by Leigh Walker
“This is ridiculous,” a female voice said. Emma. “She’s blonde, for Christ’s sake.”
“You’re blonde,” said a boy’s voice. Josh.
“I highlight my hair. It’s a fashion statement, not a handicap!”
“I don’t see what the big deal is,” he said, “I think she’s nice.”
“Nice isn’t exactly appropriate,” said a third voice. Finn. “I’m hoping we have this wrong.”
I had no idea what they were talking about, besides me. Appropriate for what? But I had to face them, so I cleared my throat as I came down the stairs. “You don’t have to worry about it. I’m not really that nice.”
They all stared, but I ignored them, pushing through the door and trying to feign indifference. It was getting cooler, so I zipped up my sweatshirt, shoving my hands in the pockets, thankful for something to do with myself besides start crying because three strangers were dissecting me.
Mr. Cranston waited outside, tapping away on his smartphone. He was tall with a lean runner’s build. He looked sinewy and strong beneath his light sweatshirt. He grinned when he saw me. “Riley, it’s good to see you. It’s nicer meeting this way, rather than you bumping into me because of those god-awful ear buds.”
My face flamed. “Oh, you recognized me. I wasn’t sure, Mr. Cranston.”
“Ha-ha,” he said, even though I wasn’t trying to be funny. “Please, call me Cranston.”
My three so-called teammates shuffled out. Finn came to stand next to me. Maybe this was his lame version of an apology.
“Let’s go have some pizza. Follow me.” Cranston herded us to the nearest dining hall.
Josh caught up to me while we walked. “Sorry about before, Hanover.”
“You didn’t say anything wrong. You don’t need to apologize.”
He leaned close. “I have guilt by association.”
“I don’t blame you.” I glanced at Emma, who stared straight ahead.
Josh put his arm around me. “You’re the best.”
Finn turned, his eyes flicking to Josh’s arm around my shoulders.
Josh sighed, let me go, then held the door open for me. I didn’t normally like people touching me, but Josh’s easy attention set me at ease. Besides, our group needed at least one gentleman.
Cranston ushered us past the main dining area to a smaller, private room. There were already boxes of pizza stacked in the corner. My teammates headed directly for it, loading up their plates and grabbing drinks. I took a slice of cheese and sat down, picking at it.
Emma shoved a huge bite of bacon pizza into her mouth. “Go ahead and eat, Riley. You don’t have to worry about smearing your lip gloss,” she said, through her food. “We really don’t care.” Her eyes flicked to Finn. “None of us.”
Josh shot her a look. “Shut up, Emma.”
I ignored her and took a bite, stubbornly careful not to smudge my lip-gloss. I planned to stuff slices of bacon pizza into each of Emma’s precious combat boots later, while she slept. I might squirt some lip-gloss in there for good measure.
Emma rolled her eyes at Josh. “You’re so annoying when you’re chivalrous. Like, seriously.”
Cranston shook his head as he sat down. “That’s enough, everyone.” He took a bite of pizza and considered me as he chewed. “So…the off-campus crew. Are you ready for this?”
I put down my drink. “I’d like to know more about it and what we’re doing. What’s considered off-campus, technically?”
“Anything that’s not the main campus.”
I wrinkled my nose at his non-answer. “There’s another part of campus? Is it in Hanover? Does Hollingsworth own other property nearby? I’ve never seen it.”
“Okay, okay. You have a lot of questions. I get it.” Mr. Cranston put down his pizza, looking serious. “Riley, this assignment might be a little more involved than you were expecting. There’s a…travel aspect to it.”
I looked at the others, confused. Emma shoveled more food into her mouth. Josh watched me with interest, and Finn stared at the table. “Did you guys know about this?”
“Yeah, we knew.” Josh shrugged. “It’s part of the deal.”
I turned back to Mr. Cranston. “Part of the work-study deal? Do I have to travel to get my tuition? I thought we were going to be here all summer, working on the grounds because we’re the grounds crew.”
