I did need to look ahead—to focus on how I was going to transition into life as a mother. I couldn’t wait for Leo to catch up—not for very long, at least. But maybe we weren’t really hearing each other.
And maybe there was something I could do about that, too.
Thirty-Six
Leo
Why the fuck couldn’t I find her?
I stared at the photo Hannah had sent me. I’d brought it up on my computer screen to make it larger. Looked at the background for details to see if I could figure out where she was. But it was too close to her face. And her middle finger.
Looked like a restaurant, but that could be anywhere. Rain on the window behind her obscured the view outside. In other words, she’d given me nothing.
Gigz jumped up onto the desk and walked across my keyboard.
“Damn it, cat,” I said, but I petted her, scratching her head and running my hand down her back. “Where did she go?”
Gigz just purred.
My family wasn’t helping, either. None of them knew where she’d gone. Or if they did, they weren’t telling me.
The odd thing was, I wasn’t panicking. I was agitated as fuck, but it was out of worry for her, not because my fight or flight response was running on overdrive. I was thinking clearly. My heart rate normal. Breathing fine. I wasn’t being choked by an impending sense of doom.
I just hated that she’d left. Hated that I’d driven her away.
I’d borrowed Cooper’s truck and driven around town this morning, in case she hadn’t gone far. I’d checked the Lodge, the big hotel next door, but hadn’t seen her car. Checked restaurants, coffee shops. Stores. No sign of her.
I’d come back and texted her. I hadn’t really expected her to reply. But she hadn’t told me where she was, so I was still at square one. Except…
Rain. There was rain on the window in the photo she’d sent.
I got up and went to the window. Pushed open the blinds so I could see outside. Dry. Low clouds hung in the air, but it looked like it was about to snow, not rain. And there certainly wasn’t rain falling now—hadn’t been all day.
That probably meant she’d gone west. Maybe Seattle? I went back to my desk and brought up a weather map. The entire western side of the state showed rain.
Great. That really narrowed it down.
It was better than nothing. She could have gone somewhere familiar. Maybe near her old apartment. A place she’d frequented before she moved here? I brought up her old address on a map and searched for restaurants within a one-mile radius.
Jesus. Were there really that many restaurants near her old apartment?
I printed out the map and went out to find Cooper. I needed to borrow his truck again.
But Cooper wasn’t home, and neither was Amelia. Damn it. I walked down toward the Big House. Ben’s truck was parked outside, but I didn’t find him in the lobby, or upstairs. I did a quick circuit of the other rooms until I found him in a large storeroom near the kitchen.
“Leo,” he said, nodding.
“Can I borrow your truck?” I asked.
He crossed his arms. “Does this have anything to do with Hannah?”
“Yeah, of course. She said she needed a break and she was going on vacation. Then she fucking disappeared. I don’t know where she is, but I have an idea.”
“Leo. Slow down, son.”
“I’m calm,” I said, putting up my hands. “I mean it, I’m not out of control right now. I’m not panicking. I just need to know where they are.”
“They,” Ben said quietly, more to himself than to me. “Listen, if she needs a break, it’s best that you give her what she asked for.”
“There are fucking drug dealers threatening my mom. Threatening to burn this place down. What if they’re targeting everyone? What if they know about Hannah? I just want to know where she is so I can be prepared. I don’t want to be blindsided by something I could have prevented.”
“And what happened last time you followed her?”
“How do you even know about that?”
He shrugged. “I saw Cooper earlier.”
I rolled my eyes. “Of course.”
“Leo—”
“This hurts, Ben,” I said, putting my hand on my chest. “Physically. She’s gone and I can’t help her if something happens. It’s fucking painful.”
“So you want her to come back here?” He sat down on a barrel. “Live with you?”
I rubbed the back of my neck and looked away. “Yes. But, no. I can’t.”
“Why not?”
“Look at me,” I roared.
“I am looking at you,” he said, his voice completely calm.
“I can’t,” I said, enunciating the words.
Ben didn’t answer. Just scratched his beard.
“It would just be easier if she stayed close,” I said. “At least then I could still see her every day.”
“You might want to rethink that,” he said. “Trust me, it’s not easier.”
I hesitated for a second. “You know, her divorce is final. You could—”
“We’re not talking about me,” Ben said, his voice sharp. “We’re talking about you, and your girlfriend, who is pregnant with your child. And it appears your solution is to set up your little mistake in a house somewhere. Help her financially. Maybe pop in to see her from time to time.”
“I never said mista—” Oh my fucking god. The realization of what I’d done—of what she must have thought I was doing—hit me like a blow to the chest. That was what my dad had done when Naomi had gotten pregnant with Grace. Fuck, had I become my father? “Oh, shit.”
“Oh shit is right,” Ben said.
“I thought I was helping. She was looking for another place to live, and I thought…” I trailed off, sinking down onto another barrel. “She’s not a mistake. She could never be a mistake.”
“Does she know you feel that way?”
“No, she probably doesn’t.”
“Well, that is a problem, now, isn’t it?”
I rubbed my hands down my face. “Yeah, it is a problem.”
