The conversation ended and the sun slowly began to set far in the distance. Ellie continued skating around the lake, while Jon lay as still as a rock. Teensy tiny little snowflakes began to fall calmly from the clouds above.
As Jon began humming a little song, his eyes slowly closed until the cloudy, powder blue sky was no longer visible. He listened to the blades of Ellie’s ice-skates glide across the ice smoothly. Everything seemed absolutely perfect.
But then, Jon’s solitude was suddenly disturbed.
All within a moment, one could hear ice crack, a young girl scream, and a large splash. Without any hesitation, Jon jumped up and dashed over to the hole he spotted in the ice. If it had been necessary, he was ready and willing to jump into the beyond freezing water after her, but luckily Ellie was visible.
As his arms reached down into the lake, they were unable to feel the bitter cold for the only thing on Jon’s mind was Ellie. Nothing in the world seemed to matter but her.
Using all the strength he possessed, Jon managed to pull Ellie, in her sopping, thickly-fabricated dress and petticoats, out of the hole and onto the ice beside him. It wasn’t easy, for her clothing and ice-skates became very heavy when wet and they weighed her down.
Frightened and worried beyond belief, Jon asked, “Mae?”
Ellie didn’t answer. Her soaked hair clung to her pale white face, her clothes adhered to her frail body, and her eyes were shut.
Touching the side of her face, Jon repeated in a desperate and pleading tone, “Mae? Mae? Can you hear me, Mae?”
But Ellie still couldn’t speak.
Jon bit his lip, unsure of what to do. He took her limp hand in his and gave it a small squeeze. This was all his fault and he knew it. He’d pressured her into coming, he hadn’t been watching her, and it was his fault if anything happened to her.
“Please forgive me, Mae,” Jon whispered, “I didn’t mean to. Honest. I never thought anything like this would happen when I asked you to come. Oh please forgive me. Mae? Mae? Can you hear me, Mae? Please speak. Let me know you’re alright, Mae. Please.”
After checking her wrist, Jon knew she was breathing because she still had a pulse, but her eyes still hadn’t opened and she still hadn’t uttered a sound.
Suddenly, her eyelids began to flutter and without warning Ellie began coughing violently and sputtering up water. Jon wiped the drips off her face with his sleeve and repeated once more, “Mae?”
She continued coughing; it seemed she was unable to stop.
“Are you alright, Mae?”
She finally spoke, but in a hushed, quivering voice, “Johnny?”
“Yes?” he asked hopefully, wrapping his arms around her shivering wet body.
“Johnny,” she mumbled; every word seemed to weaken her that much more, “Will you take me home?”
“Home? Yes,” Jon nodded, “Yes, of course I’ll take you home.”
He removed his fairly dry coat and laid it on top of her and set his cap on her head, hoping they’d warm her up a little. And then, he took her in his arms, and carried her all the way home through the falling snow.
Chapter 18 - Beyond the Cold
The doctor confirmed what Jon was afraid of the next morning: Ellie had pneumonia. He said she was lucky, for the freezing cold water could have given her something even worse. Pneumonia certainly wasn’t something to be taken lightly though; Dr. Hughes told Jon in private that Ellie’s life wasn’t for certain. They didn’t tell Ellie though, for they didn’t want her to worry any.
As soon as Jon informed the doctor of Ellie’s urgent condition the night before, Dr. Hughes had given Ellie a strong medicine from his case of antidotes. Just as he’d expected, she hadn’t woken since. It placed her in a sort of strange, dream world and her head couldn’t stop spinning.
Besides that, she had a terrible fever that reached 104.5 at one point, severe chest pains, she couldn’t seem to find her breath, and her violent coughing never seemed to subside. Once, a small amount of rust- colored mucus even came out on her handkerchief as she coughed. The sight of it scared Jon, as he thought the horrors of consumption may have taken over her as well, but Dr. Hughes assured him that wasn’t true. He said it was expected for a scant amount of sputum to appear because of the type of pneumonia she had.
Ellie woke several times from her long, long sleep, but when she did she felt like she was watching a play at the theater about herself. She couldn’t interfere with the actors before her, but she could watch and hear them speak of her and her condition. Her hazel eyes would open slowly and the room would look foggy to her, though it wasn’t. All the edges of figures and objects seemed to blend together until there were only eerie shadows. The outer edge of her vision faded completely like it does during dreams, so that her view was bordered in white dust.
Once she awoke to find Jon and Dr. Hughes discussing something behind the backboard of her bed.
“How long?” asked Jon.
“I don’t really know, Mr. Smithton. It’s hard to say.”
“But she’ll get out sometime, won’t she?”
Dr. Hughes took a moment before responding simply, “I hope so.”
And then Ellie drifted back into sleep again.
The next time she awoke she was able to speak. Jon was sitting in a chair near her bed. Although he was mere feet away from her, it took a moment for her to recognize him. His shirt was wrinkled, his hair dirty, and some stubble was beginning to grow on his chin from lack of shaving.