He watched my face carefully. “Is there some reason you need to stay in town? For…family?”
I pictured my mother, passed out on the floor. “No.”
“Good, because this part of the summer program is…selective. You’ve been chosen specifically because of your record. Only certain students are chosen for this group, and you have the privilege of working off-site. It’s part of the deal if you want the scholarship.”
“Okay,” I said, but none of this sounded okay. It sounded off. “But why do I feel like I’m the only one who didn’t know about this?”
I looked at the others, but no one met my eyes.
“I had the opportunity to meet with your teammates before, to explain,” Cranston said, his voice soothing. “The four of you represent a very special segment of the student population. The fact that you’ve been assigned to this group speaks very highly of your potential.”
I looked at Emma, who gnawed on her pizza crust. “This is the ‘special’ grounds group?”
Cranston nodded. “Yes.”
“Special how?” I couldn’t be the only one with great grades here. Hollingsworth was a top-notch boarding school. Most of the graduates went on to attend Ivy-League schools.
He pursed his lips. “Each of you has special abilities.”
“I don’t think I’m particularly gifted with bark mulch.”
Cranston leaned forward. “I think you might be.”
“We’re going to be working down at Freel for a while,” Finn interrupted, probably sensing the conversation going nowhere.
“We have a campus at Freel?” Freel International Air Base was located two hours south, at the bottom of New Hampshire, in Portsmouth.
Finn nodded, raising his gaze to hold mine. “We do. And we have some very important work to do there. So…will you come, Hanover?”
“It’s Riley.”
He smiled at me, and it was like the sun coming out. “Right…Riley.”
Suddenly, off-off campus didn’t seem like such a bad idea. “When would we go?”
“Soon,” Finn said, his voice soothing. “But it’s not like we’re going very far.”
I could feel them all watching me as I processed. FINN wants me to go! FINN is asking me to go to Freel Air Force Base with the work-study program, and he is using a soothing tone on me to be persuasive!
I wanted to say yes, but my mouth couldn’t form the word with them all staring at me. And…did I only want to say yes because he’d been the one to ask me? Hunky though he was, I didn’t know him, and he hadn’t been nice to me until now. The whole proposition seemed a little sketchy, a little out of the blue. I also didn’t like the fact I was the only one who hadn’t known about the travel aspect. It’d been sprung on me, and I couldn’t begin to understand why.
Don’t be a sheep. My mother’s slurry words suddenly echoed in my head.
I shoved my paper plate away. “You know what, guys? I don’t think so. I’d like to ask for another assignment.”
Without another word, I grabbed my water and hustled from the room.
5
Proper Motivation
I wanted to go back to my room and curl up into a ball again, but I didn’t want to be in the same building as Emma. Instead, I grabbed my bike and rode around campus aimlessly for a little while, ending up over by the sports complex.
Luckily, the football team had gone home for the night. It was twilight, quiet, and peaceful in the stadium. My dad had taken Katie and me here years before for a couple of home games, and we’d been bored to tears. Now, relief flooded me as I sat on the bleachers to watch the stars come out
.
I didn’t understand what had had happened today, and I needed to process. My grounds crew had been handpicked because we were supposedly special. But I had no special skills. I’d never worked as a landscaper before, and I only had a rudimentary understanding of how to mow a lawn and make it look pretty. I’d never even weeded a garden.
“Hey.”
I jumped, startled as Finn sat down beside me. “You’re speaking to me?”
“I speak. I’m speaking,” he said, a little defensively.
“Did they send you to convince me to go?”
“Something like that.”
“Why you?”
“I think you know.” He smiled at me in the semi-darkness, and I caught the flash of a dimple.
Because they want me to go, and they don’t think I’ll say no to you.
“Because of your dimple?”
He laughed. “It’s usually pretty effective.”
