The Ambassador Calls Twice (A Federation Story)

by E J Randolph

  Dan leaned forward. “But don't you understand? This is how they avoid so many of the frictions of life. Rituals preserve community unity.”

  John tapped his side table. “Historically, many Old Earth societies followed strict rules of etiquette. Even wrote them up in books, and everyone memorized them.”

  My mouth turned down at the corners. “I suppose that’s what I should do with these.”

  John straightened into his captain posture. “We all should. We need all the good will we can muster.”

  Ricardo smacked his head. “You may not live to be a hundred on Lotusandra, but it’ll sure seem like it.”

  I pursed my lips. “You’re a barbarian.”

  He chuckled. “Yes, and proud of it.

  He was right in a way. Life was too short to live it so slow. I plucked out meetings between equals of moderate rank and nonequals of status and of course a variety of tea ceremonies. “Here’s one. A ritual for apology after inadvertent action.” I grinned at the guys. “How about that one?”

  Ricardo groaned and I chuckled. But Dan nodded.

  John rubbed his chin. “Could be useful.”

  Over the next few days we immersed ourselves in learning at least some of the choreographed moves for the stately, graceful, liturgical rituals of Lotusandran life. The others tired of watching, but I pressed on. As the diplomat on board, I’d likely be involved in several of these. I watched one on spaceships and called John on the intercom. “There’s a ritual for entering Lotusandran airspace.”

  “There are standard protocols every civilized planet follows.”

  “Uh, John, this is different.”

  A few seconds later he walked into the commons, a frown on his face. “Alright, what’s this all about?”

  I pressed a button and the hologram started.

  “Who enters our sacred home?”

  “The captain requests honored guest status.”

  “Do you come in peace and harmony?”

  “I honor the peace and harmony of Lotusandra.”

  “We embrace you in love and friendship.”

  I clicked it off. “Only then are landing instructions given.”

  John stood and scratched the top of his head. “It takes all kinds. Why isn’t this in the pilot's manual?”

  “I suppose somebody at Central dropped the ball – as usual.”

  ~ ~ ~

  The next day we dropped out of flicker space, and John remembered his lines. We landed at the largest population center located near the equator in a tropical zone.

  What exact ritual would the Lotusandrans enact when we met them? This was a Federation ship, and I was a diplomat not assigned here. Perhaps strangers meeting and requesting a visit. Yes, that would be appropriate.

  Ricardo pulled into a parking space and I unstrapped. “I should go to the local embassy both to pay my respects to the ambassador and to see if Really Big has left any messages for me. Like, maybe, the problem has been taken care of.”

  John shot me a sidelong glance. “Dream on.”

  Nick ran a quick scan of the sky. “No aliens.”

  John stood. “Of course not. If they can follow us, they won’t be here yet.”

  I frowned. “But why would they follow us?”

  “We broke through, you’re on board, and there may be no opportunities on Bellasport.”

  ~ ~ ~

  I descended the gangway. A group of Lotusandrans approached wearing long tan robes and inner-peace smiles.

  “We are pleased to greet our honored guest.” They spoke in unison.

  Ah, the honored guest ritual. I bowed. “I am honored to be your guest.”

  “We hope your stay will be fulfilling and full of learning.”

  Uh-oh! wrong ritual. I wasn’t a student. “I’m a Federation diplomat here to visit the ambassador.”

  They looked at each other. Someone said something, and the rest nodded. They turned to me. “May your visit be pleasant.”

  They were good at speaking in unison. They must have grown up reciting these rituals. “Thank you. You’re most kind.”

  “Do you need our assistance with anything?”

  “I need a robotaxi.”

  “One is waiting.”

  “Thank you.”

  “Come with us.”

  I followed them a short distance to a waiting robotaxi. They bowed and smiled. I bowed and smiled and stepped into the waiting robotaxi.

  “Where can I take my honored rider?” The robotaxi spoke in sweet, contented tones.

