by Dana Johnson
We already been down to the school on the swings but it got too hot, and anyway, Brenna say, What a bunch of dumbasses we are. Back at school. Keith laugh at everything Brenna say and he tries to get her to laugh at everything he say. I can tell he likes her even though she tells him stuff like, Shut the fuck up man. Or Fuck off, dude. Youre a fuckin liar. Brenna dont ever think about what she saying. But at my house she do. She dont say stuff like that around my house because Mama heard her once when we was in my room playing music. She open my bedroom door and she ask Brenna, What did you say? Mama looked at me like I said it. Mama say again, What did you say? Nothing, Brenna say after a minute and look down at the floor. We dont speak like that here, Mama say. But I wanted to say that she do, Daddy do, and Owen do. Just not me. Im the only one who would get into trouble. Thats why I like Brenna too. She gets to do and say whatever she wants. Just not at Mamas house.
We decide to go back home and be bored at my house because its too hot to keep walking around. I can see Joan watering her lawn. Her lawn is the kind of grass thats hard and tough feeling under your feet. Hey Joan, I call out, and wave real big. She wave back big, like me. When we get to her, she smiling. You kids look hot, she say. Brenna and Keith just look at her, but I say, Yes, yes, Joan. We are hot.
Brenna and Keith look at me funny.
Would you and your friends like to swim? Joan stick her thumb in the water hose to make it spread over more grass and some of the water get on us. It feel real good, even though I usually hate water.
Yeah, Keith say. I want to get in the water.
Me too, Brenna say. She pull all her red hair to the back and then hold it up, away from her neck.
This my cousin, Keith, I say, but I forgot a word. So I say it again. This is my cousin Keith and this is Brenna. I talk slow and concentrate on every word I say. Joan still smiling at us. Nice to meet you both, she say. You kids come over whenever you like. Now, even.
Thank you very much, Joan, I say.
Brenna tell us that she gone be back in five minutes. She got to go home and get her swimsuit. When we get to my house to put swimming clothes on, Keith say, Yes, yes, Joan, we are hot, and he make a face at me. You sound stupid, Keith say. All retarded.
I tell him, Thats how you speak right.
LOVELY IS A word she use. I never known or seen anyone who say lovely in real life. But lovely is the right word to describe Joans house. It smell new. The dark green carpet smell new. The furniture is nice colors like light brown and pink. It smell sweet like flowers every time I been over. It never smell like my house, like grease and collard greens and ham hocks and cigarette smoke. And I like her backyard. It got a picnic table and a garden with roses. Our yard got roses but they all tangled up and got a bunch of weeds and bugs in them. Because nobody has the time to pay attention to the outside of the house. Caint nobody see it nohow, Mama say. But I wish they were like Joans roses that are perfect like fake ones.
Joan left us in the yard by ourselves to make us a bite, she say. So we float in the water and just play around in the pool. She dont have the big kind, the real kind you see on TV. She got the kind thats on top of the ground and all of us can touch the bottom and still not get our heads wet. Im glad because I dont really like being in the water that much and I dont want to get my hair wet. Mama pressed it two days ago and if I get it wet its going to get hard and nappy and be hard to comb and Mama wont do nothing to it until the weekend.
Brenna wearing a bikini. I never seen her almost naked before. I seen the freckles on her arms and face and on her legs, too, but all together with just a bikini on all them freckles look strange like Brenna got polka dots all over. Im not sure what Im thinking about them polka dots. I dont think they look bad. But they dont look good, neither.
After a while, Keith say, Lets play something, yall. Lets close our eyes to find each other in the pool. If you touch somebody, see if you can guess who it is without opening your eyes.
I look at Brenna to see what she says. I dont want to be in the water with my eyes closed and feel like Im drowning. I say, I dont want to play that. Keith say, What about Brenna though. She want to play maybe.
I dont even care, Brenna say. She lean back and float across to the other end of the pool. Her hair float out around her like orange ribbons, and I wish I could do that, just lay my head back and float and not worry about my hair turning hard and nappy.