“I agree that you need to be looking out for her, especially now,” he said. “But Leo, you need to get out of your own way. Stop trying to have her in your life without actually letting her in.”
I stared at the concrete floor for a long moment, letting that sink in. I’d let her get closer to me than anyone. But I’d still held back. I hadn’t given her everything—hadn’t told her everything. Ben was right.
I had a choice to make—one I should have made already. Let her in, or let her go. There wasn’t room for anything in between. Not anymore.
I stood and Ben followed.
“Thanks,” I said, not looking at him. It was hard to look people in the eye in general, and I was feeling a hell of a lot of shame at the moment.
Ben stepped toward me, arms slightly lifted. I hesitated, but only for a second. I took a step closer. And for the first time since I was a kid, I hugged him.
He patted me on the back once, then moved back. “Now if you’ll excuse me, there are drug dealers threatening your mother. I’m going to keep making sure none of them get anywhere near her.”
“Thanks, Ben.”
He gave me a casual salute as he walked away.
I didn’t feel any better about Hannah being gone. But I wasn’t going to chase her. Not yet, at least. If she needed space to think, I’d give it to her.
But I wasn’t giving up, either.
* * *
As soon as I got home, I plugged in my phone so I’d be ready in case she called. I did my security checks. Grabbed some food. Then I sat down at my desk and logged into our game.
She wasn’t on—and I hadn’t expected her to be. But I needed to blow off some steam. That and kill time. Pacing around like a caged animal wasn’t going to do me any good. I wanted to be calm when we spoke. I had a lot to say, and I didn’t want to keep screwing things up.
I played for a while.
Mindless stuff. Ran some quests. In the back of my mind, I wondered where she was. Whether she was okay.
Then Gigz popped up on my screen.
She sent me a join request, so I slipped on my headset.
“Hey, Badger,” she said. “How’s it going?”
I closed my eyes, sinking into the solace of her voice. “Hey, Gigz. I’ve been better.”
“Yeah, me too.”
“Are you okay?”
“I’m safe, if that’s what you mean,” she said. “Still pregnant, though.”
I laughed softly, some of the tension melting away. “Yeah. I’d imagine so.”
“So we gonna run this thing or not?” she asked.
“Wait, you really want to play?”
“Uh, yeah, that’s why I got on. I’m bored. Let’s do a dungeon or two.”
I leaned back in my chair. “All right. Let’s do this.”
We played for a while, not talking about anything in the real world. Just the game. A lot like we used to.
Only nothing was the same. She wasn’t Gigz anymore. She was my Hannah. And if I hadn’t been such a broken mess, she’d still have been here, with me.
“Hannah—”
“It’s Gigz in here, Badge.”
I sighed. “Okay, Gigz. I screwed this up in pretty much every way imaginable.”
“Yeah, you did.”
“I’m so, so sorry.”
“Thank you for saying sorry,” she said, then paused for a moment. “I’m at a cabin in Jetty Beach.”
Relief washed over me. At least now I knew where they were. Although, damn it, that was hours away. “Okay. Thank you.”
“But Leo, I need to know what you’re really apologizing for. Are you sorry that you freaked out when I told you I was pregnant? Or are you sorry that I got pregnant?”
She had no idea how difficult that question was. “Both, but hear me out. I’m sorry for the way I acted. I should have kept it together and I didn’t. But yes, I’m sorry I got you pregnant. Not because I think you’re a mistake. Because you both deserve so much better than I can give you.”
“What is that supposed to mean?”
“You know what a fucking mess I am. I’m more scarred and broken on the inside than on the outside. But the outside is bad enough. Kids are scared of me, Hannah. Even babies. They take one look at me and they cry. When it’s a stranger, I can let it go.” I closed my eyes and willed myself to say it. To keep talking. Tell her the truth. “How am I supposed to live with that if it’s my own child?”
“Leo,” she said, her voice filled with sympathy. “Your child isn’t going to be afraid of you.”
“I’ve seen it happen over and over.”
“But this is your baby,” she said. “He or she isn’t going to see your scars. This baby is going to see their daddy. That’s all.”
I didn’t know what to say to that. I wanted to believe her. Wanted it more than I knew how to say.
“Why didn’t you tell me this before?” she asked. “We could have talked about it.”
“I didn’t know how.”
She sighed. “Yeah, I guess it’s easier to talk like this.”
“What do you mean?”
“Online. Apart. It was always easy for us. Maybe this is the only way we really work.”
“No,” I said, sitting up. “No, this is not the only way we work. I know I’ve been an absolute asshole the last few days. And I am so fucking sorry.”
“Then what do you want?”
“I want you.”
“Well, at this point, there are some pretty important conditions attached to that.”
“I know. Believe me, I know. Listen, I understand what I have to do now. But not like this. Not online. This isn’t about Badger and Gigz. It’s Leo and Hannah. I need to see you. I need to talk to you in person.”
“Leo, I don’t know.”
“Please,” I said. “Please, baby. Come home.”
Holding my breath, I waited for her answer. Waited with my heart in her hands.
“Okay,” she said. “I’ll come back.”