I rolled my eyes. “I’m sure it is, but I’m not saying yes because I don’t understand what’s happening. Why are we going to Freel? Why am I on the special crew when I have no special skills?” Why does everyone but Josh hate me?
Finn leaned back against the bleachers, looking up at the stars. “It’s pretty up here, huh?”
I sighed because he’d ignored my questions, and I had more. “Where are you from?”
“New York.”
“The city?” He suddenly seemed even more exotic.
He laughed again. “Yeah, we can’t see the stars there.”
“Huh.” I looked back up. “I can’t imagine living like that. Did you like it?”
“This is nicer.”
“Are you going to answer my other questions?”
He turned to face me. “Are you going to keep asking more? That’s eight so far, Hanover.”
“Can you please stop calling me that?”
“Nine. Nine questions.”
I sighed. “Tell me what’s in Freel, and tell me why they want me to go. Those are commands, not questions.”
“Hollingsworth has an off-campus facility in Freel. Everyone in our group was chosen because we each have something special to contribute.”
“Can you please tell me what I can contribute to the grounds crew that’s so special?”
“That’s ten. And no, I can’t tell you. They’ll show you an aptitude test.”
“Who’s they? And they have an aptitude test for landscaping? And stop counting my questions!”
“When I say ‘they,’ I mean the people who run the program. And yes, they have an aptitude test.”
I studied his profile. His jaw was strong. He had high cheekbones, dark brown eyes, and his thick brown hair was kept short. I’d never had this much handsome sitting next to me, and since he’d finally started being nice, he seemed even better looking.
I feared that’s why they’d sent him.
“Why do I feel as though there’s something you’re not telling me?”
He shook his head. “Because you’ve asked me so many questions I can’t keep up, and I probably didn’t answer them all. But you shouldn’t worry, Hanover—I mean, Riley. Portsmouth will be fun.” He stood to go.
“How do you know?”
He grinned down at me, as if to say, because my dimple and I will be there—duh. “’Cause I’ve been there. I think you’ll like it.”
Later, I crawled into my sleeping bag, thoughts swirling. Of course, I would show up for work tomorrow. That wasn’t an issue. But what was waiting in Freel? I knew I didn’t have the full picture, but did it matter? It was the summer-work program. It couldn’t be all that exciting.
Still, I was…excited. I tossed and turned, unable to sleep. I told myself it was because I’d finally started at Hollingsworth and gotten away from my mother, and that it had nothing to do with Finn.
But I sucked at lying, even to myself.
The next morning, I went for an early run. Pink clouds streaked the sky as the sun came up.
I groaned when I got back to the dorm. A beat-up minivan sagged against the curb outside of Tate. It was my mother’s car—no mistaking it. She’d probably been up all night. Ugh. I held my breath as I approached the driver’s side, but it was empty.
“Over here.”
She sat on the dorm’s front steps, smoking a cigarette.
I hustled toward her. “You can’t smoke on campus, Mom.”
“Oh, Jesus.” She inhaled deeply. “Is your work-study job campus security? Or the campus holier-than-thou team?”
“No, Mom. Please put it out.”
She took another stubborn, deep drag then stubbed it out. “Such a warm welcome from my daughter.”
I sighed. “What’s up?”
“I brought you some sheets and your comforter.” She patted an oversized bag by her side. “I know you only packed that ratty old sleeping bag.”
I sat down next to her slowly, the muscles in my thighs protesting as I sank down. “Thanks.”
She eyed me warily. “Are you settling in okay? Are the other kids nice enough? I know it’s a bunch of rich kids.” Her voice became gentle, and I realized that not only was she sober, she was actually making an effort.
Touched, I smiled at her. “They’re pretty nice except this one girl—Emma. She’s only nice sometimes.”
She patted my hand. “She’s probably just jealous.”
“Ha. I don’t think so. If you saw her, you’d know what I mean.” I paused for a second, wondering if I should tell her about the trip to Freel. If we were gone for a few weeks, I should let her know.
