by Skye Turner
I sigh. “Gee, thanks! But, I know. You’re right.” My shoulder bumps hers and I smile slightly. “It’ll be ok.”
She mutters, “Yes, it will.”
We wave to the security teams at the doors and the guys standing by the barricades. There’s a crowd back here so as expected, we turn to them. We smile and take photos while we sign autographs for about fifteen minutes, until finally, Daisy pulls me back. Security blocks the crowd’s view of us as those we missed call out to us.
We’re almost at our bus when Daisy stops in her tracks. “Shit! I forgot!”
I look at her with a question. “Forgot what?”
Her hand rubs her forehead. “Rafe wrote the number for the hotel Momma and Daddy are staying at down earlier. My phone was charging, so I used his to call them…” She blinks. “Remember, they went to NOLA for a few days?!”
Ok, so why can’t he bring it when he comes on the bus in a bit?!
She’s going to call them right now?
Why doesn’t she call their cell phone?
I nod. “Of course, I remember. But, why can’t you just call their cells phones?”
She sighs. “Because they left them at home. Momma was in rush to get on the road and both were on the counter. By the time she realized it, they were already halfway there.”
Both of them left their cells?
Damn, poor daddy. Momma must be driving him crazy by now.
Daisy pulls me with her to the Destiny Fades to Blue bus. I freeze and shake my head. “I’m not going on there.” I look over at our bus. “I’ll just go to the bus and get showered. You don’t need me to come with you.”
Her eyes flash at me and she says, “Come on. You can help me look. It’s probably right in the front where we were sitting. But if not, I don’t want to be digging for an hour. I’m tired, too, Summer.”
She’s only asking for a minute.
Fine…
I nod, but I grumble. “Or, you could just call your boyfriend and ask him where the hell he put it. No searching at all and you can be in and out.”
She rolls her eyes. “Ok, let me do that. I’ll try to call him during his All Access thing that’s only forty minutes tonight. I’m sure that his fans won’t mind if he takes a call from his girlfriend instead of taking photos with them.”
Well, when you put it like that…
I stomp my foot and mutter, “Ok, fine. Come on. Let’s find the number and go. I’m tired and I need my bed.”
Daisy laughs and nudges me. “You’re the best sister ever. I love you, you know that?!”
Now why would she ask me that?
Of course I know that she loves me.
She’s a weirdo.
With a head shake, I follow her onto the Destiny Fades to Blue bus. She points to the leather couch. “Look there. I’ll look over here. It should be right here.”
I look but don’t see anything other than magazines, picks, drum sticks, paper with scribbled notes and keys on it, and man trash.
I mutter, “I don’t think it’s over here, Daisy.”
She mumbles. “You may be right. Can you check the back lounge while I finish looking here? I think Rafe might have walked back there with it.”
Sighing in annoyance, I ask, “Why don’t you check the back and I’ll look over there?”
Her eyes show her frustration and she sighs. “Because I’ve already checked most of this and you’d be looking where I already looked. It’ll take like a minute, Summer.”
I snap back, “Fine. I’ll go check the back. If you find it, yell.” And I stomp through the bus. The sleeping cabin is in the same place on this one as on ours, and I have to walk through it to get to the back lounge.
Fighting with myself, I try to stay focused straight ahead and not look into Sean’s bunk. I fail.
Looking to the right, I see his sheets are messed up.
He didn’t make his bed. Does he ever?
What does it matter, Summer?
You aren’t ever going to see him in a bed again, so no need to wonder about stupid shit like that!
Squeezing my eyes shut, I purse my lips and grab the door leading to the bathroom and then the back lounge.
It’s quiet back here. It’s a little unnerving to be in the guy’s space without them being here.
Grumbling out loud, I reach for the door to the back lounge. “It’s not like I’m snooping. I wouldn’t even be here unless Daisy dragged me on here for this damn number. It better be back here. I’m ready to go!”
The lamps are on, but the main light is off. Turning to the longest section of the black leather couch, I glance over the cushions, the side table, and the coffee table.
I don’t see shit back here.
Where is it?!
The main light suddenly flips on and I scream out and whirl to try to get to the door. I freeze and my hands clutch in front of my chest.
Sean is standing there holding out his hands. “Calm down, Summer. I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to scare you…”
Sean
She jumped a mile. She literally had no idea I was in here. I tried to make a noise before turning on the light, but she mustn’t have heard me.
Her face is full of shock, fear, and uncertainty.
Finally, she lowers her hands and slaps them on her hips. She glares at me. “What the fuck are you doing? You’re supposed to be at the All Access thing!”
Shaking my head, I shrug. “Nah. We did that before the show. Same as y’all.”
Her face shows her confusion and then her anger as she realizes that Daisy was in on this.
She shrieks. “She fucking played me. She lied to me… I’m going to kick her ass…”
She’s so beautiful, even with all that makeup on her face. Her eyes are flashing with fire and her anger has her skin flushed. She’s looked pale lately. Her eyes go to the door and she takes one step as she snaps, “Move, Sean. I’m leaving.”
I shake my head. “No, we need to talk.”
Her eyes widen as she screams. “We don’t. I told you that. We have nothing to talk about. Now, let me out.”