  “To the Federation embassy.”

  The vehicle moved through the winding roads at a slow speed.

  “Is this the fastest you can go?”

  “I maintain a serene speed so you can meditate on your journey.”

  I rolled my eyes and sighed.

  The morning was sunny. Trees with full, drooping foliage lined the curving streets. People walked with lazy grace down wide sidewalks. Spacious porches fronted one-story houses and buildings with wide overhanging roofs. Between the houses and buildings, emerald-green lawns flowed to borders trimmed with flowers. The vistas were so restful and so different from old Earth with its population pressures and high demand for every inch of useful land.

  The robotaxi swung around a final curve and pulled into the grounds of the Federation embassy. A winding, flower-lined path led to the entrance. The structure was built to the two-story plan followed by all Federation embassies. The only compromises ever allowed to the standard plan lay in the areas of landscaping and the occasional substitution of a local building material because, sometimes the usual brick was too impractical. Here, brick had been used, but the landscaping was done according to local standards.

  I might not have meditated on my way here, but I got out and swayed in the local manner up the lovely path to the entrance, the standard Greek Revival white portico with columns flanked by two marines. The marines checked their screens. Was I on their list?

  One of the marines looked at me. “Welcome, Ms. Stevens.”

  I smiled, glided in the door, and walked to the young woman sitting at the main entrance desk. “I’m Kate Stevens, Federation diplomat, here to see the ambassador.”

  She spoke into a communicator and looked up. “Ambassador Lee will see you now.”

  I swayed through the lobby to Ms Lee’s office. The assistant in the outer office, a red head with an open, friendly face, waved me toward the open, inner-office door.

  I stopped at the door. A wizened, white-haired woman with a timeless aura sat on a cushion alongside a low table.

  She waved a slender hand toward an empty cushion. “Come in and sit down.”

  I sat cross-legged on the pillow. The assistant brought in a tea set and left, closing the door.

  I clutched my hands together. “Have you received–”

  “Please.” She picked up her tea cup, and looked at me.

  Oh no, a tea ceremony. Was this a test? I followed her moves and improvised in places. Her face gave no hint she noticed. The timeless moves had a relaxing, hypnotic effect. My tight muscles loosened.

  We finished and she smiled. “Now we can talk.”

  “Have you any messages for me?”

  She pulled out a tube from under the table.

  I opened it and shook out the space mail printout. I want you to solve the problem. I sighed and passed my hand across my eyes. There was no way. Perhaps I had no choice but to quit my job.

  “Bad news?”

  I looked into Ms Lee’s friendly, wise eyes. “But, I can’t. You don’t understand.”

  She frowned. “Tell me!”

  I spilled out everything I’d been through with the aliens.

  “This Really Big expects you to go back and take on a whole fleet of aliens? Are you seriously going to try to do that?”

  “No, we’re not. It’s not possible.” I sighed. “However we thought perhaps the Lotusandrans might be able to help because they specialize in mental sciences.”


  She pressed her lips together. “Lotusandra offers something unique in the Federation. It offers a completeness of peace, a totality of harmony, and a sense of almost infinite calm which can be found nowhere else, not even on the homelands of the Lotusandran beliefs. Harmony, peace, and calm are commodities beyond price, and there are many who come here for greater or lesser periods of time to partake of these precious aspects of living which abound only here on Lotusandra.” She paused. “But combating aliens? No.”

  My face fell. “But maybe someone can think of something.”

  She tilted her head “I know who you should talk to. He’ll be giving a lecture at the Soul's Journey Institute this evening.”

  She clapped her hands and her assistant entered. “Please introduce Kate to the staff.”

  The assistant smiled. “Hi, I am Deborah. Come on, I’ll bring your around.” She led the way into the lobby. “You’ll find this a very different kind of embassy. Mother Superior–”

  “Who?”

  She nodded toward Ms Lee’s office. “We call her that. I do believe she would like to turn the embassy into something like a Buddhist monastery. Come meet the head monk, our chief of mission, Charles.”

