"Oh, that reminds me. I’ll be right back." Lori left the apartment and came back a minute later with papers. "Your background check."
Marina looked confused. "What background check are you talking about?"
"Tim ran a background check on himself and sent it to Jen," Lori explained. "She wanted to be sure that he has the truth on there so I had one done too. It’s all there in black and white."
"It’s all true." I read it again. I didn't really believe it or I hadn’t until now. I was sure Tim would’ve filled his background check with lies and cover-ups to get me to see him. "You're sure about this?"
Lori nodded. "I had it done independently. They even followed him for a day to be sure."
I nodded. I needed to think about this. I set the papers aside and served dinner. Taking the garlic rolls out of the oven, I almost burned my finger thinking about Tim. My heart demanded one thing and oddly enough, my brain wasn’t fighting it anymore.
We sat down to dinner and everyone seemed to enjoy it. Lori recounted her fight with Nick and their night together with a grin that, if we didn’t know better, we might suspect Botox. I half listened and did my best not to be jealous.
I knew it hadn’t been easy for Lori to take the plunge and swallow her pride. Should I? Would it work for me?
I hadn’t done anything wrong. I hadn’t lied or deceived anyone. Letting Tim in my life again could spell more embarrassment later if it went wrong. Why should I be the one to make the first move? I could just wait until he called again and listen. If he called again.
Marina was right. I wasn’t that great of a judge of character when it came to men. At least I knew Tim wasn’t gay. I’d felt that much.
"Jen?" Marina clanged her fork on the side of her glass, ringing me out of my funk.
"Sorry, what?" I shook it off.
"What's wrong?" Lori asked.
"Nothing, I’m fine." I looked down and realized I had barely touched my dinner. Marina and Lori were already done. I cleared off the table and brought the monster tray of cheesecake to the coffee table. I carefully cut three pieces not too big or too small.
Neither Lori nor Marina made a move for the cheesecake. They were both looking at me.
"What?" I asked.
"You're not happy." Lori folded her arms.
"I'm thrilled for you," I argued.
"You're happy for me, and not really happy with yourself or the Tim thing." Lori shook her head. "Why don't you just talk to him?"
“That’s my vote,” Mariana added.
"I don't want to be a doormat." I took a piece of cheesecake.
"Hearing him out isn't being a doormat. Clearly, you two have chemistry. Talking to him doesn't mean you're moving in with him or marrying him. You can just see." Marina took a piece.
"Maybe I just need time." I didn’t want to make the move. I wanted to be a wimp.
"Don't wait," Lori said intently.
"You don't want to take the same chance Lori did with Nick," Marina agreed. "Lori got lucky that Nick hadn't moved on. If you want him or even think you might, don't wait until it’s too late."
"She's right. You know he's not an ax murderer or anything. And you clearly like him and can’t get over him." Lori put the background check she’d run back in my lap and then she took two pieces of cheesecake. Clearly, happiness made her eat as much as depression. Good thing nothing would put an ounce on Lori.
I stared at the pages and believed it. I had the truth and yet it didn’t matter. I hadn’t been true to the spirit of Marina's plan. No regrets meant more than just the ex-boyfriends.
I might not be fighting Tim anymore, but a part of me still distrusted him. I needed to know the whole story so I could decide if I was doing the right thing or not. At the moment, I was mad at him and getting nowhere fast.
"Hearing him out would mean that I'd know for sure that I don't have any regrets," I said. I hoped it would be true and I could put him behind me.
"Exactly." Marina nodded.
"Thanks." I got up and grabbed my purse and my coat. They could lock up for me when they were done. “Gotta go. See you guys later.”
~* * *~
I'd left my own apartment in a rush, with my friends still there eating dessert. I knew exactly where I was going. Tim might not be home. I had to try. And I had to do it now before I changed my mind.
I'd memorized his address and even walked by it on my lunch hour one day. I knew it was weird, but this time I was going in. I had to get this out of my system. This man was like the stomach flu. I hadn’t heard about the new job yet either but I could make a move with Tim to be happy on one front.