She hadn’t said come home, but that was okay. For now. I’d work up to that part later—in person. I was going to be honest with her. Let her in—completely. I was done holding back. Done being the hidden Miles. I’d let her see me in the bright light of day. Be honest about my flaws, my past, my mistakes. Every last one of them. And if she still wanted me after all that? I’d be hers, body and soul, for the rest of my life.
Thirty-Seven
Leo
The security system woke me. I sat up, awake in an instant, and went out to my desk to check the cameras. It was the fire alarm in the Big House.
Oh, fuck. No.
Quickly, I checked the camera feed at my mom’s house, but I didn’t see anything. I jammed my feet into my shoes while I called 911 to make sure they’d been alerted. Then I threw on my coat, ran outside, and called Ben.
“Yeah?” Ben’s voice was husky with sleep.
“There’s a fire at the Big House.”
“I’ll be right there,” he said.
“Go to Mom’s first.”
“Done.”
I ran the rest of the way. The front of the Big House looked fine. Praying that it was a false alarm, I went around to the back. Pressed my hand against the side door to the kitchen. It was warm.
Fuck.
I called Roland.
“Leo, what’s wrong?” he asked. He sounded surprisingly awake.
“Fire at the Big House. Maybe in the kitchen.”
“Don’t go inside,” he said. “Wait for first responders, Leo. Don’t go in there.”
I stood outside, itching to do just that while smoke started to leak out of the building. If the fire was small, maybe I could get to a fire extinguisher. Put it out before it spread.
But it was fire. It would burn.
“Leo, say something. Where are you?”
“Outside.”
“Fucking stay there, man. Don’t do anything stupid. Where’s Mom?”
“Home. Ben’s on his way over there.”
“I’ll be there in five minutes. Wait outside for the fire department.”
“Yeah.” I hung up.
A high-pitched siren trilled in the distance, growing louder. Seconds later, red lights flashed. A fire truck pulled onto the property, an ambulance right behind.
The next hour went by in a chaotic blur. Firefighters rushing inside. Smoke billowing out into the night. Someone asking me to stay back.
I stood outside in the cold and watched as they worked to put out the fire. People came and went around me. My mom, with Ben always close by. Roland, dutifully talking to the fire department and the police who arrived on the scene. Cooper with Amelia in his arms, watching helplessly from the sidelines. Chase and Brynn, next to them, holding each other while we all waited to hear how bad it was. How much damage. How it had started.
Not that I needed them to tell me. I knew exactly how it had started. They’d threatened Mom with a burned grapevine. This was them making good on that promise.
I’d never hated my father as much as I did in that moment.
Finally, we were given the all-clear to go inside. Structurally, the building was still sound. The sprinkler system had activated, but it hadn’t been enough. Fortunately for us, the fire hadn’t spread far.
While the rest of my family went inside to take stock of the damage, I went home.
I checked the security cameras, poring over the footage from the hours leading up to the fire. Whoever had done this had done an excellent job of avoiding the cameras. There weren’t many blind spots, but they’d taken advantage of them.
They hadn’t remained totally unseen. I saw him—whoever he was—sneaking around the back of the building. Unfortunately, he was covered, wearing a hood pulled down over his face. I’d give this to the police—at least it would show the fire hadn’t been an accident—but I didn’t think they’d get anywhere with this.
I sat back in my chair, staring at a still frame of the hooded figure on my monitor. These fuckers weren’t going to leave us alone until they got what they wanted.
This was what Hannah was coming back to. The fucking mob threatening my family. Setting fires in the night. Who knew what was next? These people had been evading the authorities for years. Rawlins kept saying the DEA didn’t have enough evidence to move in on them.
Fuck this. If they needed evidence, I’d get them evidence.
Hannah was pregnant with my baby. There was no way I was bringing them home to this. I was going to keep them safe, no matter what.
* * *
I raced down the highway in my mom’s sedan while the sun rose. She’d probably notice her car was missing before I got back, but I’d apologize for that later. Hers had been the easiest to get off the grounds without anyone seeing.
I was taking a chance with the information Dad had given me, heading to the old lumber mill. I’d done some digging and found it—or what I hoped was the right place. It was about an hour north of Salishan, just outside a half-abandoned little town. The mill was still operating when most of the others in this region had closed decades ago. It was remote, without many people around to ask questions. Not a bad front for a criminal organization.
The DEA probably knew. But as Rawlins had said, it wasn’t enough. They needed hard evidence—at least enough for a warrant. And these guys were good. They knew exactly how to cover their tracks. How to stay one step ahead of the law.
But I’d been trained for this.
Working in military intelligence, I’d done this very thing. I’d been good at my job. The guy they sent in when they needed more than what remote hackers could access. There were limits to what a remote hack could do. But a physical hack? With physical control of a device, your target was fucked.
These assholes were about to be fucked.
I drove through a sleepy little town, then turned off the highway. Parked on an old logging road—out of sight of cars driving by—and got out. I checked the map coordinates one last time, then turned off my phone so no one could track my location. I slipped the straps of my backpack over my shoulders and set out on foot.
Hidden Miles: The Miles Family Book 4 Page 26