  Charles was dressed in a full monk's outfit. He pressed his hands together, fingers pointing upward, and bowed his shaven head. “So honored to meet you.”

  I bobbed my head. “Sure thing, Chief.”

  Deborah suppressed a smile and brought me around to see Mike, the head of councilor affairs, a quiet, unassuming man. Next, she took me to see Tod and Ted, the first and second secretaries sitting lotus fashion on cushions and chanting.

  I waved, but I doubt they saw me.

  The redhead laughed. “I’m still getting used to it. I have two more years to go. By the time I leave I’ll probably be right in there with them.”

  I smiled at her. “Thank you for the tour. Now I think I’ll go back to my quarters on the ship.”

  “There are guest quarters here if you would like.”

  “Thank you, but I have to work with the crew on my latest instructions.”

  She drew back.

  “We’re a special team designated as dual purpose by the powers that be on Central.” I took my leave, carrying my disturbing message from Really Big.

  ~ ~ ~

  At Miss A, I looked for John. I found him in the commons and handed the space mail printout to him.

  He read it and jumped to his feet. “What does he expect? We can’t take on a fleet. Space mail that out-of-touch has-been immediately.”

  I grimaced. “What shall I say?”

  “It’s elementary. We cannot do it.”

  “I’m going to ask some big time mental science type tonight if he has any thoughts.”

  “Fine, but that’s later. Space mail that Big Ego Out-to-Luncher now.”

  I prepared the t-gram and glanced at John. “If my boss doesn’t fire me for refusing an order, I’ll have to quit.”

  “Just send it.”

  I punched one last button. “It’s on its way. I told Really Big there was no way a courier ship can take on an alien fleet.” I plopped into my chair. “Some career I have. My vacation hasn’t even been real. To start off, I was working, and initially, the problem was I couldn't do what I thought was right for a trade delegation. Then I get sent to an alien spacecraft, and they insert a parasite in me. Now my boss wants me to commit suicide by attacking an alien fleet. I really should quit. What am I waiting for?”

  “There will be plenty of time for that if we live through this.”

  I leaped out of my chair and thrust my fists onto my hips. “If we live through this? How about I quit and my boss has to find someone else to deal with the aliens.”

  “We may have no choice but to deal with them.”

  I groaned.

  ~ ~ ~

  I looked around. “Hey, where are Dan, Ricardo, and Nick?”

  “Went to meet girls.”

  The main hatch opened and Ricardo swaggered into the commons followed by Dan and Nick. Ricardo raised his arms in a victory salute. “Success. I stepped on a black tile, and a girl stepped on a white tile. Then my friends went to talk to her friends.”

  Dan punched up a drink from the food fabricator. “Nick and I played the role of friends.” He shot a sharp look at Ricardo. “You owe us. We had to do the dirty work of negotiating.”

  I looked back and forth. “Well? Tell me.”

  Nick grinned. “We set up lover boy here for a dinner at a nice restaurant.”

  “That sounds good.”

  “The girl and her friends and Ricardo and his friends will meet there.”

  “Then what?”

  Ricardo hunched his shoulders. “We have to consult the holo.” He punched it up.

  The friends leave the couple alone to talk for a while then both sets of friends come back and find out if the couple want to proceed to a longer date with more intimate time.

  Ricardo pumped his fist. “Now we’re talking.”

  Dan pressed his lips together. “And what do we get out of it?”

  Ricardo grinned at him. “The pleasure of helping a good buddy.”

  “Right. The meal better be good.”

  Nick grimaced. “The meetings are never held at fancy places. They never have all the toppings I like.”

  Dan groaned. “I never look at what you eat.”

  Ricardo glanced at his wrist computer. “We better get out of here, or we’ll be late. Who knows what ritual of apology we’ll have to go through if that happens.”

  Nick’s eyes widened. “And we don’t even know it yet.”

  The guys bustled out in high spirits.