Nope. She can scream at me all she wants. I’ll take it.
But, she’s not leaving this room until I say what I want to say.
I’d prefer that neither of us leave this room until we’re back together, but if not, she’s at least going to hear me out.
I smile as I feel the purr of the engines under my feet.
Summer’s eyes bug out as she looks out the window and shrieks. “Are we moving? This bus is moving right now?”
Nodding, I cross my arms over my chest and watch her face. She swallows while she watches the stadium field start to recede into the background. Since she won’t look at me, I have to say it out loud. “Yeah, we’re heading to D.C. You know the concert is there tomorrow night.”
Her head turns toward me and my breath catches as the city lights bounce off her face through the window. She says quietly, “Are you serious? You’re basically kidnapping me right now, you know that, right?”
No, I’m not.
Daisy and Rafe, hell, even Roman, helped us do this.
No one is kidnapping you, Summer.
Sighing, I gesture to the couch. “I did no such thing. You won’t talk to me, Summer and we need to talk. So, our friends decided to help me get you in a position that you’d have to listen to me. Sit.”
She stays standing but I sit and lean back as if I’m calm. I am so far removed from calm, it’s almost scary right now.
My heart is racing so fast and hard, I’m surprised it’s not popping out of my chest. My muscles are wound so tightly, that one wrong move and they’ll snap. I am so not calm.
Her eyes search my face and she shakes her head before she looks right at me. “Why do we need to talk, Sean? I mean, why?” She sounds so resigned.
I’m going to just have to talk. I’m going to have to get it all out. She might still walk out of here, but then again, she might not.
Never
know until you try.
It’s go time.
“Because you broke up with me. You… ended… things… with… me… Summer.” She opens her mouth but nothing comes out so I push forward. “You destroyed me. You had every right. I know that it was my fault. It was all my fault.
“I fucked up. I know that. You were right, I didn’t know how to have a relationship, but that’s only because I’ve never had one before. Not one that meant a damn.
“Until you. So, I’m going to lay it all out and I’m going to tell you how I now know that I fucked up. Because, I didn’t know before. I didn’t know. But, I do now. I get it.
“At the fundraiser, I didn’t speak up fast enough and by the time I was going to, you were already putting Danica in her place. Which was awesome, by the way. She’s a bitch. Always has been and a lot of people let her walk all over them, but you didn’t.” I stare at her. Her face is uncertain as she looks back at me. “She only came up to me like that because she’s a bitch and she wanted to goad you. But you kept it classy, sweetheart. You tore her down and you stayed classy while doing it.
“I was so impressed by that and I was turned on… that was hot. You’re so little. People underestimate your strength… but you fired back and you didn’t even hesitate.”
My eyes hug her petite curves. “She was way off base. You’re not even close to fat. You’re womanly and sexy… and perfect.” Her eyes appear to be softening a bit.
That’s good… right?!
Don’t pause, asshole. Just keep going before she can cut you off.
“I know that you were upset because of that and that’s why you ignored me… but at the time, I didn’t know that. I never thought that you would think I was ashamed of you or anything as ridiculous as that. That is so far from the truth. I didn’t speak up because I thought you handled it and you don’t really come off as the damsel in distress who needs a man’s help. That was my bad, Summer.
“Then, I went to find you after the concert to try to talk to you and find out what I did. I knew I had to have done something… Only, I saw you and Jake and your heads were bent close together with your hand on his arm.” I exhale harshly. “I saw my girlfriend with her hand on the arm of the man she dated before me… So, I instantly started freaking myself out that you wanted him and not me… that you realized I wasn’t the guy for you… that Jake was…”
I implore her with my eyes. “For the first time in my life, I was scared to death of losing something important to me. And you are… You are, Summer. You’re important to me. You matter and I know that I fucked up, but I’m dying here…”
Chapter Twenty-Two
Summer
What is he saying?!
He’s dying? Why?
I don’t know what to do…
What the hell do I do?!
I swallow to attempt to moisten my parched throat before opening my mouth. No sound comes out, so I try it again. My voice is faint as I ask, “What are you saying, Sean?” I shrug and my hands fall limply to my sides again. “I don’t know what I’m supposed to do here…”
His eyes are so blue, they almost seem to be glowing. If I didn’t know better, I’d swear he was otherworldly.
His head shakes and the blue locks flare out. “I can’t tell you what to do, Summer. I only told you how I felt. I’m saying that I care about you. I care about you, a lot. Like a whole lot. I think I probably love you, not that I even know what loving a woman really feels like. I mean… I’ve never felt this before so I don’t really have a comparison…”
Oh my God… did Sean just say that he thinks he loves me?!
I’m hearing things. I have to be, right?!
There is no way he just said that.
But, he did and he sounds nervous and confused and a little scared.
Is he serious?! Does he love me?!
And even if he does, that doesn’t mean that we work…
What do I do?!
I don’t realize I’m just standing here, staring at Sean, until he clears his throat and says huskily, “I just told you that I think I love you, Summer, and you’re just standing there…” His shoulders slump and he turns away. “Ok, then. I guess you really meant it…” He reaches for the door.
