CHAPTER FIVE
SALLY STOOD motionless, a sense of exhilaration coursing through her tired body. She forgot her recent disappointment, forgot the ordeal they had just been through together, and experienced a sense of achievement such 'as she had never known before. This man, this Laurence Chesfield, was not only pleased with her work, he was openly expressing his inability to get along without her! She had succeeded beyond her wildest dreams, surely beyond the hopes of any member of the hospital staff? There had been a time when her fate at Merry's had hung very much in the balance, when she had never known, from one day to the next, whether she would be retained on the staff, but now! Now, with Chesfield's recommendation and praise hers for the asking, why, she could go anywhere, or do anything. Any hospital in the country would look upon her services with respect and approval, with such a backing as this. "You don't say anything," she heard the doctor say quietly. "Does that mean I cannot count on your continued support, Sally?" Again the giddy happiness brought about by her name on his lips! She took a step forward, spreading her hands in a childlike gesture of offering, and as she did one of the nursing team came through from the theatre and seeing them there, smiled apologetically. "Sorry to interrupt, sir," she began formally, "I wondered if Sister were free to take a call from Matron?" For one awful moment Sally felt furiously angry with the girl inasmuch as she had' spoiled what had promised to be a wonderful moment. Then her anger changed to self85 contempt and disgust, and she turned towards the nurse at- once. "Of course I'll come nurse," she said equably. "Will you excuse me, please, Mr. Chesfield?" He smiled and nodded, and she followed the nurse from the ante-room, wondering if she had betrayed her feelings too badly. The nurse, a young rather plump girl, regarded her with some perplexity. "The operation was successful, wasn't it?" she asked anxiously. "The patient seemed to respond wonderfully well, I thought." Sally resisted the impulse to tell the girl that one did not usually discuss a case in the theatre, but then remembering that her tongue had been unnecessarily sharp with Janie Frensham just because she herself had felt depressed, she smiled at the nurse. "I think so," she agreed non-committally. "Children have remarkable stamina for emergencies such as this, as a rule. I'll take the call from Matron now, nurse." The nurse frowned slightly and regarded. Sally in a worried manner. "There was an awful flap and commotion earlier in the evening, Sister," she blurted out impulsively, her face coloring, "Dr. Trenton seemed particularly upset because he couldn't find you. Then he said you were engaged with a patient we couldn't help wondering if he was covering up for you, because if you were with a patient, how was it that he didn't check up at the Clinic first of all instead of creating as he did? I know the operation turned out to be "terribly urgent, but he couldn't have known that then, could he?' Sally stared at the girl, too taken aback to speak. The nurse, mistaking Sally's silence for indignation, laughed nervously. "I'm sorry. Sister," she began lamely, "I just can't seem to get it info my head that you're a Sister now, and that one can't just talk to you, free and easy like, as one did before. Please forgive me " "It's quite all right," Sally said evasively, wishing she could end this unpleasant interview. She remembered that '86 the Matron was waiting to speak to her, and turned with heartfelt relief to the phone. "I can't see why, if Dr. Trenton said I was with a patient, nurse," she said calmly, "you should see fit to doubt his word. One cannot always .be available in hospital, as you must surely know by now. Ah, Matron " she turned her back on the nurse as she heard the Matron's voice, "I believe you wish to speak to me?" The nurse stood for a moment, watching Sally thoughtfully. Then, shaking her head with an air of bewilderment, she turned away. Just what had been behind all that commotion earlier in the evening? It wasn't like Trenton to get het up about anything, but if Sister Marthorpe had been absent from duty . . . She shrugged her shoulders, and returned to her task of clearing up. Sally, listening to the Matron's voice, stiffened instinctively, lifting her small chin as if in defiance. "There seems to be some extraordinary story going around the hospital. Sister," the woman said quietly, from her office. '"It appears that Dr. Trenton went out on a call because you could not be found. I fully understand, of course, that