It wasn't far so I walked. Sprinted is more like it. Thankfully, I was dressed for comfort in gym shoes and jeans. Not my best look, but good for running like a crazy woman in bad weather. December in Chicago, slipping on ice and slush while not getting hit by falling ice. He was worth it. I got to the door and pressed his apartments’ intercom button. Please be home!
"Yes?" Tim replied.
"It's me. Can I come up?" I did my best not to sound too excited or desperate.
The door buzzed. He didn't say anything else. I was too excited to wait anyway. I opened the door and ran up to the fifth floor, apartment C.
Tim was in the doorway. He looked confused and closed off. Not his normal friendly self; this wasn’t normal for either of us. Nothing had been normal since that day he’d told the truth. Maybe we could redefine normal. Or just redefine our relationship on the truth.
"Can I come in?" I asked.
He nodded, let me in first, and followed. "Can I get you something to drink?" he offered. He left the door open like I was afraid to be alone with him and would bolt.
At least he wasn’t being smug as though he’d done nothing wrong. That’s how my brothers always acted when they screwed up, like they were the innocent and injured party. I wasn’t going to let Tim try that on me.
"No, I want the truth." I sat down. His apartment was sparse and comfortable. Pretty much what I'd envisioned for a bachelor.
"I don't understand." He sat down next to me, smelling so good I had to build up my self-control. First, I had to look him in the eye to believe he was good. Then I could enjoy him again, maybe.
"I saw the background check and Marina told me what you told Lucas. And she told me what Lucas told her. I’m sick of second hand information. I want the truth from you." I nodded. "Why did you lie to me and keep lying? And you agreed to see Marina. You knew she’d know you were lying. You still didn’t try to tell me until the last minute."
"I wanted to keep seeing you. So, I just said or did whatever came into my head to keep you with me. I'd never met a woman I actually had instant chemistry with." He sounded so sincere and looked so cute. I wanted to believe him. I needed answers not to give into the feelings.
"After a while..." I shrugged. “Why not tell the truth sooner?”
"I didn't want you to hate me. My name didn't matter. I didn't lie about anything else. I know I waited too long." He leaned closer.
“I just don’t know if I can trust you after all that. We were intimate and you still didn’t tell me the truth.” I turned away from him. That was the most humiliating part of it. Thank goodness I didn’t call another man’s name in bed.
“So woman are the only ones allowed to get caught up in things?” Tim’s hands were on my shoulders and he felt so good.
My restraint was slipping. "Did Lucas really give you hell when he found out?"
Tim chuckled and looked at his shoes. He had this cute pouting expression like he was a little boy. "He nearly decked me. I was in his office all afternoon giving him the details. I had to explain everything and it wasn’t easy. Men don’t generally talk about this stuff and Lucas really doesn’t. If his wife had found out, or anyone in the office, he'd have fired me in split second. I had to bug him for a day solid to call Marina and convince her I wasn't a complete ass. The way you weren’t responding I thought maybe he’d refused to
call her at all."
"He called. You're still not her favorite person." I slipped out of my coat.
"I'd like to make it up to you and her, if you'll let me." He rubbed his neck nervously. "Did you get the flowers and the messages?"
I nodded and shrugged. "It was nice but I just needed some time."
"I know. I'm an open book. I was an idiot. I can't go back and change it now. The only other thing to confess is that I don’t make as much as Lucas. He’s my superior. So there, you know absolutely everything now.”"
I nodded. "So what do you think about twenty-nine year old virgins?" I asked.
Tim's eyes bugged out of his head. "I never gave it much thought. Why?"
"I just wondered if you thought that that was a pathetic state and wouldn't want a woman without that kind of experience and skills." I tried not to blush but we were being honest. He might as well know all.
He leaned closer. "You?"
I shrugged and looked away. Blushing like as fool, I’m sure.