Awright, then, Keith say. Everybody close your eyes.
After he say that I watch Brenna close her eyes. But me and Keith, we dont close our eyes. He moving over to where Brenna is floating and he move quiet and slow with his hands like claws and high in the air like he playing boogie man. When he get to Brenna, he stand over her and wait, and then he put his hands under the water like he helping her to float. Brenna smile and open one eye. They cant see that Joan is standing behind them looking through her sliding door. I wave at Joan and smile but she dont smile back. Thats when Keith put both hands on Brennas titties. Boo, he say. Youre a dumbass, Brenna say, but she laughing. Thats when Joan open the door. She look at Keith for a long time. Kids, she say, and her voice sound different than usual. Like she worried. Come out of the pool, kids. Have some lunch, she say. Ill bring it out to you.
When she bring out the lunch, we dont know what all it is. I know a tuna sandwich and the little bowls of tomato soup, but she also got three little plates with something on them that look like little hard green plants. She give all of us one with our sandwich and soup and put a bowl of yellow cream or something in the middle of the table. We just stare at everything and look at each other.
I know, Joan says. All kids hate vegetables. But I thought you might like to try. These are going to go bad if I dont get rid of them. Eat, kids, Joan say, and sit with us at the little picnic table and drink her coffee.
Im thinking and thinking. How you eat this?
I aint eating that green thing, Keith say.
Joan put her coffee down on the table. Thats an artichoke. Youve not had an artichoke?
Keith shake his head and make a face like something stink. Joan say, Avery?
No, Joan, I say quiet. I have not had an artichoke.
Joans face get red. She looks at Brenna. Well, she say, I know Brenna has. She can tell you. Its good, isnt it?
Brenna make the same face Keith make. No way, she say. We have normal food at my house. Good food, she say. Out of a can. Like Spaghetti Os.
But I pick up my artichoke because Joan look like she feel bad. I bite into it. Avery! Joan shout, and I drop it back on the plate. Spit the rest out.
Kids, Joan say and she frown, but she laughs too. For heavens sake. You pull out a leaf and then you dip it in this butter. Here. Look. She pull one off, dip it in the sauce, and eat a little bit off the bottom. She dont eat the rest of the green part. Mama and Daddy yell at me if I dont eat all the food on my plate like that. Try it, Avery, Joan say. I do what she tell me and its not nasty but it dont taste like food. It taste like you have to eat a hundred artichokes to be full and it still only taste like the sauce anyway. Like butter. I’m not going to ever eat another artichoke if I can help it. I decide I do not like them. I say, Its really good Joan. I like it. Thank you very much.
Keith and Brenna laugh and then Joan face turn pink. She laughing too. Honest to goodness, she say. Eat your soup and salad then. You dont have to eat this if youd rather not. Youre right, arent you? Of course you wouldnt like this. Then she snatch up the artichokes and walk into the house.
You a lie, Keith say. You know it takes like dookie. I like it very much, he say, trying to sound like me. Yeah, Brenna say. Kiss her big ass, why dont you. And I dont know why they getting mad at me. I didnt do nothing. They the ones being rude to Joan. Shut up you guys, I tell them.
Avery eat anything anyway, Keith say. Porky Pig.
Brenna laugh at Keith again. He been trying all day and now he made her laugh twice. I sit and stare at my sandwich. They make me feel bad about eating it. I put it down. Brenna
eat her sandwich with a big smile on her face and Keith eat his sandwich, just staring at her like he want to eat her up. Im the only one not eating and I get so mad. Both of you assholes can eat shit and die, I say. Nappy headed nigger. Polka-dotted honkey.
Avery! Joan say. Shes standing at her door again and the way she look at me make me feel like I want to die. She look at me like Im ugly. She say, You talk like that? Brenna and Keith put their faces down in their soup. Joan look at all of us like she dont like anything she see. I think you kids better leave, she say after a while.