when a nurse is engaged with a patient she cannot be expected to drop that case and run out after another. Doctor has explained everything to me, quite satisfactorily, my dear, but in future it might be a good plan if you have somebody always with you in the Clinic so that in case ,df an emergency you can leave her in charge. I quite understand that Nurse Frensham is not exactly the nurse to be left in charge, so perhaps somebody else ." Sally's hand grew cold as she clutched the receiver. For a moment she closed her eyes, praying for time. Then, realizing that Matron was waiting for her to speak, she forced her voice to a lightness she was far from feeling. "Nurse Frensham is proving very satisfactory, Matron," she assured the older woman firmly. "I am very pleased with her and I am sure she would prove invaluable in such a -case as you describe. I do see your point, of course, and I shall see that it does not happen again. I followed Dr. . 87 Trenton as soon as I could, and everything worked out all right " Matron coughed rather significantly. "We don't usually work on that principle here at Mem-son's, Sister," she said mildly. "We like to leave no chances. Please ask Mr. Chesfield if he will spare me a few minutes before he leaves, will you, Sister?" Sally replaced the receiver, realizing that she was trembling violently. For the first time since she took on her new status of Sister, the Matron had had cause and a more just cause than she knew to criticize Sally. So this was what she had done by her idiotic behavior after hearing that Chesfield was a married man. In her own selfish absorption in her own troubles, she had run the risk not only of postponing a serious operation, but also of ruining her own reputation as a worthy member of the hospital staff. If Matron knew the real truth, knew that Sally had been wandering about the town, capless and capeless, when she should have been at the telephone awaiting Chesfield's call, what would she have to say then? And, far worse, what would Laurence Chesfield say if he ever learned of her behavior? She gave the surgeon the Matron's message, and he looked at her rather anxiously. "Anything wrong. Sister?" he asked sharply. "You look pale. I've noticed before that operations try you rather severely. Would you prefer not to do theatre duty?" Sally caught her breath swiftly. "Oh, no, no!" she protested urgently, unaware that her eyes were filled with shocked dismay. "I am perfectly all right, honestly! I love my work in the theatre, you know that. You you won't allow anything that has happened to influence you in that respect, will you, doctor?" He frowned, a slight tinge of annoyance in his voice. "What exactly has happened. Sister?" he inquired patiently. "You have been behaving strangely ever since you brought in the young patient. Dr. Trenton hasn't been badgering you because you were not to be found when wanted, has he? Believe me, I fully understand nobody can be in two places at once, and although I would have pre88 ferred to speak direct to you, of course, there was no harm done. It simply corroborates my opinion you take on too much work, and do not delegate sufficient tasks to your assistants. Nurse Frensham tries to be efficient, I am sure, but sometimes I wonder if she is quite the person for that particular job. We need somebody one hundred per cent reliable, like yourself " Sally realized, to her horror, that her eyes had filled with tears. She turned away, fumbling awkwardly for her handkerchief. He watched her with increasing bewilderment. She tried to speak, but, finding it impossible, she turned and hurried away from him. Downstairs, in the Main Block, she collected her cap and cape and hurried off to Mrs. Grant's house, knowing only one desire, that of being quite alone. So much had happened since she left the shelter of the small, friendly house, and now, if she could not find peace and privacy to face up to all that had taken place, she felt as if she might well scream, or burst into hysterical laughter. Mrs. Grant opened the door herself, and after one look at the girl's face, pursed her lips decisively. "All right no need for explanations, my dear. Bed for you, and supper on a tray. No don't start a whole lot of fancy excuses, my dear, you'll do as I say this time, or out y