"It'll be a first for both of us then." Tim pulled me into his arms and I felt instantly better. His words took a few seconds to sink in past the feel of his strong arms and warm neck.
"You're not!" I didn't believe if for a second. “I won’t believe that.”
"No, no," he backpedaled. He was blushing deep red. "I'm not a virgin. I didn’t mean that. I've never slept with a virgin before."
"Oh." I took a deep breath in relief. “Good, because if both of us weren’t experienced it could really be a mess trying.”
“You had a little experience with me that night,” he reminded.
I blushed. “If I accidentally call you Lucas, you’d better not be offended.”
I don't know when I'd decided to take him back. We weren't going to be crazy like Lori and Nick. I wasn't going to ask him to move in with me or anything. This was going to be like starting over. Fresh and with a clean slate. I’d regret it if I didn’t try.
"I guess we can date. See if I like the real Tim." I smiled and took a step closer.
"You did see the real Tim. You just called me by a different name. I’ll start quoting Shakespeare if you want. I minored in literature. I can do the entire ‘Rose by any other name’ speech by heart." He closed the distance between us and kissed me. “We’ll go as slow or as fast as you need, Jen. And I promise I won’t lie about anything else. Even if it’s just to keep you.”
”Then I guess I can give it a shot.”
There was a long way to go before I trusted him but it was a start.
Chapter Sixteen
Marina’s Reality Check
I’d ended up taking home two pieces of cheesecake after the celebratory dinner. It made for a most unhealthy breakfast. I had an afternoon and evening schedule at the animal hospital today so the morning was mine.
Jen had called last night, telling Lori and I not to worry. Clearly, she and Tim had found some common ground to build upon. Two out of three wasn’t bad.
Not that Jen was with her best sex ever. Things had changed over the course of our little game. They were both happy and in love. I watched boring morning shows and marveled that it’d actually worked. Lori had a solid future, I hoped, with Nick. Jen was at least out there and experiencing things. Namely a man.
Up until that morning, I’d been so happy Lori had taken back her man and grown a real backbone that it hadn’t hit me. Lori was happy and would be moving out.
An unintended and unwelcome side effect. That didn’t make me happy.
Not that I blamed Nick. He was smart to draw lines early. The Eve of Christmas Eve party would be the first test. It was the tip of the iceberg. I could see Lori’s mom now, clenching her jaw, the too tight skin straining. Lori’s dad would be bewildered that his princess would do such a thing. I couldn’t wait.
Jen was a total surprise. Leave it to her to accidentally fall for a guy and have it turn out better than expected. Clueless luck. Damn, I envied her. I over-thought everything. I overanalyzed, as Lori would say. Lori, who didn’t overanalyze so much as overreact. Drama queen.
Right now, she was at work, happily arguing something or writing something full of big lawyerly words. She had Nick. I’d heard a lot of it through my wall over the past few days. She had him and he had her in too many variations to think about. The walls between our apartments weren’t that thin—they were just that loud.
Maybe their moving out wouldn’t be so bad. I poured myself more coffee and wondered if Jen was home. Instinct told me no, and if she were I’d have go hear her first time story. Not in the mood I was in, thanks.
I should be happy and I was, for them. It’d all worked out. Except nothing had changed for me. Not that I had planned any differently. This wasn’t supposed to totally change our lives. I had wanted it for Lori, even if it had been a fifty-fifty shot at best that she’d do it. She had.
And then Jen. So where was my luck? No luck for me. Here it was, the week of Christmas. All these parties and dinners to go to and no one to go with.
If every sister I had weren’t married, it might not be so bad. The only single and unattached cousins I had were at least five years younger than me.
And loving Mom had brought it up. I was dreading the holidays now. I didn’t want to go to Lori’s families Eve of Christmas Eve party alone. I knew I was being selfish and self-centered. The odd one out was not my favorite role to play at these things. Single I could deal with, the only single one over the holidays was just pathetic.
