her sister ran away before the wedding. Jackie Shroff lucked out, though. Juhi was way hotter than her sister, even before her big makeover when she took off her glasses and started wearing saris.
JAB WE MET (2007) / WHEN WE MET ★★★★★
Shahid Kapoor and Kareena Kapoor’s greatest movie together…and the one that ended their personal relationship. Kareena found her funny bone and Shahid found his swagger in this movie.
OM SHANTI OM (2007) / PEACE ★★★★★
Introducing Deepika Padukone in a double role. It’s a remake of a Rishi Kapoor film from a few decades earlier but still an amazing story. Try not to think about the fact that the hero and heroine are twenty years apart in age.
Chapter 9
BOMBAY (1995) ★★★★★
Bombay was originally a Tamil-language film, and because it was SO good, the producers dubbed it in Hindi. Talk about a beautiful love story that is sad at the same time.
MUJHSE DOSTI KAROGE! (2002) / WILL YOU BE MY FRIEND? ★★★★★
You’ve Got Mail with a mistaken-identity twist. A love triangle ensues and godly intervention is required to fix Rani Mukerji’s dumb decisions.
Chapter 10
CHENNAI EXPRESS (2013) ★★★★★
Sorry, Shah Rukh Khan. Deepika Padukone was the shining crown jewel of this movie, and all eyes were on her. Deepika plays the daughter of a mob boss. She is avoiding marriage by running away. Shah Rukh Khan just wants to dump his grandfather’s ashes in a specific spot in the south. He gets caught in the crossfire in this hysterical dramedy.
DILWALE DULHANIA LE JAYENGE (1995) / THE BIG-HEARTED WILL TAKE AWAY THE BRIDE ★★★★★
Iconic Shah Rukh Khan and Kajol chemistry. One good girl goes on a trip before s
he succumbs to an arranged marriage. One wealthy brat meets good girl on the same trip, and a love story that defies friendship, family, and culture ensues. *sigh*
MAINE PYAR KIYA (1989) / I FELL IN LOVE ★★★★★
Friends who fall in love. A man who must prove his feelings by giving up all of his wealth. A gang of hooligans. What more do you need?
Chapter 11
DANGAL (2016) / WRESTLING ★★★★★
Dangal is based on the true story of a female wrestler in India. Since Aamir Khan is in it and he produced the movie, it was destined to be a super hit.
Chapter 12
YAADEIN (2001) / MEMORIES ★★★★★
The concept of Yaadein is an interesting one, but when you start having songs that include an army of Hrithik Roshans marching with guns for NO REASON, the movie becomes questionable.
Chapter 13
AISHA (2010) ★★★★★
Aisha is the Indian take on Jane Austen’s Emma. Now you all know that Bridget’s favorite author is Austen, and her most favorite book of all time is Pride and Prejudice, but her SECOND fave of all time is Emma. So obviously, I had high standards. Aisha definitely passes muster for a solid remake of the classic novel.
Chapter 14
GOLIYON KI RAASLEELA: RAM-LEELA (2013) / A PLAY OF BULLETS: RAM-LEELA ★★★★★
Sanjay Leela Bhansali is known for his cinematography, not for his story lines, which is why Ram-Leela is just another take on Romeo and Juliet. Luckily, he cast Ranveer Singh as his hero. When Ranveer flexes his biceps, you can hear women sigh around the world.
HUM AAPKE HAIN KOUN…! (1994) / WHO AM I TO YOU! ★★★★★
Madhuri Dixit is my god.
Chapter 15
HUM DIL DE CHUKE SANAM (1999) / I GAVE MY HEART AWAY, DARLING ★★★★★
An arranged marriage goes horribly right in this movie. After you watch a love story unfold between the heroine and another guy. GASP. Intrigue.
FAN (2016) ★★★★★
Because Shah Rukh Khan movies always become blockbusters no matter how bad they are, we sometimes forget how great an actor he is. In Fan, he plays a double role, and although it’s a super-arrogant concept, he sorta kills it.
GUPT (1997) / SECRET ★★★★★
Stop it, Kajol. You’re amazing. Also, Bobby Deol in leather is like a ’90s fantasy.
Chapter 16
KUCH KUCH HOTA HAI (1998) / SOMETHING HAPPENS ★★★★★
Love triangle between a player, the new girl, and the best friend. Although I’m not a huge fan of the fact that Shah Rukh Khan didn’t start liking Kajol until she became ultra-feminine, their love story is so cute that I couldn’t help but love this movie anyway. I mean, can you blame me? It has a train scene, a rain scene, group dances, and a WEDDING.
Chapter 17
MAIN HOON NA (2004) / I’M HERE FOR YOU ★★★★★
As Farah Khan’s directorial debut, MHN pokes fun at some tropes while sticking true to what really makes a good Bollywood movie: secret brother relationships, great dance scenes, and a mind-blowing soundtrack.