ou go. Think I haven't seen something like this coming on? Trouble with you young people is that you can't take on a higher position without thinking you have to run the entire world, or, in your case, the darnation hospital! You're a Sister all right then, so what? You don't have to behave as if the hospital would close down tomorrow if you so much as take your eyes off it, do you? Upstairs now, you silly girl, and be in bed by the time I bring your supper." i Sally tried to speak, but instead she burst into tears, and, watched by a grimly disapproving landlady, she ran upstairs into her room and slammed the door behind her. Fully dressed as she was, Sally flung herself on the bed, and buried her face in the pillow. Oh, dear Heaven, what sort of a mess she had made of this day which had started so smoothly, so promisingly? First the irritation because 89 of a crowded Clinic, then her sharp words to poor little Janie. Then she stuffed the pillow against her lips as the thought came to her then there had been the phone call, with the woman's voice ... Laurence's wife. After that the rest had been like some grim nightmare, moment following moment, each worse than the last. There had been the fiasco of the walk through the town, and in the gardens. There had been the ignominous ride back to the hospital, and the furtive re-entry, accompanied by the awful knowledge that she had been wanted urgently, during her absence. Had it not been for Alan's cover-up, what might have happened ? She began to shiver violently, her tensed-up nerves finding merciful release in movement. Supposing little Billy had been left too long? Just supposing that, through her negligence, the abscess had burst, perforated the ear-drum, or worse? It had been touch and go as it was a few more minutes this way or that When Mrs. Grant came in, she stared in dismay at the recumbent figure and, after putting down the tray, she crossed to the girl's side. "Look here," she said shortly, "this nonsense has gone far enough, and you know it. Something has upset you. Alt right then all this play-acting won't undo it, will it? Has anybody died, because of some error on your part ?" Sally reared up, staring at Mrs. Grant with red-rimmed eyes. "No thank heaven, no! It's not just that, it's oh, it's everything " she spread her hands sweepingly. "Everything has gone wrong, Grantie I'm in such a muddle, and I can't think just which way to turn! I'm so unhappy " Mrs. Grant sat down on the edge of the bed, her large . bulk making it sag badly. Her face was very kind, but her voice in contrast was brisk as she said, "Everything can't go wrong, and if it seems to you that it has, then you can rest assured that it's you that's wrong, rather than everything around you. It's been a bad day that much is obvious. All right. What's done is done, and that's an end to it. What you've to do now is to relax. Try to imagine yourself hanging on to something that's hurting you. Let go 90 . . . make yourself let go, try to feel' your hands unclenching, and lean back. The physical effort of relaxing, or letting go, brings an amazing peace of mind sometimes. Naturally you must do what you can to put right whatever is wrong, but if there is no more you can do, leave go of it, my dear. You'll know such a peace " Sally moved restlessly, her face flushed, her hair tousled. "You don't understand," she rebelled thoughtlessly. "I don't believe I'll ever be really at peace again. I've "been such a fool, Grantie you'd never believe how big a fool." The older woman's eyes softened. She looked down at the fair hear spread out against the pillow, and into her eyes came a look of utter longing. , "There's never a fool so big as there hasn't been a bigger," she said'quaintly. "Trouble with you young people is that you can't accept your foolishness. You're too old to ask to be 'kissed and forgiven', and too young to pray and be forgiven. That's where small children and old people have the advantage every time. They can always shift their troubles on to other shoulders." Sally lay very still, listening now, aching for understanding, yet still unable to believe she had found it. "Sometimes there isn't anybody to run to," she said stubbornly. "And anyway, nobody could help me in this case." Mrs. Grant stood up, a slight smile on her lips. "Then you must help yourself," she said quietly. "But it isn't true, yoy know, about there not being anybody. I can think of somebody who would be only too glad to help you, at any time of the day or night, and he is not so very far away, either " Sally clicked her tongue, and turned away impatiently. "You mean to be kind," she said listlessly, "but it's no good, Grantie. I'm sorry, but this is something I have to' fight out for myself."For a moment Mrs. Grant paused, then, with a heavy sigh, she went out, leaving Sally alone. At first the girl lay still, staring up at the ceiling, trying ' >
The Thursday clinic Page 6