The phone rang, and I looked at it for the first two rings. I grabbed the handset and noticed that it was Jen’s restaurant on the caller id. Might as well get this over with, I decided. It’d be now or later and, over the phone, I could fake happy better. Not that I wasn’t happy for her, in that moment I wasn’t feeling it.
“Hi,” I answered in my most upbeat voice for ten in the morning.
“Marina, glad I found you. I tried work.”
“Late day,” I filled in.
“Anyway, I just wanted to thank you.”
That was the last thing I expected from her. “For what?”
“For doing this whole thing. I’d never have met Tim if it weren’t for your little game.”
True enough. “That’s just dumb luck.” Now I felt guilty for feeling cheated. “Did you and Tim have a lot of fun last night?”
“Yes, and I’m now proud to say I’m no longer of the untested variety. He tried to wait. I wore him down.” She sounded so proud of herself. Like it was hard to get a guy out of his pants.
“Was it good?” I hoped she’d hold off the details until she wasn’t at work. Jen was clearly bursting. Clearly it was good.
“Amazing. I don’t know what I waited for. I’ll tell you more later. Thanks again. I was ready to run home to Wisconsin after I screwed up Tim and Lucas. And don’t worry, Tim and I are taking it slow. I just wanted to get over that hump.”
“Nice choice of words,” I teased.
Jen laughed. “Yeah, well, I’m no longer ‘G’ rated. You should be proud. Bye.”
“Bye.” I hung up the phone and stretched out in my recliner. At least that was over. Jen could meet thirty not as some repressed virgin, but as a sexually active woman with a real boyfriend.
No telling if she and Tim would last, I reminded myself. The phone rang again. My peaceful morning was slipping by me. It was Lori’s office this time. “Hey Lori.” I was determined to be upbeat this time. This was the monster I’d wanted to create.
“Hey, Marina. Hear from Jen?” she asked.
“Just now. Happy doesn’t do her justice.” I felt better sharing the blame.
“She told me the story this morning. Apparently, he caught her before she fell over his gym bag. Talk about fate. We could have had a friend in a hospital bed instead of smoking up the sheets in Tim’s bed.”
“Sounds like a sappy movie.” I rolled my eyes. Who did that stuff really happen too except Jen?
“Then he took her to lunch and escorted her
to the brokerage offices. It wasn’t until they got there that she threw out Lucas’s name and he claimed it was him to keep her talking to him,” Lori rattled.
“She went to lunch with him? She held a conversation with him and never knew his name?” I couldn’t believe it. “I’m glad you ran that background check because our friend is just a tad clueless.”
“We knew that, but she came out on top,” Lori replied. “So I guess Tim is coming to the Eve of Christmas Eve party with Jen. Should I put you down for a guest or not?”
“What do you think?” I tried not to snap at her. I swear I tried.
“Wrong side of the bed?” she asked. Her tone let me know I was being bitchy.
“Holidays alone, you remember what that was like, right?” I felt bad. “Christmas sort of snuck up on me this year. I have the presents bought and everything. We were so busy with my little game that I forgot to mentally prepare myself for facing mistletoe and mobs of family all alone. I don’t mind being single but it’s all the couple events around the holidays.”
“You’ll be fine. You’re best when you’re on your own and making smart-ass remarks. Everyone loves it. I’ll put you down for a date just in case you get brave and ask out Sethy boy.”
“Don’t bother,” I argued.
“No, too late. I emailed my mother’s housekeeper and you’re down for two.”
“Now I’ll have to explain why I don’t have a date.”
“No you won’t. Trust me, my parents will be so busy dealing with Nick and that trauma they won’t notice you’re there. Except of course to demand why you let this happen,” she laughed.
“I’ll take the blame.” I shrugged. Why not? At least it’d make my evening more interesting. And it was sort of true, I had started it.
“Oh no, this one is all mine. The idea for looking up ex’s was yours. You didn’t force me to do it. I didn’t think Nick would even talk to me so the heat is on him and me. Don’t worry, if mom and dad throw us out we’ll be at your parents for Christmas.”
Best in Bed Page 20