“Jon,” she mumbled, reaching out her hand. It seemed to be weighed down by something, though it wasn’t. She’d never felt so weak in all her life. All the effort she had went into a few simple movements: turning her head, reaching out her arm, and yet she still felt completely exhausted afterwards.
Laying her feeble hand back onto the bed, Jon ordered seriously “Don’t use up your strength, Mae. Alright?”
Ellie gave a small nod, knowing he was right.
Jon’s hand reached out and felt the side of her pale cheek, then traveled up to brush a piece of hair behind her ear, “You need to rest now,” he said, “We can talk later. Okay, Mae?”
Ellie nodded once more and almost instantly she was fast asleep again.
The next few days were filled with little moments like those. Sometimes Ellie would try to speak, but usually she wouldn’t. She’d feel too weak to even open her eyes, and so she’d just listen to the people talk.
It seemed it was always Jon she heard. He never seemed to leave her. At times, Dr. Hughes would join him. Once she thought she heard Emily’s kind voice, but she couldn’t be sure. It was hard to know sometimes who was in the room with her. Another day she saw Louise Rhodes. She was very jittery, far more jittery than Ellie had ever seen the mannerly, dignified Louise Rhodes. She wondered why, but that thought didn’t last long. Instantly, she began to listen intently for Jamie, but it seemed he hadn’t joined his mother. Without opening her eyes, Ellie knew he wasn’t present in the room with her. It was strange the way she began to feel presences. She wondered if that was what it was like to be blind.
The worst of it all was the cold. She’d have shaking chills often and sometimes her teeth would begin to chatter, though the people around her seemed fine. Even when covered in piles of blankets and quilts, Ellie still shivered, and, for the first few days, her lips seemed have a strange tint of bluish-violet to them, as did the beds of her nails.
Her nights seemed to last forever. Jon usually lay asleep in the other room, but sometimes he’d end up dozing off in a chair beside her bed with his head and arms resting on her covers. Ellie told him he could go; she felt horrible that he thought he had to stay with her all day and all night, but whenever she tried to tell him he could leave he refused. It was hard for her to get to sleep and when she finally did her dreams made her wish she’d stayed awake. They were filled with frightening, bizarre images of her drowning in the icy lake. It was like seeing one’s own death.
Like it’s been said ear
lier, Ellie had been afraid of the water since she was a young girl. When she’d fallen under the ice that cold winter day, Ellie immediately thought that that was it; that was the end. Luckily it hadn’t been, at least not yet.
So now her dreams continually made her relive those few moments under the ice. They made it seem much longer than it actually had been. In them, Ellie was spinning around in a crystal clear lake. Her face was completely numb and she was so dizzy she couldn’t navigate herself back up to the surface. Out of nowhere, slimy green plant leaves completely covered in algae and the creatures hiding inside them grabbed onto her legs and pulled her down. Ugly gray fish gathered around like an audience to her struggling, as did the mocking clams. She thought she’d be pulled down into the algae, but then they stopped pulling and Ellie breathed a sigh of relief, though the viscous leaves hadn’t left her legs and refused to let her free.
And then, from the depths of the sea, beautiful mermaids swam up. Their long blonde hair flowed behind them and their gorgeous, scaly fins sparkled and glistened as they came towards her. They seemed to be angels.
It was frightening how without any warning, their faces became menacing and Ellie’s arms were held above her head so she couldn’t fight back. Two of the mermaids stuck their fingers straight through her dress and grabbed onto the laces of her corset while the others gathered around and giggled like schoolgirls. The laces became tighter and tighter as the mermaids pulled, and Ellie’s breath became shorter and shorter. The last image she saw were the beautiful, yet scary, laughing mermaids, and then she was gone.
Waking in a terrible sweat, Ellie breathed heavily and put a hand to her chest. She wished to sit up but couldn’t find the neither the strength nor the will. Jon woke and raised his head sleepily off her bed with his hair flying in every which way.
“What’s wrong, Mae?” he’d asked, coming out of his dazed sleep and becoming worried with his friend’s condition.
“It was horrible,” Ellie whispered, her voice weak, “They were pulling me down and down… and the fish ... they had my corset laces and... Oh, but they were so beautiful, Johnny and... And I couldn’t breathe or fight back…, but I tried so hard, oh Johnny I did, but it just… it didn’t... and then I was gone.”
She spoke as though she were delirious, rambling from one point to the next, without making much sense. When she spoke, her breathing became heavier and her eyes widened. Her back slowly lifted up, as she wanted to tell Jon more.
He stood up and, placing his hands on her shoulders, pushed her back down to the bed, “Calm down, darling. It’s all right now.”
“But it’s not Johnny, it’s not,” Ellie insisted.
He set a finger on her lips, “Quiet, my dear. You need your rest. And you mustn’t get so worked up about such things; it’s not good for your health, you see.”
“But Jon. . .”
“Please, Mae,” Jon cut her off, “You’re all right now, I assure you. I’m not going anywhere and I’ll protect you from your dreams. Okay?”
“But... but...” Ellie mumbled dazedly, but she finally agreed, “Okay.”
Jon smiled and whispered, “Goodnight, my love. Sweet dreams.”