AE DIL HAI MUSHKIL (2016) / THIS LOVE IS COMPLICATED ★★★★★
Ever since Anushka Sharma got her lip job, she looks a little weird when she talks, but this movie is really all about Ranbir Kapoor. He’s breaking boundaries, and although I, Winnie Mehta, am a Bollywood purist, I have to admit that he has a few good movies in his wheelhouse.
Chapter 18
KHAMOSHI (1996) / SILENCED ★★★★★
The heroine is seriously a damsel in distress in Khamoshi. She has to take care of her parents, who are both deaf, and a lot of other really bad things happen. Buy TONS of tissues for this one.
Chapter 19
DOSTANA (2008) / FRIENDSHIP ★★★★★
Not really funny, mostly offensive, story of two Indian men who pretend to be a gay couple to room with a beautiful woman who owns a killer apartment. Then they compete for her while at the same time continuing their charade. UGH. I consider this a bit of a Bollywood fail. The song “Desi Girl” has become a cult classic, though.
MOHABBATEIN (2000) / LOVE STORIES ★★★★★
This movie has FIVE different romance story lines in it. One of them involves Shah Rukh Khan and a ghost. For real. Even though the three main leads barely wear any clothes and Amitabh Bachchan’s dialogues go on forever, this movie is amazeballs.
Chapter 20
AMAR AKBAR ANTHONY (1977) ★★★★★
Three brothers, separated at birth, find each other again without knowing that they’re related. Tons of comedy, dancing, and drama.
Chapter 21
SATTE PE SATTA (1982) / SEVEN ON SEVEN ★★★★★
It’s a Bollywood remake of the Hollywood movie Seven Brides for Seven Brothers. Even though it lacks some originality, Amitabh Bachchan plays a double role and totally slays.
DHOOM (2004) / BANG ★★★★★
Okay, technically Dhoom 2 is better than the first one, but John Abraham, y’all.
Chapter 22
RANG DE BASANTI (2006) / COLOR IT SAFFRON ★★★★★
Aamir Khan somehow convinced me to watch a movie where you know the ending is going to have you sobbing. An awesome story about history and corruption in India today.
Chapter 23
KAPOOR AND SONS (2016) ★★★★★
Never been a fan of “realistic” Bollywood, but Fawad Khan and his adorably scruffy beard make anything worth watching.
MORE BOLLYWOOD MOVIES RANKED FOUR STARS AND HIGHER
Action Replayy (2010)
Andaz Apna Apna (1994)
Anjaana Anjani (2010)
Baahubali (2015)
Baahubali 2: The Conclusion (2017)
Band Baaja Baaraat (2010)
Bhool Bhulaiyaa (2007)
Bobby (1973)
Chalte Chalte (1976)
Chandni (1989)
Cheeni Kum (2007)
Cocktail (2012)
Darr (1993)
Devdas (2002)
Dil (1990)
Dil Bole Hadippa! (2009)
Dil Chahta Hai (2001)
Dil Dhadakne Do (2015)
The Dirty Picture (2010)
Duplicate (1998)
Guide (1965)
Jaane Tu…Ya Jaane Na (2008)
Jewel Thief (1967)
Jodhaa Akbar (2008)
Judwaa (1997)
Kaala Patthar (1979)
Kabhie Kabhie (1976)
Kaho Naa…Pyaar Hai (2000)
Kal Ho Naa Ho (2003)
Karun Arjun (1995)
Khal Nayak (1993)
Khoobsurat (2014)
Koyla (1997)
Lagaan (2001)
Lamhe (1991)
Lekin…(1991)
The Lunchbox (2013)
Luv Shuv Tey Chicken Khurana (2012)
Monsoon Wedding (2002)
Mr. India (1987)
Mughal-e-Azam (1960)
Nagina (1986)
Na Tum Jaano Na Hum (2002)
Pakeezah (1972)
Pardes (1997)
Piku (2015)
Qayamat Se Qayamat Tak (1988)
Raja (1995)
Raja Hindustani (1996)
Silsila (1981)
Singh Is Kinng (2008)
Taal (1999)
Tanu Weds Manu (2011)
Three Idiots (2009)
Two States (2014)
Umrao Jaan (1981)
Veer-Zara (2004)
Yeh Dillagi (1994)
Yeh Jawaani Hai Deewani (2013)
Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara (2011)
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
NISHA SHARMA grew up in northeast Pennsylvania immersed in Bollywood movies, ’80s pop culture, and romance novels, so it is no surprise that her first young adult novel, My So-Called Bollywood Life, features all three.
The concept for the novel came to Nisha when she moved to New Jersey after law school, and a few years later, she com
pleted My So-Called Bollywood Life as part of her MA thesis. Nisha was fortunate enough to receive feedback on film culture in the book from directors and producers such as Susan Cartsonis (Storefront Pictures) and Gurinder Chadha (Bend It Films).
Nisha credits her father for her multiple graduate degrees, and her mother for her love of Shah Rukh Khan and Jane Austen. She lives in New Jersey with her cat, Lizzie Bennett, and her dog, Nancey Drew. You can find her online at nisha-sharma.com or on Twitter and Instagram at @nishawrites.
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