In case she drowns in a pool of her own vomit, and they need to find me.
I shivered. “So my group’s been assigned to deal with some off-campus properties. We’re actually supposed to go down to Portsmouth tomorrow to work at the Freel Air Base.”
My mother wrinkled her nose. “Freel is a government-owned property. Hollingsworth doesn’t have a campus down there.”
“I know—I mean, I don’t know all the details, but it’s just going to be for a few weeks.”
Her brow wrinkled. “Who’s going?”
“Me and the other kids in my group. And the man who runs the program.”
My mother suddenly looked soberer than she had since Dad and Katie died. “And who’s that?”
“His name is Donald Cranston. You don’t know him.”
“I don’t think you should go.”
I whipped my head toward my mother. “Why not?”
Her face flushed. “I don’t think it’s a good idea, Riley.”
“Could you be a little more specific?”
“No.” She cursed under her breath. “Just please, don’t go.”
Panic seized my chest. “Are you sick? Do you need me to stay because you’re sick?”
“No—it’s nothing like that.”
“Then what?”
She wrapped her arms around her legs. “I don’t…I don’t think it’s a good idea. That’s all.”
I started to feel seriously annoyed. “You need to say more than that. I don’t understand.”
She didn’t speak for a minute, but anxiety played out on her face.
“Mom—what is it?”
She turned to me. “I already told you. You need to remember what I told you.”
My mind raced back to our last night together, to her drunken proselytizing. When you’re number’s up, it’s up. And don’t forget our other fan favorite: don’t be a sheep!
“I don’t think I’m being a sheep by fulfilling my work-study duties.”
“What do you know about it, huh?”
I threw up my hands. “I know that you’re not making any sense, and you’re not telling me anything to support your objections!”
“I can’t. I can’t tell you.”
I stood to go. “That’s crazy, Mom. Not that it’s anything new and different.”
“Riley—listen to me, honey—”
“But you’re not saying anything!”
&nb
sp; She shook her head. “I know you’ve been making plans. Isn’t that what you’ve been doing, with all this National Honor Society and boarding-school business? Hollingsworth is one of the hardest schools to get into in the whole country, honey. You’ve worked so hard to get here. I know that. But it’s not going to keep you safe.”
The crazy train has arrived! Next stop, the psych ward!
“Where are you going with this?”
She stood next to me, and even though I outweighed her, she suddenly managed to make me feel small. “Your plans aren’t going to save you, Riley. Nothing can, not once they get their nails into you.”
“Who?”
“Them, Riley. Them.”
A bolt of terror shot through me. My mother had gone certifiably insane. “Mom.” It was all I could manage because my eyes filled with tears.
Her own eyes swam with tears as she squeezed my arm. “You remember what I told you. You remember, and when the time comes, baby girl, you run.”
She hustled to the minivan without another word. She peeled out, probably to embark on a drinking binge like no other.
I grabbed my sheets and comforter and shuffled into Tate, feeling confused and as though I’d taken a beating. I showered because I had to, crying in the stall as the hot water ran over my miserable, puffy face. Over the past two years, I’d learned the shower was the best place to cry. You could conveniently wash the tears away, and no one could hear you.
I skipped breakfast, opting instead for a granola bar and a yogurt. I packed up, realizing I hadn’t said goodbye to my mother. Tears threatened again, but I pushed them back. I didn’t have that many tears left. I had to save them for what mattered.
I thought about what she’d said. I ran through the conversation again and again, but I still didn’t understand. Was she upset that I was leaving town, leaving her alone once and for all? Or was she hiding something?
I can’t tell you.
Can’t tell me what?
Your plans aren’t going to save you, Riley. Nothing can, not once they get their nails into you!
I roughly packed my few belongings. No one wanted to get nails into me. My mother was a drunk widow bent on self-destruction. I had one word for all the drama. Whatever.