What? He’s leaving?!
I didn’t say anything… I don’t know what to say.
Liar! Yes, you do!
You’re just too chicken shit of getting hurt to spit it out.
“No, wait.” I gasp. He quickly turns back to me and the hope on his face is my complete undoing. I shake my head so that I can get through this. “Just wait a second. You can’t hit me with all of this like that and expect an instant response.” I inhale and exhale. “I need a minute, Sean.”
What the hell am I about to do?
I’m either going to crush both of us or we’re getting back together.
He nods slowly and I relax a bit. Deciding that I might need to sit down for this, I cross the small room and perch on the edge of the u-shaped couch. Sean is near the other end just watching me. Finally, I think I’ve formulated my thoughts enough to talk. I sigh. “Ok, this might take me a bit, so you’re just going to have to be patient.” He nods once. “Ok, good. You… you surprised me.”
He laughs lightly. “Well, that makes two of us, sweetheart.”
I shake my head and mutter, “No, don’t talk. You had your turn. Now, give me time to take mine.” I look at him and arch my brow. “But, no chiming in, ok?”
His brow arches and he sucks his lip ring into his mouth, but he jerks his head in acknowledgement.
“At the fundraiser… to be presented with that model like that… her blatantly insulting me while she came on to you… then to have her deliberately attack me… I was taken aback. I don’t deal with people like that in my life, Sean. I’m not naïve or sheltered, so I knew who she was and I’d even seen the headlines when you two…” I wave my hand around, “partied together or whatever you did.”
He holds up his finger and exclaims, “I am a rocker, yes, but have never partied with anyone. I don’t do drugs. I never have. I just want to clarify that. Sorry for interrupting, carry on.”
My eyes widen and I try not to smirk. How like him to interrupt me and then just say “carry on”.
Good to know he’s drug free and always has been.
Looking at him crossly, I continue. “Ok, good. But when she attacked me, you didn’t do anything. Of course I thought that you must have agreed with her!”
He buts in again as he shakes his head furiously. “I did not!”
I stare at him and say exasperatedly, “Seriously, you’re going to just keep interrupting me?!”
He nods and says, “If you’re saying wrong shit, then yes, I am. If we’re hashing it out, then I’m going to defend myself!” His arms cross over his chest and I notice the smeared eyeliner, sweat matted hair, and the way his shirt is hugging his body everywhere because it’s still soaked clean through.
I grimace as I realize I must look about the same with my stage make-up. I probably look like a hooker.
I shudder and groan. “We’re gross, Sean.”
He blinks in confusion. “What? We’re gross? Like as a couple? You think we’re gross?!”
He’s so lost.
Hell, I’m kind of lost.
But, we ARE gross.
I can’t help it. I chuckle. “No, not what I meant.” I flick my finger between us. “I mean, we’re gross… from the stage. Neither of us has cleaned up.” Blushing, I mutter, “I don’t think we’re gross as a couple.”
His eyes widen and he grins. “Oh, yeah, we are gross. But, that’s ok. I’d rather get this sorted than get clean.” He winks and my heart starts racing. “Glad you don’t think us as a couple is gross though.” His eyes clear and he asks point blank. “So, how about we be a couple again? I’ll be better at it. I swear.”
Sean wants to be a couple…
I want to be a couple…
But, the issues aren’t going to
go away. Jake is on the tour. I won’t stand for Sean thinking something is up if I happen to say “Hi” to Jake.
Ha, not that Jake wants to talk to me.
Sean
I just asked Summer to get back together.
She’s not saying anything. I can read her face and I see that she’s not totally against it, but she doesn’t seem totally for it either.
She sighs and closes her eyes for a second before looking at me again. Her hands reach up and she twists her hair on top of her head before using the clip that was already in it to pin it the rest of the way up. Her face and neck are exposed without the mass of her curls shielding them.
“I don’t want to not be together, Sean… But we have issues. We do and ignoring them doesn’t make them just go away.”
Ok, so we have issues. Most of them are mine, but I’m willing to work on them.
If she can help me and is willing to forgive me when I mess up… we can do this.
I nod in agreement and slide closer to her on the couch. “You’re right. We have some bumps to get over. But, I want to get over them. I know that most of the issues are me. I know that. I want to work on them though.” She watches me warily but scoots closer. “Summer, since you dumped me… things have sucked. Everything has sucked. My life has fucking sucked! I miss you. I miss talking to you. I miss laughing with you. I miss sitting in a hotel room watching shitty late night TV together. I miss making out with you. I miss sex with you. I miss sleeping beside you. I miss laying in the dark listening to you breathe.”
She smirks. “That’s not at all creepy…”
A chuckle escapes me. “Yeah, well, when I said it out loud, yeah…” I’m only about a foot away from her now. She’s watching me and I can see her pulse fluttering in her neck. “I miss everything because I miss you… I’m sorry for being jealous about Jake. And that’s what it is. I’m jealous. I love you and the thought that another man, a man that you’re better suited to, a better man in general, wants you, too… it’s fucking terrifying.”
Her eyes widen and she gasps. “You–– you just said that you love me.”
What? I already told her that.
Wasn’t she listening to me?!