I tell Joan Im sorry and she say its okay but I can tell that its not really okay. We all walk through her house and Im looking at all her matching furniture and all I can think about is please Joan dont tell Mama and Daddy because they will be so mad. Mama will beat me for sure and Daddy will look at me for a long time like he figuring out a punishment but then he wont punish me because he never does. He will just probably say, Avery. You know. You know better than that. We taught you better. But when he say the we, it don’t sound like he just talking about him and Mama. It sound like theres a whole bunch a people somewhere that I have never even met and they watching me. They disappointed in me because they all taught me better than what Im doing.
OWEN HATES SCHOOL but he likes West Covina all right. He always say that he glad he only had to do one more year of high school when we moved because he wants to go out and make some dollars. School cant do nothing for him, he say. Daddy aint happy that Owen aint going to college. Isnt going to college. Daddy say he and Mama work like dogs cause thats the choice they had. Work like a dog and lie down and die. Daddy say Owen and me got more choices than being dogs and dying, but Owen head hard, Daddy say.
But Daddy let Owen have a graduation party at the house, make Owen pay for it with his own money he saved from his job at the market down by the high school. Im glad about the party because I get to spend the night at Brennas house so I can be out of the way. Mama have rules about me going over there, though. Dont go over there being loud and tearing up anything, Mama says. Eat what they put on your plate but dont be eatin up all they food. Clean up after yourself and do everything that Brennas mama tell you to do. She and Daddys main rules for Owen is they dont want people tearing up they house but even Owen isnt that crazy that hes going to let somebody do that. Even if he eighteen and taller than Daddy, he would get whupped for sure. There are going to be people from L.A. that we have not seen in so long. Owens old friends from L.A. High coming too.
But Id rather be at Brennas, just down the street from my house. We got the same house, too, shaped like a barn, but it doesnt feel anything like my house. Brennas mama and daddy look young, not like my mama and daddy. Brennas mama look like a sister, same size and everything. Same freckles. She always got a cigarette in her mouth and she let Brenna light them for her sometimes. She says, Do me a solid, kiddo, and hand Brenna a cigarette, that Brenna light up on the stove or with matches. Then she take a puff and pass it to her mama. She dont even care.
Now she got a cigarette hanging in her mouth while she open a can of beans. She let Brenna and me make hamburger patties that Brennas daddys cooking outside.
Like this Ma? Brenna hold up one.
Too small, kid, Colleen say. She hate being called Mrs Kiersted. I called her that when I first got here. She say, I dont care what else you call me, kid, but Mrs Kiersted sound like a fucking old lady, dont you think? I said, Yes maam, and she looked over at Brenna and told her, Maam. Manners, kid. Those are manners. And she bumped me on the hips with her butt and smiled at me.
I hold my hamburger up. What about this one? Perfect, Colleen say. Beautiful Ave.
When we done we sit in the backyard and watch Brennas daddy grill our hamburgers. He plays the radio loud and sings to it. He looks like a high school guy to me, like Brennas brother Tate. His hair is blonde and long down his back. He looks like a surfer. He always wear a baseball cap. Angels. Wear his pants low like they falling off. I stare and stare at him because he kind of look like a rock star to me. Like Robert Plant who is a stone fox. He dont ever see me staring because he hardly pays attention to us when were around. He hardly ever home because he drive a truck all the time. He open up another beer, turn over our hamburgers, and sing about how your cheating heart is going to tell on you. He point to them with his big fork. You girls ready to eat? Got you some killer burgers over here. Tell your mom, he say to Brenna. Its ready. And then he wink at me, and it make me feel like he and me got a secret.
Sometimes the way Mama and Daddy talk about white people make me think all white people be practically the same, but here its not like at Joans house where she set the table and put everything out nice. At Joans house she take things out of the boxes and plastic they come in and then she put it on another plate so it look good on the table. Here its more like my house. Brenna and me get our paper plates and then just get us some beans out the pot. We get everything ourselves and go to Brennas room.