  ~ ~ ~

  John stared after them. “I decided not to dampen their mood yet. I’ll wait until we hear back from Really Big.” He prowled the room like a caged animal for several minutes and went to the control room.

  A short while later I changed clothes and went to the control room. The room was dark with an action hologram of a simulated space battle with three alien ships in the center.

  “You got one ship, but I’m coming after you with my other two in a pincer op.” Miss A had changed her voice into neutral mode.

  “Hah!” John fired and maneuvered. “Got away!”

  I coughed. “I’m leaving.”

  He nodded without looking away from the simulation.

  I walked down the passageway. Outside I followed a subconscious impulse and looked at the sky. Clear. I called up a robotaxi and rode at a sedate pace to the Soul’s Journey Institute, a one-story, circular building with a clear, domed roof. I entered a large auditorium with pillows on the risers, indirect lighting, and no hard edges anywhere.

  Most of the pillows were occupied, but I found an empty one close to the door and sat. The seekers after peace and harmony sitting near me spoke in a variety of languages.

  An ancient, bare-footed man dressed in a soft, brown robe entered. He walked with slow steps to the speaker's mound in the center of the room and sat cross-legged on it.

  The babble of conversation faded away. The little gnome on the speaker's dome closed his eyes and smiled. Everyone in the audience stared in silence at the small figure. An hour later he stood, stepped off the mound, and left the building.

  The crowd murmured. To my side, a man shook his head. “That was incredible!” His companion sighed. “What a beautiful demonstration of pure spirituality. No artifice of words to obscure the true essential.”

  I sprang to my feet. Words were what I needed to exchange with the master. I ran out the door and around the building. The lecturer walked on a path leading to several houses.

  I ran to him, panting from my exertion. “Master.”

  He smiled and bent over into an elaborate bow.

  Oh, yeah, do the rituals. I bowed and looked at him.

  He stood as if he had an eternity to spend with me.

  “I need your advice.”

  He smiled.

  “There are telepa
thic aliens threatening humanity. They are evil. They want to steal our emotions to use for military purposes.”

  He continued to smile at me.

  Didn’t he understand? “They were at Bellasport. We were there. They put a parasite in me but we got it out. We flew through a gap in their defenses, but they’re going to follow us here.”

  The lecturer made no change of expression.

  Was I making any impression on the man at all? “Look, you’re an expert in mental sciences. You and your fellow meditators may be the only ones able to counter the aliens.”

  He kept smiling.

  I swallowed hard. “That’s all I have to say.” A couple tears formed in the corner of my eyes. “Think about it.”

  He bowed and I bowed. He turned and walked with slow steady steps down the path.

  I stared after him, shaking my head. A few minutes later I stumbled to the main avenue, tears obscuring my vision. He didn’t understand. I took a robotaxi to Miss A and walked into the commons.

  John rested his head on his palm. He snapped upright. “They’re after us.”

  “Who’s after us?”

  “The mind suckers, emotion vampires, the bad guys. You know, the ones with the parasite.”

  I shuddered. “How do you know?”

  He waved a printout at me. “Here. From the puppet master. Read it and weep.”

  The t-gram came from Really Big: Aliens gone Bellasport. Warpig mad. Navy no go. Your pigeon.

  I gasped. “I don’t believe this.”

  “Believe it!”

  “But how? I just failed to get help from a local master.”

  “If what I think is going to happen actually does happen, the locals won’t have much choice. To make life better, in every conventional war game, the aliens win.”

  “But can they find us here? Yeah, I know what you said.” I crumpled into my chair.

  “If it would do any good, I would call the guys back, but no need to spoil their fun. Mine has already been spoiled enough for the whole crew.”

  “How soon?”

  “Don’t know.” He leaned back and sighed, a deep, sad sound.

  The spindlies were coming. I was helpless. They’d put another parasite in me. I jumped up. “I want out of this! I quit!”

  “You think the aliens will care?”