And he kissed her softly on the forehead, a worried expression overcoming his face as he watched her drift back to sleep.
This happened several times, and each time Ellie became more delirious and more worked up when she woke. It was the hardest thing for Jon to see and have to deal with, but he dare not leave her, he could not risk even a moment of not being there.
Jon couldn’t sleep either. Each time he laid his head down to rest he thought of that fateful day at the lake. He’d made her come skating with him, he hadn’t been watching her skate, and he was the one that responsibility should be placed on. It was certainly all his fault. All his fault. The words ran through his head like a never-ending drumbeat.
The feeling of guilt was overwhelming, so much so, that he couldn’t find rest, day or night. How could something so awful, so unimaginable happen? The horror of knowing that he was completely responsible consumed him. He closed his eyes, often trying to purge his memory of everything associated with Ellie’s accident, but even there, the nightmares pursued him. He was never able to escape the dread, nor the responsibility of shattering Ellie’s life. How could he have been so irresponsible - to neglect her when he knew how dangerous the lake was? Even more so, how could he have kept pushing Ellie to go in the first place? He knew that she really didn’t want to go, but he insisted with his relentless prodding. What kind of friend was he to have pushed her to do what he knew she didn’t want to do?
Jon was tortured knowing that the future which Ellie talked about when she was on the lake is now a shattered reflection of a life that she may never get to live. He remembered how beautiful she was as she learned to skate. Each stride gave her increased confidence and the sheer joy of accomplishment. He couldn’t help but think about how watching her master ice-skating, mirrored her life and the exuberant confidence she displayed. He recalled that it was there at the lake that he saw Ellie in her purest form: uninhibited, carefree and the happiest he’d ever seen her. Perhaps it was something about that place, where the world stands still; and one pulls away from the busyness of life and ventures into a world of possibilities. Maybe it was just the atmosphere itself that gave Ellie access to envision her hopes, dreams, and greatest aspirations. Jon thought about how he loved watching her blossom as she learned to navigate her independence. His mind went back to watching her on the lake in now what seems like a surreal moment before the impending doom. She was full of joy and anticipation, accepting her place, and dreaming of her future. She could see what others couldn’t, but now… Ellie is a frail reflection of her former self, incoherent and much of the time, unresponsive. If only they could go back in time… perhaps then, Jon could find a quiet calm where he no longer could hear Ellie’s reverberating screams, and the horror that is now their life would reverse itself and dissipate, as if this tragedy never occurred.
Chapter 19 - The Quiet Visits
The days passed slowly; and Ellie didn’t seem to be getting much better, which was strange, said Dr. Hughes, for a girl so young.
Jon was miserable, and he rarely left Ellie’s house unless he knew someone else would be able to stay with her. A beard began growing around his chin, and his clothes always appeared wrinkled. The doctor was worried about him and told him it was okay for him to go home, shave, and get some real sleep, but Jon refused, and no matter how hard Dr. Hughes tried, Jon couldn’t be persuaded to change his mind.
On this cold January day, a new and welcomed visitor stopped by the house. She hadn’t been there in over two months.
Marcelle walked cautiously into her friend’s stuffy room and gazed at her sleeping figure after she’d greeted Jon in the parlor. One thing that could be said about Marcelle is that even in such terrible times as these she was able to look her best. Dark ringlets framed her fair face, and her sky-blue eyes, though compassionate and saddened, were beautiful nonetheless.
Walking timidly up to Ellie’s side, Marcelle placed her warm, healthy hand upon Ellie’s cold one and gave it a little squeeze.
“Ellie?” she asked finally, breaking the silence in the stuffy room. Looking around her, Marcelle bit her lip with a mournful expression. The simple sea-green curtains were pulled closed, yet a slip of the outside was visible and through it Marcelle could see lightly falling snow. The entire room gave off a grave, stale, suffocating feel, and as soon as one entered, they knew they didn’t want to stay very long; but Marcelle decided to ignore this feeling, as well as the one that told her she’d become ill if she didn’t leave soon, so that she could support Ellie in her time of need.
Ellie’s eyes dazedly opened as she woke from yet another long sleep propelled by one of the doctor’s strange medicines in an effort to heal her. Her eyes lit up as she saw the beautiful, angelic face of her friend staring lovingly down at her.
“Marcelle?”
she said with a smile, “I can’t believe you’re here.”
“Well, I haven’t been able to come by very often lately, and I’m terribly sorry about that, so when I heard about what had happened to you, El, I felt…” Marcelle explained as best she could, “My God, I just felt horrible, and I hope you’ll forgive me.”
“Of course I forgive you,” Ellie replied.
“Do you want to talk about it?” asked Marcelle. Then she specified, “About your condition, I mean.”
“I’d rather not, if that’s okay with you.”
“Of course it ’tis.”
Marcelle sat down and nodded uncomfortably, trying to ignore her friend’s illness and fill the empty silence, “So... how’s that job of yours going?”
“Good, good. The children are wonderful.”
“I’m glad to hear it,” Marcelle replied, placing her gloved hands upon her lap in a ladylike manner.
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