In Brennas room, we can do whatever we want. It looks like Brenna spill trash all over the place. Shoes on the floor. Bowls with dried up Cheerios on her desk. Clothes on the floor and not hanging in the closet. Papers and books inside the closet, on the floor in the closet, and not on her desk. I think its a good thing that my mama is not Brennas mama. Brenna can have John Travolta and Lorenzo Lamas posters everywhere. Daddy wont let me put up nothing, wont let me put up anything, because he says it mess up the walls, but what if I could stare at Lorenzo Lamas all day? How sweet man. But the last time I had tried, Daddy made me take Lorenzo down. Daddy passed my door, saw Leif Garrett and Lorenzo and Shaun Cassidy. Avery, he say, Who in the hell are all these white boys? Get that shit down off those walls right now, Daddy say. So I did.
Brenna turns on her radio and Disco Inferno is on. This song sucks, she says. But I like it. I like to dance to it in my room like Im on Soul Train. Ugh, Brenna say. She say, Rock and roll is here to stay, throw that disco shit away. She turn the station. You light up my life, Debbie Boone sing. Brenna can sing the whole song in pig latin but now she says, This song makes me want to barf. She needs a stiffy for reals. When Queen comes on, Brenna is happy. We are the champions, my friend! she scream and hug me so tight she make me drop my hamburger on the carpet. I pick it up and its got stuff on it now, look like lint. Look what you did, Brenna. She say, God made dirt and dirt dont hurt. Kiss it up to God, she say, hold her burger up after she kiss it. I cant eat mine, though. I just cant and I can hear Mama. You did what? Ate a hamburger off the floor? Now you know you know better.
We should be at your house, she say. Tates there. We could be spying on some babes right now.
Like who?
Brenna shrug and put her burger down and leave it lying there. She never finishes her food. I want it, but I dont want to ask for it. I dont know, she says. Maybe theres a guy who looks like Leif Garrett.
Owen never ever went to school with anybody who looked like Leif Garrett, but I dont tell Brenna that.
We stay up late because nobody tells us we have to go to bed. Nobody tells us anything. We hear Tate talking, so we come out and pretend to get some soda.
How was it, Colleen say. She on the couch in the living room, watching TV and drinking a beer. Youre home early, kid, she say.
Tate take the beer from Colleen and drink some. Some asshole called the cops, he say. Brenna and me look at each other and Colleen frown. Why? What happened? Tate rub his eyes. Theyre red because hes a stoner. Thats what Brenna say. Tate take off his Vans and pull his T-shirt over his head. I try not to look at his back, but it looks soft and I wish I could touch him. Dont even ask me, he tells Colleen. I dont know why. They said we were too loud but we werent. It was kind of lame, he said. Owen kept telling people not to mess stuff up and not party too hard. And there were a lot of brothers there, too. Like a lot of black dudes. Colleen look at me and say Tate! Goddamn it. Watch it. Sorry, Tate say to me, and go to his room. He didn’t mean anything by that Avery, she say. That kids got a big
mouth. But Im not even sure what he said that was bad. If there were a lot of black people there, then thats the truth, isnt it?
When Im home the next day I ask Owen what happened, and he say that the cops say that his party was disturbing the peace. Yeah, Owen say. He was taking down trash to the curb. Member that, Ave, he say laughing. Too many niggas always disturb the peace. But I dont know why hes laughing. Thats not funny to me.
MAMA AND DADDY have a party too. Well, not a real party. Just people that used to live in our building in L.A. Four people. Mr Channey and his wife Bonnie, her brother named Dash and their daughter Cassandra. But its not the same like when we lived on 80th Street and we used to just walk into each others apartments like normal. Like first, they walk into the house all quiet and keep saying, Dang Darnelle! Dang Vicky! This nice! Miss Bonnie look down at the floor when she first come in the house. This floor wet? It look like its wet. We supposed to be walking on this floor like this?
Mama say, Bonnie, girl, now you know this floor aint wet. Its just shiny. Got two coats of that Mop n Glo on it.
Sheeiit, Mr Channey say when he standing in the kitchen. He go to the sliding glass door and look out at the yard. This real nice.
We gone get some more furniture in here when we can, Daddy say.
Cassandra stand by her mama like she shy of me. Hey, I say. Hey Cassandra.